


As Crazy as it Sounds

by theblueofthenight



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-12 20:02:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 87,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7947190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblueofthenight/pseuds/theblueofthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven-year-old Lexa had asked Clarke out on their first date when Clarke was a mere five-years-old. She had stood at the entrance to their house, roses in hand, and a promise to Jake Griffin that "she would treat Clarke like a princess, and would protect her against any dangers." An amused Jake Griffin had agreed, as long as Clarke said yes and he could supervise the date. Clarke hadn't even hesitated. </p>
<p>Thirteen years later Clarke was attending John Hopkins as a freshman, wanting nothing more than for her girlfriend to be at her side. Then maybe her new friends would actually believe she existed. Lexa just had to break out of a Russian prison first. Piece of cake, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Commencement

Clarke stood before the apartment building, shifting from foot-to-foot. It wasn’t an extremely tall or impressive building, its red brick was chipped in places, and the front door-a dark oak-creaked loudly every time it was opened.

It all added to what someone would call the “character” of the building. Clarke figured she always needed more character in her life, so she wasn’t going to complain.

Sighing she shifted her gaze to the window of her apartment. It was a four-bedroom apartment, overall nicely furnished and well-decorated. She had already moved all her things inside, and she couldn’t say what was causing her sudden inability to enter the building with the last of her belongings.

Behind her she heard her father chuckling. She turned, wrinkling her nose at his amused gaze.

He smiled fondly at her. He didn’t say anything at first, he simply took the time to scan her face. He had always had this uncanny ability to understand her thoughts. He was almost as good as Lexa, but then again Lexa was basically a psychic so maybe she didn’t count as a measuring yard.

“What’s wrong, kiddo?” He stepped forward and put a hand lightly on her shoulder.

She shrugged, shifting her gaze downward. Truthfully, she didn’t quite know. Although, that wasn’t new. She had always been the worst at trying to decipher and explain her _feelings._ Feelings were the worst.

Sighing, she just shook her head and buried it into her dad’s shoulder. “I don’t know.”

They stood like that for a while, when suddenly, Clarke felt a new pair of arms surround them.

“Family hug,” she heard her mother whisper just loud enough for them to hear.

Clarke let out a tiny sob.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok princess. Shhhh, it’s ok.” Her father stroked her hair. Pulling back, he held her at arm’s length, searching for her eyes. She kept them downcast, trying to blink away her sudden tears. 

Her mother stood behind her father, her arms circling his waist gently.

Jake lifted her chin so he could hold her gaze. “Hey, she is still here, you know that right? She may not be here physically, but she is most definitely here.” He placed his hand over her heart. “She’s here.” Then he placed it over his. “And here.”

Abby smiled and placed a hand over her own heart, “And here.”

Clarke smiled weakly and nodded.

The three hugged again, and then Clarke turned around, facing the apartment building once again.

“She’d be so proud of you, getting into John Hopkins.” Abby said gently.

Clarke nodded. “I know, though if I hadn’t she probably would have just hacked into the system and enrolled me as a student anyway.”

Abby and Jake laughed, “Well thank goodness that wasn’t necessary.”

With one last sigh she picked up the backpack she had dropped, and a box labeled “Lexa’s stuff.” She had packed a handful of Lexa’s things she had decided she needed with her, the rest was at her parent’s house.

Clarke turned back towards her parents. “Thanks again for driving me here, and helping me unpack. I still can’t believe I’m here.” She grinned, “I’m a real college student now.”

Her parents laughed. They both looked at her with wide smiles. “We’re proud of you, honey,” her mom said. She gave her a wink, the wrinkles around her eyes crinkling as she did so, her eyes twinkling.  

Her dad ruffled her hair, “Just remember, if you get arrested call Uncle Gustus first, so we can plead innocence in court. And don’t do anything that would get you kicked out of school. You have too much stuff, I don’t want to move it all again. And make sure none of those college boys flirt with you too much, if they do, I’ll call Uncle Gustus to come mess with them. Oh, and try not to get into too many fights, ok?”

Clarke rolled her eyes at her dad, they had gone over all of this and much more in the car ride over. “I know dad.”

Her dad smiled. “Ok ok. If you need anything-“

“Call Uncle Gustus?” Clarke interrupted, sticking her tongue out.

Her dad just laughed and hugged her one last time.

With one last wave and “I love you!” Clarke turned back around towards her apartment building. She took a deep breath and walked inside. She took the stairs up the second floor, and let herself into her apartment building.

She closed the door and walked to what had been labeled as “Clarke’s room, Clarke being spelled with an e and being a girl’s name NOT a guy’s name.”

She shook her head at the sign. Her dad had pointed out that the sign must mean her roommates’ had a sense of humor. She really hoped they did. 

When she had been looking for accommodation at John Hopkins, she had looked for apartments fairly close to the university. She had been lucky when she had come across a post on the Facebook page for John Hopkins’ freshman. It had been an ad looking for a fourth roommate, with details about the apartment attached.

She had responded to said ad, and the three girls had seemed nice enough when she had chatted with them in a Facebook group chat. The three girls; Raven, Octavia, and Harper, and she had quickly decided they were perfect for each other. A few months later, here she was, in an apartment the other three had clearly already moved into, as all the other rooms were decorated with door signs.

 Raven’s said “Genius at work, do not disturb unless you have food or booze.” Octavia’s said “All welcome. Except for Bellamy, go away nerd.” And Harper had a simple sign that said “This is Harper’s room, Raven and Octavia made me put this up.”

She laughed at all the signs before opening her own door. The three had said they would be out the day she moved in, but would be back with pizza later in the night to celebrate her moving in with them.

She surveyed her room. It was painted a neutral color, but Clarke would probably fix that throughout the semester. Her room at home was a mural of different paintings she had done over the years. There were sunsets, forests, and sea scenes. There were also paintings based on her favorite moments with Lexa, her parents, and other family members.

Her favorite was of two stick figures sitting in a carousel. The carnival setting itself was very complex, but the carousel and two stick figures were roughly done. Lexa had contributed that part. She had insisted, despite the fact that she had zero artistic talents (her words, not Clarke’s). Clarke had allowed it, only because she already had dozens of sketches of that specific moment.

Underneath the fair mural were two handprints, hers and Lexa’s. One Green, the other blue. Each other’s favorite colors, as cheesy as that was.

She set her backpack and box down and plopped down on the bed. It was unmade, but she didn’t care, she needed a quick break from all the hard work of moving into a new apartment. She stared up at the neutral gray ceiling and allowed herself to drift off.

**_Four Years Earlier:_**

_“I don’t understand, why do I have to ride the ferris wheel alone?” Clarke frowned at Lexa, using their connected hands to twirl Lexa around to face her._

_Lexa grinned at her, she was dressed up in a short-sleeved blue button up, tan pants, and a green cap. Her eyes sparkled, the green of her eyes accented by the carnival’s lights._

_“Because, I’m TRYING to recreate that famous Notebook scene, did you not see how I’m dressed up?”_

_“Yes babe it’s very romantic, but you’re missing a few details.”_

_Lexa waved her free hand. “The important stuff is all here. You ride the ferris wheel, I pay off the worker to stop it at the top, I climb up, make you swoon, and then we make out.”_

_Clarke eyed her suspiciously, “I don’t think the making out part is in the movie.”_

_She simply rolled her eyes, “It’s my artistic interpretation, and because it’s my_ gay _artistic interpretation, I say they make out.”_

_Clarke just laughed and threw her hands up. “Fine, but only because I want to make out with you.”_

_Lexa pumped her fist in the air with a dorky grin, “Yes!”_

_Clarke reluctantly turned towards the line, but then suddenly whipped around. “If you die climbing up there, I’m gonna kill you.”_

_The brunette held her hands up in surrender, giving Clarke a tooth-filled grin. “Absolutely babe, whatever you want.”_

_Somehow, the plan worked out just as Lexa had said. The worker stopped the ferris wheel at the top, and Lexa climbed up; making it look surprisingly easy, although the girl did work out so maybe it wasn’t so surprising. With a carefully planned leap, Lexa hopped into her box, and gave her a triumphant grin. She looked absolutely pleased with herself, and Clarke couldn’t help but return her grin._

_Truthfully, it was way more romantic than it should have been. Clarke blamed it on the star-riddled sky above them, the glow of the carnival lights illuminated in Lexa’s eyes, and the way Lexa looked at her._

_Absolute adoration and love. It was a look she had perfected over the years, and it had never failed to take Clarke’s breath away. Clarke knew without a doubt that Lexa would do anything for her. The thing was, Clarke would do anything for her too. It was almost unnatural how much Clarke’s soul was intertwined with the soul of the girl sitting next to her._

_Lexa must have sensed Clarke’s ruminations, because her self-satisfied grin dropped away and her face softened._

_She reached out and gently tucked a piece of blonde hair behind Clarke’s ear. “Hey, I’m right here, love.”_

_Clarke nodded. “I know,” she couldn’t help the slight tremble to her voice._

_“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked, her eyes searching Clarke’s._

_“Just-just don’t ever leave me alone, ok?”_

_Lexa smiled, she knew what Clarke was asking. She knew Lexa’s spirit, her ability to find trouble anywhere and everywhere. Where her life called her to. She nodded. “I promise, I will do everything in my power to find myself at your side, even if I have to leave it, I_ will _come back.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“Promise.”_

_The two girls kissed, lost to the rest of the world, lost to the future, the past, and the present. It all wrapped together, into a timeless moment now engrained into the soul of the universe itself._

**_Present Day:_ **

Clarke opened her eyes. She took a deep breath. _She promised, she promised, she promised_ repeated over and over in her head.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the front door opening. The smell of pizza drifted its way towards her, making her realize how hungry she was. A loud shout echoed throughout the apartment.

“We’re back bitches!”

“Octavia, you know you don’t have to say that every time we enter the apartment, right?”

“Get used to it Harper, it’s a sitcom signature now.”

The other girl, Clarke assumed Harper, groaned.

Clarke found herself chuckling. Time to meet the roommates. She pulled herself up and moved to open her bedroom door.

*********

Raven watched as what must be their new roommate opened her bedroom door and smiled at the three girls standing there.

“Hey,” the girl said nervously. Giving a small wave.

The three other girls grinned back and waved at her. Raven was the first to step forward to greet her. “What’s up chica! I’m Raven!” She put her hand up for a high-five. Clarke giggled and gave it a slap.

Harper extended her hand for a handshake. Normal people, ugh. “I’m Harper, it’s nice to meet you.” Clarke shook her hand, and then turned to Octavia.

Octavia didn’t even bother with handshakes and high-fives; she went straight for a hug.

“Hi-oomph.” Clarke let out a burst of air as Octavia squeezed her, she awkwardly patted Octavia’s back.

“You must be Octavia.”

Octavia grinned. “Yup!”

“Alright, now that introductions are over with, pizza?” Raven wiggled her eyebrows, twirling the large pizza box in her hands.

“Oh god yes! I’m starving!” Clarke exclaimed.

The four laughed and plopped down on the couch and floor in the common area.

They dug into the pizza, not saying much as they practically inhaled the food.

Several minutes later they sat, fully satisfied, rubbing their full bellies. Clarke spoke up, interrupting the silence.

“That was delicious, thanks so much guys!”

Raven waved her hand, “Anytime!”

Clarke propped herself up onto her elbows from where she was lying on the floor. She smiled warmly. She seemed like a fairly nice girl, blonde hair, blue eyes, a beauty mark above her lip, and a beautiful smile. She had the whole nice-girl look down-pat, but Raven sensed just the tiny bit of crazy to her.

Clarke glanced at Octavia. “Do you do karate, Octavia?”

Raven looked over at Octavia, she was still wearing her gi, although to be honest Octavia practically lived in it.

Octavia beamed. “Yep! Certified black-belt! My boyfriend and I go to class together, we even run some of the classes.”

Clarke grinned, “That’s awesome!”

Raven snorted. “Yeah it is, except your class was three hours ago Octavia. You need a shower, you stink woman!”

Octavia shoved her, “Oh fuck off Raven!”

Raven laughed. “I’m serious, I’m surprised Clarke hasn’t run for the hills yet!”

Harper raised an eyebrow, “Raven’s right, O, you smell worse than my unwashed sock drawer.”

Both Octavia and Raven wrinkled their noses and exclaimed, “Gross!”

Octavia threw her hands up, “Fine! I’ll go take a shower!”

The three girls laughed as she stormed off towards the bathroom she shared with Raven.

Clarke was still smiling as she turned towards Raven and Harper. “You guys seem close, have you known each other long?”

“We all went to high school together. Apparently it was voted on at a family meeting that we would all go to John Hopkins, although I would like to say that I was _not_ present for that meeting,” Harper explained.

Clarke looked at them in confusion, “family meeting?”

“Yeah, a whole bunch of us that were close in high school would sometimes get together and hang out, and we’d call it family meetings. If there was ever anything important to discuss we would call a family meeting,” Raven explained.

Clarke nodded. “I see. Who else was there besides the three of you?”

“Besides us three, there were our friends Monty, Jasper, Finn, Murphy, Octavia’s boyfriend Lincoln, and her brother Bellamy. You’ll probably meet them all at some point, I mean, you’re pretty much part of the family now that you’re living with us.”

Clarke practically beamed at Raven’s comment, “I can’t wait.”

“What about you? Any friends from high school here?” Harper asked.

Clarke shook her head, “Oh no. I mean, I’m originally from California, before I transferred to D.C. my senior year. And I wasn’t really close to anyone during my high school years.”

Harper nodded sympathetically, “Yeah, I didn’t meet Raven and Octavia until half-way through my sophomore year. I was actually pretty lonely until I met them, and then they just accepted me into their family, I can’t believe I got so lucky.” Harper said, a hint of fondness creeping into her voice.

Raven observed Clarke’s soft small smile in return, her eyes glazed over slightly, she looked like she was in a completely different place. Her face looked wistfully nostalgic, along with other emotions Raven couldn’t quite place.

“Clarke?” She asked, slightly worried.

Clarke shook her head, her eyes snapping back to the present. _Yep, definitely just a little crazy there._ Raven thought.

“Sorry,” Clarke replied. “I was thinking of my own family.”

Before Harper or Raven could ask about her family further, Clarke stood up, brushing her hands off on her jeans. “Alright, well I still have a lot of unpacking to do, I haven’t even made my bed yet,” she laughed. “I have to at least do that before I call it a night.”

Raven smiled, “Of course. We’ll see you in the morning Clarke!”

Clarke waved goodnight and went back to her own room. Raven turned towards Harper.

Harper raised her eyebrows at Raven and sighed dramatically. “I suppose it was too much to ask for one normal person to be around.”

“What, Octavia and I aren’t normal enough for you?” Raven put her hand over her heart dramatically, pretending to be offended at Harper’s statement.

“You have an obsession with vandalism simply because you’re trying to prove to some other random hooligan you’re a better vandal than they. Meanwhile, I’m pretty much convinced that Octavia is part of a secret fight club with the way she comes home beaten up some days with a half-assed story about ‘karate class getting out of control’. So no, I wouldn’t call you normal.”

Raven put up her finger, “Ok, first of all, I am the best vandal around, there’s no need to prove myself to that goddamned annoying ‘Engineer’ character.  Secondly, if you want the truth from Octavia-she talks in her sleep.”

Harper stood up, walked to her room, and returned with a tape recorder. “I’ve already recorded her every night for the past week. She just keeps mumbling about elephants, apple orchids, and how she, and I quote, ‘is not going to wear the pink tutu, thank you very much Lincoln.’ I don’t want to know what kind of roleplaying they’re into.”

“Hmmm, we could get her high?”

“I have a feeling she would probably just talk about the same subjects.”

“Truth pill?”

“Last time we tried that, she just went on-and-on about her and Lincoln’s sex life, I do NOT want a repeat of that.” Harper shuddered. “I had to go to therapy for that.”

“Harper, you go to therapy because the federal government mandates it.”

“Fascists.”

Raven shook her head, “And we’re the crazy ones,” she mumbled.

“Well, I’m sure we’ll get it out of her one of these days,” Raven said, stretching as she stood up. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to plan how to blow-up a building for my next vandalism.”

“Raven no more blowing up buildings, last time that happened Jasper’s eyebrows were singed off and he drew a unibrow there for the rest of the school year.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “Ugh, fine. But only because I don’t want a repeat of the unibrow incident.”

She strolled over to her room calling goodnight to Harper. As she closed her bedroom door she felt a smile creep onto her face. She had a good feeling about this year, something told her it was going to be one hell of a crazy year.

**********

“I’m back bitches!” Octavia yelled as she slammed the door shut and strutted into the shared kitchen. She was sweaty and still slightly out of breath from her morning run.

Raven and Harper glared at her from their perched position on top of the kitchen counter. They were drinking their coffee black.

_Hmmm not a good sign._

The moods of all three girls could be determined based on how they took their coffee, black was what Raven would call “the color of my soul in the morning.”

Octavia grinned at the two. “I see we have two grumpy-cats this morning. Hold on while I fetch my video camera, we can make grumpy-cat videos and put them on Youtube.”

Raven just growled at her, not an unusual response from her in the morning.

Octavia looked around, “Where’s Clarke?”

“She said she needed to grab the mail,” Harper supplied. So at least Harper had made it to the talking stage.

Suddenly the door opened and a confused Clarke came in. She tilted her head at the three girls as she closed the door.

“I just ran into our neighbor.” She blinked once, then twice, three times. “It was an eighty-year-old woman. She said she needed to go clean her car before the Pope arrived. And then she complimented my hair and asked if I was related to Marilyn Monroe.”

The three other girls gave each other a confused look. Clarke suddenly looked concerned. “You don’t actually think she has a car, do you?”

Octavia waved her hand, “Oh, I’m sure she doesn’t. She was probably just joking.”

“How is she even living here, I thought this apartment complex was student living only.”

“Maybe she is a student,” Harper supplied.

“Better late than never, I guess,” Clarke said, walking into the kitchen. She poured herself some coffee, then grabbed creamer from the refrigerator.

“Did you find the letter you were looking for?” Harper asked.

“Hmmm? Oh, no, it wasn’t there,” Clarke replied.

Octavia poured herself some coffee and leaned against the opposite kitchen counter from Raven and Harper. “So are ya’ll ready for classes to start in two days?”

Raven groaned and banged her head back against the kitchen cabinet.

Clarke looked at Octavia in confusion. “She hasn’t reached the talking stage yet. Until then she only communicates with growls, groans, and hisses,” Octavia explained.

Clarke laughed and sipped her coffee. “I see. Are you feeling prepared, Octavia?”

Octavia shrugged. Truthfully, she wasn’t bothered that much about school starting. She had always done well in school, and she was actually extremely excited to get started in her Public Health Studies major. But more importantly, she was just happy to be at the same school as her boyfriend and friends. Her entire support system was here, how could she possibly fail?

“I think so. I’m not too worried, to be honest. What about you Clarke?”

“I’m excited to get started. This is all a bit new to me, so it’s a little overwhelming, but I think I can handle it all alright.”

“You’re majoring in Biophysics, right?”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, I want to be a doctor, someday.”

Octavia grinned, “Our little Clarkey, saving lives in the future, and looking good doing it.”

Clarke laughed and shook her head. She pushed herself off the counter, finishing off her coffee with one last swig. “I have to go get ready for the day. I have to pick up my books and run some other errands.”

She gave a wave as she made her way back to her room. Octavia turned back to the other three. “So, we’re all still going out tonight right? Bellamy says he knows a bar where they don’t card.”

“At least he’s good for one thing,” Raven mumbled.

“She speaks!” Octavia exclaimed.

Raven just rolled her eyes in response and jumped off the counter. “I’m coming tonight, but don’t complain if I accidentally slap you over the head while drunk.”

Octavia just gave her a cheeky grin instead, and turned to Harper. “You in?”

Harper picked at non-existent lint on her pajama pants. “Are Monty and Jasper gonna be there?” She asked casually.

Octavia and Raven shared a look. “Yeah, Monty’s gonna be there, probably just as clueless to your bad attempts at flirting as ever.”

Harper flipped them off. “I don’t flirt with Monty! You guys need to get off that particular crazy train.”

“The defensiveness in your voice says otherwise.”

Harper jumped off the counter, slamming her coffee mug by the sink before storming off to her room, mumbling “fuck you guys” as she went.

The two remaining girls laughed, then also returned to their rooms to get dressed.

Octavia plopped down on her bed when she entered her room. She took her phone out and started a group chat, adding Clarke as a new member.

 

**Group Chat: The Delinquents**

**Warrior Bitch:** Ya’ll better be coming out tonight!

 **Double J:** Monty and I will be there!

 **Cinnamon Roll:** That is if I don’t kill Jasper before that.

 **Warrior Bitch:** lol what hed do this time?

 **Cinnamon Roll:** He’s convinced climbing the dinosaur in legoland is a good idea

 **Double J:** Watch me Monty!

 **Hot Latina:** Monty take video!

 **Puppydog:** Jasper if I have to come bail u out of jail again Im going to call ur mother.

 **Double J:** …U wouldn’t dare

 **Puppydog:** watch me

 **John:** don’t worry Jasper ill reign the puppydog in. u do u, create chaos.

 **Double J:** this is y Murphy is my favorite.

 **Puppydog:** ummm guys, did you know Murphy has handcuffs…

 **Puppydog:** Murgjrjirrjfrawl

 **John:** Proceed Jasper.

 **Cinnamon Roll:** I hate u all

 

Octavia laughed and threw her phone on the bed. Rolling onto her feet she threw open her wardrobe and picked out some clothes, time to kick today’s butt.

***********

Bellamy sat uncomfortably in his seat at the booth he had snagged for him and his friends. Truthfully, most of them were Octavia’s friends, but he hung out with them enough to call them his friends too.

He fiddled with the glass of water before him. He was waiting for the rest to arrive, as he had gotten here a little early. Personally, he was quite uncomfortable with the idea of his little sister, or any of the other “delinquents,” drinking. But they had insisted, and he knew that unless he took control of the situation they’d probably end up in some seedy bar with plenty of well-built asshole guys just waiting to be beat up by his little sister.

He sighed. She was going to give him a heart attack one of these days.

It had been universally declared by the whole group that he was the “dad” character. This was only partly because of his overprotectiveness of Octavia, and thus in extent the rest of the delinquents. The rest was apparently due to his denim jeans and short-sleeved dress shirts he kept in large supply.

Glancing at his watch he saw that everyone else was now ten minutes late. _I guess I should learn to expect nothing less_ he grumbled to himself.

Just then Jasper and Monty walked in and collapsed into the booth with large sighs. Bellamy looked at them suspiciously. They were purposefully avoiding looking at each other, and Monty looked like a kid who’d had his favorite toy taken from him. Such children these two.

They were literally always getting into trouble. They had served more detentions between the two of them than the whole rest of the group combined. Although, that was probably because Raven was an expert at not getting caught.

They were inseparable, the two of them. And even when they were fighting they were at each other’s sides. It was a source of unending amusement to the whole group-their dynamic. Though truthfully, Bellamy always had trouble as seeing them as anything but big seven-year-olds.

“Ok guys, what happened?”

Apparently that was all that was needed to unleash the floodgates as the two began babbling over each other about whatever the other had done. The only words Bellamy could make out clearly were “lego-land.”

Bellamy rubbed his forehead. “Ok, guys stop it! Monty, you’re first!”

Jasper threw his hands up in the air as Monty smiled triumphantly. “Why do you always pick Monty to go first?”

“Because he’s the more rationale of you two.”

Jasper stuck his tongue out at Bellamy.

Monty shoved Jasper and then began talking, “Jasper got us kicked out of lego-land because he decided it would be funny if he tried climbing and sitting on the dinosaur in the middle of the room.”

“There’s a dinosaur in lego-land?”

“Umm, yeah, it’s made up completely of lego-bricks, have you even been there Bellamy? Wait, did you not see this on the group chat?”

“No, Octavia purposefully leaves me out of them because apparently I ‘make it lame with my dadness,’” Bellamy replied. “Murphy likes to add me after a while though, for some reason he finds the arguing between me and Octavia funny.”

“Chaos.” Monty replied.

Bellamy gave Monty a weird look, “Ummm, ok then. Anyway, Jasper, I think you need to apologize to Monty for getting you two kicked out of lego-land.”

Jasper rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. “Fine, I’m sorry we got kicked out, Monty. I didn’t know the whole thing was gonna collapse! I thought it looked more solid than that.”

“Wait, what?!?” Before Bellamy could give Jasper a lecture Finn and Murphy strolled up and greeted them.

“Hey, what’s up guys?” Finn said with a smile.

Murphy simply nodded, and gave them a bored, “Losers.” He wasn’t the most affectionate guy.

As Finn and Murphy sat down Bellamy saw the three girls, and what must be their new roommate, approaching.

He gave them a smile as they got close. The new roommate was actually incredibly beautiful, and from what Octavia had told him so far, very nice and polite. Bellamy just hoped she wasn’t crazy, they had enough of those at this table. Sometimes he thought he was the only normal one of the group.

“Hey guys! This is Clarke, our new roommate,” Octavia said as they approached the booth.

“Hey,” Clarke gave them a polite smile and wave.

The boys waved back and made room for the girls.

As soon as they were settled Octavia began introductions. “Ok, these two idiots,” Octavia pointed at Jasper and Monty,” are Jasper and Monty.” They gave Clarke a thumbs up with a cheeky grin. Apparently they were over the legoland debacle already.

“That’s Finn, Murphy, and that’s my brother Bellamy.” Octavia pointed at each one in turn. “Lincoln must not be here yet.”

Murphy gave Clarke a barely imperceptible nod, and Finn stuttered out a hello. Bellamy frowned, _just great, he’s gonna claim he’s in love with her by the end of the night._ Finn was a nice guy, but anytime a pretty girl came along he turned into a lovesick puppy. Bellamy gave Clarke a wave of his own and politely said hello.

Just then Lincoln strode up to the booth. He too was introduced to Clarke before he took a seat next to Octavia, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

“Hey beautiful,” he said before giving her a quick kiss. The rest of the table groaned. Octavia flipped them off and kissed Lincoln again.

In the beginning, Bellamy had not been happy about the idea of his sister dating the well-built football star. But over time, Lincoln had shown himself as nothing but sweet, kind, and caring. He had always treated Octavia like an absolute gentleman, and Bellamy had come to have great respect for the man. They had become good friends of their own.

After the introductions were made, Lincoln was sent with Harper to get drinks, and Raven bounded over to the bathroom.

“So, Clarke, what are you studying at John Hopkins?” Finn asked, flashing her his best smile.

_Easy boy._

Clarke smiled politely back at him. “Biophysics, I’m planning on going to med school after I get my bachelor’s.”

“Wow, you must be super smart to study that," Finn replied.

The blonde shrugged, “I suppose. I don’t expect it to be easy, but I’m a hardworker.”

“I bet your boyfriend must be super proud of you,” Finn said, apparently avoiding any attempts to be subtle.

_Here we go._

Clarke laughed, “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Finn brightened immediately.

“But yes, my girlfriend is very proud,” Clarke added.

_Oh shit! I wonder if I can pre-order ice cream and have it delivered it to Finn’s place? There’s places that do that right? He still has his collection of chick flicks, right? Tissues?_

He glanced at Finn and almost laughed. He looked so much like a kicked puppy it was uncanny. It was probably the long floppy hair and the pout that had taken over his features.

_Mint chocolate chip is his favorite ice cream, right? I might still have some from his last heartbreak. It’s still good after a week, right?_

“Oh, I see,” Finn replied, again not even attempting to be subtle.

Octavia meanwhile, turned to Clarke in shock. “You never mentioned that you had a girlfriend!”

Clarke suddenly looked nervous, “Oh is that a problem? I’m sorry, I should have mentioned it.”

“Mentioned what?” Raven said, strolling up with a basket of popcorn.

“That she has a girlfriend!”

Raven gasped and threw a popcorn kernel at Clarke, “You have a girlfriend! And you never said anything!”

Clarke looked a mix between terrified and perplexed, “I’m sorry! I guess I just forgot!”

Raven plopped down, placing the popcorn in the middle of the table. “Girl, except for Octavia and Lincoln we’re all single, we have to live vicariously through others. Now spill, we need details.”

Clarke still looked taken aback. “Ummm-“

But before she could say anything Raven slapped Jasper’s hand that had snuck toward the basket of popcorn. “Ouch! What was that for?” He complained, rubbing his hand exaggeratedly.

“Don’t touch the popcorn!”

“Raven you don’t even like popcorn!”

“It’s not for eating nerd.”

Jasper shook his head in disbelief. “Then what is it for.”

“To throw at you when you say stupid stuff.”

“What?”

Raven grabbed a popcorn kernel and threw it at his head.

“Hey!”

Another round of popcorn kernels smacked him in the face. He crossed his arms and fell back against the back of the booth, pout firmly in place. Monty patted him on the shoulder sympathetically.

“What’s going on?” Harper asked, looking at them in confusion as she and Lincoln returned with their drinks.  

“Drinks!” Raven cheered, reaching for her vodka-red bull.

Once they were all settled back in the booth, Raven and Octavia turned back to Clarke. “Don’t think you’re off the hook!” Raven said, pointing her finger at Clarke. “Spill.”

Harper looked confused. “Spill what?”

“Clarke has a girlfriend!” Octavia said, still sounding offended that they hadn’t been informed of this fact.

“And she didn’t tell us?” Harper asked, managing to sound much less offended.

Clarke threw her hands up in exasperation. “I’m sorry!” The three girls just shook their heads in disapproval. Finn hadn’t said a word since the reveal, and picked at the label of his beer bottle dejectedly. Bellamy patted him on the back in sympathy. Murphy just looked bored, though to be fair that was his default face.

Clarke sighed, taking a drink of her beer before she continued. “Her name is Lexa. We’ve been dating for…honestly I don’t even know how long. We met when were kids, when I was five and she was seven. We didn’t go to the same high school, but we grew up in the same town in California. She’s amazing,” Clarke added the last part with a slightly wistful tone, her face breaking into a small smile.  

“Where does she live now?” Raven asked.

“In D.C.” Clarke replied glumly.

“That’s not far, is she gonna come visit soon?”

Clarke shook her head, she suddenly looked even glummer. “Clarke, what’s wrong?” Octavia asked, tilting her head at Clarke’s sad face.  

“She’s not in D.C. right now, she got arrested in Russia trying to steal and fly a fighter jet on a military base. She’s been there for months, and I don’t know when she’ll be back,” Clarke rushed out, then leaned onto her hand, taking another drink of her beer. “I can’t believe the idiot let herself get caught.”

The rest of the group grew completely quiet. They blinked once, then twice, three times. All of a sudden Raven started laughing hysterically. “Shit Clarke, that’s good.” She wiped at the tears now streaming down her face as the rest of the group joined in nervous laughter. Everyone but Clarke.

When Raven noticed this she grew quiet. “Oh. You’re serious.”

Clarke frowned and nodded.

Bellamy glanced at Finn, he looked as confused as the rest of the group. There was an uneasy silence as the rest of the group looked at each other trying to figure out how to reply.

All of a sudden Murphy leaned across the table and gave Clarke a high five. “Respect. I hate the goddamn Russians. They keyed my car once.” The comment, and Clarke’s subsequent laugh, caused the tension at the table to ease as they began to discuss other topics not related to Clarke’s apparently crazy, and possibly not real, girlfriend.

“What do you mean you only thought Suicide Squad was ‘ok’?” Raven looked aghast that Monty would even think that the DC movie was anything but amazing.

“I don’t know, the plot was kind of all over the place, you know?”

“I loved it,” Murphy suddenly replied, a faraway look in his eyes.

Clarke looked at him worriedly, then she caught Bellamy’s eye. She quirked an eyebrow as if asking, _is that normal for him?_

Bellamy shrugged and nodded. _Pretty much_ he sent back telepathically.  

Raven, meanwhile gave Murphy a fistbump. “This is why Murphy is my favorite.”

“I didn’t think it was the best, either, Monty.” Harper flashed Monty her best smile. Monty beamed back at her while Raven just rolled her eyes.

“I think Batman V Superman was better,” Octavia chimed in.

A round of popcorn kernels was thrown her way. “Hey!” She glared at Bellamy.

“I didn’t even throw any!” he protested, hands in the air.

Jasper just shook his head at Octavia. “No, just no. Batman V Superman was a mess.”

“Yeah, but there WERE some awesome fight scenes!”

This time she covered her head against the popcorn assault. “I’m a powerful warrior woman, I will not be cowed by mere popcorn!”

The table laughed and decided to call it a night. The girls stood up and gathered their things.

“You girls going to make it home ok?” Bellamy asked.

Octavia rolled her eyes, “Yes Bell, Harper’s driving.”

He nodded his head, he’d seen her drinking water all night so he figured it was a good choice.

“Ok good. Clarke, it was really nice to meet you.” He shook her hand, and she smiled back at him.

“You too Bellamy.”

The other boys all nodded and said something similar, though Finn still looked slightly heartbroken. Clarke returned the sentiment, and they all went their separate ways.

Bellamy smiled as he hopped into his truck, he’d stopped drinking a while earlier and was now sober.

He loved his little family, and though sometimes it seemed they were hellbent on giving him a heart attack, he wouldn’t exchange them for the world. Clarke added a new dynamic, but he had a feeling that she was going to fit in just fine.

**********

Later that night Clarke was on her bed, letting her mind drift over the events of the last few days.

Her three roommates were amazing, and their friends seemed pretty cool. Although, she could tell they didn’t believe her story about Lexa, but then again, most stories about Lexa were unbelievable.

She rolled off her bed and grabbed her box of Lexa’s stuff. She rifled through it looking for Lexa’s favorite sweatshirt. She had purposefully left it for Clarke when she had left for Russia several months ago.

When she found it, Clarke grabbed it and brought it close, burying her face in it. It had long since stop smelling like Lexa, but it still brought her a sense of comfort. It was soft and worn from years of use, but still warm during cold nights.

Sighing Clarke laid back down on the bed, the sweatshirt clutched in her hands. She missed Lexa more than she had ever thought possible. All these changes were a lot, but they would have been nothing with Lexa by her side. For as long as she could remember, Lexa had been her rock. The person grounding her to earth and making her feel safe.

Sure, she had managed to get them both in more trouble than Clarke probably would have done in her entire life if she hadn’t met Lexa, but it was all worth it. Lexa was worth it. She was worth the lonely months, and the sometimes sleepless nights. She was worth waiting for, for years if necessary. Lexa was her everything, and one day they’d be together again. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Eventually, she felt herself drifting off to sleep, thoughts of Lexa on her mind.

**_Thirteen Years Earlier:_ **

_The detachment of soldiers jogged along steadily, being out for an afternoon run per their superior’s orders. Though the general usually preferred they stick to the woods surrounding the army base, his daughter loved going through the different neighborhoods near the base._

_Gustus, the giant bear of a Captain leading the unit, suspected it was because Lexa had rarely travelled outside of army bases in her short seven years of life. Whenever her father, the general, gave her control of the unit she took them jogging along the sleepy urban neighborhoods._

_The men continued their steady pace as Lexa ran next to them, her short legs pumping much faster to keep up with their much longer ones. Oftentimes she kept up as much as she could before she allowed one of the men to carry her on their back. Usually she chose Gustus to be her “pretend horse.”_

_Lexa hummed enthusiastically as she ran along. She was brought abruptly out of the little world she was lost in, however, when the unit of soldiers found themselves passing by a little girl crying on the side of the road._

_“Company halt!” Lexa barked out in her tiny, but surprisingly loud, seven-year-old voice. Gustus brought the company to a standstill and stood at ease as Lexa walked over to the little girl._

_He fought back a smile as he saw the concern Lexa showed for the little girl. She was probably a couple years younger than Lexa, and was sitting beside a blue bike. The front wheel, however, was slightly bent out of place._

_The little soldier kneeled before the blonde girl. “Hey, are you ok? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”_

_The girl had stopped crying and was now sniffling and wiping at the tears on her face._

_Lexa reached into her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief she kept there. She was such an adult sometimes._

_“Here you go.”_

_The little girl took the handkerchief and wiped away her tears. “Thank you,” she said with a slight quiver._

_“What happened?”_

_“I got in a bike accident. I accidentally ran into the pole there,” the blonde pointed towards a lamppost near them. “I broke my bike and I don’t know where I am.”_

_Lexa nodded gravely. “It’s ok, we can help you get home. What’s your address?”_

_“Umm, 307 West Pine Street,” the blonde looked at Lexa, hope in her eyes. “You’re really gonna help me?”_

_Lexa gave the girl her best smile, “Of course!” She stood up and turned towards the soldiers. “Rogers, you can carry the bike. Andrews, you can be her horse, and Uncle Gustus, you can be mine!” She turned back towards the blonde and held out a hand._

_The girl took it and stood up. “I’m Clarke.” She said, somewhat timidly._

_Lexa grinned. “Lexa, Lexa Woods.”_

_Clarke looked at the soldiers lined up behind Lexa. “Are you a soldier?”_

_Lexa beamed and stood up straight, clasping her hands behind her proudly. “Yep! Commander Woods at your service!” Then she gave the blonde a wink._

_Clarke giggled and saluted. “Aye, aye commander.”_

_Lexa laughed, “That’s for the navy, Clarke, we’re in the army.”_

_Clarke looked somewhat embarrassed, but Lexa just took her hand and dragged her over to where Gustus and Sergeant Andrews were standing._

_Gustus observed the scene proudly. He had the biggest soft spot for the little soldier. He knew Lexa would indeed make a good soldier someday, but more importantly, an even better person. He was sure of it._

_“This is Gustus and Ryder. They’re gonna be our horses. But not really, because even though they’re really big they’re actually human.” Lexa added the last part in a faux whisper._

_“I know that, silly,” Clarke giggled and climbed onto Ryder’s back._

_Lexa climbed onto Gustus’ back in turn. “When I was a lot younger I thought they were actually horses, I used to ride on their backs all the time, and I always brought them carrots and apples because that’s what horses like. They just played along and neighed at me whenever I talked to them. One day Ryder said something, in human language, and I almost died of shock. I ran to my dad babbling about how our horses could talk. He then told me the whole truth. I’ve never felt so betrayed.”_

_Gustus chuckled at the story. “I enjoyed the apples and carrots, little one. And I didn’t want to ruin your fun.”_

_Clarke laughed at the story, and soon the soldiers were on their way to Pine Street, which was just a few blocks away._

_During the entire ride Lexa amused Clarke with her stories, telling her about the time she had hitchhiked miles away from the base in search of ‘real’ horses when she had discovered she had been lied to. The person giving her a ride had been under the impression she was taking Lexa home, when Lexa had simply lied to get her to bring her to the closest horse farm._

_By the time they reached Clarke’s house, Clarke had new streams of tears running down her face, this time from laughing so hard from the funny faces Lexa used during her stories._

_Gustus found himself chuckling along with the little girls, amused by their conversation._

_As Clarke slid down to the ground in front of her house she looked almost sad. Lexa landed next to her, and the blonde gave her a crushing hug. “Thank you so much Lexa! You’re the best! You and the horses!” Clarke giggled at Gustus and Ryder._

_The soldiers neighed in response, causing both little girls to burst out in new giggles._

_As their laughter subsided, Clarke looked at Lexa sadly. “Will I see you again?” she asked shyly._

_Lexa nodded, “Yeah! We can get ice cream next time.” She gave Clarke a lopsided grin._

_Clarke beamed at Lexa, then stood on her tip-toes to give the older girl a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you Lexa!” She then turned and grabbed her bike that Private Rogers had carried for her. With a wave she turned towards her garage and disappeared inside._

_Lexa turned back towards Gustus, shock on her face. She reached up and touched her cheek._

_Very seriously she looked up at Gustus. He knelt so he could look her in the eye for whatever she had to say next._

_“Gustus, I want to ask Clarke on a date.”_


	2. Evermore

**_Three Years Earlier:_**

_One, two, three._

_One, two, three, four, five._

_One, two, three._

_Clarke stood near the treeline watching her girlfriend skip rock after rock. Each skip ended with a resounding “plop.”_

_Clarke knew Lexa. She knew her tells. She knew when she was drumming her fingers against her leg she was trying to find the right photo in her mind of something she saw once. She knew that when her forehead was creased just so, she was thinking of a solution to a problem troubling her. She knew when she smiled just a tiny bit to one corner, paired with a certain twinkle in her eye, she was thinking of something that would most likely get them both in trouble._

_And Clarke knew, when Lexa texted with her a simple “meet me by the lake” it could only mean one thing._

_With a sigh she slipped towards where Lexa stood, still skipping rocks. The lake was almost completely calm, the slightest of breezes rippling the surface of the water. The sun had begun its descent towards the edge of the lake, lighting up Lexa’s features in a golden bath._

_With practiced ease she encircled her girlfriend’s waist, letting her face fall into the gap between the taller girl’s shoulder blades. She breathed in her girlfriend’s scent. Earth and rain, and the purple flowers Lexa loved so much._

_“Hi,” she whispered into the gap._

_She felt Lexa inhale deeply, letting the rocks in her hand fall to the ground as she placed her hands over Clarke’s. She didn’t say anything else, simply letting the moment linger._

_They stood like that for several minutes. The wind joined them, whirling their hair together into a mix of brown and blonde. As if the wind itself knew how entwined the lives of the two girls were already._

_After a while, Clarke felt the tension Lexa carried start to bleed out. As it finally melted away, Lexa turned to face Clarke, bringing her own arms around to encircle Clarke’s waist._

_“Hi,” she said with a soft smile._

_Clarke gazed into Lexa’s eyes, she saw the barest hints of emotions Lexa had just been wrestling with, before shoving them back into the carefully prepared cage she had built over the years._

_Her eyes fell to a new bruise on Lexa’s cheek. Gently she brought her hand up to it and stroked it so lightly she wasn’t sure Lexa even felt it. If so, Lexa didn’t show it._

_“I hate him,” Clarke whispered, just loud enough so the wind couldn’t steal the words away._

_“I know.”_

_Lexa leaned her forehead against Clarke’s, the two breathed in synchrony, letting their breaths mingle together until Clarke wasn’t sure if they were breathing as two separate beings, or as one._

_Finally, Lexa pulled away, the classic Lexa twinkle having returned to her eyes. The green eyes Clarke loved so much. A green Clarke always thought was appropriate for a girl named Woods._

_“I have a surprise for you,” Lexa declared with a lopsided grin._

_Clarke quirked an eyebrow, connecting their hands. “Oh really?”_

_“Really. Come on.” Lexa tugged at their connected hands and began leading them back towards the treeline and the path that led back out towards the port area of the lake._

_The two walked in companionable silence, Lexa swinging their hands as they strolled out towards the port._

_Eventually they came to a dock that sported the smaller sailboats owned by people who lived on the lake._

_With a smirk and a wink Lexa dragged Clarke onto the dock and jumped into a sailboat Clarke was positive wasn’t owned by Lexa._

_Clarke stood on the dock eyeing Lexa suspiciously. “I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that A) this sailboat is not yours, and B) you’ve never sailed a day in your life.”_

_Lexa huffed. “You are both wrong and right. This sailboat belongs to the Johnsons. Who I happen to know for a fact are out of town for the entire week. However, I HAVE sailed a day in my life, in fact, I have sailed three.”_

_Clarke crossed her arms, “Oh really, what three days are those?”_

_“The last three.”_

_“Last three?”_

_“Yes. Your father loves me Clarke, but I’m not sure he would appreciate your death from ‘Lexa Wood’s sailing incompetence.’”_

_Clarke shook her head, trying to fight the smile that eventually found its way to her face._

_“You’ve spent the last three days learning how to sail, just so you could take me out?”_

_“Yes Clarke, I’m a brilliant and amazing girlfriend, but can you please get into the boat so we can actually sail?”_

_Clarke laughed and stepped towards the sailboat. “Did you bring those chocolates I like?”_

_Lexa smirked as she grabbed Clarke’s hand, helping her into the boat. “I wouldn’t dare forget them. I also brought the stars.”_

_“Oh I love the stars,” Clarke hummed in satisfaction._

_She took a seat on one of the sailboat benches as Lexa stood before her with a pleased smile and her ever-present twinkle._

_She winked and reached into the rather large picnic basket at Clarke’s feet. She pulled out a blazer and swung it on. It was navy blue, sporting an embroidered “Captain” on it above a small, golden anchor._

_She then pulled out a captain’s hat and placed it jauntily on top of her head. “Now that I am properly outfitted, we can begin.”_

_Clarke quirked an eyebrow. With a swift motion she grabbed Lexa’s waist and drew her onto her lap so Lexa was straddling her. “Aye, aye commander,” she whispered into Lexa’s ear, nipping it before moving to plant a kiss at Lexa’s neck._

_Lexa shivered at the touch. Clarke loved having this power over the usually over-confident, highly talented Lexa Woods. It was intoxicating how easily Clarke could make Lexa hers._

_“Just for today, I am a captain, not a commander,” Lexa whispered back, shivering again as Clarke found her pulse point and sucked at it._

_Clarke smirked. She brought her lips up to meet Lexa’s, “aye, aye,_ captain,” _She whispered against Lexa’s lips, and then connected them in a deep kiss._

_Lexa moaned as Clarke’s tongue danced across hers, battling for dominance in the heated, almost needy kiss. Clarke loved the sound and deepened the kiss even further, exploring all of Lexa’s mouth as her hands found themselves under Lexa’s shirt, stroking the bare skin underneath her hands._

_Eventually the two girls broke away for want of oxygen. Lexa leaned her forehead against Clarke’s, their panting evening out into long breaths mingled together. Lexa hummed and bumped their noses together just slightly._

_Clarke let out a light laugh. “I’m sure the Johnsons appreciate us making out on their very expensive sailboat.”_

_Lexa laughed as she drew back slightly from Clarke._

_Suddenly Clarke narrowed her eyes at Lexa, “wait, aren’t the Johnsons like, a_ super _Catholic couple?”_

_Lexa grinned back at her, and shrugged her shoulders in a totally faux innocent manner._

_“Oh my god!” Clarke slapped Lexa’s shoulder lightly with a laugh. “That’s why you chose this one isn’t it.”_

_Lexa just shrugged again, “maybe.”_

_Clarke shook her head with a chuckle, “you’re a little shit, you know that?” She squeezed Lexa’s hip, tilting her head slightly, “You got me one of those captain hats too, right?”_

_With a laugh Lexa hopped off Clarke’s lap and reached into the picnic basket. “Of course darling. Here you go.” She plopped the hat onto Clarke’s head, tucking a stray piece of hair behind Clarke’s ear as she did so._

_Clarke tilted it to the side and grinned up at Lexa. She grabbed the bill just so and gave the brunette her best ‘sexy and flirty’ look. “How do I look, babe?”_

_“Incredibly sexy. But I’m pretty sure that’s your default look,” Lexa said, leaning down to give her a quick kiss._

_“Damn right.” Clarke reached into the picnic basket. “What else did you bring?”_

_Lexa moved away from Clarke and began inspecting the rigging. “The classic picnic supply. Sandwiches from that shop you really like on Main Street, champagne, your favorite chocolate, a sweatshirt, and a blanket in case you get cold.”_

_Clarke hummed as she grabbed the sweatshirt and pulled it over her head. “Perfect.”_

_“I know I am.”_

_Clarke just smiled and watched Lexa prepare the boat to sail before going to untie the ropes tethering them to the dock. Lexa sat at the tiller, and guided them away from the dock and into the lake._

_After several minutes, Lexa waved Clarke over. “Want to steer?”_

_Clarke nodded and plopped down onto Lexa’s lap. Lexa wrapped her arm protectively around Clarke, and whispered directions into her ear. Clarke grabbed the tiller, steering them further into the lake._

_Lexa hummed as she buried her face into Clarke’s shoulder. She had a soft smile on her face as she rubbed her nose along Clarke’s cheek. “I love you, she whispered into her skin._

_Clarke turned just so, planting a kiss on Lexa’s forehead. “I love you too.”_

_And Clarke did. Lexa was usually all confidence and bravado, exuding a type of “no bullshit, take life by the horns” attitude. It was how she survived, keeping her head above the water by sheer force of will, shouting loudly that “she knows damn well how to swim, thank you very much Clarke.” (She didn’t)._

_And Clarke loved her. Clarke loved her in all her confidence and cockiness. But Clarke loved her most when she was soft and good. When she whispered ‘I love you’s’ into her skin. When she gave Clarke that soft half-smile, and soft goodnight kisses._

_When she never failed to bring Clarke her favorite chocolate, or remembered all her likes and dislikes. How she knew Clarke loved morning snuggles, and hot chocolate with marshmallows. That she prepared Clarke’s coffee just right, and always asked permission before touching Clarke._

_Most of all, Clarke loved how when Lexa woke up before her, Clarke would always inevitably find her in the living room playing video games with Clarke’s little brother Aden. And that in despite of Lexa’s extreme competitive streak, she always let Aden win every now and then._

_Or that when she lost Lexa during the day, she could find her in the garage chatting with Jake and helping him tinker with his toys._

_And she loved that when Abby worked late at the hospital, Lexa always brought her coffee and something to eat. And that they would talk until Abby was called away, because Lexa sometimes had trouble sleeping at night and although Abby could never replace a mother Lexa lost so long ago, Clarke was happy to share hers if it brought Lexa comfort._

_She loved how easily her family had become Lexa’s too. And she loved Lexa. Wholly and completely._

_“It’s worth it, you know,” Lexa spoke, breaking Clarke out of her wandering thoughts._

_“Hmmm?”_

_“It’s worth it. Him beating the shit out of me every few weeks. It’s worth it because if he wasn’t my dad, if he hadn’t transferred here, and decided to stay, I wouldn’t have met you. I wouldn’t have met you, and I wouldn’t have had the chance to grow up loving you more and more every single day. I don’t even know how that’s possible, but I swear Clarke, I think I fall in love with you more every day. And sometimes it scares me, how I can love someone this much, but more often than not I am just…happy.”_

_Lexa’s face had turned completely serious. Her jaw was clenched, another tell that told Clarke that she was thinking about how to phrase something. “He’s a shitty dad. But I would endure it all over, and over again if it meant I could have you. And that I could meet you when I did. I don’t think I could handle having met you in college or something, and missed out on all these years.”_

_Clarke shook her head, “I don’t want to think about that. I love you so much, Lexa Woods, and I want nothing more than to be able to take away your pain. I know someday you’ll be free, but god, it kills me every day thinking about you living with him.”_

_Clarke paused, glancing down at their entwined fingers. “Your life is mine, and mines is yours. We live it together, forever.”_

_“Forever is a long time, are you sure you want me for that long?”_

_“Forever isn’t long enough.”_

_The two girls kissed. Gently, softly. So different from their earlier kiss._

_As Clarke broke the kiss she leaned back, quirking an eyebrow at Lexa._

_“So did you really turn all of the laundry at the army base pink?”_

**_Present Day:_ **

Clarke growled as the tip of her pencil broke for probably the fiftieth time that afternoon. Swearing under her breath she reached over and grabbed her pencil sharpener _yet again_.

“You know, I hear mechanical pencils are a modern marvel.”

Clarke turned, barely bothering to conceal her grumpy face. It had been an awful day so far. She had spilled her morning coffee on her way to class, with no time to go get another. Then, in class the professor had called on her to answer a question she didn’t know the answer too. She had stuttered through an answer, only to have the professor rip it apart and explain why it was wrong.

At lunch, her favorite café was out of that sandwich Clarke loved so much. And the beginnings of a headache had begun shortly after, probably from her lack of morning caffeine. And her pencil kept breaking. It was the little things.

“Hey Harper,” she practically grunted out.

Harper lifted an eyebrow. “Someone’s a bit grumpy I see. Would a cup of coffee fix that?” Harper raised a to-go cup towards Clarke, another one in her other hand.

Clarke’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s for me?”

Harper nodded, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “In the group chat you sent a bunch of non-descript alphabet letters, then a series of grumpy face emojis mixed with the middle finger. I figured you probably weren’t having the best day, and I was stopping for coffee anyway. You still wanted to study together, right?”

“Right, of course!” Clarke reached over and grabbed the cup of coffee, “This is amazing, Harper, really. I spilt my coffee this morning on my way to class, and I can feel a headache coming on from caffeine deprivation.”

“It has an extra shot of espresso, so I think you’ll be good.” Harper took a seat next to Clarke at the table.

She lifted her eyebrows at Clarke’s sweatshirt. “The army, huh?”

Clarke glanced down. Lexa’s sweatshirt. Right. She always wore it on her bad days. “Hmmm, yeah it’s my girlfriend’s actually.”

“Oh right, the one locked away in Russia.”

“She is the only girlfriend I have, so yeah.”

“She in the army?”

Clarke shook her head with a light laugh. “Not exactly. I mean, she practically grew up as a mini soldier, but I think the army would have been too much structure and regulation for her to handle.”

“I bet prison’s a bitch for her.”

Harper must have realized her mistake as soon as she said the words, as she watched Clarke’s face fall. “Hey, I’m sorry. That was insensitive. It must be really hard for you.”

Clarke shrugged and took a long sip of her coffee. “Yeah. But you’re right, she’s probably dying of boredom. I just hope she doesn’t like, burn the place down trying to escape or something. She was in the hospital for a week last time she tried that.”

“Burning down a prison?”

“Well, actually it was her dad’s old Chevy.”

“Average, normal behavior.” Harper took out her books and arranged them on the table next to Clarke. She took a seat and began flipping through her textbooks. “Ready to kill this study time?”

Clarke raised her hand for a high-five. “Hell yes!”

A couple hours later Clarke groaned as she finally closed her Biology textbook.

Harper raised an eyebrow from where she was still busy writing notes. “Productive?”

“Yeah, but god I need a study break.” Clarke leaned back in her chair, wincing at the large squeak the action produced.

“Mmmm, me too.” Harper rubbed at her eyes. “Words are starting to float around in my eyes, I can physically see them. _Consumer goods. Cost of production. Law of demand._ ” 

Clarke laughed and reached into her bag, pulling out a bag of chocolates. She offered some to Harper who took them gratefully.

“You’re an economics major, right?” Harper nodded, mouth full of chocolate.

“What do you hope to do with that?”

Harper swallowed. “Hopefully get a good finance job. I’m not completely sure yet, but I have a few years to figure it out, right?” Harper made a face. “Eww, grown-up decisions. I don’t even like thinking about them.”

Clarke nodded with a chuckle. “Agreed. If we don’t think about the future it won’t happen, right?”

“Yeah, exactly. It’s kind of like when we were kids and we thought that because you couldn’t see someone, they couldn’t see you. All you had to do was cover your eyes and all your problems would disappear.”

“Yep. Pretty sure that’s how the world still works.”

The two girls chuckled. Clarke tilted her head, thinking about how to phrase her next question.

Harper gave her a questioning look. “What?”

“So you and Monty, huh?”

“Nope, nope, nope. We’re not doing this. We have to pass the Bechdel test, Clarke! No talking about men.”

Clarke laughed. “You’re right, I’ll just ask Raven and Octavia about it tonight.”

Harper groaned. “No, you’re not baiting me into this.”

Clarke threw her hands up. “Ok, ok, fine, I’ll let it go.” She gave a disapproving look at her textbooks. “I suppose we can get back to studying.”

“Don’t sound too excited.”

“Oh, the excitement is too much to contain, Harper. I may spontaneously combust at any moment.”

“Well, I know where the fire extinguisher is.”

“Oh, gross no. That stuff is nasty.”

“Why am I not surprised you know what being sprayed by a fire extinguisher feels like.”

“I may or may not have helped Lexa set fire to her dad’s Chevy.”

“Naturally.”

Clarke sighed again, leaning on her hands, eyeing her textbooks like they were Satan’s spawn.

“You know, studying used to be so much easier with Lexa around. She was brilliant at it.”

“She helped you with your homework?”

“Yeah, I mean she has a photographic memory and is like, an actual certified genius, so she made the best study partner.”

Harper’s eyebrows shot up, “Really?”

“Mmhmm. She used to read all my textbooks, and the nights I had to stay in and study she would help quiz me and go over the material. I think she spent more time helping me on my homework than doing her own. Well, she took her GED test when she was 16 so she wasn’t even in high school when I was.”

“Wow, she sounds perfect,” Harper said a bit dryly, eyebrows raised slightly.

Clarke laughed. “Oh, she’s far from perfect. She’s a little shit most of the time. But-“ Clarke’s eyes suddenly grew warm and soft, “I think maybe she’s perfect for me.”

“Ok that’s gross. And also a little unbelievable.” Harper replied.

Clarke ignored her and simply smiled. “Yeah, quite unbelievable.”  

Harper waved her hand. “Enough of all this gayness, let’s get back to work.”

With a huge sigh Clarke returned to her books. “Fine, but I’m still talking to Raven and Octavia tonight.”

*************

Raven stood across from the University's football training building. Her brown eyes sparkled with the excitement that always came before committing a good vandal. She pulled her ski mask down her face, and turned towards Octavia. 

 She rolled her eyes at her for probably the fiftieth time that night. "You just had to wear your black gi." 

 I'm a badasss warrior woman, I might as well dress for the part." 

 "The point is that no one catches us Octavia." 

 "Well, if anyone does, I'll kick their ass. And look good doing it." 

 "No you won't because we won't get caught. Where did you even get a black gi? Did you get that specially done?”

 Octavia coughed but before she could reply Jasper jogged up.

 Raven slapped her face and groaned. “Jasper, what the hell are you doing in a hamburger suit?”

 Jasper grinned, clearly pleased with himself. “I’m a HAMBURG-glar, get it?”

 Raven turned back towards Octavia. "You know what, I see your point now. If we get caught, pin it on burger king here." 

 Jasper dropped his arms, looking slightly offended. "Why me, why not Monty?" 

 "Because Monty is an adorable muffin of a man who no one would believe would try pulling something like this. You, meanwhile, have hooligan written all over you," Octavia replied. 

 Jasper huffed back at them, "I'm an adorable human too. Monty says so." 

 "Monty has to, it’s actually written in your friendship contract." 

 Jasper's jaw dropped, "He showed you that?!?!" 

 Raven slapped him over the head, "No burgerbuns, you posted it on Facebook when you were both high one night." 

 Jasper frowned, "I blame Monty, he's supposed to be the tech geek." 

 "And apparently the designated big spoon." 

 Jasper sputtered, his face turning a bright shade of red. Before he could reply Raven held her hand up and motioned towards the building. 

 "Enough chit-chat, let's go spew pink paint all over the men's lockers." 

 The three quickly hurried inside, Monty met them at the entrance with a thumbs up. He had taken care of the video cameras, being the resident tech geek of the group.

 Raven offered him a high five as they hurried past him and into the building. 

 "Nice work Monty, remind me to make Clarke cook for you next week." Raven slid dramatically across the tile floor. “Time to vandalize the shit out of this place.”

 Monty frowned at Octavia, “Sometimes I worry we’re gonna wake up in ten years and find Raven on the most wanted list.”

 “Oh no that could never happen. I’ve read Raven’s contingency plans, she’s got all the angles figured out, she’ll never be caught.”

 “Freeze, police!”

 Octavia, Monty, and Jasper froze, spinning around slowly with hands raised. Octavia’s nose wrinkled when she saw it was just Finn.

 “Asshole!”

 Finn didn’t reply, bent over from laughing so hard. “Your faces!” he exclaimed.

 “Your face,” Jasper grumbled.

 “Dude, what’s the hold-up over there?” Raven asked, popping her head back around the corner.

 Octavia punched Finn in the shoulder and then turned, jogging to catch up with Raven.

 Finn rubbed his shoulder, an offended look on his face. “Ow, that hurt.”

 Jasper and Monty grabbed him and dragged him towards where Octavia and Raven had disappeared.

 Raven had this unsettling obsession with vandalism. It had started out back in freshman year when she had been walking in a nearby park with the rest of the delinquents and came across a bridge spanning the river that ran through the park. On the underbelly of the bridge was this beautiful mural painting.

 The high schoolers had stood, puzzling over how someone had managed to reach the underside of the bridge, as all the sides were smooth cement. It had created the perfect canvas, but an unreachable one. Or so the builders had thought.

 The mural spanned the length of the bridge, probably taking days to complete. It was done in spray-paint, but obviously by someone who knew what they were doing. It depicted another galaxy, complete with planets of all shapes and colors swirling around what looked to be a black hole in the middle. Stars were sprayed all around the mural, filling in the gaps the planets weren’t in. In the right-hand corner of the mural was a signature that simply said “the Engineer.”

 Raven had been sufficiently impressed, and had decided she was going to try and outdo this brilliant vandalist. It had led to broken bones, Jasper’s singed eyebrows, and nights in jail for everyone but Raven herself. But to Raven, the thrill of competition, the chance of getting caught, and the endangering of life, limb, and Jasper’s eyebrows were all worth it.

 This all led to tonight’s group activity. She planned on painting all of the men’s lockers pink, with little red hearts (at Harper’s suggestion). None of that neutral grey shit.

 As the five students swung around the corner to the men’s locker room, Raven suddenly pulled up short.

 “Hold up, Finn, weren’t you supposed to bring the pink paint?”

 Finn suddenly paled. “Ummm, I thought that was Jasper’s job?”

 “Jasper’s job was to show up in appropriate clothing and paint where I say paint. Which apparently he’s already failed to do.”

 Jasper gave a thumbs up with a grin.

 Raven threw up her hands and started yelling in Spanish, a common response from her when she was angry.

 “¡Tenías un trabajo que hacer, Finn, uno!”

 Before Raven could continue, Murphy popped his head around the corner. “Someone tell the Mexican she’s really loud.” He held up a couple cans of pink paint. “And that I have the paint.”

 Raven did a little dance. “This is why Murphy is my favorite! And I’m Guatemalan asshole.” She stuck her tongue out at Murphy and collected the paint.

 “Vámonos idiotas.”

 “I don’t speak Spanish but I’m pretty sure I know what that means,” Monty said, following Raven.

 The six friends gathered into the men’s locker room and began the process of painting all the lockers. Raven usually did most of her vandals with Octavia, but on occasion she roped the other delinquents into her work, especially when it involved hours of manual labor.

 Hours passed and soon the delinquents were sprawled out onto the floor. “Ugh that was so exhausting. And so satisfying,” Jasper stated from his position on top of one of the locker room benches.

 “The football players are gonna be so pissed. Wait, Octavia, isn’t Lincoln on the team?” Finn raised his head and glanced at Octavia, who had taken up residence on the floor.

 “Oh yeah, did anyone tell him about this?” She shrugged when no one answered. “Oh well, it’ll be a nice surprise.”

 Murphy huffed as he sat down on the floor next to Finn. He had just finished putting little red hearts on the last locker. He scowled down at his paint splattered clothes and hands. “Man, I hope this doesn’t stain.”

 “Nah, not as long as you got Behr paint like I told you,” Raven replied.

 “Uhhh, Raven I didn’t get Behr paint.”

 Raven frowned at Murphy, “you didn’t?”

 “Did you even look at the label?”

 “No…”

 “Ah shit. Great my hands are gonna look like pink unicorns threw up all over them.”

 “Ummm, oops? You’ll have to wear gloves for a couple days I guess.”

 Murphy looked positively grumpy, a change from his usually bored expression. “I don’t even know why I put up with you idiots.”

 “Because you love us,” Jasper replied.

 “Do not, McDouble.”

 Jasper gasped. “Excuse me, I have a great figure.” He turned to Monty, “does this suit make me look fat?”

 “You did get the double patty suit instead of the single patty.”

 “Great, now I have to return it.”

 *****************

A few days later the entire gang were again at what had quickly become their bar, _Sky Fall._

 Harper was the last one to arrive, she collapsed onto the chair next to Clarke and turned to the group.

 “So I ran into Grandma Hopkins as I was leaving. She asked me if I was eating enough, as I look ‘too skinny’ and offered me some Spam. Turns out the grocery bag she was carrying was just spam, Dozens of cans of spam. Do you think she even eats anything besides Spam?”

 “Damn, I need to look into the health properties of Spam if that’s all she eats and she’s as healthy as she is at eighty-years-old,” Raven replied, offering Harper a beer.

 “Or, she’s actually forty-years-old and she looks eighty because all she eats is Spam,’ Clarke pointed out.

 Raven frowned, “That’s a good point. Remind me to never eat Spam. Ever.”

 “Grandma Hopkins?” A very confused Bellamy asked from across the table.

 “Oh, Grandma Hopkins is what we call the old lady living across from us in our apartment complex,” Harper answered.

 “Isn’t that student living only?”

 “Yep.”

 “Oh.” Bellamy still looked confused but dropped the subject.

 “So how’s the first few weeks of school going for everyone?” Lincoln asked, earning a round of popcorn kernels in the face.

 “No school talk at the bar! School talk is bad. School talk is banned!” Raven wagged her finger at Lincoln who laughed and raised his hands.

 “Fine, fine! No school talk!”

 Monty leaned forward, “Ok, so how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll. Seriously, does anyone know the answer?”

 “It’s impossible to actually know, it would be different for everyone,” Finn replied.

 “Ok, but it has to be hundreds, right?”

 “Between 200-400 licks, though the average is closer to 200 when humans do it.” Clarke replied. Everyone looked at her quizzically. “What, I have a little brother. Lexa and him did a whole experiment on it. It took Aden 211 licks, and Lexa 242. However, when certain colleges ran simulations about it, it took them between 340-400. I may have looked uninterested but I was listening.”

 “Right, Lexa, the very real girlfriend,” Jasper replied.

 “Very real.”

 “We should try doing it, Jasper and I have a bag of tootsie rolls in our car!” Monty said excitedly.

 A round of popcorn was thrown his way. “I thought it was a good idea,” Harper said, giving Monty a shy smile.

 “Thanks,” he muttered back, looking supremely disappointed.

 Suddenly Raven turned to Octavia. “Those guys just left an entire unfinished pint of beer on their table! How wasteful. I dare you to drink it Octavia.”

 Bellamy looked horrified, “Nope, no way Octavia! You are not doing that!”

 Octavia shrugged. “Fine, free beer.”

 “One go, though.”

 Octavia stuck her tongue out at Raven. “Fine! But you’re buying me my next drink if I do it.”

 “Deal.”

 “Does anyone even listen to me?” Bellamy said, throwing his hands in the air.

 “Nope,” the table replied.

 Octavia stood up, grabbing the beer from the next table before the waitress could collect it. With a cheeky wink at Bellamy and a good-luck kiss from Lincoln she started chugging.

 “Chug, chug, chug!” The table cheered, giving a resounding applause when Octavia triumphantly slammed the empty glass down on the table. Everyone barring Bellamy, who was doing his best disapproving dad look.

 “Yes bitches!” She cheered, earning high fives from the group.

 Later on the entire table, except for Bellamy and Clarke, were dancing.

 Clarke watched the dancers, amused by everyone’s poor attempts. Except Raven. Damn that girl could dance. Oh, and Murphy, surprisingly. When she pointed that out to Bellamy, he explained that Murphy had taken ballet classes when he was younger.

 “That’s why Murphy’s my favorite, always full of surprises, that one,” Clarke said in response.

 A few songs into the night Finn wandered back to the booth.

 “Hey, princess, want to dance?” He asked with a tooth-filled smile and a flip of his long hair.

 Clarke tensed at the nickname. No one but Lexa and her father had ever called her by that nickname. “No, I’m ok,” she replied with a tight smile.

 He looked disappointed, “Oh ok, no worries. Maybe next time.”

 “Maybe,” she replied.

 Bellamy chuckled from across the booth as Finn walked back to the dance floor. “Don’t mind Finn, he’s harmless, really. He’s a little persistent, and really quite clueless, but he’s a nice guy. He’s determined to find his soulmate, which unfortunately leads to a large number of heartbreaks.”

 “I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea, I have a girlfriend after all.”

 Bellamy nodded. “I get that. I’ll talk to him, if you want.”

 “That’d be great, if you could.”

 “No problem.”

 The two fell into silence, before Clarke shifted and turned back towards Bellamy. “I am really happy how easily you guys accepted me into your group. It means a lot.”

 Bellamy smiled. He let his gaze drift over to where Harper had somehow managed to snag Monty and was currently leading him in an awkward waltz to a Justin Timberlake song. Cute.

 “Yeah, it’s a good group of people. We’d do anything for each other. Not all of us had the best support system growing up, so having each other was what we all needed, you know?”

 Clarke nodded. “Yeah, I get it.”

 "We can’t help what family we’re born into. Our parents, our siblings-the world throws us together and somehow we’re supposed to get along with these strangers. That’s ok, but I think it’s ok too if we don’t. I think it’s ok to find your people, to make your own family too. After all, family is all about those people who love you unconditionally. Who call you out on your shit, and yet stand by you despite your shit. I’d do that for any of those idiots, and I know they’d do the same for me. And just so you know, they’d do the same for you, you’re one of us now.” Bellamy grew quiet, rubbing his five-O-clock shadow absentmindedly.

 Clarke smiled. “I think you’re right. And for the record, I feel the same way.”

 Bellamy nodded, smiling as he lifted his glass up towards Clarke. “Cheers to that.”

 “Cheers,” they clinked their glasses together and took a long sip.

 Raven bounded over to them and swung her arm around Clarke. “Hey chica!” She nodded at Bellamy, “Dad.”

 She frowned and tapped her chin as if trying to remember something. “I was told to come inform you two of something, but I forgot what it was. Hold on.”

 She bounded away and came back a few minutes later. “I remember! I was told to tell you two we’ve decided we’re all going to go to Build-A-Bear tomorrow to get cute little stuffed animals. It’ll be the most adorable shit. Ok, bye.” Raven waved and danced away without waiting for an answer.

 Clarke looked at Bellamy and the two burst out laughing. Turns out, Raven hadn’t been kidding.

 *************

 “Raven! You left your bear in the fridge again.” Clarke called from the kitchen, where she was grabbing some beers for Raven, Octavia, and herself.  

 “Don’t touch Fuego! He was hot, I put him in there to cool down.”

 Clarke laughed and shook her head as she walked into the living room where she handed out the beers before hopping onto the couch and settling down next to Raven.

 “You know, you’re not as funny as you think you are.”

 “Impossible.”

 It had been a couple months since school had started, and truthfully, it was going great. The four girls got along swimmingly. Clarke really enjoyed her classes, despite how much she had to study for them most of the time. She loved the campus, and her friends, and even Grandma Hopkins. It was all great, except for how much she missed Lexa.

 She missed Lexa like she missed her dad’s perfectly made pancakes. She missed Lexa like she missed her favorite shirt from third grade. She missed Lexa like a fish in captivity missed the ocean.

 Sighing, she shoved thoughts of Lexa to a well-prepared place in her mind, where they wouldn’t escape until a more opportune time arrived.

 “What are we watching?” She asked, getting comfortable on the couch.

 “Stranger Things. It’s all the shit right now,” Raven answered, grabbing the remote.

 Suddenly Clarke’s phone began ringing. Glancing down she saw it was Aden.

 “Hold on Raven, it’s my brother. I’ll be really quick.” Hopping up she made her way over to her room.

 Clicking the answer button she brought the phone to her ear.

_“Hello?”_

_“Clarke! It’s Aden!”_

_"I know bud, I have caller ID.”_

_"Oh yeah. Hey guess what? I made it onto the all star basketball team for our district! My friend Danny made it too, which is good because I was worried I would be on the team with a bunch of strangers. That would be weird.”_

_“That’s great Aden!”_

_“Danny and I watched a movie just last night. We watched the Jungle Book, you know the one with real people and animals. It was so good Clarke! I liked the part with Baloo when they were trying to get the honey! Have you seen it?”_

_"No, maybe we can watch it when I come visit next weekend.”_

_"_ _Yeah we definitely have to.”_

Clarke heard her mom say something in the background, and then Aden yelling that he was talking to Clarke.

 _“Clarke? Is that my long-lost daughter who has severed all contact with me?”_ her mother yelled from the background somewhere.

 _"It’s been two days, mom.”_ Clarke rolled her eyes even though she knew her mom couldn’t see it, then laughed when Aden communicated the message and her mother replied with a simple ‘ _call me!’_

 _“Clarke have you heard anything about Lexa?”_ Aden asked, after communicating their mother’s message. _“The new Resident Evil video game just came out and I’ve been saving it to play with her, but she’s been gone for like, forever.”_

_“No bud, I’m sure she’ll be back soon though.”_

_“Downside of having a spy for a girlfriend.”_

_“Aden, she’s not a spy.”_

_"_ _Whatever, you can lie to me but I know the truth.”_

_“We’re not lying to you. And even if we were it’d be for your own protection.”_

_"_ _You guys weren’t so worried about my protection when you took me hang-gliding that one time.”_

_“Aden, we agreed not to bring that up in front of mom and dad.”_

_“Oh she left the room.”_

Clarke laughed. _“Whatever bud, I have to go though, my roommates are waiting for me to watch a movie.”_

_“It’s a good thing you have roommates. Otherwise you wouldn’t have any friends.”_

_“Hey! I’ll have you know I have a very charming personality. And many friends.”_

_“That aren’t from Build-A-Bear?”_

_“Yes, although Deer is a very nice fellow, so be nice to him.”_ Clarke patted her stuffed moose affectionately.

_“Whatever Clarke. Bye!”_

Clarke shook her head as her brother hung up. The cheeky little kid. She wandered back into the living room and jumped back onto her seat on the couch.

“Sorry about that, where were we?”

Raven looked up from her phone. Tossing it onto the coffee table, she grabbed the remote. “Stranger Things!”

 “Oh yeah that’s right! I’ve heard the kids in it are like the cutest things ever.”

 “Oh most definitely, there’s even awkward little eleven-year-old kisses. It’s adorable. And there’s a lot of sick 80s references so it’s basically the best.”

 “Great, let’s get this marathon started! No more interruptions.”

 No sooner were the words out of Clarke’s mouth than Harper burst through the door. She was panting, making weird not-quite-words and waving her hands around sporadically. Clarke swore she had never seen Harper this excited, not since Bath and Body had their last big sale at least.

 She jumped onto the couch, right between Raven and Clarke. “Ok, first of all, Grandma Hopkins is salting the hallway right now. I tried telling her we live two floors up and inside, but she just waved me away.”

 “Wait what?” Octavia asked from her place in the reclining chair.

 “Yeah, and you want to know why she’s salting the hallway?”

 All three girls looked at her in puzzlement. Harper grinned, pausing dramatically before literally shouting, “BECAUSE IT’S SNOWING!!!!”

 Harper squealed, legitimately squealed, as Raven and Octavia jumped up from their positions on the couch and chair.

 “Yessss bitches!!!!” Raven pumped her fist in the air, sprinting into her room.

 Octavia grabbed her phone, “I’m calling the boys, we have to get everyone out to the field!”

 Clarke shook her head, “Ok, can someone please explain why a little snow has everyone going bonkers?”

 Harper and Octavia both stared at her. “It’s the FIRST snow, you know what this means, right?”

 Clarke shook her head. “No idea.”

 Raven came back out of her room, sporting a santa hat and a collection of CDs. “Oh, it means so much, Clarke. So much.” She popped a CD into the player and turned the volume up.

 

_Rockin' around the Christmas tree_

_At the Christmas party hop_

_Mistletoe hung where you can see_

_Every couple tries to stop_

The lyrics to _Rockin’ around the Christmas Tree_ began blasting from the speakers. “It means Christmas music!” Harper said excitedly.

 “And spiked eggnog!”

 “And Christmas cookies!”

 “And a game of soccer in the snow!” Octavia added the last bit with her own little squeal.

 Raven and Harper grinned, dragging Clarke off the couch. “Come on, go get dressed, we have to meet the boys. It’s tradition that on the first official snowfall we play a game of soccer outside.” They pushed Clarke towards her room. “Go get ready!”

 After many more Christmas songs, and pauses to dramatically sing along, the four girls were dressed and hurrying outside. They managed to make it to the soccer field without much of an issue. Raven made them stop to buy eggnog, and then made Octavia go inside the liquor store with her fake ID to buy some rum.

 By the time they arrived the boys were already there, kicking the soccer ball around on the increasingly snow-filled field.

 Raven dragged her bag over to the field and made everyone put on a santa hat, which surprisingly everyone did without protest.

 Clarke watched the scene unfold as teams were picked, and eggnog chugged. Everyone had the slightest tint of pink to their cheeks, and were laughing happily.

 The sun had set long ago, but the moon and stars poked through the cloud, giving them just enough light to play under. Clarke didn’t believe in magic, but she swore the night was magical.

 Clarke watched the snowflakes fall and collect onto the field. It fell on jackets, hats, and mittens, coating everything in a white dust. Clarke blinked and felt a few snowflakes fall onto her face. She breathed in deeply, letting the fresh, crisp air fill her lungs. She found herself humming the tune to _White Christmas_ without realizing she was doing so.  

 Tonight felt like one of those nights. A night where good things happened. A night where, when you found yourself lying in bed feeling angsty and listening to depressing music, you thought back to because, despite the simplicity  of the moment, you were so happy. Closing her eyes, she allowed a smile tug at her mouth as the barest hints of winds played around the edges of her hair.

 She opened her eyes and took in the sight before her. Jasper and Monty were trying to petition the team selections, while Murphy bounced the soccer ball up in the air towards Lincoln, who bounced it back. The two doing a surprisingly good job at keeping the ball in the air. Raven had tackled Octavia and the two were rolling around attempting to make snow angels, at least Clarke thought that was what they were doing. Harper was literally just throwing snow in the air. She grinned.

 She felt content, surprisingly. A strange mix of happy, and sad, and content. What a strange emotion.

 After several minutes arguing about the team selections, the game finally began. Clarke realized quickly there wasn’t actually much structure to the game, the two teams slipped liberally in the snow, taking down whoever was nearest when they did so. Clarke soon learned Octavia and Bellamy were quite competitive about the game, as everyone else was too busy trying to get as much snow on the others as possible. Raven likened their rivalry to Ross and Monica, stating that football had been banned from the group many years ago as a result of that specific _Friends_ episode.

 Clarke felt her lungs burn as she laughed, flailing around trying her best not to slip in the snow. The liberally spiked eggnog not doing much for her balance.

 The snow continued to pick up its pace as the game progressed. Whirling around in an intricate dance.

 Clarke felt more than saw the shift in attitude of her friends when it came. Suddenly, Raven stopped her dribbling of the ball, staring out at the corner of the soccer field. This caused those nearest her to do the same, until suddenly everyone had stopped and were now turning towards where Raven was staring.

 Clarke was the last to do so, but when she did she felt her breath catch.

 There at the corner of the soccer field stood a solitary figure, cloaked mostly in shadow. She was dressed in a dark blue pea coat, and a green beanie. The snow obscured her features, but she stood straight and tall, and was staring straight at Clarke. Clarke swore she looked like a mystical character, a creature created from the snow itself.

 Clarke felt her heartrate spike, and despite the noise of the wind and the snow whirling around her face, she was positive she could literally hear her heart beat.

 The night stilled. Everything around Clarke fell away as she took a single step forward, then another. Without conscious thought her feet took her to stand in front of the shadowed figure.

 She breathed out a single word. A single word that was Clarke’s world.

“Lexa.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update will take a little longer, as I'm moving overseas in a few days and still have quite a bit of packing and things to get in order before I do so. 
> 
> A big thank you for all the comments and kudos, they're very much appreciated :)


	3. I'm Good at it

**_Five Years Earlier:_ **

**** _For Aden’s entire life he had had two sisters. Lexa and Clarke were an inseparable pair before he was even born. Lexa had reportedly been even more thrilled than Clarke at the news that Jake and Abby were having a second child._

_Lexa and Clarke visited Aden together in the hospital the day he was born. He knew because he had a photo of Clarke holding him, with an excited-looking Lexa standing next to her, pinned up on his bedroom wall._

_Aden watched his sister and Lexa closely as he grew up. There was no better witness to Clarke and Lexa’s relationship than him._

_Aden was no expert on love, after all he was just a kid, what does he know? But he saw the way his parents interacted. Their love was old, familiar, sweet, heavy. It was shown in unspoken gestures and familiar actions. Goodnight kisses and good morning greetings. It was there in the way Jake listened as Abby decompressed from the hospital by talking about everything but the hospital. It was there in the way Abby brought Jake food when he was lost in some project._

_Clarke and Lexa’s love, on the other hand, was young, precious, and still growing. They held hands while they watched movies, and smiled goofily at each other when they thought Aden wasn’t looking. Lexa brought flowers for their dates, and Clarke cooked for Lexa when she came over for lunch._

_Aden had always considered Lexa his sister, and even when he was old enough to finally understand that Lexa was in fact not, in his head she still was._

_However, when Aden was six he was hit by an unsettling realization. Clarke and Lexa had a fight, though he hadn’t witnessed it. It must have been a big one, as Aden remembers Clarke coming home and storming upstairs to her room, storm clouds practically following in her wake.  Lexa didn’t come over for a week. It was at that moment that Aden realized he could very well lose the honorary member of his family._

_He had been scared the entire week that Lexa would never come back. And when she finally did, and she and Clarke made up, he still carried a small part of fear around that one day Lexa wouldn’t come back._

_It was a strange feeling, fearing that such an important person in your life could so easily just disappear and leave you behind._

_It was with this feeling of dread that he watched Clarke come home one afternoon, about a year after their last big fight, looking more upset, angry, and sad than Aden had seen her for a while. She stomped into the house, not even acknowledging Aden. The only thing that could upset her this much was a fight with Lexa._

_He went outside to sit on the front door step, sad and disappointed. Disappointed because Lexa was supposed to come over that day to play basketball with him. But Lexa never came over when she and Clarke were fighting. Clarke said it was a coping mechanism of hers, removing herself from a situation and thinking it through. But it still hurt._

_And so he sulked for a good hour. After a while though, he got tired and hungry, and just as he was contemplating going back inside, Lexa strode up with shorts and a tee on, a basketball tucked under her arm._

_“Hey what’s up squirt? Waiting for me?” She grinned at him and twirled the basketball in her hands. “We have to get you in basketball shape if you want to play this season.”_

_Aden jumped up and gave her a crushing hug. “You came!”_

_Lexa looked down at him in confusion, arm coming around to pat him on the back. “Of course I did, I promised I would.”_

_“Yeah, but you never come over when you and Clarke are fighting.”_

_Lexa suddenly looked supremely guilty. “Oh. Well I promised you I would Aden.” She knelt down to look him in the eye. “I need you to understand something buddy. Clarke and I sometimes fight, it’s true. And we would never want you to feel hurt as a result of that, but I know that sometimes things like that are inevitable. But I need you to understand this very important thing. No matter what happens between Clarke and I, I will always be your big sister, ok? I would never leave you, never.”_

_Aden felt tears spring to his eyes as he buried his head into Lexa’s shoulder. The weight of this fear he’d carried for the last year melted away as he sobbed into Lexa’s shoulder. She held him for several minutes before his sobbing gave way to little sniffles, and she pulled back._

_“I’m so sorry you felt hurt by all this, Aden. Will you forgive me?”_

_Aden nodded, his throat still swollen from the crying._

_Lexa smiled and ruffled his hair. She stood up and grabbed his arm, hauling him onto his feet._

_“Ok, then let’s play some basketball!”_

_The two played for hours, Lexa showing him the correct way to dribble and shoot. And when Aden thought a proper defensive move was to latch onto her legs, Lexa very gently informed him that that was not how one played basketball. Or, well, maybe not so gently._

_“She lines up her shot, shoots, and she scores!” Lexa grabbed the basketball as it fell from the net, giving Aden a triumphant grin. She may have been a patient teacher, but she never went easy on him._

_Aden accepted the basketball when she tossed it to him, a pout forming on his face. She laughed at his expression._

_“You’re so good!” he pointed out, still pouting._

_“Well, I’m a lot older than you squirt. One day you’ll be taller than me, and probably very capable of crushing me in a game of basketball.”_

_“Why does it take so long?”_

_“All good things take time. It happens when it happens.”_

_Aden grumbled, but then started dribbling the ball. Lexa took up a defensive stand before him. He feinted right, then quickly moved left, fooling Lexa as he did so. He moved around her and then quickly lined up his shot._

_He jumped up and laughed gleefully as the basketball sailed through the net. “Yes!!! I made it! Did you see Lexa?”_

_Lexa laughed and grabbed him by the waist. She tossed him over her shoulder and spun around. “Nice job Aden! That was perfect.”_

_He laughed and whirled his arms around as Lexa spun them, before she collapsed into the grass by the driveway. The pair fell back with a laugh._

_The two sweaty players sat in silence catching their breath._

_“So are you and Clarke going to be ok?” Aden asked quietly, breaking the silence._

_Lexa sighed deeply before sitting up. She looked at Aden seriously._

_“Have you ever seen the movie Say Anything?”_

_Aden shook his head._

_“Clarke made me watch it with her, she loves that movie. Don’t tell your sister, but I kind of secretly love those cheesy romantic movies she makes me watch.” Lexa pointed a finger at Aden, “Promise you won’t tell?”_

_Aden nodded his head with a grin. “Promise.”_

_“Good.” Lexa leaned back, eyeing Aden._

_“There’s a line in that movie. John Cusack, the hopeless romantic lead, says to the father of the girl he loves, ‘What I really want to do – what I want to do for a living – is I want to be with your daughter. I’m good at it.’”_

_With a sigh Lexa began playing with the grass at her feet. “I can recite every play by Shakespeare word for word. I can tell you the exact distance every planet is from the sun. I can shoot a gun better than half the soldiers in my dad’s unit, and I run a mean mile-per-minute. I could probably grow up and be an astrophysicist, or a doctor, or a mad scientist, or the best god-damn soldier my dad’s ever seen. But truthfully, I want none of those things. Or all of them. I have no clue.”_

_Lexa paused before continuing._

_“However, I know for sure one thing. The only thing I am absolutely positive about. I want to be with your sister for as long as she’ll have me. I want to love her, and marry her, and have ten children with her. I can read Latin, Hebrew, and Greek perfectly. I can tear apart and re-build any car. I can tell you the entire contents of my refrigerator. But the thing I am most proud of, the thing I have spent the most amount of time learning how to do, is how to love Clarke Griffin. And I’m pretty damn good at it. So yeah, your sister and I are going to be ok, Aden.”_

_Suddenly someone coughed behind them. Aden and Lexa both whirled around. Clarke stood before them, her eyebrow quirked, and an adoring smile on her face._

_“Lexa Woods. I am supposed to be mad at you right now. You can’t just go and say stuff like that.”_

_Lexa shrugged, giving Aden a quick wink. “I didn’t know you were behind us, you were the one eavesdropping on A and I’s very private conversation.”_

_“Well I did, and now I kinda want to kiss you, but technically we’re still fighting.”_

_Lexa hopped up and strode over to stand in front of Clarke. “How about this. You can go back to being angry at me tomorrow. And for tonight, we can go on that date we had planned, I’ll buy dinner, and you’ll walk with me through the park, and then you’ll probably say something sweet and make me go all gooey inside, and then you’ll kiss me and I’ll pretty much stop being able to think for a few seconds, and then we’ll come home and make popcorn and watch one of those cheesy romantic films you love so much. And tomorrow, we can talk about our disagreement, and then probably kiss again once we make up.”_

_Clarke laughed and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck. “Well, how can I say no to that? Ok, fine, but only because I’ve been wanting to watch the Prince and Me.”_

_Lexa groaned, but Aden just smiled._

_The two turned to Aden and he hopped up to join them as the three walked back into the house together. Clarke ruffled his hair and swung her arm around his shoulder._

_Right before they closed the door, Clarke turned to Lexa. “Don’t think I don’t know that you knew I was standing behind you the whole time.”_

_Lexa closed the door and turned to Aden, whispering loud enough for Clarke to hear, “She can’t prove anything.”_

**_Present:_ **

**** “Lexa.”

 The word hovered in the cold night. Instead of breaking the reverie of the night, it only deepened it. Clarke examined the face of the girl before her, the girl she was in love with. Snow had gathered on Lexa’s long eyelashes. Her green eyes shone in the night, a smile played at her lips as she looked at Clarke lovingly. She still had that small scar on her chin from that time she had decided it was a good idea to try dirt biking, even though she had no clue how to. There was a new one, however, that ran along her right cheekbone. Clarke frowned at this.

Gently, slowly Clarke lifted her hand.

 Her hand hovered in the air, not quite touching the girl’s cheek. Lexa lifted her own hand and gently grabbed Clarke’s hand, bringing it to her lips. She kissed the inside of Clarke’s palm softly.

 “God, you’re so beautiful.” Lexa’s green eyes sparkled, a small, soft smile had settled on her lips. God, her lips.

 Clarke’s own eyes shone with unshed tears. Suddenly she collapsed into Lexa’s arms, the two girls pressed impossibly close together, Clarke felt Lexa bury her face into Clarke’s shoulder and breathe deeply. Clarke let out a sob as tears began to fall.

 “I missed you so fucking much,” Clarke mumbled into Lexa’s neck. She breathed in, Lexa’s scent was still the same, mixed with something unfamiliar to Clarke.

 “I thought of you every second of every day,” Lexa replied, tears of her own falling onto Clarke’s shoulder.

 They stood like that for several minutes, holding each other for the first time in months. Lexa eventually pulled back and brought her hands up to Clarke’s cheeks. She ran her thumbs along Clarke’s tear tracks, wiping away her tears.

 Clarke’s hands settled on Lexa’s waist, holding her tightly. “You have so much explaining to do.”

 Lexa gave her a watery laugh. “I know. But right now, I’m going to kiss you, ok?”

 Clarke didn’t wait for an answer, she surged forward and crashed their lips together.

 With the familiar ease of having done this hundreds of times, the two girls’ lips melded together perfectly. Lexa’s lips were soft and warm, and oh so sweet. She tasted like cinnamon and Clarke vaguely noted that that was new.  

 Clarke felt Lexa’s tongue swipe across her lower lip and she immediately opened her mouth, moaning as Lexa’s tongue found hers. Clarke grabbed Lexa’s coat and pulled her even closer. Eventually they pulled back and breathed deeply, Lexa reconnected their lips, changing the angle, kissing her softly this time. She took Clarke’s lower lip into her mouth and sucked it softly, practically purring as Clarke moaned.

 The first kiss the two had shared had been chaste and light as only child kisses can be. The tenth had been sticky and sweet and tasted like the cotton candy they were sharing. The fiftieth had been sad and full of regret. The sixty-second comforting. Their hundredth desperate and hungry.

 Clarke had eventually lost track of the times she had kissed the girl before her, though she knew Lexa had the number somewhere in her head and would inform her if she asked.

 But this kiss, these kisses were her new favorite. These kisses were hello, and new, and yet familiar. These kisses spoke of the ache in Clarke’s heart, and of the happiness she felt. Sad, and sweet, and deep, and happy.

 Eventually the world came back to them, and the two pulled back. Lexa kissed Clarke’s forehead, wrapping her arms around her and bringing her close in a tight hug.

 Clarke felt Lexa chuckle. She smiled at the feeling. “Your friends look like Santa Claus just walked out in a bunny suit and started handing out Halloween candy. They’ve seen two girls kiss before, right?”

 Clarke laughed. “I think they’re more shocked that you’re real.”

 “Why would they think I’m not? What have you been telling them?” Lexa shifted so she was looking down at Clarke, here eyebrow quirked in amusement.

 “Just the truth. Apparently you’re quite an unbelievable character.”

 “True enough.” Lexa grinned. “And who’d believe someone as beautiful and amazing as you would be with someone like me, eh?”

 “Full of compliments tonight, aren’t we?”

 “I have a few stored up.”

 “Hopefully you have more stored up than that,” Clarke replied, biting her lip cheekily as she grinned up at Lexa.

 In answer Lexa grabbed her round the waist and twirled her around with a laugh. “Sweetheart you have no idea.”

 Lexa put her down and reached up to tuck Clarke’s hair back into her hat where it had escaped from. “You looked happy. With them, I mean.”

 Clarke tilted her head. “How long were you watching?”

 “A while, I couldn’t help it. You looked beautiful, like some kind of snow angel or something. Laughing, smiling, the snow all over you. If I had even an ounce of your talent I’d try drawing it.”

 Clarke blushed. “How’d you even find me?”

 Lexa gave her a sheepish look. “I tracked your phone. And Anya has been keeping tabs on you for me.”

 “I know, I chat with her every time I go and ‘check the mail.’” Clarke added the last part with air quotes.

 “We even have this lovely morning routine. I ask her what went wrong in Russia, she tells me, growls really, that it’s classified. We’ve really developed a touching friendship.”

 Lexa shrugged. “She’s really not allowed to talk about it.”

 “Neither are you, I’m guessing.”

 “Yeah, well, when have I ever followed the rules?”

 “Touché.” Clarke shook her head. “We can get into this later, but right now you should come meet my people.”

 “Your people, huh?”

 “Yeah, I think you’ll like them.”

 “If they’ve taken good care of you, then I think I’ll love them.”

 Clarke smiled and gave Lexa a kiss on the cheek. She laced their fingers together and tugged. “Come on.”

 She pulled her towards where the delinquents had conveniently gathered into a small group. The two girls came and stood in front of them, Clarke smirking at their shocked faces.

 “Guys, this is Amy.”

 “Wait, what?!?!” Raven exclaimed, jaw dropping in shock. A true feat considering her already surprised disposition.

 “I’m kidding. This is my girlfriend Lexa. Lexa, these are my friends.” She pointed at each in turn as she named them off.

 Lexa gave a wave and smiled widely. “I hope Clarke hasn’t been too much for you guys, she can be a handful at times. Ow!” She rubbed her side where Clarke had elbowed her playfully. “What, it’s true.”

 “Have you even met you?” Clarke replied, rolling her eyes.

 “Holy fucking shit, you’re real,” Raven replied, apparently speaking for the whole group.

 Lexa laughed as she shook her head in confusion. “Clarke did you even show them any pictures or videos of me?”

 “She said she didn’t have any,” Harper replied, eyeing Clarke suspiciously.

 Clarke giggled as Lexa threw her head back and laughed. The rest of the students looked at each other, thoroughly befuddled by the whole situation.

 Lexa shook her head, eyes sparkling in amusement. “Clarke was just playing you guys, I’ve been in pretty much every family photo since I was like nine. Sixty-nine percent of her iphone photos and videos have me in it.”

 The rest of the group turned towards Clarke with mixed expressions of shock, amusement, and offense. Except for Murphy, his default face had returned. She shrugged sheepishly. “What, you guys were just really easy.”

 Harper turned towards Lexa. “Were you really stuck in a Russian prison this whole time?”

 “Yes.”

 “And you were caught stealing a jet?”

 “Technically I was caught after parachuting out of the jet when it was blown up.”

 Clarke turned towards Lexa with a horrified expression.

 Lexa eyes suddenly widened. “Oh, Anya didn’t tell you that part?”

 She punched Lexa in the shoulder. “No! We are SO talking about this later.”

 Raven laughed and then tried covering it up with a cough. Clarke turned to her with a glare, and she pretended to be busy examining her nails.

 Lexa shook her head, and leaned down to whisper in Clarke's ear, who nodded at whatever Lexa said, face relaxing slightly.

 Turning back towards the rest of the group, Lexa gave them a lopsided grin. “So, I haven’t had a proper drink in eight months, who has the spiked eggnog?”

 The group laughed and Lincoln stepped forward with the half-gallon container they had been drinking from. Lexa took it gratefully. She tipped it back and took several swallows.

 Raven stepped forward and gave her a clap on the back as Lexa brought the container back down. “Good stuff, isn’t it hotshot?”

 Lexa laughed and wiped at her chin where some eggnog had dripped down. “The best.” She handed the container back to Lincoln and stepped back, reconnecting her hand with Clarke’s. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your soccer game, if you want to get back to it.”

 Bellamy shrugged. “We were talking about calling it and going and getting some pizza, actually. You’re more than welcome to join us, of course.”

 “Actually, I think Lexa and I are just going to head home. Next time though.” Clarke said, stepping closer towards Lexa.

 The group nodded in understanding. Octavia coughed. “I’ll be staying with Lincoln for tonight and the rest of the weekend.”

 “And Harper and I are staying at Bell’s,” Raven added. “So you know, you and Lexa have the apartment for the weekend to, ‘talk,’” Raven used her fingers for air quotes and wiggled her eyebrows at Clarke.

 “Oh, there’ll be plenty of talking,” Lexa replied as Clarke blushed a deep red.

 Raven clapped her hands together. “Great! Let’s get going, my ass is freezing!”

 ************

“Lexa I really need to find my keys and unlock this door before Grandma Hopkins walks out on us.”

 “Mmhmm,” Lexa replied. She currently had Clarke pinned up against the hallway wall, and was kissing down her neck.

 Clarke laughed and pushed at Lexa. “I’m serious,”

 Lexa reluctantly pulled away and Clarke fished through her bag for her keys. Finding them she exclaimed a triumphant “yes!”

 She unlocked the door quickly. As soon as she stepped through the doorway Lexa reconnected their lips, swinging Clarke back around, pinning her against Clarke’s apartment door. Clarke laughed into the kiss.

 “God, I missed you,” Lexa mumbled against her lips.

 Clarke hummed, and began walking them backwards towards her room. Lips never leaving Lexa’s. 

 Clarke was so busy kissing Lexa she miscalculated the trajectory towards her room and she very ungracefully stumbled into the living room couch.

 "Ooff!” Clarke grabbed Lexa’s waist to steady herself. Lexa laughed and grabbed Clarke round the waist. She rolled them over the back of the couch so they landed on the other side.

 Clarke squealed and then giggled as they landed safely on the cushioned seat. Lexa shifted so she was hovering over Clarke, lips moving against Clarke’s jaw, her neck, down her collarbone.

 Clarke played with the hem of Lexa’s shirt, until Lexa pulled back and pulled it off with a swift motion. Without wasting time Lexa reconnected their lips, moaning as Clarke dug her nails into Lexa’s bare skin.

 Lexa shifted again so her knee was now pressed up against Clarke’s increasingly aroused center. Clarke’s hips bucked up at the motion, and that, mixed with Clarke’s own shifting, was enough to suddenly throw Lexa off balance and she fell off the side of the couch with a yelp.

 Clarke burst into laughter as she leaned over, taking in the sight of a sprawled out Lexa on the floor, pout firmly in place.

 Lexa grabbed her heart dramatically, “Don’t laugh at me, I’m wounded!” She threw her other arm over her face and moaned. “I’m dying, Clarke, dying! I think you need to kiss me better.”

 Clarke shook her head and slipped off the couch to lie beside Lexa on the floor. She leaned over and kissed Lexa softly on the lips. “Better?”

 Lexa smiled at her, “Much. You’re really good at this saving lives thing, you should make a career out of it.”

 “Funnily enough I’m sort of planning to.”

 Lexa shifted to face her. “You got into John Hopkins.”

 “I did.”

 “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

 Clarke nodded. “I know.”

 The two fell into silence, Clarke ran a hand over Lexa’s toned stomach. Lexa shivered at the touch. Clarke lifted her eyes to Lexa’s, the mood suddenly shifting between them.

 “I’m really angry at you, I need you to know that.”

 “I know.”

 “But I also really love you, I need you to know that too.”

 “I love you too.”

 Clarke searched Lexa’s eyes. “I need to know you’re going to talk to me, ok? No shutting me out, no more lying.”

 Lexa bit her lip and nodded. “I will, Clarke. I promise. I just-can we do this in the morning? I promise, I’ll tell you everything. But for tonight, tonight can I just hold you? And kiss you? And make love to you if you’ll allow me?”

 Clarke examined Lexa’s face, before dropping her eyes to where she was absentmindedly drawing patterns on Lexa’s skin. “We’ll talk tomorrow?”

 “I promise.”

 Leaning in close, Clarke brought her lips to Lexa’s ear, “Then bring me to bed, Lexa Woods.”

 “Your wish is my command, Ms. Griffin.” Lexa jumped to her feet, carrying Clarke up with her, lifting her until Clarke’s legs wrapped around her waist.

 “Onward valiant steed!”

 Lexa neighed and Clarke laughed, smiling down at Lexa as she carried her towards her room. Eight months. Eight months apart and this girl still made her feel so much. So goddamn much.

 ***************

Clarke awoke, surprisingly, before Lexa. She came to slowly, the light of the early morning filtering into her partially opened eyes.

 She could feel the deep breathing of Lexa tickling her neck. She smiled. Both girls were completely naked, and she ached all over in the best possible of ways.

 She lay perfectly still, enjoying the feeling of being wrapped up in the arms of the girl she loved. She gently ran her fingertips along Lexa’s arms. The morning light played with the small hairs that ran along her arm.

 She remembers their first time, and waking up similarly to this the following morning. It had come rather late in their relationship, but only because Lexa had wanted to be absolutely sure it was a step Clarke was ready for.

 It had been filled with nervous giggles, and awkward fumbling. In the end, however, Clarke remembered lying next to Lexa after the two were fully spent, and thinking it was perfect.

 She awoke early the next morning, then, too. She had laid there for almost an hour, wondering at the contradiction that was Lexa Woods. In one moment, she could touch Clarke, and make every nerve ending feel like it was on fire. In the next, she could take Clarke’s hand and make Clarke feel completely safe and calm. How was it possible that one girl could do both?

 She let out a deep breath. The two of them had come so far together. For Clarke, it had only ever been Lexa.

 There had been rough moments. There had been a time Clarke wished they could have skipped some of the arguments and fights they had had. But in the last eight months Clarke had come to see that all of those moments were necessary. They had worked out so much together. Clarke was positive that in the end, it was that even more than the memories of all the good times; that had allowed them to lie together after eight months apart.

 Truthfully, Clarke was angry. She was angry at Lexa for lying about the mission in Russia, angry at Anya for refusing to tell her why they went there in the first place. Angry that she had spent eight months alone. Angry that Lexa kept so much inside. Angry that Lexa took the risks she did.

 But despite Clarke’s anger, and everything they would need to work out; Lexa and her, they would be ok. They’d be ok, because Lexa and her, they were forever.

 Lexa stirred behind her. A small groan escaped as she shifted her head and buried it into Clarke’s shoulder.

 "Good morning sunshine,” Clarke said, rolling over to face Lexa.

 Lexa smiled at her. “Good morning beautiful.”

 "Sleep well?”

 “Best sleep I’ve had since I left.”

 “Yeah, me too,” Clarke replied soberly.

 Lexa frowned slightly, she studied Clarke’s face, then nodded.

 "I'll go get us some coffee, then we can talk, ok?"

 Clarke nodded, almost regretting the seriousness the early morning had already adopted.

 Lexa swung out of bed, pulling on one of Clarke’s sweatshirts lying haphazardly on the floor. She gave Clarke a look as she did so, and Clarke simply shrugged with a small smile. She had never been the neat one.

 Lexa left, and Clarke put on some sweats and a t-shirt quickly. She then laid back on the bed, mind running over how this talk could go. She had ran over dozens of scenarios by the time Lexa came back in, two coffee cups in hand. She smiled gently as she handed Clarke a mug, then settled back onto the bed.

 Clarke breathed in the coffee, then took a sip. She smiled at the way Lexa had made it just perfect. She was better at preparing Clarke’s coffee than even Clarke was.

 The two sat in silence for a moment as they sipped their coffee. Finally, Clarke sighed and shifted so she was facing Lexa.

 “You told me it was a simple reconnaissance mission.”

 “I didn’t want you to worry.”

 “Yeah, well you did a shit job of that.” Clarke sighed as she saw Lexa’s face go into defensive mode, slipping into an impassive facial expression Clarke hated.

 “I shouldn’t have lied. It wasn’t supposed to go down the way it did.”

 Clarke ran a hand through her hair, her face frowning in frustration. “That’s what Anya said, but she refused to tell me anything more.”

 Lexa took a deep breath. “On our way there, on the plane, our mission changed. It was supposed to be simple. I had to create a perfect distraction, enough of a one so Anya could slip in and recover the data we were sent after. We had a plan worked out, both of us would have gotten out just fine.”

 “But you didn’t. You were caught.”

 “Only because I was supposed to be. That was the mission change. They wanted me to get caught.”

 Clarke frowned, now thoroughly confused. Anya had made it sound like a mistake had simply been made. That Lexa had been caught because of a mistake, not a designed flaw.

 “Why the hell would they want that? You’re the most valuable asset they’ve had in years, they wouldn’t sacrifice that.”

 “Yeah, well apparently it was worth the risk. They wanted me to get inside a specific Russian prison, where the Russians were keeping three valuable assets. They all but assured I would be sent there, and I spent the next eight months planning and executing an escape plan for not only myself, but three extra untrained assets.” Lexa leaned back, taking a swig of her coffee. “It was a nightmare.”

 Clarke found herself a new target to direct her anger at. “Why the hell would they do that?”

 “The picture is bigger than me, I suppose. They needed me in there, so they assured I would be put there. I couldn’t say no, my deal with the CIA doesn’t work like that.”

 Clarke rubbed her face. The picture was a little clearer now, at least.

 Lexa put her coffee mug aside, and scooted closer to Clarke. “Clarke, I know how angry you must be at me right now. After all, it was my choices that put me in that position. And I know it might be a while before you forgive me, but I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry.”

 Clarke put her own mug aside, and then leaned her forehead against Lexa’s shoulder, allowing her to bring her closer in an embrace.

 “I just missed you so fucking much, and I don’t think I could handle you disappearing for another eight months.”

 Lexa kissed the side of her forehead. “I know.”

 “You make these decisions and choices that are just so goddamn reckless, Lexa. You just go out and do these things, and it’s like you’re not even bothered by the severe consequences those choices can have. You don’t even stop to think that you have a girlfriend who very much does not want you in jail or dead. Not to mention Aden, and my parents, and Gustus.”

 Clarke pulled back, using her thumb to wipe away at a tear that had fallen down Lexa’s cheek. “I love you, and I don’t want to lose you.”

 Lexa dropped her tear-filled eyes, Clarke’s hand still stroking her cheek. “I am sorry, Clarke. I promise, I’ll do better. No more crazy risks.”

 Clarke laughed. “You can’t promise that. But maybe, you could skip the ones that could potentially end in your death or you going to jail.”

 Lexa smiled weakly. “I can do that. I’m getting too old for that shit anyway.”

 Clarke shook her head in amusement. “You literally just turned old enough to legally drink, I don’t think you can start with the cranky old woman routine yet.”

 “I just want to yell at kids to get off my lawn, is that too much to ask?”

 “Yes, considering you don’t actually own a lawn.”

 Lexa gasped, giving Clarke a wide-eyed expression. “Well I need to fix that right now.”

 “Nope, not yet. I get you to myself all weekend, sorry no negotiations.”

 “Well, in that case…” Lexa grabbed Clarke and rolled them over until Lexa was hovering over Clarke.

 She stopped, however, and gave Clarke a sad smile. Clarke reached up and tucked Lexa’s hair behind her ears.

 “It’ll take time, Lex, but I’ll forgive you. I just need a little time. But we’re gonna be ok, ok?”

 Lexa nodded. “Ok.”

 “Good, now kiss me.”

 Lexa gave Clarke a tooth-filled smile, before acquiescing willingly to her request.

 **************

Raven, Harper, and Octavia stood before their apartment door silently. Raven leaned over and whispered.

 “You don’t think they’re still banging, do you? Hopefully they have clothes on and are, like, presentable for us?”

 Harper shrugged. “I mean, they did tell us to come over for Sunday dinner, and we’re ten minutes late.”

 Raven, Octavia, and Harper hadn't heard from Clarke in two days. Then, this morning she had texted them asking if they wanted to have Sunday dinner with her and Lexa, Lexa was cooking. Raven supposed it was her way of telling them it was safe to come over now.

 Octavia rolled her eyes at the two. She stepped forward, unlocked the door and swung it open.

 “We’re back bitches!” She called as she stepped forward.

 Raven peeked around her shoulder, eyebrows shooting up at the sight before her.

 Lexa and Clarke were dancing to Franki Valli, waltzing quite well actually. Lexa was dressed in sweatpants and the long-sleeve Hogwarts shirt Clarke loved. Clarke had on a sweatshirt, and pajama shorts.

  _Well, I guess that counts as presentable._

Lexa gave Clarke a twirl that ended with Clarke’s back to Lexa, who wrapped her arms around her and brought her close. Clarke eyes were sparkling, and she gave them a toothy grin.

 “Hey! We’re all set up and ready to go in the kitchen, Lexa didn’t want to start cooking until you girls were here.”

 Raven and Harper stepped through the door.

 “We’re here for less than a minute and you two are already gross,” Raven complained, taking off her coat.

 Clarke laughed, and then squealed as Lexa grabbed her and threw her over her shoulder. She kicked her legs in protest, but was laughing too hard to actually say anything.

 “To the kitchen!” Lexa yelled, carrying Clarke through the door before planting her on top of the counter next to the stove.

 The three girls gave each other a look, and followed them.

 “So what are we having?” Octavia asked, jumping to sit on a counter herself.

 “Pancakes, they’re Lexa’s favorite. Also the only thing she knows how to cook without ruining,” Clarke replied with a cheeky grin.

 “Hey!” Lexa protested, swatting at Clarke with a spatula.

 “It’s true! When we were younger, my dad used to make them all the time and Lexa was seriously in love. She started watching him trying to figure out how he made them, but he shooed her away and never made them in front of her again. So one day, she comes over with all these bags of groceries, and she’s determined to try and replicate his recipe. She ended up doing it three hours, five bags of flour, two gallons of milk, and three cartons of eggs later.”

 “I did it though! Jake pouted for a week when he found out.”

 “That pancake recipe was handed down three generations and was a very closely guarded secret.”

 “It’s still within the family.”

 Raven threw her hands up, “Oh my god you two, just stop being cute for one second and make me some food! I’m starving!”

 Lexa laughed and turned back to the stove where she poured some batter out carefully.

 “Did you guys have a good weekend?” Harper asked cautiously.

 Clarke ducked her head to hide her wide smile. “Yeah it was pretty good. How was yours?”

 Harper rolled her eyes. “Bell literally wouldn’t let us go anywhere until we finished our homework. And then when we finally did, he took us minigolfing. Minigolfing Clarke. I hate minigolfing.”

 “I don’t know why you’re complaining, minigolfing is great,” Raven replied.

 “You’re only saying that because you got six holes-in-one. Even Bell was pouting because you whipped his ass so bad.”

 “Exactly, it was great.”

 Harper huffed.

 Raven laughed. Sore losers, what can you do.

 Octavia, however, had watched Lexa carefully this entire time. “So Lexa, now that you’re officially back from Russia, what’s your plan?”

 Lexa flipped her pancakes then turned to face the three girls. She stood between Clarke’s legs, smiling as Clarke ran her hands through Lexa’s hair absentmindedly.

 “I’ll be living near D.C., which is where my job is. It’s just a boring office-based job right now, but there might be some travelling I have to do in the future.”

 “And who exactly are you working for?”

 “Polis technologies. I have a pretty good mind for that kind of stuff, so that’s probably why they hired me.”

 Octavia nodded thoughtfully. “You’ll be living on your own?”

 “No, I have three roommates as well.”

 She raised an eyebrow, “Really? Friends of yours?”

 Lexa laughed. “Not really, I know one of them from an old job of mine, the other two are friends of hers.”

 Raven watched Octavia’s interrogation of Lexa, slightly amused. The whole group had been texting about the odd situation all weekend.

 Once they had gotten over the initial shock that Clarke had been telling the truth the whole time, not that she had any reason to lie, theories had sprung up trying to decide what exactly Lexa had been doing in Russia. The most popular was that she was a spy. Finn had pointed out, however, that if Lexa was a spy, why would Clarke tell everyone she was in Russia in the first place?

 Raven had been pretty heavy on the theory that Lexa had been in Russia trying to steal Russian technology blueprints, and if she worked at a tech company, that would fit with her theory.

 Regardless, Raven was happy for Clarke that Lexa was back. Sure, she was still a little unsure about Lexa, but if she made Clarke happy, who was she to judge?

 “Raven, Clarke tells me you want to work for NASA someday?” Lexa asked when Octavia took a break from her questions, effectively pulling Raven out of her thoughts.

 Raven perked up at Lexa’s question. “That’s the goal, I had an internship with them this last summer, and they were highly impressed by some of the work I put into their ICESat-2 project. I think I have a pretty good shot at working with them again this summer.”

 Lexa grinned excitedly. “Their ICESat-2 project is going to be amazing. I mean, have you seen some of the instrumentation on it? Beautiful.”

 Raven leaned forward, hands slapping together in agreement. “Oh I know! It’s literally leaps ahead of their previous design.”

 Harper made a time-out signal. “Ok, ok nerds, enough of that talk. When are these pancakes going to be done?”

 Lexa laughed, flipping some pancakes onto a plate. “Right now. And there’s eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns being kept warm in the oven.” She put the plate down on the counter, and opened the stove.

 “Yes!” Octavia leapt off the counter and reached into the cupboard for a plate. “I’m starving.”

 The four girls filled their plates and made their way to the dining table. Clarke plopped down onto Lexa’s lap, the two apparently sharing the same plate. How disgusting.

 Raven hadn't been sure what to expect out of the maverick girl. She had half-expected a cocky, self-absorbed person, just based on the stories Clarke had to tell of her. But Lexa was, actually, very sweet. Self-assured and confident, but not self-absorbed or cocky.

She was polite, and asked questions about all of the girls’ lives, seemingly interested in all of them. And god, the way she looked at Clarke. Raven had never seen anything like it. Every time the two looked at each other, it was as if Raven and the two other girls were invading a very intimate moment.

 Raven felt like perhaps something had been made right in the world, now that the two girls were finally reunited. For Raven, it was both reassuring and terrifying.

 **************

“This is the most important moment in our life, Clarke.”

 “Ok, that’s just a slight exaggeration.”

 “You have to make this. I bet on you winning.”

 “Wait, how much?”

 “Two bags of jellybeans.”

 “Damn, what kind?”

 “Starburst.”

 “Shit, that’s a lot of pressure.”

 “Yeah, you can’t screw this up.”

 “Ok we’re going to need to work on your pep talk skills after this.”

 “Oh, sorry. Umm, I believe in you, babe. You’re going to crush the competition.”

 “Oh you know it. I’m going to crush them and eat them for breakfast. Don’t worry Lexa, I got this.”

 “OH MY GOD! Cut it out and just put the blindfold on already,” Raven rolled her eyes at the two.

 Clarke stuck her tongue out at her, but then pulled the blindfold on. She threw her arms out and called out dramatically. “Spin me!”

 Raven grinned and jumped up, grabbing Clarke by the arms and spinning her five times. Then she handed Clarke the pin with the donkey’s tail.

 Lexa stood to the side, nervously watching. Bellamy, Jasper, Finn, Monty, and Harper all leaned forward eagerly from their seats. They had a whole pool going on, jelly beans being the currency of choice tonight.

 Clarke took a timid step forward, hands out, searching for the wall. She was biting her bottom lip, forehead creased in concentration.

 She moved back and forth, trying to figure out the best spot to pin the tail.

 Everyone held their breath as her hand hovered right above the donkey’s ass, then she dramatically surged forward and stuck the pin.

 Everyone groaned as Lexa jumped in the air. “Yessss!!!!”

 Clarke ripped her blindfold off, then pumped her fist at the sight of her practically perfectly placed pin. She turned towards Lexa, who spun her around and kissed her soundly.

 Everyone groaned again, throwing popcorn kernels at the pair.

 Lexa put her down, looking confusedly at the popcorn littering the floor. She glanced up at the group.

 “Is that why no one was eating the popcorn?” She asked, tilting her head.

 The group laughed, as the two came over and plopped down on the carpeted floor.

 “I can’t believe you won,” Jasper grumbled, his being the second closest pinned tail.

 Clarke grinned, “I guess that teaches you not to bet against me in the future.”

 “Whatever, you came in last when we played Risk last week,” Harper replied.

Clarke gave her an exasperated look, “I had to forfeit because you wouldn’t let me get up to go pee!”

 “There’s no bathroom breaks in war, Clarke.”

 “It’s literally a board game, Harper. A board game.”

 Bellamy groaned and rolled his eyes at the two. “You two have this argument every time we get together, I swear. I’m going to go get a drink.” He stood up, and Lexa copied him.

 “Me too, Clarke you want anything?” She asked.

 “Just a beer,” Clarke replied.

 She watched Lexa leave, conversing with Bellamy as she did so. She seemed happy right now. Nevertheless, Clarke was worried about her. She had been awoken this morning by a frantic Lexa in the middle of a nightmare. When Clarke had awoken her, she hadn’t wanted to talk about it.

 She knew Lexa had scars from Russia, both physically and mentally. But she insisted she was alright, and that she had been evaluated when she had first arrived. She was going to mandatory therapy, until the department was assured she had no long-lasting negative effects from her eight months there. Clarke was still worried, though.

 She was pulled out of her thoughts and back into conversation by Harper, however, and several minutes passed. Bellamy came back with his drink, but Lexa wasn’t with him.

 She frowned. “Bell, where’s Lexa?”

 “Oh, Octavia said something about how the Patriots were going to have a better season than the Cardinals, and Lexa pretty much stopped in her tracks. When I left they were in a pretty heated debate.

 Clarke laughed. “Yeah, Lexa takes her football pretty seriously.” She relaxed, she had seen the two in deep conversation several times throughout the week Lexa had been here. She was glad Lexa was already getting along with her friends, as they had become quite important to her in the last two months.

 She leaned back, turning towards Monty. “So how exactly did you and Jasper come into possession of ten gallons of bubble-gum ice cream?

 ******************

The night wasn’t quiet, sounds of cars passing could be heard. Some drunk college kids were making bird calls down the street. In the distance you could hear an ambulance, or police car, really the difference was all the same to Murphy.

 He pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lighter. Placing a cigarette between his teeth, he cupped it so he could light it. He leaned against the railing of the girl’s patio, taking a long drag.

 He heard the door behind him slide open, then click shut. Sighing he let out a stream of smoke.

  _Can’t get one second alone from these idiots._ He turned, and his eyebrow shot up at the last person he had expected.

 “I don’t suppose I could get one from you, huh?”

 He shrugged, taking another cigarette from his pack and offering it to Lexa.

 She stepped forwards and took it gratefully.

 “I’m obligated, as a future doctor, to tell you smoking is bad for you,” Murphy commented dryly as Lexa lit her cigarette.

 “Doesn’t work if you literally have one between your teeth right now.”

 Murphy shrugged. “Yeah, well, old habits die hard.”

 “So do new ones, I’m learning.”

 “New?”

 “Turns out, despite the fact they don’t mind messing with your mind or beating the shit out of you, Russian guards are actually very nice about being willing to hand out a cigarette to you.” Lexa flicked away some ash. “Russia is fucking cold, and cigarettes are warm. Didn’t take long to develop the habit. Maybe that’s what they wanted all along. Another way to mess with you.”

 Lexa came and leaned against the railing next to Murphy. “Just don’t tell Clarke, she wouldn’t like it.”

 Murphy grunted. “I have no reason to spill your secrets, unless you give me one.”

 Lexa smiled, “I like you Murphy.”

 “Gross.”

 Lexa chuckled and turned to face him. “You know, it’s pretty much a universal rule that when two people are smoking together, in the dark of the night, they have to have a heart-to-heart.”

 “Yeah, well, I’m not really the heart-to-heart type.”

 “Yeah, me neither.”

 Murphy grunted in reply, taking another drag. They smoked in silence for a while. Murphy gave Lexa a side-eye glance.

  _Fuck it._

“Clarke’s a good person, you know.”

 “I know, I’ve known her for a lot longer than any of you have,” Lexa replied, somewhat defensively.

 “She really loves you a lot,” Murphy continued, ignoring her comment.

 Lexa frowned at him, “I love her too.”

 Murphy shrugged, glancing down at his smoking cigarette.

 Lexa sighed, rubbing her forehead. “I’m going to be really fucking cheesy for a second, ok?”

 Murphy pursed his lips, but didn’t say anything.

 “I’ve known Clarke since I was seven-years-old. I’ve been in love with her for pretty much the same amount of time I’ve known her. That’s a long fucking time. Clarke is pretty much my whole world. And if there’s anything I’m good at in this world, it’s loving Clarke Griffin.” Lexa took a drag, and exhaled slowly.

 Murphy shook his head, turning to face Lexa fully. “That’s all great and good, but you were gone for eight fucking months Lexa, eight months. No communication, no way for Clarke to know you were ok. It doesn’t matter how long you know someone, things change, people change.”

 Lexa slammed her hand angrily against the railing, “You don’t think I know that. I know I can’t just wave my hand and make it all better, but,” Lexa ran her hand through her hair, “Clarke and I. If Clarke and I can’t love each other and make it through this, then what the fuck is love even worth?”

 Murphy chuckled, “The fuck I know. The only people who’ve ever bothered to try loving me are those idiots in there.”

 Lexa turned so her back was leaning against the railing. “They’re a strange group of people, that’s for sure.”

 "You’re trying to figure out where the hell I fit in, right?”

 “I wasn’t going to ask.”

 Murphy turned to match Lexa’s pose.

 “You know, Jasper and Monty are supposed to be the innocent ones of the group. They act like the biggest pair of fucking seven-year-olds I’ve ever met, I don’t even know how it’s possible sometimes. They’re not supposed to be fucked up by life, but life doesn’t play fair like that. Life’s a total bitch.” Murphy took another drag.

 “Jasper used to be harassed all the time by bullies in high school. Monty too, sometimes, but his mom was on the school board and so that helped keep him safe from most. Jasper had this girlfriend, her name was Maya. They were both young, obviously, but Jasper was enamored. One day, she tells him she’s moving away. He’s devastated, you know, and he becomes this sad panda. On top of this, the bullies are going after him particularly hard, and he’s just miserable. One day, he just snaps. He gets really fucking drunk and goes down to the river. He almost fucking drowned that night. Monty saved his ass, like he’d been doing his whole life.”

 Murphy pauses to light up another cigarette, offering Lexa another one who took it with a thank you.

 “Raven took things into her own hands after that. She threw him in a car, and they skipped school for an entire week. They’ve never talked much about what happened that week, or where she took him. But when they came back, Jasper had sobered up, he wasn’t quite back to his old self, but he was on the right path. Monty talked to his mom, and Jasper’s parents. Lincoln and Octavia began walking with Jasper to his classes. Eventually the bullies got the message, Jasper was off limits. And me, I didn’t know the rest of the group well at the time. But I knew one of the bullies. John. He lived next to me, actually. Two days after the incident with Jasper, I saw him make some snide remark to a girl on the block. I lost it. I went up and beat the shit out of him.”

 Murphy laughed. “The next day Octavia came and sat down next to me. I fucking beat the shit out of someone and I gained a family-pretty much unwillingly-from it. Life is a fucking strange bitch.”

 Lexa turned and gave him a searching gaze. Murphy squirmed under the intense scrutiny. It was at that moment that Murphy realized three things. 1) None of them actually knew Lexa that well, she was a total wild card. 2) She had the most intense, piercing gaze of anyone he had ever met. And 3) Despite the total wild card factor that she was, Murphy found himself inclined towards trusting her. Perhaps it had to do with how much Clarke clearly loved the girl. He wasn’t completely sure.

 Lexa finally glanced away, a more impassive facial expression slipping onto her face, just the hint of a smile playing around her lips. “You know, for a guy who doesn’t do heart-to-hearts you’re pretty chatty.”

 “And you’re not going to tell anyone.”

 “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

 Lexa stood up, putting out her cigarette in the ash bowl the girls apparently kept out for Murphy. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of cinnamon gum. She gave Murphy a nod, which he returned.

 Right before she opened the door, he called out, “If you ever need a smoking buddy, you can give me a call. I mean, no guarantee I’ll answer, but,” he shrugged, “you can call.”

 Lexa smiled back at him. “Murphy, I think you’re my favorite,” she stepped back inside.

 Murphy turned back around and leaned his arms on the railing.

  _She’s alright I guess._

 ***************

  ** _Six Weeks Earlier:_**

 **** _I_ _t was a daily routine, at this point, coming to the karate dojo every day. Octavia often stepped in for at least a little while after class. Indra trained with her every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. On Tuesdays and Thursdays she received training from Anya, a much more physically demanding training than Indra’s lessons._

_She stepped through the doors of the dojo, nodding at the receptionist. She made her way into the back, where the floors were set up. She bowed quickly before stepping onto the floor, then quickly made her across the floor to a changing room on the other side._

_Stepping inside, she closed the door behind her and stepped up to a closet. Opening it, she pushed a button, stepping and turning to face the doors of the concealed elevator._

_Quickly the doors closed and she began dropping a few floors. When she stopped at the ground level, the doors dinged and she stepped out._

_Today Indra would be going through weapons training with her, one of Octavia’s favorite parts of her agent training._

_However, as she soon as she stepped into the main forum she knew something was off. Agents were scurrying around, papers flying, and the level of noise was more than Octavia had ever heard before._

_Confused, she looked around for someone she knew._

_She grabbed Emori’s arm as she hurried by. Emori looked at her, annoyed._

_Octavia frowned. “What the hell is going on?”_

_Emori shook her head, “The agency is going crazy, our operative in Russia just escaped from where she was being held. She has a shitload of data with her, and three of our most valuable assets in the Queen case.”_

_“Our operative in Russia?”_

_“Yes, she’s been held there for eight months.”_

_Octavia felt her stomach drop. “What’s her name?”_

_Emori gave Octavia a confused look. “Lexa Woods.”_

_Octavia dropped Emori’s arm, thoroughly stunned. She shook her head._

Holy fucking shit, she’s real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you everyone for your comments and kudos :)


	4. Thatta Girl

The morning air was crisp and clean. It stung on its way in, but in that good kind of way that made you feel alive. A light dusting of snow covered the grass and pathway, it would probably be melted by midday.

Lexa watched the vapor in the cold air as she exhaled. She had never had to adjust to cold weather out in California, and her first winter in D.C. had both mesmerized and annoyed her. The winter in Russia had been even colder. She supposed it was a small blessing she had mostly been there in the spring and summer.

She sighed as she watched some birds flitting around near her. They were there for the early worm, she supposed. God knows it was early enough for it.

She rarely slept well these days. When she was away from Clarke she woke up every night from one nightmare or another. She did her best to shove it to the back of her mind, but she could feel the sleeplessness starting to chip away at the edges of her mind.

It was a scary feeling. She had never had to worry about the condition of her mind, anything she was trying to remember she just had to find in the recesses of her brain. Now, Lexa was discovering that in order to remember something, one’s mind had to actually be engaged on the task. She couldn’t remember a briefing from yesterday, mainly because all she could recall was studying a stain on the wall.

She knew Clarke was worried, but what could she tell her? She had no pinpoint on what exactly was troubling her. Russia had messed with her mind, and she had spent weeks recovering from her time there, but she had no way to describe how exactly it had affected her. It was beyond frustrating. 

Lexa was good at avoiding her issues. She could plaster on a smile, crack a joke, and shove everything into a space in her mind she had created years ago when her dad still had control over her. Clarke had been the only one able to see past the charade, and yet she knew not to push too hard. Lexa was the type who just needed space, space to think things through. She would eventually work through whatever was troubling her. But this time, no matter how much time she took, she couldn’t escape the sleepless nights.

She leaned forward, clasping her hands together as she rested her arms on her knees. She heard the crunch of someone walking towards her.

They took a seat next to her. A coffee cup was offered, and Lexa took it with a small grunt.

“Another early morning?”

Lexa sighed. “I don’t sleep well away from Clarke.”

Anya nodded in sympathy, taking a sip of her own coffee. “Nightmares?”

“Yeah, restlessness too.”

“It gets better, after a while.”

Lexa turned towards Anya with a frown. “I don’t know if I want it to. I mean, you’ve been with the agency for years. I don’t want that. I’m only here because I have to be.”

“You made the choices you did, Lexa. Now you have to pay the price.”

“It’s a steep price.”

“It was a steep crime.”

Lexa frowned. “I spent eight months in a Russian prison. I risked my life, nearly died twice. That’s not worth my freedom?”

Anya shook her head. “I don’t make those decisions, Lexa.”

Lexa leaned back. “Yeah, I know.” She took a sip of her coffee. “Thanks for keeping an eye on Clarke for me.”

“It’s the least I could do.”

“Damn right.”

Anya chuckled. “She’s a persistent one, stubborn too. Stubborn and loyal, and she clearly loves you.”  

Lexa smiled softly. “Yeah, she’s kind of perfect. I don’t know why she puts up with me, to be honest. These last two years haven’t been easy.”

“Yeah, I don’t know either, you’re a hot mess.”

Lexa shoved Anya, “Oh fuck off.”

Anya laughed, taking a large swallow from her coffee. “So any progress with the three assets?”

Lexa sighed. “They’re a handful, I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to place them with me.” She stuck her tongue out at Anya when she laughed.

“You’re a highly trained operative, they’re safe with you. You’ve earned their trust, and if we’re going to take down Queen, we’re going to need them.”

Lexa just sighed in exasperation.

“Indra seems pleased with what they’ve had to offer so far. She thinks this is the breakthrough we need to make a move on Queen.”

Anya leaned down to pull something from her briefcase. She pulled out a folder. “These are some of the transcripts from Costia’s interviews, the youngest of the three assets.”

Lexa frowned as she grabbed the papers. “The financial aide? I was present for all these interviews.”

Anya shook her head. “Not all of them. When you were still recovering we held a series of interviews with all three assets. They weren’t extremely helpful at first, they wanted to wait until you would be present. Funnily enough you seemed to have earned their trust.”

“I suppose breaking them out of a Russian prison does garner a bit of gratefulness.”

“These are Costia’s first two interviews.” Anya gave them to Lexa, who took them with her free hand. She glanced over them with a frown.

“She never mentioned the mines in the interviews I was present for.” Lexa flipped through to the next page.

“She never had a direct hand in those specific financial dealings. I’m guessing that once she was a bit more grounded, mentally, she didn’t want to talk about information she didn’t know for sure. She was a bit of a mess in the beginning to be honest. Rambled a lot.”

Lexa shrugged. “It’s no surprise. She’s been through hell, she watched her own brother killed in front of her for fuck’s sake.” She rubbed her forehead. “I’ve come home to her crying a number of times. I do what I can, but I don’t think she’ll ever recover until she can live her life without the fear of death hanging over her.”

“Someday she’ll be able to, if we do this right.”

A couple jogged by near them. The two grew quiet until they passed.

“You know being a spy isn’t at all what it’s cut out to be. I expected cool gadgets, form-fitting suits, and bomb-ass cars.”

“As I recall you once stole an Aston-Martin from a dealer and drove it to Colorado to attend a rodeo. I think you’ve had enough experience with cool cars.”

Lexa laughed. “Clarke had an obsession with horses at the time.”

“So she told me.”

“She does like that particular story.” Lexa finished off her coffee. “So I’m guessing Indra wants me looking into these mine dealings?”

“She wants it done by the time she gets back from Prague.”

Lexa hummed. “How can I resist when she asks so nicely.”

Anya quirked an amused eyebrow at Lexa. “She also wants you training the Blake girl when she comes in today.”

“Great, just what I need, more alone time with Octavia.”

“Not a fan?”

“It’s not that. I mean, we had a rocky start, that’s true. She didn’t enjoy not being able to tell Clarke I was back for those six weeks.”

“That wasn’t even your call.”

“I know, I could have tried contacting her though, tried getting some message to Clarke." Lexa sighed. "Octavia's just been put in an awkward position.”

Anya shook her head. “Waiting to see Clarke was the right call. Octavia has to see that.”

“Perhaps. I think she gets it, but Clarke’s her friend.”

“And you’re her girlfriend. She needs to respect that you know Clarke, and that the two of you have practically been together your whole life.”

“I know. I guess we’ll have plenty of time to talk about it today.”

Anya stood up, chuckling as she offered Lexa a hand.

“Come on Woods, let’s go save the world.”

Lexa threw her coffee cup in the trash as they walked out of the park. “If I’m going to save the world, I could at least get a nice suit out of it, just saying.”

“You seriously need to stop watching those Bond movies.”

"They're quality movies, Anya.”

Anya rolled her eyes. As they neared the dojo she turned back towards Lexa, face serious. “You’ll be ok, Lexa. I know your head is a bit of a mess right now. If you ever need someone to talk it through with, you can talk to me. Or we could spar it out, I’m not much of a talker. I guess that’s what Clarke is for.” Anya shrugged. “But yeah, I’m here for you.”

Lexa smiled, settling a hand on Anya’s shoulder. “Thanks Anya.” The two nodded at each other, before turning back towards the dojo. Time to save the world.

**********

The bullet-proof vest was never Lexa’s favorite uniform piece, but wearing it was mandatory in these test simulations. She tightened the straps with a sigh. She checked her belt holster, and the gear secured there. She checked her pistol holster, then glanced at the entrance.Octavia strode through just as she did so, pausing at the sight of Lexa. 

“Perfect, just on time.” She picked up and tossed a vest to Octavia.

Octavia grabbed it, glancing at her in confusion. “Lexa? What are you doing here?”

“Indra’s in Prague, so I’ll be overseeing your training today.”

Octavia put on the vest, strapping it in. She examined Lexa as she did so. “She really trusts you, huh?”

“I was her mentee before you. Her prodigy so to say.”

Octavia laughed, “No pressure.”

Lexa chuckled. “Don’t worry, she likes you better. You’ll make a much better agent than I.”

Octavia frowned, putting on her own holster belt. “What do you mean?”

Lexa shrugged, “Just what I said. She likes you better. She thinks I’m a liability, and yet strangely enough she still trusts me. I'm not sure how that works...but regardless, she thinks you’re going to make a great agent. She’s got great plans for you, I can guarantee that.”

“Full of compliments today, trying to win my favor, Lexa?”

“Always.” Lexa smirked at her, grabbing her assault rifle. “Let’s go rookie.”

The two made their way into the training room. Lexa secured the door behind them, and they set up, weapons at the ready. Lexa had set up the rooms herself, changing the training protocols to fit what she had read from Octavia’s file.

The first room was dark, and the two moved forward side-by-side. Weapons at ready. The flashlights at the end of their muzzles sweeping the room. They swung around the obstacles in formation.

Suddenly a cutout swung around and Octavia put a bullet straight through its head. Another swung out to Lexa’s right, and she shot it quickly before sweeping left to take out another.

The two proceeded forward, taking out their targets one-by-one. Octavia showed surprising versatility, shooting quickly and efficiently.

Lexa had placed civilian cutouts further into the room, and as they swung around a corner a cutout popped out and Octavia hesitated, then continued on, correctly identifying the civilian target.

They reached the end of the course, and Lexa swung the next door open. They passed through, and Octavia frowned at the sight.

Five agents stood before them. Lexa tossed her gun aside and winked at Octavia. “Let’s see how well Anya’s been teaching you, eh?”

Octavia smirked, tossing her own gun aside and taking up a fighting stance.

The agents launched forward, and Lexa and Octavia were lost in a flurry of blows. Lexa dodged right, laying a blow on the stomach of one agent, spun and ducked another punch, then kicked the back of another agent sending him sprawling.

The two worked well together, moving in sync to spread the agents out, picking them off and eventually zeroing in on the last agent. Lexa punched his jaw, spinning him around so Octavia landed two quick blows to his stomach. He fell to the ground with a groan.

“How’d you recruit these poor bastards?” Octavia asked, glancing at the fallen agents.

“Hacked their internet history.”

Octavia laughed, putting her hands on her hips to catch her breath.

Lexa nodded towards another door. “Not done yet, rookie.”

“Jesus how do we even have all these rooms?”

“You should see the CIA’s budget, I mean, damn. Talk about loaded.”

Octavia grabbed her assault rifle. “Isn’t that really classified stuff?”

“Never stopped me before.”

“Damn, Indra has a handful with you.”

Lexa grabbed her own rifle, “Come on.”

She opened the next door, revealing a deep swimming pool.

“Wait, what the hell?” Octavia frowned at the dark water.

“Like I said, loaded.”

Lexa strode over to the side, she unscrewed the flashlight and tossed it towards Octavia. She caught it, glancing at Lexa in confusion.

“Strip your gear,” Lexa said, striding towards Octavia.

Octavia glanced nervously at the swimming pool. “What am I doing?”

“There’s a chest at the bottom of the pool, you have to find it, open it, memorize the first two sentences of the sequence written inside, come up, and use it to unlock that door,” Lexa pointed towards a door on the other side of the room, across the entire length of the pool.

Octavia paled. She nervously licked her lips, fingers twitching.

Lexa’s face softened, she stepped forward. “Hey. Hey it’s ok, you can do it.”

“I don’t like water,” Octavia replied, avoiding Lexa’s eyes.

“I know.”

Octavia’s head snapped up. “You do?”

“Childhood traumatic memory, led to an aversion towards water.”

“That’s in my file?”

“Yes.”

“So you set this up, what, to push me?”

Lexa sighed, rubbing her face. “Your fear of water, it will get in the way of you being an agent. You need to learn to live with the fear. This challenge, it’s designed to help you face your fear, and to know you can conquer it, however briefly.”

Octavia eyed the water. She set her jaw, clenching it so tight Lexa feared she would break it.

Lexa stepped forward again, taking Octavia’s flashlight. She clapped a hand on Octavia’s shoulder, garnering her attention.

“When I was young I was terrified of bridges, I was a nervous wreck anytime I ever had to cross one. One day, my dad throws me in the car and drives me to the scariest, most rickety bridge he could find. He dragged me out to the middle of the bridge, tied me up, and left me there for two fucking hours. It was the scariest experience of my life.”

Octavia frowned. “So this is your way of doing the same to me?”

Lexa barked out a laugh. “Not at all. If you can’t do it, you don’t have to. But we’ll come back the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that until you can finally garner the courage to face it. The point of that story is, I’m still terrified of bridges. But every time I have to cross one, I think back to that experience, and I think, if I could do that, then I damn well can cross a fucking bridge. I faced the worst of it, and I conquered it. If you can do this now, then in the future, you can look back and say, ‘if I did that, I can damn well put my toes in the ocean.’”

Octavia smiled faintly. She turned back to the swimming pool. Slowly she began to strip her gear.

Finally, she turned towards Lexa, giving her a weak smile. Lexa handed her the flashlight, smiled, stepping back and giving her a confident nod.

Octavia turned back, hesitated, but then jumped straight in. Lexa watched nervously, the flashlight beam giving out a faint glow from the bottom of the pool. An agonizing minute passed before Octavia surfaced, taking a few haggard breaths before diving again. She did this a couple times before she reemerged, swimming towards the end of the pool.

She slid her arms onto the edge of the pool and lifted herself up. She scrambled out, walked to where the door was, and punched in a series of words into the keyboard set up.

As soon as she hit enter, six targets swung out, and in a blink of an eye, Lexa shot all six in rapid fire, using her pistol.

Octavia spun around, mouth agape. Lexa smirked, then jogged around the pool to join Octavia.

Octavia was breathing heavily, her eyes a little wild, but she seemed proud. She shook her head at Lexa. "Invictus, very subtle Lexa." 

 

Lexa gave her a grin, then repeated the poem back to Octavia. 

 

Out of the night that covers me,  
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,  
I thank whatever gods may be  
For my unconquerable soul.  
  
In the fell clutch of circumstance  
I have not winced nor cried aloud.  
Under the bludgeonings of chance  
My head is bloody, but unbowed.  
  
Beyond this place of wrath and tears  
Looms but the Horror of the shade,  
And yet the menace of the years  
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.  
  
It matters not how strait the gate,  
How charged with punishments the scroll,  
I am the master of my fate:  
I am the captain of my soul.

 

Her eyes twinkled. "I thought it was appropriate." She nodded towards another door. "Come on Blake, one last obstacle."

Octavia frowned, "Just peachy." 

The two entered the room. It was a simple room with gym mats in the center. Octavia looked around in confusion. Lexa tossed her a towel.

“Go ahead, dry off." 

Octavia wiped herself down as fast as she could, “What am I doing?”

Lexa stripped her own gear, tossing aside her vest and holster belt. “You have to fight me.”

Octavia frowned at her. “You? Isn’t that what Anya is for?”

“I’m a very different person from Anya.”

“Didn’t she train you?”

“In a manner of speaking.” Lexa stepped onto the gym mat, swinging her arms around, motioning for Octavia to join her.

Octavia hesitated, but then stepped onto the mat, taking up a defensive stance.

Lexa’s eyes twinkled, a mischievous grin taking over. “This is going to be fun.”

Octavia rolled her eyes, but then stepped forward, trying to draw Lexa out. It didn’t work, as Lexa simply tilted her head, waiting for Octavia to make the first move.

She eventually did, going for Lexa’s right side. It took only about ten seconds for Lexa to upend Octavia.

“Oof!” Octavia landed firmly on her back. She squinted up at Lexa who stood above her. She rolled her eyes at Lexa’s smug expression. Lexa gave her a hand up, laughing at Octavia’s facial expression.

“Don’t look so glum, Octavia. I grew up as an army brat, I know how to put someone on their back.” She took a seat on the floor next to Octavia, drawing her knees up as she did so.

Octavia glanced at her from the side. The two sat in silence for a while, catching their breath.

Eventually Octavia broke the silence. “How did you and Clarke even meet, if you grew up on an army base?”

“We met when she was five, the unit I was with came across her on the side of the road. She had been in a biking accident. The base wasn’t far from her neighborhood, I used to spend most of my free time biking over to Clarke’s house.”

“Does she know about all this, you being a spy and all that?”

“There’s very little I don’t tell Clarke, Octavia.”

Octavia frowned and hummed. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell her about me, not yet at least. Lincoln’s the only one who knows, and I would rather keep it that way.”

Lexa just shrugged. “Clarke’s smart, she might have already figured it out you know.”

Octavia bit back a laugh. “How could she possibly know? She’s known me for like, two months? No, there’s no way.”

“If you’re sure, I won’t tell her you’re a spy.”

“Thanks Lexa.” Octavia leaned back onto her elbows. “You and Clarke are really good together, you know. I mean, you seem really happy, and you don’t keep secrets from each other, other than the fact that you were here six weeks before you even contacted her.” Octavia glanced at her somewhat accusatory. 

Lexa nodded, “We are good together, and we are happy. I love her, I have for a very long time. There’s no one else for me, and I don’t want to jeopardize that by keeping something from her that I shouldn’t. I see no point in that. I didn't tell Clarke I was here for those six weeks for very specific reasons, Octavia. It's not something I can explain to you, either.”

Octavia sighed. "I get it, I understand. Some things you can't tell people, to keep them safe. I just, you know, Clarke's my friend." 

Lexa shook her head, giving Octavia a sad smile. “I know that. And I tried the whole 'not telling Clarke anything routine,' but usually what I think is right, ends up being wrong. I think being honest with her, working things through together, it’s the only way to try and make the right choices. If I could tell her about those six weeks, I would. I can't though, sometimes even my hands are tied." 

Octavia nodded, turning her gaze downward. “So if she knows about all of this, then she must have supported you in your decision to join the agency?”

Lexa studied Octavia. She suddenly felt so very old. There had been a time when she had felt all the time in the world was hers, anything she wanted to do, she could. But now? Now her hands were handcuffed, her choices limited. It was live or die in the agency.

She stood up suddenly, helping Octavia to her feet. She gripped Octavia’s hand, looking her in the eye, face serious.

“Listen kid, this job, it’s not at all what you think it will be. It’s going to scar you; physically, mentally, and emotionally. You’re going to make choices that will haunt you, likely forever. If you’re going to continue on in this agency, I need you to promise me something.” Lexa waited for Octavia to nod her confirmation before she continued.

“I need you to promise me you’ll keep true to yourself. That you will live life despite the choices you will be forced to make. Don’t let this job control who you are, ok?” Lexa knew she needed Octavia to promise this, knowing it was a promise to herself as well.

Octavia frowned, giving Lexa a look born out of confusion, worry, and a desire to please the older agent. “I promise, Lexa.”

Lexa nodded, releasing Octavia’s hand, reaching down for her gun. “Good, good. You did well today, Octavia. I meant what I said earlier, you’re going to make a great agent.”

Octavia beamed with pride. Lexa was unsure of what to make of the look of admiration in Octavia’s eyes, she wasn’t sure what she had done to earn it. She gave Octavia a friendly clap on the back, guiding her towards the exit.

“I’m starving, let’s get something to eat,” she said.

Octavia gave her a wide smile, “That sounds amazing to me.”

**********

“Clarke! Where the hell is Lexa, she was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago!” Raven threw open Clarke’s bedroom door, crossing her arms angrily.

Clarke put down the textbook she had been studying from and gave Raven an exasperated look. “I don’t know, she texted me and said she was on the way an hour ago.

“She definitely should have been here by now.”

“I’ve already texted her, she hasn’t replied.”

“Text her again.”

“Raven, she’ll be here soon.”

Raven gave a huff of annoyance, plopping down on Clarke’s bed. “Shouldn’t you be more worried about her? Something could have happened to her.”

“Something is always happening to her. One time she disappeared for two days and I was worried sick, only to have her return to my house a muddy, bedraggled mess claiming she had been hunting a unicorn in the woods. She swore it was real. I can’t say I ever really believed her.”

“Well, she’s a bit old now to be disappearing for something like unicorn hunting, don’t you think?”

“Raven, this was three years ago.”

Raven gave her a wide-eyed expression, then burst out laughing. “Fine, we’ll give her five more minutes, but then we need to leave.”

“We?”

“Yes, we. Lexa said you and her would help with my prank tonight.”

“Oh my god she didn’t?” Clarke slapped Raven’s shoulder with a horrified expression.

“She did.”

“That, girl, I swear.” Clarke leveled a suspicious look on Raven. “Prank on who?”

“Ummm, the city?”

Clarke chuckled, grabbing her phone to text Lexa again.

Five minutes passed with no answer. Finally Raven heaved a huge sigh and dragged herself off the bed. “Fine, I guess we’re going to have to go without her.”

The two made their way towards the apartment door, and just as they opened their door, the door to Grandma Hopkins opened across from them. 

Clarke looked at Grandma Hopkins in confusion, Raven ran into her back as she stopped suddenly.

“What the-Clarke!” She peeped around Clarke’s shoulder and raised an eyebrow.

“What’s up Grandma H?”

Clarke elbowed Raven, “Raven!”

“Ouch! What was that for?”

Clarke rolled her eyes, but Grandma Hopkins ignored them and smiled sweetly.

“Hello dearies! How are you guys doing? I was just coming over to see if you wanted some fresh-baked cookies. I’ve just been having the loveliest chat with your girlfriend, Clarke, she’s quite the charmer, that one.”

“Lexa?” Clarke asked, confused. 

Lexa suddenly popped her head out the door, cookie in hand. “Clarke! Raven! Hey, what’s up?”

Raven stepped past Clarke with a scowl, “Lexa! We’ve been waiting for you fore-wait, what are you wearing?”

Lexa glanced down. “The police uniform you wanted me to?”

Raven waved her hand, “No, no, not that. Why are you wearing an apron?”

Lexa did indeed have an apron on, a bright pink, laced apron that covered the chest and waist of her police uniform.

“Oh, that! Mrs. Hopkins here stopped me in the hall when I was coming up to your apartment, and offered me some fresh-baked cookies. Naturally, I agreed, I mean, who turns down free cookies? She made me put on this apron, though, when I entered the apartment. Smart, really, I mean I wouldn’t want cookie crumbs on my police uniform, right?”

Clarke’s eyebrows shot up, turning towards Grandma Hopkins. “Wait, your name is actually Hopkins?”

Grandma Hopkins gave her a confused look. “Of course dear, why else would you call me Grandma Hopkins? Also, I helped found this university you know.”

Clarke turned back towards Raven, eyes wide. She shook her head, mouthing the word “wow” to her. Raven just shrugged back.

“Ok, this is all great and I’m glad you got your free cookies from a complete stranger, Gretel, but we need to get going.”

“Oh right, the prank!” Lexa stuffed the cookie she was holding into her mouth, and quickly undid the apron strings.

Clarke gave them a quizzical look. “How did you guys even arrange this prank? Lexa hasn’t been over all week.”

“Oh, we’ve been texting.” Lexa handed the apron back to Grandma Hopkins, then tilted her head at Clarke. “She sends an excessive amount of memes.”

Raven gave her a proud look. “I’m especially fluent in meme communication.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “I know.”

Lexa clapped her hands together. “Alright, let’s go! I didn’t wear this uniform for nothing.” She gave Grandma Hopkins a quick hug, “Thanks for the cookies, Mrs. Hopkins, good luck with your model ships.”

Grandma Hopkins beamed at them, “Oh thank you my dear. Have fun with your illegal activities.” She gave a little wave and stepped back into her apartment.

Clarke raised an eyebrow at Lexa, linking their arms and dragging her down the hallway. “Have fun with Grandma Hopkins?”

“Oh, the best. She has the most unbelievable stories.”

“Is that right?”

“Very.” Lexa slipped her arm around Clarke’s waist, giving her a quick kiss. “Did you know she invented oil?”

“I knew it! I knew the science books had it all wrong, she should really work on getting that fixed.”

Lexa laughed, agreeing with her. Raven came up behind them and swung her arms around their shoulders. 

“You guys ready to get your prank on?”

Clarke gave Raven a side-eye glance.

“So what exactly is your plan?”

“The others are meeting us at the Calvert school, Harper printed off a few hundred flyers we’re going to stuff into the kids' lockers. It’s an announcement saying that school is ending early that day and everyone is free to leave after lunch.”

Clarke snapped her fingers. “Wait I’ve been meaning to ask, were you the one that turned all those downtown lights rainbow colored last week?”

Raven grumbled. “No, that was the so-called ‘Engineer.’”

Lexa turned to Raven, confused, exiting the building as she did so. “The engineer?”

“Just someone else who enjoys vandals and pranks. They even have a blog.”

Suddenly Lexa stopped, causing Raven to run into her. “Wait, wait. You never told me why I needed this police uniform?”

Raven shrugged. “No reason, I just had this theory that you’d look really sexy in uniform.” She winked at Lexa, “Theory proven right.”

Lexa gave Clarke a look, who burst out laughing. “You do look kind of sexy, babe.” Lexa rolled her eyes and continued towards her car.

Clarke caught up with her, biting her lip and giving Lexa a grin. “Strippers wear cop uniforms too, you know.”

Lexa smirked at Clarke, “How do you think I got this?” She leaned down, whispering in Clarke’s ear, “I can always put this uniform to good use later, just you and me.”

Raven sauntered up behind them, throwing her arms around them again. “Ooohhh, kinky, I like it." She tussled their hair affectionately. "Let's go lovebirds.”

 **********

**_Fourteen Years Ago:_ **

_The door swung open before Lexa, and she craned her neck upwards, taking in the confused face of Jake Griffin._

_“Hello?” He asked, somewhat uncertain at the sight before him._

_Lexa held a bouquet of roses, and was dressed in her finest suit. She stuck her hand out confidently, hoping her nervous disposition wasn’t obvious. “Hello, my name is Lexa Woods.”_

_“A pleasure to meet you, Lexa Woods, I’m Jake.” Jake shook her hand. “How can I help you?”_

_Lexa stood up straighter, clutching the roses as a lifeline. “I’m here to ask Clarke on a date, is she your daughter?”_

_Jake’s mouth fell open, “Clarke, as in my five-year-old daughter who loves Dora the Explorer Clarke?”_

_“Yes, that one. And Dora the Explorer is a quality program.”_

_Jake scratched his head, both befuddled and amused by the situation. “Don’t you think you’re both a bit young to be going on dates?”_

_“I’m not sure, I know that’s what they do in the movies when you like someone. And I really like your daughter. She’s pretty, and funny, and smells nice. Oh!” Lexa suddenly remembered the roses in her hand. “These are for her.”_

_Jake accepted the roses. “Umm, thank you, I’m sure she’ll love them.” He was at a complete loss as what to tell the little girl._

_The uncertainty must have shown on his face, as Lexa stepped forward, tugging at his shirt so he knelt down. She wanted to look him in the eye._

_“Jake, I promise, I will take good care of Clarke. I really like her, and I think she deserves to be treated like a princess. I promise I will treat her like the bestest princess in the whole world. My dad’s an army general, and he’s training me too. I promise I can protect her from any dangers, I’ll even fight a bear if I have to.”_

_Jake took in the very serious face of the little girl before him, amazed at the courage and sincerity someone so small could hold. He smiled._

_“Very well, Lexa, how could I say no to that? I doubt any potential suitor in my daughter’s future would promise to fight a bear for her.” He stood up. “I have to ask Clarke if it’s ok, and if she says yes, you may go on your date. On one condition.”_

_Lexa nodded eagerly, “Anything.”_

_“I get to tag along, to supervise and make sure there will be no actual bear fighting going on.”_

_Lexa gave him a tooth-filled smile, “Absolutely! My Uncle Gustus, well he’s not actually my uncle but I call him that, will be driving us. So you’ll have someone to talk to too!”_

_Jake laughed, “Well thank you Lexa, that’s very considerate. What did you have planned anyway?”_

_“I have a picnic packed in the car, and I thought we could go to Rice Park, where the duck pond is. I even have extra bread packed for the ducks. Gustus helped me plan it.”_

_Jake smiled warmly. “That sounds lovely. Just let me go get Clarke, I’m sure she’ll say yes.”_

_“I hope she does.”_

_Jake nodded and turned to go find his daughter. “Me too, Lexa, me too.”_  

**********

**_Present:_ **

Lexa rapped her knuckles soundly against the door, stepping back once she did so. She held the bouquet of roses firmly in her right hand as she waited for the door to open.

Raven threw the door open, burrito in hand. She quirked an eyebrow at Lexa. “On time, I see. No more cookie stops at the gingerbread house.” She threw hear head back and called out loudly, “Clarke, your date is here.”

She stepped aside so Lexa could enter the apartment.

Raven cleared her throat loudly, speaking in a faux deep voice. “I must ask, what exactly are your intentions with my daughter?”

Lexa gave Raven a very serious expression. “I’m going to take her out to dinner, surprise her with gifts, kiss her, probably come home and have sex with her, repeat this many times in the future, and eventually, hopefully, marry her.”

“Perfect! I can already tell you’re the person for her.” Raven sauntered over to the living room and plopped down on the couch.

“Have her home by morning, don’t get killed, and have fun kiddos.” She waved her hand to Clarke as she exited her room.

Clarke gave Lexa an amused smile, tilting her head towards Raven, and Lexa just shrugged. Clarke shook her head and came and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck.

“Hey sexy.”

Lexa smiled down at her. “Hey hotstuff. Ready to go? You look beautiful by the way.”

Clarke gave her quick kiss. “So do you.” She grabbed the roses from Lexa’s hand, “Just let me put these in a vase quick.”

Raven glanced back as Clarke retreated to the kitchen. “Roses, smooth Romeo.”

Lexa laughed, “I brought roses to our first date, too.”

Raven turned to face Lexa fully. “When was that? Clarke never was very specific about how long you two have been together.”

“I was seven at the time, Clarke was five.”

Raven’s eyebrows shot up. “Shit you guys have been dating since kindergarten?”

“Well, not like officially. But it has always just been Clarke and I, so I guess.”

Raven pulled herself up so she was on her knees on the couch, arms wrapped around the back. “You guys didn’t even think about dating anyone else? No breaks? Have you even kissed anyone but Clarke?”

Clarke reentered the living room as Raven asked her questions. Lexa turned and smiled at her. She could feel herself practically melting on the spot, just thinking about how this girl had chosen her. Just her. Clarke stopped and the two just smiled at each other, lost in the moment together.

Lexa finally answered Raven, but kept her eyes on Clarke. “No, it’s only ever been Clarke for me. I never once considered there’d be someone else for me, I have the perfect person for me right here.”

Clarke stepped forward and entangled their hands. “And it’s only ever been you for me, too, Lexa.” She turned her head towards Raven, a twinkle in her eye. “Although, when I was in high school she once tried breaking up with me.”

Raven gasped. “She didn’t?”

Lexa looked up at the ceiling, face burning crimson.

Clarke laughed and turned back towards Lexa. “Yeah she was being a little twat. She thought that I should have the option to be able to see other people. She was trying to make sure I wasn’t ‘stuck in some relationship just for the sake of being in it’.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were completely happy, that you weren’t just with me because it was convenient,” Lexa replied, face still burning.

“Darling, being with you has been anything but convenient,” Clarke replied dryly.

Raven leaned forward eagerly. “So what did you do?”

Clarke gave her a smirk. “I threw my glass of water at her and told her to get her head out of her ass.”

Raven barked out a laugh. “Thatta girl.”

Lexa huffed. “Yes, this is all so amusing, can we all go back to cute little seven-year-old Lexa instead of asshole teenager Lexa, please.”

Clarke chuckled and brought her free hand up to stroke Lexa’s cheek gently. “We all make mistakes, dear. Some just more than others. Some being you.”

Raven guffawed loudly as Lexa rolled her eyes. Lexa gave her a glare, and Raven ducked her head, hiding behind the couch.

Clarke laughed and gave Lexa a kiss on the cheek. “Come on, Lex, we still have that date to go on.”

Lexa sighed and shook her head, a smile finding its way to her face regardless of Clarke’s teasing. The two turned back towards the door. Lexa flipped off Raven as she called out to Lexa “to try and not to break up with Clarke tonight.”

Lexa huffed as the two made their way down the stairs. “You just had to tell her that story.”

Clarke laughed. “I’m not the one who tried breaking up with me.”

“And I’ve apologized profusely since then. As I recall, I even took you to a Maroon 5 concert as an apology.”

“How did you get backstage passes for that? I’ve always wondered.”

“Nope, that’s one secret I can’t divulge.”

“Oh really? Life and death stuff, is it?”

“Oh most definitely.” Lexa grabbed Clarke’s helmet and gave it to her, then grabbed hers and put it on.

The two settled onto Lexa’s black motorbike, Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist. The bike roared to life, and Lexa pulled out.

The pair rode in silence, Clarke enjoying the warmth of being close to Lexa in the cold air. She had worn a warmer jacket knowing Lexa liked to drive the bike when the roads were clear.

They rode in silence for almost an hour, before Lexa finally pulled into the parking lot of the Washington Nationals stadium.

Clarke hopped off, jumping up and down and rubbing her hands together to get warm.

“Damn, that’s cold.”

Lexa chuckled, taking off her helmet. “Come on, it’ll be warmer inside.”

Clarke glanced up at the stadium in confusion. “Inside the stadium? Lexa that place has been closed down for like two months.”

Lexa shrugged. “I have a friend who gave me access to get inside.”

Clarke just shook her head and laughed.

The two made their way towards the gate. Lexa pulled out several key cards. Turns out, Lexa was right when she said she had complete access to the stadium. After unlocking several doors, they made their way inside the stadium. Lexa dragged them towards a luxury suite.

Clarke stepped inside, surprised at the warmth in the room. She glanced around and smiled, there was a heater next to two leather chairs that had been pulled up towards a small table. On the small table were two covered plates.

Lexa stepped up next to Clarke, champagne in hand with two glasses. She smiled at Clarke, nodding towards the chairs. “For you, m’lady.” 

Clarke grinned at Lexa, stepping up towards the leather chairs, taking a seat and accepting the glass Lexa offered her. 

Lexa had strung up lights all around the room to give off the perfect level of light for a romantic setting. Music was playing out of a stereo somewhere, soft and low.

Lexa poured Clarke a glass, then pulled off the plate cover. There was a sandwich, apple sauce, and a brownie. Clarke laughed at the selection. Lexa took a seat across from her, pouring a glass of champagne for herself.

“This is amazing, Lex. Seriously I was just expecting a nice dinner at a restaurant somewhere.” Clarke shook her head, taking Lexa’s hand in her own, playing with her fingers.

“I have a lot to make up for.” Lexa cleared her throat and glanced at their entwined hands. “I know I missed your birthday, so I wanted to try and do something special for it. I have a present for you.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to.” Lexa reached down. She grabbed a present and offered it to Clarke.

Clarke gave it a shake and laughed at Lexa’s expression.

“You don’t have to guess what it is, just open it,” Lexa said, amused.

“Ok, ok.” She tore open the paper, revealing two heavy-set journals that looked well worn.

She glanced up at Lexa who looked supremely nervous. “Let me explain, I know it’s an unusual gift. When the CIA moved me here, two years ago, I missed you like crazy. I tried writing letters to you, I wanted to be romantic. But-but I found it hard to write what I wanted to say, knowing you would read it. Eventually I gave up, but then I realized I had enjoyed it, writing to you I mean. So I started writing to you in those journals, all of them start with Dear Clarke, cheesy as that is.” Lexa blushed, and coughed before continuing.

“You’re the easiest person to talk to Clarke, and there’s no one I trust more than you. But somehow, I still find it difficult sometimes to try explaining what’s going on in my head to you. I found that when I was writing in those journals, things became easier to say. When you moved out here to join me, I was too scared to show them to you. I kept writing in them, up until the day I left for Russia. I had a lot of time to think when I was there, and I realized I needed to show you them. I know I keep a lot inside, and I hope that maybe these can help. We never really talked about what happened in Russia, and I know that’s been hard for you. I hope that maybe these can be a start, I want to get better at communicating with you.”

Lexa cleared her throat and grew quiet. She was drumming her fingers crazily against her legs. She grew more fidgety as Clarke stared down at the journals.

Lexa couldn’t see her face, and she could feel her stomach doing crazy flip-flops. “You don’t have to read them if you won’t want to. It’s a lot of rambling, to be honest.” Lexa added, her voice wobbling slightly.

Clarke’s head snapped up, Lexa’s words seeming to snap her out of whatever thought she had been in. Her eyes were watery and she gave Lexa a soft smile. “Of course I’m going to read them. I just, it’s a perfect gift Lexa, honestly. I’m just trying not to cry.”

Lexa let out a deep sigh in relief, a grin forming on her face. “Ok, good, I was really nervous about it. Anya was ready to kill me today when I asked her for the fiftieth time, so she claimed, if it was a good idea.”

Clarke laughed. “It’s perfect, and I’ll have to thank Anya for not killing you.”

“It really required a lot of restraint on her behalf, so she informed me. Oh!” Lexa reached down again. “I got you another gift just in case.”

Clarke shook her head as she reached across for it. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know.” Lexa grinned, handing the gift over. “I wanted to.” She watched as Clarke began unwrapping it. “It’s a complete set of the Pride and Prejudice adaptation with Colin Firth,” she blurted out.

Clarke glanced up and gave her an amused look.

“Oh oops, sorry. I just got excited,” she returned sheepishly.

“Honestly you’re worse than a six-year-old.”

“But cuter, right?”

Clarke laughed and set the gifts aside, leaning over to kiss Lexa softly. “Much cuter.”

“Mmmmm,” Lexa hummed against Clarke’s lips.

The girls broke apart, and turned towards their dinner. Clarke picked up and took a big bite of the ham and egg sandwich, her favorite.

They ate their dinner, talking about random topics. Clarke told Lexa about the beginning of the semester, and how she was pretty sure her American government professor was a certified communist. Lexa discussed the transition back to work, and how it had been weird at first.

Eventually the two finished their dinner and were just sipping their champagne.

“The girls want to get a turtle for our apartment. I’m not sure why a turtle, I think it has to do with Raven’s recent binge-watching of Elementary, but I’m not sure.” Clarke finished off her champagne, putting the glass back on the small table.

“Clarke, you couldn’t even keep a goldfish alive, I’m not sure a turtle is a great idea.”

“Yeah, but I mean, a turtle is different than a goldfish, right? I’m sure between the four of us we can keep it alive.”

“I don’t know Clarke, Fluffy’s funeral was hard enough for me, and he was just a fish. I can’t imagine attending your hypothetical turtle’s funeral.”

“You really have so little faith in me?”

“Fluffy was very dear to me.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to kill our hypothetical turtle.” She ran her thumb over Lexa’s knuckles, tilting her head in thought. “And besides, I need the practice. I mean, we want to have a dog someday, right?”

Lexa eyes glazed over slightly. “Yeah, someday. Maybe a lab, or really any dog that is good with our ten kids.”

“We’re not having ten kids Lexa.”

“But I want to adopt all the kids Clarke.”

“We’ve talked about this, only some of the kids Lex.”

Lexa sighed, “Fine.” She stood up suddenly, pulling Clarke out of her chair. “Come on, I have another surprise.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow, but followed Lexa’s lead, pulling on her jacket, her gloves, and hat.

Lexa led them down several floors before taking Clarke through the training and locker rooms, pointing out a few features to Clarke who took it all in stride. Finally, she pulled her through a set of doors that led them out onto the field.

Clarke spun around, taking in the view of the large, empty stadium.

Lexa grinned at her, she jogged out to the dugout and grabbed a bat. She walked back to Clarke and offered it to her.

Clarke laughed. “You gonna pitch to me?”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow, “More like I’ll feed the pitching machine baseballs for you to hit.”

Clarke turned towards the pitching machine set up on the mound. She grinned. “Perfect. Pitch to me babe.”

Lexa laughed, jogging over to the mound as Clarke walked towards home plate. Clarke had always preferred baseball over football. She had grown up cheering for the Giants, and remembered many an evening spent cheering for them with her dad. Lexa often joined them, usually donning one of Clarke’s many jerseys she kept around.

She took a batting stance, bat swaying in the air behind her as she waited for Lexa to adjust the machine. Finally Lexa held up a baseball, then fed it to the machine.

Clarke swung as it came towards her, feeling the satisfied thud of the baseball hitting the bat. She watched it sail somewhere out past second base.

She grinned at Lexa, motioning for her to continue.

“So how are the three assets settling in?” She swung at the next ball, getting another satisfying hit.

Lexa reached for another baseball. “Alright I suppose. They’re polite, and don’t mind my odd hours. They’re just happy to be back in civilization, I think. They’ve eaten so much Taco Bell since getting here, I swear.” Lexa paused. “One of them had been there for almost three years. That has to mess with you.”

 _Thwack_.

“I’m sure it does. Do you know what Indra has planned for you when you finally get through all this new data?” Clarke adjusted her stance, swinging her bat around a couple times.

“No idea. I think she’s still unsure of her next steps. She needs to play her cards right if she wants to put Queen behind bars, she’s proceeding cautiously.”

 _Thwack_.

“Smart. Tell her she’s not allowed to send you away for long periods of time anymore. If she does she’ll have to deal with me.”

Lexa smiled as she continued to feed the pitching machine. “As scary as that threat is, technically you’re not allowed to know about any of this.”

“Oh like they don’t know you’ve told me everything.”

 _Thwack_.

Clarke leaned on her bat. “Speaking of, does Octavia still think I don’t know she works for Indra?”

Lexa laughed. “She thinks you’re completely oblivious.”

“She really doesn’t understand our relationship at all.”

“No. But to be fair, you also had the advantage of knowing Lincoln was Indra’s son. You knew the two worked for her before I even had a chance to tell you.”

“Those people severely underestimate me, I swear.”

_Thwack._

Clarke watched the ball fly into the outfield, losing track of it in the night sky. She walked towards Lexa, extending the bat towards her. “Your turn.”

Lexa grinned at her, accepting the bat. “You know this is the exact bat that Bryce Harper likes to use.”

She took a stance at the plate, waiting for Clarke’s pitch 

"So how angry is Aden at me?”

“Oh he’s livid, but he’ll probably forgive you in two minutes and then drag you away to play all the video games he’s stored up. I swear he loves you more than me.”

_Thwack._

“Impossible, I know you love me the most.”

Lexa laughed at Clarke when she wrinkled her nose at her. She grabbed the bat in both hands and shook her head at Clarke. “He adores you, Clarke. He wants to be just like you when he grows up, he told me himself. And he’s got a pretty good shot at turning out amazing, just like his sister. He’s basically a carbon copy of you, I swear.”

“If that’s true, it’s no wonder he loves you so much.”

Lexa retook up her batting stance. “I must have just stumbled upon the secret to the Griffin family’s heart.”

 _Thwack_.

“Yeah, even my cranky Aunt Mary adores you.”

“She’s not that bad.”

“You only say that because somehow you wiggled yourself into her little, old heart.”

“I’m a charmer, what can I say.”

“It’s a good thing you’re sweet and adorable too.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, “We can’t let that get around, Clarke. My reputation as a spy would be in danger.”

“I don’t know, Chuck was kind of an adorable spy too, and he ended up being alright.”

 _Thwack_.

“Only because he had Casey and Sarah with him.”

“I've always thought of Anya as Casey.”

“You know, that comparison isn’t that far off.”

Lexa took one last swing, feeling satisfied at the ringing of the bat that reverberated through her hands and arms. She strolled towards Clarke, who met her halfway.

She grabbed Clarke’s hand, smiling down at her. The two strolled out towards the outfield.

“Dance with me?” Lexa asked, as they wandered onto the slightly snow-covered outfield.

Clarke smiled, stepping close. She rested her arm on Lexa’s shoulder, her hand coming to rest at the back of Lexa’s neck. Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke’s waist, drawing her flush against her. Their hands connected, Lexa hummed as they swayed.

Clarke lifted her eyes to meet Lexa’s, smiling at the warmth and love she saw there.

“In case I haven’t told you lately, I really, really love you.” Lexa whispered lowly.

“I really, really, _really_ love you too, Lexa.”

Lexa planted a kiss on her forehead. “You’re the best person I know, Clarke.”

Clarke let her head rest against Lexa’s shoulder, burying her nose in her neck. She smiled as Lexa shivered at the action.

“Do you ever think about how strange it is, that we found each other so young? Like, sometimes I think that of everyone in the world, you are the most perfect person for me. Soulmates, you know? But how is that even possible? We could have grown up to be so very different, we could have grown up and realized we just didn’t work.” Clarke mumbled into Lexa’s neck, wrapped up in the feeling of familiarity, comfort, and love Lexa offered.

Lexa was humming lowly, she didn’t reply at first, the only acknowledgement she heard Clarke was a squeeze of her hand.

After several minutes, Lexa shifted her head slightly so it was closer to Clarke’s ear. “I don’t know, Clarke. Maybe the universe was doing us a favor. Or maybe, the fact that we knew each other so young was our advantage. Maybe we grew up learning how to love each other, and we grew up in a way that allowed us to do that as best as possible.”

She kissed Clarke’s neck. “You’re the only thing that really makes sense to me, Clarke. You’re my constant, and my love for you is unconditional, non-negotiable, and unlimited.”

Clarke sighed deeply in contentment. “And you’re my world, Lexa Woods.” 

The two girls continued to dance slowly, Lexa humming lowly. Eventually the cold drove them back inside, but not before Clarke kissed Lexa soundly under the stars, taking both their breaths away, even as it filled them both with an unparalleled sense of belonging.

************

“Where’s my girl?” Jake stepped through the opened door, past Raven, booming out his question throughout the apartment.

Clarke popped her head around the corner where she had been cooking in the kitchen. Her parents and Aden were visiting for the weekend, and seeing Lexa again for the first time since she'd gotten back. Lexa had been bouncing off the walls in excitement all day. Literally. Somehow Raven and her had acquired a pogo stick they had insisted on using inside the apartment. They had already broken a lamp, two plant vases, two glasses, and a plate. It’d been a long day.

“Hi dad!”

“Oh hey Clarke! I didn’t know you’d be here.” Clarke rolled her eyes and exited the kitchen.

“Nice to see you too.”

Lexa stepped out of the kitchen where she had been helping Clarke. She gave them an amused smile, eyes sparkling at the sight of her honorary father.

“There she is! My Lexa!” Jake grinned and stepped forward to envelop them both in a big hug.

“Ooof! Hi Jake!” Lexa breathed out, completely wrapped up in Jake’s arms.

Clarke peeked over her dad’s shoulder to see her mother and Aden come strolling through the door, Abby beamed at the three of them.

“Did you sprint up here, dad?” Clarke asked, laughing.

“Maybe,” he replied, drawing out the word.

Abby stepped forward, joining the hug.

“Family hug!” she said as she did so. Clarke smiled at the familiar word. Family hugs were a common occurrence in the Griffin household.

The four stood like that for a while, before they mutually agreed to step back. Abby grabbed Lexa’s face, cupping it with her hands. 

“It’s so good to see you again, sweetheart, we all missed you very much.”

Clarke watched as Lexa fought back tears. She felt a familiar warmth course through her, happy at the sight of Lexa back with the whole Griffin family. She squeezed Lexa’s hand, hoping to help ground her.

It seemed to work, as Lexa blinked back her tears, nodded and replied. “It’s so good to see you too, Abby. You, and Jake, and Aden.”

Clarke almost laughed as Aden stepped up next to Abby, arms crossed and a frown on his face. Lexa very gravely bent over so she could look Aden fully in the eye.

“You were gone for eight months.”

“Yes.”

“That’s a long time.”

“I know, I’m sorry Aden.”

“I’m very angry with you, you know.”

_Jesus, Lexa was right, he is basically a carbon copy of me._

“I know.”

“But I also have a lot of video games stored up for us to play, and I really love you, and I want to hug you, but I want you to know I’m still angry at you so you don’t go and disappear again.”

Lexa nodded, and tilted her head as if considering Aden’s dilemma. “Ok kiddo. How about this, I promise you I won’t disappear like that again, and I’ll let you be first player. Then you can hug me, and we can start tackling that pile of games you have set aside for us. And I’ll help you practice basketball for that All Star team you and Danny are on.”

Aden tilted his head to match Lexa’s, giving her a studious expression. “But I’m always first player.”

“Well, this time I won’t protest it like usual.”

After a minute more of consideration, his face broke out into a wide grin. He threw his arms around Lexa, squeezing her tight. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, bud.”

Clarke smiled at the interaction. She had always been happy to share her family with Lexa. In many ways, the way Lexa interacted with her family, so happy to be a part of it, had only made Clarke fall in love with her more. Sometimes Clarke felt like falling for Lexa had been as inevitable as Clarke’s love for art. In any universe, in any time, Clarke was sure it would always be Lexa. No one else could fit so completely well with her.

“So Clarke keeps denying it, but you’re definitely a spy, right?” Aden leaned back from the hug, giving Lexa a mischievous grin.

“Oh yeah definitely, I even have a badge.”

Clarke’s attention was immediately brought back to the present conversation. “Lexa!”

Lexa looked up innocently. “What?”

“You can’t just tell him you’re a spy!”

“Why not?”

Jake put a hand on Aden’s shoulder and gave Lexa an amused smirk. “Ok buddy, Lexa’s not a spy, definitely not a spy.” He winked at Lexa and Clarke threw her hands up in the air. He gave her a faux innocent expression.

“Hopeless, you guys are hopeless.” She muttered under her breath and turned back towards the kitchen. She had a pork roast to get back to.

She heard her parents and Lexa laughing behind her, and she let a small, contented smile find its way to her face. Things were good, very good indeed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a lot of this in an Icelandic airport, so that was cool. Originally, I wasn't going to have any of Lexa's POV, but I changed my mind and added a bit of it in this chapter. Hope you guys like the chapter. Oh also, I have a tumblr but very rarely use it, but ya'll can hit me up on twitter (@tolkein68) if you so desire.


	5. Shoot the Moon.

“Remind me again why we had to come to this?” Clarke asked lightheartedly, taking in the sight of her extended family gathered around the lake, in various stages of conversation. Clarke and her family had driven down to the Carolinas (where it was still reasonably warm for November) for a family reunion.

“It’s a Griffin family reunion, Clarke, you don’t skip a Griffin family reunion,” Lexa replied, eyes sparkling. Clarke swore Lexa enjoyed these gatherings more than she did, which she supposed was fair considering Lexa’s entire family was either gone or had dropped contact with her. Truthfully, she loved these family reunions as well, even more so because it made Lexa happy to feel like she was part of a family.

“Lexa’s right, you haven’t seen your grandparents since early summer Clarke,” Abby said, balancing a large tray of baked goods in her arms.

“If this is a Griffin family reunion why are your parents here, mom?”

“Joined union, joined families.”

“Double the trouble.” Jake gestured towards where his brother and Abby’s brother were both busy setting up fireworks for later that evening.

Aden bounced up and down in excitement, glancing at his dad for permission to go join them. “Go ahead kiddo, just don’t bring them near any of the grills,” Jake said, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled. Aden took off in a sprint to go join his uncles.

“Look who finally decided to make it!” Jake’s parents strolled up, his dad opening his arms wide for a hug. Like father, like son.

“Abby, so good to see you again! How’s the hospital treating you? Congratulations on the promotion to Chief of Surgery, by the way!”

Abby smiled and hugged her in-laws. “It’s going well, I’m really enjoying the current hospital I’m in. Making the move out here was a great decision.”

Clarke glanced at Lexa, gauging her reaction. On the outside, she looked rather relaxed and happy, but Clarke saw the slightest twinge of guilt flash across her face.

Clarke reached down and took her hand, catching Lexa’s eye as she did so.

_Stop feeling guilty._

Lexa shrugged. _I can’t help it._

Clarke rolled her eyes, giving a nod towards her parents and grandparents. _You heard her, moving here was a great decision. We’re all happy here._

_You were happy in California, too._

_I’m happy with you._ Clarke’s eyes grew soft, and she stroked her thumb across Lexa’s knuckles, then brought Lexa’s hand up to kiss it gently.

“It’s not polite to have silent conversations in front of others, you know.” Clarke’s head snapped over to where her grandpa was standing, hands on hips, and an amused smile playing across his face.

He opened up his arms and engulfed Clarke and Lexa in a hug, “It’s good to see you kiddos!” Clarke gasped for breath, squeezed tightly in her grandpa’s bear hug.

“Grandpa I can’t breathe!” She tapped her grandpa’s arm, and he stepped back with a booming laugh.

“Donald give them some room!” Her grandma stepped up next to him, giving both Clarke and Lexa a quick hug separately.

“It’s so good to see you two!” Grandma Florence smiled sweetly at them, stroking Clarke’s hair and then glancing at Lexa, eyeing her up and down.

“Oh my dear you’re so skinny! Did they not feed you in Russia?” She clucked her tongue and shook her head. “I’m going to have to have a word with your program director, what was her name again, Indra?”

Lexa’s eyes twinkled and she gave Clarke a small, amused smile.

 _Don’t you dare._ Clarke narrowed her eyes at Lexa.

“Yes, that’s right, Indra. I’ll have to give you her contact details, I’m sure she’d love to hear from you. The service was really terrible in my program, it was torturous, really.”

Clarke’s grandma frowned. “That’s awful, you’d think IBM would have better service for its interns. Especially when they’re doing such important work out there. I’ll have to have a strong word with this director of yours.”

“That’s so sweet of you, thank you.” Lexa smiled, ignoring Clarke’s disapproving glare.

“Florence, where would you like me to put these?” Abby stepped up, nodding at the food she was carrying.

“Oh of course, follow me dear!” Florence and Abby walked off towards a picnic table. Meanwhile, Jake and her grandpa were already engaged in some sports talk.

Clarke turned towards Lexa. “You’re such a brat. Besides, I already gave Indra a piece of my mind, she doesn’t need Grandma doing the same.”

“A brat you’re in love with,” Lexa said, encircling Clarke with her arms and drawing her close. She grinned down at her, and Clarke quirked an eyebrow.

“How did that happen again? Did you sneak me a love potion or something?”

“It’s called charms, and I have plenty of them.” Lexa leaned down, nudging her nose against Clarke’s, before kissing her sweetly.

“There’s my favorite lesbian couple!” The two were interrupted by Clarke’s other grandma, Emma.

She grinned at them cheekily, eyes twinkling at their PDA.

“I’m bi, grandma. You know this.” 

Her grandma just rolled her eyes, “Yes dear.” She gave them both a tight hug, ruffling their hair.

“So good to see you again, Lexa, you were gone for quite a while. I hope IBM doesn’t plan on stealing you away again anytime soon.”

Lexa smiled up at Grandma Emma affectionately. “Not anytime soon, I plan on being back for a while, hopefully.” 

Grandma clapped her hands together. “Great! So when are you two planning on getting married?”

“Grandma! I’m nineteen!”

She gave Clarke an innocent expression. “So? I was married and had a kid on the way by then.”

“No you didn’t grandma, you can’t fool me with your stories anymore.”

Grandma Emma huffed, throwing her hands up. “Well excuse me for wanting a little great-grandchild running around here. I’m not getting any younger, dear.”

“Grandma, Chris and Natalie literally just had a baby. You already have little great-grandchildren running around here, well crawling.”  Clarke raised her eyebrows at her grandma, elbowing Lexa when she snickered behind her.

She shot her a glare, _don’t encourage her._

Lexa raised her hands innocently, smirk still in place.

“Yes, but you and Lexa would have the most beautiful children. It would make all the ladies at my robotics club so jealous.”

“You know how lesbian sex works, right grandma?”

Abby suddenly came up, giving her mother a side-hug. “Don’t worry mom, I’ve already explored all the baby options, I’m very prepared for whenever Clarke and Lexa are ready for children.”

“Mom!”

“What? I want grandchildren too! Besides, Lexa says you want ten children.”

Clarke turned towards Lexa, who had her gaze raised upwards, rubbing the back of her neck. “Lexa!”

“And don’t worry, dear, Jake and Aden already have your wedding all planned out. I hope you’re okay with fire-breathers being there.” Abby added, giving her mom a high-five without looking.

Clarke threw her hands up. “I am literally a freshman guys, nineteen years old. Just started college, Lex and I aren’t getting married for a while yet.”

“Well, when you do, we’re prepared.” Abby smiled, giving Lexa a wink.

Lexa laughed, hugging Clarke from behind. She rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder and gave them an amused smile. “That’s very sweet of all of you, when Clarke and I do get married all of this pre-planning will be very much appreciated.”

Clarke relaxed against Lexa, rolling her eyes one last time at the pair. “Just maybe no fire-breathers, ok?”

Lexa pouted. “It’ll break Aden’s heart.”

“He’ll have to deal.”

“Clarrkkkkkeeee,” Lexa nuzzled Clarke’s neck, whining.

Clarke laughed at the ticklish feeling. “Lexa stop.”

It was Abby and Emma’s turn to roll their eyes at the pair. “Ok, I’m getting out of here before the serious PDA starts.” Grandma Emma gave the pair a wink and linked arms with her daughter, strolling away.

Clarke craned her neck to look up at Lexa, who was still hugging her from behind. “Have you been talking to my Grandma again?”

Lexa raised an eyebrow. “Every week. She’s very adamant, by the way, on helping me with my proposal when it, I quote, ‘finally fucking happens.’”

Clarke pouted. “What if I want to propose?”

“Darling, we all know I’ll be the one to propose.”

“Oh, and why is that?”

“Because Grandma Emma already wrote it that way on yours and mine’s life biography that she’s writing.”

“Wait what?” Clarke shook her head, blonde hair swirling as she did so. “You know what, I don’t want to know. All I can picture now is my grandma writing sex scenes in our life biography, which doesn’t even make sense. Who writes sex scenes in a biography?” Clarke shuddered. 

Lexa laughed, squeezing tight and resting her chin on Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke entwined their hands, breathing in deeply. She ran her fingers along Lexa’s long, calloused fingers, smiling as she drew a heart on the back of Lexa’s hands.

Clarke hummed in contentment at the feeling of Lexa holding her tightly as she watched the rest of her family in their various activities.

Natalie, Clarke’s Aunt, was running after her oldest child. Five-year-old Maren who had somehow acquired a fake arm and was running up to people screaming “let me give you a hand” and then subsequently slapping them with the fake hand. 

“Hey you gays!” Clarke and Lexa turned towards Clarke’s Uncle Jim, who held a pair of badminton rackets in his hands. “Get a move on, it’s badminton time!”

Clarke groaned. “I hate my family.”

Lexa chuckled, “No you don’t. Now let’s go crush Uncle Jim and his half-blind husband.”

Clarke reached up and gave Lexa a resounding high-five. “To battle, boo.”

*********

The bar was warm, and Raven gladly strode inside to their designated booth. She plopped down beside Octavia, shaking off the last remnants of snow clinging onto her.

“Hey!” Octavia scowled at her, looking down at the snow now covering her shoulder.

“You always do say I need to learn to share more.” Raven smirked at Octavia, eagerly accepting the beer Harper offered her.

“Your Mexican hot chocolate. I really just want you to share your Mexican hot chocolate with me.”

“That stuff is like gold, I’m not sharing it with you.”

Octavia flicked her fingers against Raven’s head. “Bad Raven, Raven needs to learn to share.”

Raven turned to glare at Octavia, “You have about two seconds to knock it off Blake, or I swear I’ll set your pants on fire so fast you won’t have time to say ‘damn Raven is one sexy beast.’”

Bellamy rolled his eyes at the two, “Oh knock it off children.”

“Yes dad,” they chanted in unison back to him.

“Where’s Lexa and Clarke?” Murphy and Finn strolled up, joining the already fully assembled group, minus Lexa and Clarke.

“I thought we were going to the late ones,” Finn added, sliding into the booth.

Harper shrugged, “Clarke was at Lexa’s all day. She said they’d meet us here at 9:00.”

“It’s 9:30.”

“You never know with those two, they’re like the most openly secretive couple I know,” Octavia replied, taking a swig of her own beer.

Raven grabbed her own beer, taking a large swallow. Truthfully, Lexa and Clarke’s relationship made her uneasy. Not because there was anything wrong with it, quite the opposite, actually. In fact, Raven was pretty sure it was the most perfect relationship she had ever seen. And that scared her.

Raven had never believed in love. To her, love was simply lust and misplaced affection. A word made up to justify people’s actions and thousands of cliché Hollywood films. She had never believed in it, and had never seen anything to contradict it.

She wasn’t so callous as to believe that people didn’t truly care for others, after all she cared for everyone currently sitting at this booth. She cared very deeply. She cared for her parents, and her two siblings. But love, the romantic love people found in another person. She wasn’t sure love in that deep, selfless, all-consuming vein truly existed.

Then she met Clarke, and shortly after that, she met Lexa. And she saw the power couple that was Lexa and Clarke. And everything she believed was upended. Because how could she deny that kind of love existed when it was staring her right in the face.

Every relationship she had ever witnessed, other than Octavia and Lincoln’s, had supported her theory. Her parents divorced when she was twelve, her grandparents had hated each other. She had witnessed the drama that unfolded when her eighth grade teacher found out her husband had cheated on her. Not to mention her bitter high school principal who hated his ex-wife, and the plethora of failed high school flings in her old high school.

Raven had flirted with love once, she dated a boy with good charms, nice clothes, and supposedly loving parents. But then she found out he had cheated on her almost the entire time they were together. The icing on the cake? Raven later discovered that his parents were both cheating on each other. Like parents, like son, she supposed. She swore off love then, and nothing had made her question her decision since.

But Lexa and Clarke, god Lexa and Clarke were unbearable. Sometimes at dinner Raven would find them having silent conversations with each other, communicating through miniscule facial expressions and mouthed words. And they snuggled during movies, and Lexa brought Clarke little gifts every goddamn time they met up. And Clarke left Lexa adorable little notes, and would sometimes drive all the way out to D.C. to bring her food.

And Lexa listened when Clarke talked about, literally, anything. She remembered everything, and said I love you every time she said goodbye. And when Lexa had a particularly difficult day, Clarke held her tight, and murmured things Raven could never understand, but somehow always ended up relaxing Lexa. And they teased each other, and gave each other cheesy soft smiles, and Raven had never seen love displayed so openly and intimately before.

It belied everything Raven had ever witnessed. It made her believe in universe-guided love stories, in the ability for two souls to connect at a level that made the very stars themselves shine in happiness. It made Raven want the same thing, and so very positive she wouldn’t be able to find it. After all, how could love like that exist except once in a wandering blue moon?

It was Lexa and Clarke themselves that drew Raven out of her angsty thoughts. They stomped up, shaking the snow off their coats and hats.

“Ayyyyy! About time you two showed up!” Harper brushed her hand through her hair, giving the pair a confused look. “What’s with the watermelons?”

Clarke beamed at the group, while Lexa simply looked grumpy about the two large watermelons in her arms.

“We saw the best deal on watermelons while we were driving here! It’s why we’re so late,” Clarke replied enthusiastically.

“Clarke took thirty minutes picking out ten watermelons. Ten. What the hell are we going to do with ten watermelons?” Lexa addressed the last question to the whole group, giving them an exasperated look. She set the watermelons down on the table carefully.

“They were buy one get one free, Lexa! How was I supposed to let that deal pass?” Clarke looked positively aghast at the suggestion that she would.

“Well, Harper dislikes red fruit, Jasper’s allergic, and Lincoln simply doesn’t like it. So the others better step up and eat a LOT of watermelon.” Lexa gave the group a serious look, as if daring them to contradict her.

“How were you two planning on cutting this watermelon up, anyway?” Jasper looked at the fruit, scooching back slightly.

In the blink of an eye Lexa whipped out a large knife, brandishing it carefully.

“OH MY GOD SHE HAS A KNIFE!”

“Dude, where did you even store that?”

“WHAT THE HELL WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM?”

“Jesus careful with it.”

“Is that German steel?” Everyone turned to Octavia at her question. She shrugged, “I like knives too, ok.”

Lexa took in the group’s responses with an amused smirk, before driving the knife into the watermelon suddenly, causing the entire group of students to jump back in the booth. Clarke calmly grabbed a napkin from a nearby table to wipe up excessive juice.

“Are you going to just cut that up right here?” Finn looked at her in disbelief.

“It’s why we brought it in here.”

“Ok people!” Jasper held up his hand dramatically, gaining the group’s attention. “Just no throwing this at people’s faces, ok?”

The group laughed and Lexa continued with her watermelon butchering. Clarke took a seat as she did so.

“You guys are seriously the weirdest couple I know, and I’ve known Jasper and Monty for years,” Harper gave Clarke a shake of her head.

Jasper and Monty gave themselves self-high-fives. “Did you hear that Monty? We’re the second weirdest couple Harper knows.”

“Dude we need to up our game,” Monty replied, pursing his lips thoughtfully at the watermelons. “Do you still have that weird unicorn robot thing, our batman onesies, and neon paint?”

Jasper leaned forward eagerly, “Absolutely, what do you have planned?”

“Okkkkkk, I don’t want to know what freaktastic place that conversation was going, so how about you tell us about your latest date, instead, Finn.”

Finn slumped in his seat. “It went alright, but I don’t think we’ll go out again.”

Raven gave him a confused look. “I thought you were crazy about this girl?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know, I just don’t think we connected on a deep level, you know?”

Clarke leaned forward, “Wait. Is this the same girl from last week? What was her name, Haley?”

Finn shook his head, “Oh no, that was someone else. That didn’t work out either.”

Raven suppressed a laugh as Bellamy patted him on the back sympathetically. Finn and his soulmate search. TLC should really get on top of that.

Lexa finished her butchering of the watermelon, and quickly cleaned up the excess juice. She left with her knife, and returned a few minutes later with it hidden…somewhere.

Raven watched with a strange sense of fascination as Lexa slid in next to Clarke and wrapped her arm around Clarke’s shoulder. She absentmindedly slid her fingers up and down Clarke’s arm, occasionally setting her chin on Clarke’s head.

The two were very rarely not connected by some kind of physical contact. It was either them holding hands, or cuddling, or hugging, or kissing. You’d think after being together for so long they’d lose some of that, but apparently not these two.

Clarke caught Raven’s eyes, and gave her a questioning look. Raven just shrugged and wiggled her eyebrows at the two.

Clarke smirked and then tilted her head to give Lexa a kiss on the chin. Lexa visibly melted at the action, smiling goofily down at Clarke. Raven pretended to gag at the sight. It actually didn’t require much effort, these two were seriously so disgustingly cute. 

She turned her attention back to the conversation, Harper was telling some story from high school.

“-if I’d known signing up for the event required wearing a large, gross moose mascot costume all day I would have ran the other way so fast Officer Benjamin would have given me a speeding ticket. But I didn’t, so I was forced to wear this moose costume all day. I accidentally poked someone in the eye with my moose antlers, and that person had to literally go to the hospital! Unfortunately for me, that person was my crush. He had a huge, puffy, red eye at his graduation party.”

The whole group burst out laughing as Harper shook her head, clearly still dismayed at the memory.

“It’s ok Harper, I’m pretty sure he didn’t even know it was you in the moose costume,” Octavia said, suppressing her laughter.

“Actually, I’m pretty sure he didn’t even know you existed,” Jasper added.

“Hey!” Harper grabbed a piece of watermelon and threw it at his face.

Jasper threw his arms up, “Hey! I’m allergic! Remember?” He gave Harper a shake of his head. “Do you just have a thing for sending people to the hospital?”

Harper groaned, as the rest of the table laughed.  Raven smiled, she remembered that day well. Secretly, she had been happy about the whole ordeal, she had never liked the guy that Harper had a crush on. She had always felt Harper deserved better.

She glanced back towards Clarke and Lexa. Lexa was whispering something in Clarke’s ear, and Clarke’s eyes were laughing at whatever Lexa was saying. Raven frowned. Maybe they all deserved better than cliché tough high school macho guy. Maybe they all deserved something like what Clarke and Lexa had.

Raven only hoped that maybe someday, she would.

**********

Clarke’s eyes flew open, just as Lexa let out a muttered _fuck_.

She squinted her eyes in confusion, turning towards Lexa who had thrown an arm over her head, groaning.

She turned her head just as another round of bangs and clanks resounded from the kitchen. “What the hell?”

Lexa groaned again, “I think Raven’s in the kitchen again.”

Clarke shook her head, reaching for her phone, “It’s 3:00 in the morning.”

She let her phone drop back onto the side table and scooted closer to Lexa.

She buried her face into Lexa’s shoulder, letting Lexa wrap her arm around her and draw her close.

“I should check on her,” Clarke mumbled into Lexa’s shoulder.

“Mmmmm,” Lexa wrapped her other arm around Clarke, scooting down so their foreheads were connected.

“I love you.” Lexa kissed her, letting her tongue run along Clarke’s bottom lip.

Clarke hummed, and opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. She swung her leg over Lexa, straddling her as she ran her hands along Lexa’s sides.

Lexa squeezed her ass with both her hands and Clarke moaned into the kiss. She broke away and began peppering kisses along Lexa’s jawline.

“You’re just trying to distract me so I don’t leave,” Clarke mumbled, attaching her lips to Lexa’s pulse point, nipping at it before soothing the bite with her tongue.

“Is it working?”

Clarke let her hands roam under Lexa’s shirt. She brushed her fingers against Lexa’s already erect nipple. “Mmmmm, I think so.”

Another crash from the kitchen broke them out of the moment, and Clarke let her head fall onto Lexa’s chest with a groan.

“Damnit Raven.”

Lexa chuckled, and maneuvered them so they were lying side-by-side again. “You should go see what’s bothering her.”

“She did seem a bit off at the bar.”

Lexa hummed, tucking strands of hair behind Clarke’s ear before kissing her gently on the forehead. Clarke sighed softly, bring her hand up to stroke Lexa’s cheek softly.

“I love you.”

Lexa answered with a soft, lingering kiss.

With another deep sigh, Clarke got out of bed, finding some pajama pants to throw on. “You know, this is what it will be like when we have kids.” She stuck her tongue out at Lexa as she threw on a sweatshirt.

“I’ll take next time,” Lexa said as she grabbed Clarke’s pillow and buried her head in it. Clarke turned to leave, chuckling softly at the adorably sprawled out Lexa as she exited the bedroom quietly.

She walked into the kitchen, where sure enough, Raven stood scowling at the stove as if it had come to life and eaten her last toaster strudel.

“Hey Rae, what’s up?”

Raven turned towards Clarke, startled at her entrance. “Oh Clarke, did I wake you?”

Clarke chuckled, “It sounded like you were recreating the climatic battle scene in Return of the Jedi in here.”

Raven looked at her guiltily, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep and then I was hungry. I thought I would try cooking something, but I’ve just now remembered that I don’t actually know how to cook.”

Clarke walked up and opened the refrigerator. She grabbed some cheese and butter, and placed it on the counter.

“You know, Lexa has trouble sleeping alone too. She doesn’t tell me when it’s particularly bad, but I can tell when it is. She does this thing when she’s running on several nights of no sleep. She types out morse code with her fingers, I think it helps ground her mind. You do something similar, you tinker with things in your hand.”

Raven glanced down to where she was playing with a fork. She glanced back up towards Clarke who was busy buttering bread.

“Why does she have trouble sleeping?” Raven asked, putting down the fork.

Clarke paused, lost in thought for a moment. She finally glanced back towards Raven. “She doesn’t forget anything. She can recall any memory with perfect clarity, even the traumatic ones. It’s so commonplace for us, I think we forget that the power to forget is a blessing just as much as the power to remember.”

Clarke placed the buttered pieces of bread in a frying pan and turned the stovetop on.

“At night, her mind plays back those memories, and no matter how hard she tries, the bad ones seem to find their way in. It’s been worse since she got back.”

Raven nodded, picking up the fork again.

“So why haven’t you been sleeping?” Clarke turned towards Raven, spatula in hand.

Raven shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Clarke nodded. “Fair enough.” She flipped the bread. “Something’s been bothering you though, why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”

Raven rubbed the back of her neck, “I’m not sure I can talk to you about it.”

Clarke laughed softly. “Rae, I know we haven’t known each other long, but you can tell me anything.” She caught Raven’s eye, pointing the spatula at her for emphasis. “Anything.”

Raven sighed, tapping the fork rapidly against her hand. “I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.

Clarke flipped the bread onto a plate, handing Raven a perfectly made grilled cheese sandwich. She grabbed some ketchup from the fridge and handed it to Raven.

She took a seat across from Raven. “Try me.”

Raven spread some ketchup on her sandwich, taking a big bite while she thought about her answer. Finally she swallowed and looked at Clarke.

“It’s about you and Lexa.”

Clarke looked at her in surprise. “Oh? What do you mean?”

Raven sighed. “It’s just, you and Lexa are like, the perfect couple, and I guess seeing that makes me question everything I thought I knew about love and whether I wanted a relationship or not. Before, I was so sure I would never want anything like that, but now, watching you two, I want nothing more than to have something like what you have.”

Clarke nodded thoughtfully, leaning her head onto her hand as she examined Raven. “I’m going to give you a little bit of a speech now, is that ok?”

Raven took another bite of her sandwich and shrugged.

“Ok, first of all, Raven you don’t have to ever, ever, EVER worry about there being someone out there who can love you, ok? You’re literally one of the smartest, kindest, funniest, and overall amazing persons I’ve ever met. I have no doubt you’re going to meet someone someday who will appreciate you for who you are, in all your sexy glory. Secondly, Lexa and I, we have our own special and unique love because we’re us. And you’re going to have your own special and unique love because you’re you. I have no doubt in this. Whoever ends up with you will be one lucky bastard.” 

Raven smiled, ducking her head, as she played with her fork. “Thanks Clarke.”

Clarke stood up straight, coming round to give Raven a hug. “I mean it, Rae, you’re one of the best. I’d choose you any day.”

Raven hugged Clarke back tightly. “I think we were pretty lucky, getting you as a roommate, Clarke.”

“Damn right, ya’ll would starve without me.”

Raven laughed. “You’re not wrong.”

Clarke pulled back, looking Raven in the eye. “Are you going to be ok?”

Raven nodded, “Yeah, yeah I think so.”

“Good, good. I’m going to head back to bed, you should too.”

Raven nodded, suddenly looking quite tired. “Yeah, I think I will. Thanks Clarke.”

Clarke nodded, “Anytime. Good night Raven.”

“Good night Clarke.”

Clarke made her way back into her bedroom, smiling at the sight of a sleeping Lexa. She still had her head buried in Clarke’s pillow, and was sprawled across practically the whole bed.

Clarke climbed carefully back into bed, nudging Lexa over onto her side of the bed.

Lexa mumbled as Clarke stroked her hair, trying to wake her enough to let go of the pillow.

Lexa peeked up at her, one eye still tightly closed shut. “Dudughetnevethtjdewo?”

Clarke laughed, scooting under the covers. “What was that?”

Lexa moved over to wrap herself around Clarke. This girl, god she was adorable.

“Did you work everything out?”

“I think so. She was having trouble sleeping because, apparently, she was worried she’d never be able to

find anything as, I quote, ‘perfect’ as our relationship.”

Lexa yawned. “Did you tell her about the time I accidentally broke your nose?”

“Huh, no I didn’t even think of that. You’ll have to tell her that one.”

“Ugh no she’d never let me live it down. I still get daily memes from her regarding my attempted high school breakup with you.”

“I think you welcomed that pain upon yourself.”

“No one deserves the, frankly, grossly excessive amount of Raven Reyes’ memes, Clarke. No one.”

Clarke chuckled, tangling her legs with Lexa’s.

“Did you reassure her?” Lexa asked.

“I did.”

“Good, because she deserves the best, and one day she’ll find someone who can only attempt to be so.”

“I know.”

“I love you to fucking Pluto and back, Clarke Griffin.”

Clarke smiled, letting out a yawn before snuggling close to Lexa. “I love you too, Lexa Woods,” she breathed out, before letting herself drift back off to sleep, barely registering the soft “I love you” kiss Lexa placed on her forehead.

**********

Lexa sat staring outside at the snow-laden street. She tapped her fingers rhythmically against the table as she watched the people passing by. Everyone was in a rather big hurry today, but she supposed that was fair considering the rather cold weather today.

“Good morning, Lexa, can I get you a cup of coffee?” Lexa glanced up where a rather tall, buff, bespectacled older man stood.

Lexa stood to greet him. Giving him a firm handshake. “Good morning Daniel, a coffee would be greatly appreciated.”

He clapped his hands together, giving Lexa a practiced smile. “Great! What would you like?”

“Just black is fine, thank you.”

Daniel nodded. “Very good, I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Lexa sighed and retook her seat, back to the wall, eyesight on the door and window. A good vantage seat. Anya had taught her well.

Daniel returned shortly, cheerfully placing a cup of coffee down before Lexa. “There you go.” He took a seat across from her, raising an eyebrow. “And how are you today, Lexa?”

“Just fine, thanks Daniel. How are you?”

Daniel smiled, nodding. “Oh just fantastic, Emily had a dance recital last night, she was just beautiful dancing up there in her little ballet shoes. Want to see a picture?”

Lexa smiled and nodded politely. Truthfully, Daniel did have the cutest little ten-year-old. She was both insanely polite, but incredibly mischievous, a girl after Lexa’s heart.

Daniel reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, unlocking it to show Lexa a few photos that Lexa appropriately cooed at. He eventually put his phone away with a proud smile on his face and leaned back.

“And how’s that girlfriend of yours, Lexa?”

Lexa knew Daniel already knew all about Clarke. But he was trying to be polite. She could afford to humor him, for now. Besides, Clarke was her favorite topic of conversation.

Lexa reached for her own phone, pulling it out. “She’s fantastic, she was accepted into John Hopkins actually. She’s doing a Biophysics major, it’ll be a good major for her considering she wants to be a doctor someday.” Lexa turned her phone around, showing Daniel a photo of her and Clarke.

It was taken recently, at a John Hopkins football match. The entire gang had attended, pre-gaming quite hard at a tailgate party. The photo showed Clarke on Lexa’s back, smiling enthusiastically at Lexa as Lexa laughed into the camera. Lexa adored the photo, both of them looked so completely happy. 

Daniel smiled at the photo, genuinely. “You both look very happy.”

“We were.”

“You must be very proud of her.”

“I am.”

Daniel nodded, leaning back, studying her. “You and Clarke are a unique couple, from what I hear. Anya says you’re both extremely and grossly in love, her words not mine.” He rubbed his chin as he examined her.

“You know, I’ve seen a lot of agents come through this agency, many of them in relationships. Those relationships often don’t work out.”

Lexa took a sip of her coffee, waiting for Daniel to continue, but he seemed willing to wait for a response.

“You and your wife, Helen, worked out alright. Fourteen years of marriage, that’s something to be celebrated,” Lexa pointed out.

Daniel nodded. “We’ve been together since our first year of college. It’s always been Helen for me. And I suspect you know why we’ve worked so well together these last twenty years, despite my job. There seems to be little you don’t know, Lexa.”

“And I suspect you know that Clarke and I work for many of the same reasons as yours.”

Daniel pursed his lips, his bushy eyebrows knotting together above his spectacles. “Your honesty with Clarke puts her in danger, you know.”

“No more so than yours with Helen did.”

“I just want you to fully understand what you’re doing. I didn’t want a future without Helen in it, I wouldn’t have done anything to risk that. And I knew I could trust her.”

Lexa scowled at Daniel. “If you don’t think I can trust Clarke, completely, or that Clarke isn’t it for me, then you gravely misunderstand my relationship with her. I gave my heart to Clarke years ago, signed sealed, delivered. And no matter how much my soul seems to continue to be sucked away by this agency, my heart is completely hers. And I trust her absolutely with it.”

Daniel adjusted his glasses, his face relaxing. “That’s all I needed to hear Lexa.”

He reached down to his briefcase, pulling out a manila file. “Now, to the unfortunate business before us. Indra has put together a plan she thinks will allow us to take Queen down. You’ve been with us since the beginning on this particular case, which is why we’ve trusted you so fully, despite my gut instincts at times.”

Lexa huffed but Daniel plowed on.

“We’re sending you to Manama where Queen is attending a series of meetings we believe are a part of the nefarious side of their business dealings. As in, these are people they’re using to manipulate the market through terrorism and violence. We were able to track these meetings thanks to the information from one of the assets you rescued, Lexa.”

Lexa leaned forward suddenly, heartrate spiking. “You can’t send me away, Daniel, I just got back.”

“This is your job, Lexa. It won’t be a long trip, just a few days.”

 “And Russia was only supposed to be a few weeks,” Lexa spit out.

“That was an exception, I promise you it will never happen again. You’ll be getting full disclosure of every mission before you set out.”

“I can’t take your promises for anything, Daniel.”

Daniel sighed, adjusting his glasses. “I’m not your enemy, Lexa. The CIA isn’t the people’s enemy despite what people think.”

Lexa leaned back, clenching her jaw tightly. “Prince Nasser from Bahrain has been accused of participating in torture, you know. In fact, the whole regime has been highly criticized by human rights organizations, including Human Rights Watch. And yet despite this, Prince Nasser continues on with his life, with no consequences for his actions. He’s a torturer, Daniel. And he’s treated as royalty wherever he goes.”

Daniel rubbed his forehead. “I know all this Lexa, what does this have to do with Queen?”

“It has nothing to do with her, Daniel. The CIA has a long history of working with dictators, torturers, and overall ‘bad guys’ to serve their own purpose. There’s a reason people don’t trust the CIA. I’ve seen your classified files, Daniel, don’t try lying to me.”

Daniel clenched his own jaw, staring Lexa down. “I’m doing what I can as director of the CIA to make this world better. I’m doing what I can to make this agency better. You can help me, Lexa. You can work with me instead of fighting me at every turn.”

“I don’t have much of a choice, Daniel, it’s either work for you or be sent away. Who knows, maybe back to Russia.”

Daniel leaned forward, eyes blazing. “That’s right, Lexa. You work with us because it was the best goddamn deal you were going to get. You committed treason, Lexa, the US doesn’t treat that crime lightly. With us, you get a chance to live free. You get to be with Clarke. You get to make a difference, save lives.”

Lexa scowled back, unfazed by Daniel’s speech. “Clarke saves lives. I take them. You want to know how many people I killed in Russia? Thirty-seven. Thirty-seven people, and I remember each and every single one. Clarke is good, and she is loving, and she doesn’t deserve to live with someone like me. But she doesn’t seem to care about that, for someone reason she loves me despite all my flaws. And I can’t help but feel unworthy of that love. I have blood on my hands, Daniel, and not just from Russia.”

Daniel leaned back, eyes calming. He studied Lexa, jaw working back and forth. He took a deep breath, taking off his glasses.

“You’re a good person, Lexa.” He put up a hand to stop Lexa interrupting him. “You are. You think the CIA was only interested in your unique set of skills, and truth be told, you’re right. We couldn’t let a gem like you go to waste, no matter how incompetent you made us look. But more than that, I saw in you a good person. Whether you believe it or not, we do good work here. Queen is responsible for hundreds of deaths, and your work, it will help save hundreds of more lives.”

His eyes suddenly became, surprisingly, kind. “I am sorry about what happened in Russia. My hands were tied in that decision. You were the best person for that job. You broke out of our most secure prison to prove a point, goddamnit. But for what little worth it is, Lexa, I am sorry.”

Lexa gazed back out the window, taking in Daniel’s words. “You don’t trust me, though.”

“I would be stupid to do so.”

“Yes, I suppose so. But despite that, you need me. Don’t act like you were doing me a favor, Daniel. I did what I did because I knew the CIA couldn’t ignore me. There was no way you were going to lock me up and throw away the key, it would have been too embarrassing for you. I agreed to this deal because of one reason only.”

Lexa gave Daniel a piercing look. “Clarke. It was the best deal for Clarke and I. You wouldn’t have done anything to jeopardize your relationship with Helen. I won’t do that with Clarke either. Do you understand?”

Daniel gave her an unreadable expression. “I understand, Lexa. I do.”

Lexa’s face softened. Despite her best instincts, she actually rather liked Daniel. She knew he was trying to do his best. “Thank you Daniel.”

Daniel finished his coffee, giving Lexa a small smile. “I meant what I said, Lexa. You are a good person. And you are helping us do _good_ work.”

Lexa suddenly felt extremely tired. “My nightmares say otherwise.”

Daniel rested his hand on hers reassuringly. “The nightmares of the night hold nothing to the truth of the day.”

He stood up, gathering his coat. “Give Indra my best, and tell Clarke I appreciated her rather strongly worded letter, and that I hope she is doing well.”

Lexa gave him a wide-eyed look, and Daniel smiled at her.

“Your girlfriend is rather feisty. I’d like to meet her in person someday. Helen thinks I should invite you two over for dinner when you get back from Manama. I rather agree with her.” He gave her a nod when he finished buttoning his coat. “Good day Lexa.”

“Good day Daniel.” Lexa watched him leave, slightly stunned. Fucking Clarke. Lexa shook her head. Fucking perfect Clarke.

**********

“Hey kid, heard about the new assignment.” Anya took a seat at the edge of Lexa’s desk. Lexa sighed and pushed back her glasses as she leaned back.

“Yeah, he wants to send me to Manama.”

“Tough break. But travelling is part of the job, you know.” Anya gave her a sympathetic look as she crossed her arms.

“Yeah, I know. I was hoping they’d give me a few more weeks back before sending me into the field again. I hardly feel ready for a new assignment, even if it just recon.”

Anya frowned. “I’m surprised Indra gave the clearance for it, honestly. But Daniel is usually pretty insistent when he wants assignments done a certain way.”

Lexa grunted, twirling a pen around in her fingers. “We had an interesting conversation today.”

Anya raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Apparently Clarke sent him a strongly worded letter.”

Anya snorted, “Atta girl.”

Lexa chuckled. “He wants to have us over for dinner when I get back from Manama.”

“He likes you, a lot. I think he sees himself in you.”

“I think he was trying to reassure me Manama wasn’t Russia all over again.”

“He wouldn’t do that.”

Lexa shrugged. “I can’t predict what Daniel will or won’t do. You should see his CIA file, he’s dabbled in everything, and he has a strong record of unpredictability. His field reports are insane. I see patterns in everything, and I have yet to establish one for his behavior.”

Anya shook her head. “Lexa, you seriously need to stop with the peeking into classified files.”

“The only reason I’m still allowed in is because Daniel wants me there, Anya. He’s trying to play a long game here.”

Anya grunted. “Perhaps, or he’s just ignoring your willful indigence because you’re too valuable of an asset.”

“Perhaps.” Lexa out a loud sigh, tossing her pen back onto the desk where she had been thoroughly analyzing the file on the Manama meetings. 

“Sounds like you need a break.”

“I thought this is what that was.”

“Oh no, this was me recruiting you for a round of shoot the moon. I need to shoot something. Something that isn’t fucking Greggs, fucking rookies. I don’t know how I deal with these babies. Who decided I was going to be rookie trainer of the week?”

Lexa smirked. “You’re terrifying and know how to whip them into shape, there’s no one better for the job. Who’s playing?”

Anya growled. “Didn’t seem to work on you, you little shit. Robbie, Allen, and Luna.”

“That’s because very little terrifies me. Well I’m down as long as McGregor isn’t playing. His concoctions are the worst.”

“Indra’s on his case about some analytical data regarding Syria, he doesn’t have time to play.”

“Perfect.” Lexa stood up, locking up the file and her computer. “Let’s go.”

The two made their way down to the shooting range, passing Octavia on their way. Octavia gave the pair a nod, heading towards Indra’s office. Lexa suddenly stopped and grabbed Octavia’s arm.

“Blake, feel down for some target practice?” Anya shot her a look. “What, she’s pretty cool for a rookie. Might be good to get her initiated in our ways.”

Octavia looked both extremely pleased and slightly uneasy. “I don’t know if I can, I have to report to Indra.”

“Just tell Indra I invited you down for some target practice, to get to know the team a bit better. She’ll send you down.”

Octavia nodded, looking extremely excited. “Yeah, yeah sounds great! I’ll be right down!”

She scampered off eagerly and Anya gave Lexa a dry look. Lexa shrugged. “What, like I said, she’s not bad.”

Anya just rolled her eyes and moved on, mumbling something under her breath about Lexa’s uselessness.

Lexa just smiled, following Anya. The two made their way down the stairs to the target practice room where Robbie, Allen, and Luna were already waiting for them.

Robbie gave them a grin. “About time you two chatty cathies made it down here. Ready to be obliterated by my superior shooting skills?”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Robbie you’ve literally never won a shooting contest.”

“Doesn’t mean it won’t happen someday, I’ve been practicing.”

Allen grunted. “I don’t think Call of Duty counts.”

“It so does!” Robbie looked towards Luna for support.

“Don’t look at me, I have a 37% success rate, right behind Lexa and Anya. I have nothing to worry about.”

“Statistics,” Anya grumbled, “They’re the worst type of people.”

Luna gave her a cheeky wink. “You’re just sore a statistician can give you a run for you money miss field agent hot-shot.”

Allen rolled his eyes. “Let’s go people. Bottoms up.”

“We have to wait for Blake, she’ll be down in a couple minutes.”

Allen gave Lexa a look of disbelief. “You invited a rookie?" 

“She has to be initiated at some point.”

“Yeah, when she’s earned it.”

“She’s my guest today, on me. I’ve earned it as reigning shoot the moon champion.”

“Fine, but just this once.”

Just then Octavia bounded down the stairs, coming to a halt when she saw the gathered group. She gave them a faux confident nod. “What’s up?”

Lexa chuckled, “Come on Blake, time to teach you how to shoot the moon.”

Octavia game them a puzzled look.

Lexa gave the rest of the group a nod. The group pulled out a small shot bottle each. On cue they passed to the right.

Lexa gave Octavia an extra bottle, Octavia glanced at the clear substance suspiciously.

“Everyone brings their own mixed liquor. You take a shot before you begin shooting.”

Octavia made a face, but on cue with everyone else, she tipped back her bottle and took one swig. She immediately began coughing as soon as she removed the bottle.

“What the hell was that??” She gave Lexa a look of betrayal.

“Triple sec and vodka.”

“Ugh, gross.”

“Alright peeps, let’s get this started.” Robbie pumped his fist, giving them all a goofy grin.

The group moved over to their individual booths, Lexa pointed to the one next to her. “Initiator of the game chooses the weapon. In this case it must be Anya, she likes the Glock 17. You empty your round, shooting for the bottom, slightly left crater on the image of the moon.” Lexa motioned to the target set up down the shooting range. It was indeed a large blow-up of the moon.

“Winner is determined by the accuracy of their rounds. The winner then chooses one person who has to drink two more shots. One of theirs, and one from another person in the group.”

Octavia looked a bit taken aback, but nodded anyway.

Lexa set up, putting on her safety glasses and earmuffs. She pressed the button to her right indicating she was ready. She waited patiently for all the lights to come on before she unloaded her pistol.

_Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam._

When she was done, she waited a few seconds, then clicked on the button to move the target towards her.

She exited the booth, smugly pleased by her results.

“I don’t know guys, I think I may have a winner here.” Robbie showed them his target sheet and Lexa chuckled at his sporadic shots. It was actually a pretty good improvement from last time.

The rest of the group presented their target sheets. Allen groaned when he looked at Luna’s. “How? You’re not even a field agent!”

Luna gave him a smug smirk. “I grew up in the South, Allen. I’ve been shooting guns a lot longer than you, I can guarantee that.”

Luna compared hers to Anya’s, frowning when Anya had one better shot than her. “Damnit.”

“What can I say Dixie girl, I speak the language of the glocks.”

Lexa laughed and looked at Anya, showing the older agent her own sheet. “Not well enough, I think you’re getting a little old MacGyver.”

Anya scowled as Lexa nodded towards Octavia, “Alright rookie, show us what you got.”

Octavia gave hers to Lexa, and Lexa grunted appreciatively. “Not bad Blake, you did better than Anya.”

Anya growled. “No way.” She grabbed Octavia’s, squinting as she compared it against hers. “Goddamnit.”

Lexa smirked. “However, I believe I had the better shots overall.” She brandished hers to the group who didn’t dispute her.

Lexa chuckled, “Drumroll please.”

The group groaned, but acquiesced to her request.

Lexa dramatically cleared her throat and dropped her voice. “I choose…” she wiggled her eyebrows at Luna, “The statistician.”

Luna groaned. “This is just you ganging up on me.”

Lexa shrugged. “It’s been a while since you’ve been chosen, and you were a bit too smug today. As alpha dog it’s my job to knock you down a couple pegs.”

Luna rolled her eyes but accepted Lexa’s mixed drink, waiting for the other.

Lexa nodded towards Robbie, who gave a yelp of excitement and handed his over to Luna who groaned in return. She had a particular dislike for Robbie’s mixed liquors.

“Bottoms up bitches.” She tipped both bottles back simultaneously and swallowed the mixed liquors to the cheers of her fellow agents.

Anya gave her a nod of respect. “Not bad Dixie girl.”

Luna gave them a bow, and they clapped. “Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week.”

Octavia observed the scene with a look of amusement and confusion. She caught Lexa’s eye, and Lexa gave her a small smirk. _Welcome to the club._

Octavia gave her the barest nod in return, seeming to understand her sentiment.

The group made their way back upstairs, returning to the dull side of their jobs. Robbie and Allen turned towards the way to Analytics, Luna to Statistics, and Anya, Lexa, and Octavia made their way back to Operations.

“See you guys next time. I’m totally creaming you guys,” Robbie yelled as they separated.

Everyone laughed but gave him a wave. 

Lexa plopped down back at her desk, giving Octavia a wave goodbye as she made her way back to Indra’s office.

Anya paused at Lexa’s desk. “Not bad commander.”

Lexa gave Anya a look. “You’ve been talking to Clarke too much.”

“I agree.”

Lexa chuckled, but gave Anya an appreciative look. “Thanks An.”

Anya gave her a nod, patting her briefly on the shoulder as she made her way back to her own desk. Lexa watched her leave, thankful she had Anya as a mentor. It had made her time here much more bearable. And her mind much more at ease in Russia, knowing Anya would be able to look out for Clarke.

Theoretically, Lexa knew that if anything happened to her, Anya would always take care of Clarke. And that? That was worth Lexa’s friendship, loyalty, and thankfulness many times over.

*********

Clarke lounged across the couch, watching Harper tap her pencil rapidly against the notebook she was reading from.

Raven entered the room, grabbing Harper’s pencil as she walked by. Harper gave her a glare.

“What? It was annoying.” Raven plopped down on top of Clarke.

“Ooof! Rae! Get off of me!” Clarke pushed Raven off of her and she fell onto the ground, Clarke laughed as Raven gave her a disgusted look.

“You deserved that.”

Raven rolled her eyes, but stretched across the floor, yawning as she did so. Clarke chuckled and Raven gave her a look.

“You look like a cat right now, I swear.”

“Cats are great animals, sassy as fuck. They speak my language.”

Clarke laughed, eyes returning to where Harper was scowling at her notebook. “Studying going well Harper?”

Harper grunted, wrinkling her nose.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“Did ya’ll hear Jasper and Monty turned the swimming pool green? Those bastards did it without me too.” Raven glared at the ceiling, as if it were Jasper and Monty.

“I think that may have been accident, actually. Something about an experiment gone wrong?” Clarke responded.

“Typical.”

Clarke hummed in agreement. Those two did have a suspicious amount of “experiments” go wrong.

“How were the last of your midterms?” Raven turned her head towards Clarke.

Clarke shrugged. “Pretty good I guess, Lexa helped me study a lot.”

Raven nodded, “Me too. She skyped me from her office a couple of times. IBM has some dismal office spaces.”

Clarke felt a large burst of affection towards Lexa, and the effort she made with their friends. That girl, she was so good and she didn’t even know it.

“Yeah, I don’t think she was particularly happy when they moved her out here two years.”

Raven suddenly gave her a surprised look. “Your junior year of high school?”

Clarke nodded.

“Didn’t you move out here for your senior year? Was that because of Lexa?”

“I mean, yeah, partly. My mom got a really good job offer out here. A chance to be chief of surgeon within a year. My dad mainly works from home, so the move made sense.”

“Huh, that’s interesting. She must mean a lot to your whole family.”

“Yeah, she really does.”

Raven stretched, watching the living room fan. “You know what would be really cool? A swimming pool full of balloons. Do you think if you fell into a swimming pool full of balloons they would catch you? Or would you fall straight to the bottom?”

Clarke frowned thoughtfully. “I would like to believe they would catch you, but I have a feeling you’d fall straight through them. They’d probably pop too.”

“These are the questions that keep you up at night.”

“That and who stole our salsa. A whole unopened can of salsa, just gone.”

Raven waved her hand towards the whiteboard in the corner. “I went out and bought a whiteboard specifically to create a timeline and suspect list, but it didn’t help.”

Harper spoke up from the corner, “My money’s on Bellamy. That dude loves his salsa. I once saw him eat two whole cans in one night. Like, gross.”

Clarke and Raven nodded in agreement. “Not a bad guess, plus he doesn’t have a good alibi,” Raven pointed out.

“Alone studying does sound suspicious,” Clarke added, squinting at the whiteboard.

“Along with Finn’s ‘I was on a date.’ We never actually meet these girls he goes on dates with, I suspect half of them are made up.”

“He does go on a suspiciously large number of dates. Do you think he makes them up to cover his more nefarious nightly activities? Salsa snatcher could also easily be turtle thief.”

Raven gasped. “We have to keep him away Eddie Rickenbacker.”

Clarke glanced towards their turtle cage. “We might have to set up a security camera to watch over him, just in case.”

Raven nodded, eyes glazing over. She was probably already thinking up how to create a security camera with the spare parts in her room. Clarke just hoped she didn’t make it x-ray or something. She had updated their oven with a speaking device last week so it said random things when opened. It had scared the fuck out of her.

Clarke’s phone went off and she reached for it, frowning at the name. She clicked accept.

“What’s up Anya?”

*********

It was quite dark out, the night lit only by a slice of the moon. Clarke could barely make out Lexa haphazardly throwing rocks into the small lake. She watched for a little while, noting the tension in Lexa’s shoulders.  

Clarke made her way down to where Lexa stood, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s waist and burying her face in-between Lexa’s shoulder blades, as she used to do years ago. She smelled the same but different. She felt different, too. Taller, yet stronger.

Clarke knew Lexa was so different from who she was years ago when they used to stand by their special lake in California. But at the same time, she felt like Lexa desired the same thing. A chance to be free, to choose her own path, whatever it may be. Before, it had been her dad trapping her in a life she had no desire to live. The life of a soldier, born and bred to follow orders. Now? Now she had fallen into a trap of her own making. Webbed into doing exactly what she had been trying to escape, following orders from a man she didn’t fully trust.

“Hey you,” she mumbled into Lexa’s back, squeezing her tight.

“Anya called you?’

“Yeah, I suspected I might find you here.”

“Yeah you always were the smart one.”

Clarke chuckled. “Damn right.”

Lexa turned to wrap Clarke up in a tight hug, burying her face into Clarke’s coat.

Clarke held her as tightly as she could, murmuring reassurances.

Lexa sighed deeply, and Clarke wished she could take away all of Lexa’s hurt, all the pain that she kept inside.

Clarke pulled back, grabbing Lexa’s face with her hands. “What’s wrong, love?”

“I’m being sent to Manama. Just for a few days, but still. I don’t want to leave.”

Clarke smiled sadly, stroking Lexa’s cheeks with her thumbs. “I know, baby, I know.”

Lexa dropped her gaze, “I feel so weighed down, like I have all these burdens on me, but I don’t even know what they are. And I don’t want to leave you, because when I’m with you everything makes a little more sense.”

“I promise, Lexa, I promise we’re going to figure this out together. You’ll always come back, remember? And I will always be here to help you put back the pieces.”

“You’re pretty good at that. I don’t know why you put up with me, to be honest.”

“Maybe I just like puzzles.”

Lexa gave her a half-smile. “That must be it.”

The two stood in silence for a while, Clarke continued to trace Lexa’s cheeks, jaw, lips. Her heart was breaking for this girl before her. This girl who was so confused about her place in the world. Lexa was special. A genius who could hack any system, speak any language, and recall any memory. And yet despite all this, she was so very lost.  

“Baby, I love you so much.” Clarke gave her a kiss to emphasize her point. “I love you despite your mistakes, despite your flaws, I love you because of them. I will always be here, ok? Remember that. Remember our plans. We’re going to get properly married, have kids. We’ll get a dog, and have fresh flowers in our house every day. You’ll cook breakfast, and I’ll cook dinner. When I work late you’ll send me inappropriate texts to keep me entertained, and when you’re travelling I’ll call you every day no matter the time difference. We’re in this together, you and me, ok?”

Lexa smiled down at her, turning her head to kiss Clarke’s palm. “I don’t deserve you.”

“On the contrary, I think we’re rather perfect together.”

Lexa grabbed her round the waist and twirled her around. “God I love you so fucking much. You’re too good for this world. But I’m still glad you blessed this world and my life with your ethereal perfection.”

Clarke laughed, giggling into Lexa’s shoulder. “Stop being such a sap, it’s fucking freezing out here, we should go home.”

“Anything you say, goddess of beauty.” Lexa gave her a toothy smile, pulling her close as they walked up towards the parking lot.

“I say we get some Taco Bell on our way home, I’m starving.”

Lexa chuckled, “That I can do.”

*********

**_Eleven Years Ago:_ **

_Lexa sat at the Griffin family counter, swinging her legs back and forth as she drew carefully within the lines of her coloring book. She glanced over at Clarke’s drawing._

_She grinned at the younger girl’s drawing of Grandma Emma cooking in the kitchen. Clarke never needed a coloring book, she could just draw things up on her own. Lexa wished she could do that, but she was happy Clarke could._

_Clarke’s Grandma Emma turned around from where she was frying some grilled cheese. She saw Lexa glancing at Clarke’s drawing, and smiled at the admiring look on Lexa’s face._

_She adored her granddaughter, Clarke was the sweetest child. When she had first told her all about her ‘new friend Lexa,’ Emma had been happy to know Clarke had made a good new friend. It wasn’t until she met Lexa that she realized just how good Lexa was for Clarke, and vice versa._

_Emma had completely fallen in love with the little girl. Jake and Abby had told her the story of Lexa asking Clarke out on a date with delighted relish, also completely in love with the polite, tough, mischievous brunette._

_They had also, more soberly, told her recently that Lexa had very few people in her life that she trusted. Both Jake and Abby suspected that Lexa’s father was extremely tough on her, insistent that she follow in his footsteps as a soldier._

_And Lexa, despite her father’s almost bully-like attitude about it, seemed ok with the idea of being a soldier. She had introduced herself to Emma as “Commander Lexa Woods.”_

_It had broken Emma’s heart. This little girl was the biggest dreamer she had ever seen. How someone could try so hard to limit that baffled her._

_Emma also knew she had no other family, besides her father. She often called her father’s captain Uncle Gustus. Gustus seemed like a very fine fellow, but he too was a soldier born and bred. Lexa needed a real family, a family who supported her and loved her no matter what choices she made in her life and career._

_And Emma was happy to supply that. Just as Jake and Abby were happy to accept Lexa as an honorary Griffin. It had made her so proud of her daughter and son-in-law._

_“Clarke, you should try drawing that lake near the base sometime. I bet you could draw it with a sunset and everything.” Lexa eagerly leaned towards Clarke._

_Clarke gave Lexa a grin. “If you want me to, but I think I might have to draw it at the actual sunset to get it right. And mom and dad don’t like me going out at night alone.”_

_Lexa looked at her own drawing thoughtfully. “Maybe Uncle Gustus could go with us, he can protect us, just in case.”_

_Clarke nodded. “I can ask mom and dad.”_

_Lexa beamed. “Great!” She glanced back towards Clarke’s current drawing. “I like the one you’re doing right now, too. It’s so cool you can draw without having lines to follow.”_

_Clarke blushed slightly, ducking her head. “Thanks.”_

_Emma smiled at the interaction, setting down two grilled cheese sandwiches. “Alright girls, lunch-time.” She pulled out some ketchup for the two. Lexa liked the sandwiches with it, for some strange reason, and Clarke had picked up the habit._

_“Thanks Grandma!” Clarke carefully set her drawing aside and reached for the plate._

_"Thanks Emma,” Lexa repeated the sentiment, giving her a toothy grin._

_The two girls ate quickly, chatting in-between about odds and ends. Emma listened as she cleaned up the kitchen, amused by their conversation._

_“I don’t think the world is actually round, I mean it doesn’t look round,” Lexa said, bringing up some schoolwork she had been doing earlier._

_“But everyone says it is, and they’re grownups so they must know.”_

_Lexa shrugged. “I guess, but it just seems so weird.”_

_“Well tv’s are weird but you don’t question them.”_

_Lexa gave her a thoughtful look. “Do you think your dad and mom would mind if I took apart your tv? I would put it all back together.”_

_“I don’t know, they didn’t know when you did it with the toaster, so they probably wouldn’t notice.”_

_Lexa nodded gravely and Emma stifled a laugh._

_“I have to go the bathroom.” Clarke hopped off her stool, running upstairs._

_Lexa finished off her sandwich and glanced up to where Emma was standing. She gave her a wide smile. Emma smiled back, heart melting at the sight._

_“And how are you, my dear?” She asked, with a twinkle in her eye._

_“Really good. I like it when you visit, you should visit more.”_

_“I wish I could, dear, but the Carolinas are quite far away.”_

_“2,827 miles. I checked.”_

_Emma smiled fondly at Lexa, coming over to give her a small kiss. “I’ll visit as often as I can, I promise. Until then, you always have Clarke.”_

_Lexa nodded gravely. “Can I tell you a secret?”_

_Emma smiled at her. “Of course. I love secrets.”_

_Lexa leaned in close. “I think I want to marry Clarke. I’m not sure when I should ask. Jake said I’m still a bit young to propose, but maybe someday.” She looked disappointed, as if she would have preferred to ask that day._

_Emma’s eyebrows shot up at the comment. She smiled widely. “Well, my dear, I think you might have to wait a few more years. But that’s ok, as long as you know you want to marry her someday.”_

_Lexa pouted, “But years take FOREVER.”_

_“Trust me, the older you are the faster they pass.”_

_Lexa seemed unconvinced._

_“Just promise me you’ll consult me on how to propose when you do eventually get to it.”_

_Lexa nodded eagerly. “Of course! I still have your phone number from when you gave it to me last time you visited it.”_

_“That’s good sweetheart, you can call me anytime.”_

_The two paused their conversation as Clarke returned, hopping back onto the stool. Emma gave Lexa a wink as she moved away, chuckling when Lexa returned it._

_Emma imagined a Clarke and Lexa years from now, standing together on their wedding day. Truthfully, Emma didn’t think she had ever wished for something more._


	6. Reflection

The ice was far too poor of a surface for Clarke’s taste. She wobbled unevenly on her ice skates, trying to find her balance somehow. This is what growing up in California does to you, it leaves you unprepared for dealing with winter activities.

She carefully slid across the ice, not daring to go faster than a snail’s pace. Raven blasted past her with a laugh, the rest of the group skating around the rink with ease.

Bellamy chuckled as he drew up next to her. “Doing ok?” He gave her a kind smile, matching her pace.

She gave him a tentative smile in return. “I think so.”

He nodded, continuing to skate at her pace, but respectfully restraining from offering to hold her hand as they skated.

Clarke was pretty sure he was terrified of Lexa, and for a good reason. She had that effect on people.

The two continued forward in silence as Clarke tried to find her balance. Finally she seemed to find a good rhythm, grinning up at Bellamy in triumph as their pace increased slightly.

Bellamy gave her a warm smile and a thumbs up. Raven skated up and joined them on Clarke’s other side.

“So the Californian can actually skate, at least a little.” She gave Clarke a wink. “Not bad rookie.”

Clarke laughed, but didn’t dare to increase her pace. “In the movies ice skating looks so magical, but it’s just wet and cold.”

“I know. At the end of Serendipity when John Cusack lies on the fucking ice for hours, at night no less, I swear he just had hypothermia and imagined Kate Beckinsale finding him.”

Clarke looked thoughtful. “That theory makes way too much sense.”

Raven nodded gravely. “I know, it ruined the whole movie for me.”

Clarke hummed, glancing towards where Harper and Monty were engaged in conversation whilst skating. She let a smile tug at the corner of her mouth. Raven must have followed her line of sight because she let out a chuckle next to her.

“You think Monty is going to man up and ask her out anytime soon?”

Clarke laughed and shook her head. “No way, he’s probably still as clueless as before. She’ll probably end up asking him out, taking him out on a date, and kissing him goodnight and he’ll think the whole time it’s just a ‘friend date.’”

Raven and Bellamy laughed, not disagreeing with her.

The three continued for a while before Raven sped up and caught up with Octavia ahead of her, chatting with her for a while.

Bellamy suddenly frowned. “Octavia, what are you doing?”

He paled and sped up to try and prevent Octavia from doing some kind of leap in the air. Clarke laughed as Octavia landed the leap and sped off with Bellamy chasing her, yelling something about her breaking her neck.

Lincoln skated next to her with a chuckle, Clarke turned towards him with a grin. “You’re dating a bit of a daredevil there, Lincoln.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk, Clarke.”

Clarke let out a booming laugh. “Touché.”

She suddenly grew serious, something she’d been meaning to ask Lincoln for a while entering her mind. “Was it hard, knowing your mom worked for the CIA? And now Octavia?”

The two skated together as Lincoln stared at the ice thoughtfully.

“You know, my dad left my mom and me when I was seven. He had no idea what my mom did, he always thought she just worked for the State Department in some paper-pushing job. He couldn’t handle the long hours, the way her mind seemed to drift off during random times. So he just left. He didn’t even say goodbye. I was devastated.” 

Lincoln glanced over, and I gave him a nod, encouraging him to continue.

“My mom suddenly had the responsibility of raising this seven-year-old boy all by herself, along with serving her country, saving the world, and having the lives of hundreds of agents dependent on her state of mind. I don’t envy the responsibility and pressure she was put under.”

He let a small smile tug at his lips. “But she did it. She was a great mom. At times, I didn’t understand why she seemed distracted occasionally, or why phone calls interrupted our nightly dinners. Or why sometimes a babysitter watched me over the weekend when she had to go on work trips. But she did the best she could, I don’t doubt that. Because unlike my dad, she was there to pick me up from school. She made me dinner, and packed my lunches. She took me to soccer practice, and I swear she never missed a game. Even if she had to go straight to them after a fourteen-hour-flight.”

Clarke nodded in appreciation for what Indra had done. “When did you figure out what your mom’s real job was?”

“My first day of high school. She sat me down and told me, ‘Lincoln, I expect you to act like a man now. And if I expect you to be a man, I’m going to treat you like a man,’”

Lincoln smiled. “And so she told me. I couldn’t believe it at first, but she showed me proof. I’m not sure how I was supposed to take it, but things finally made sense. And I remember feeling so proud. My mom was saving the world, doing her own little part. Which, as regional director, is actually a pretty big part. And I have never, ever, not been proud of her. Sure, sometimes I wished she had had a different job that hadn’t taken her away on long trips, or distracted her with long phone calls. But I was, and am, so very proud.”

“And then came Octavia,” I said, glancing towards where Octavia was currently skating around with Bellamy’s stolen scarf.

“Then I met Octavia. And I fell in love. She was feisty, and brave, and fun, and filled with so much life and spirit. She wanted to take on the world, and I don’t doubt the world would acquiesce to her if she asked loud enough. I never imagined I would fall in love with a girl who in the end, would want to follow in my mother’s footsteps. Sometimes I wonder about that.”

Clarke laughed, and Lincoln gave her a wide smile in return, which suddenly turned wistful. “As soon as Octavia found out what my mother does, there was no going back for her. She wanted nothing else. And what could I do? Deny her her dream? I love Octavia with everything I have. And if I love her, I won’t deny her this. It’ll be hard, I know, but unlike my father, I know what I’m getting into. And just like with my mother, I am so, so proud of Octavia.” 

Clarke nodded seriously, giving Lincoln an understanding look. “That doesn’t always make it easier, though, does it?”

Lincoln didn’t reply for a moment, the movements of blade against ice creating this scissor-like-sound that soothed Clarke’s mind.

“No, it doesn’t. As proud as we are, and as much as we love them, it’s still very hard when you’re sleeping alone at night. In the end, you and I Clarke, we’re the ones who have to watch the ones we love leave. We are the ones who have to let them go, knowing there’s a good chance they might not come back. And I think that makes us the strongest of all.”

Lincoln slowed down, turning to face Clarke. Clarke slowed to a stop before him. “Lexa will be fine, I grilled my mom on the mission. But sometimes, I think they forget how hard it is for us. They may be risking their lives, but we have to sit by and let them do it. I think you’re extraordinarily brave, Clarke. And Lexa is so, so lucky to have you.”

“So is Octavia, with you I mean.”

Lincoln gave her a warm smile. “If you ever need someone to talk to, you can always call me. I won’t say I understand everything you’re going through, but at least I know what Lexa really does for a living, and I can understand to a degree.”

“I think you understand quite a bit. Thank you Lincoln.” And Clarke meant that, because suddenly, she felt a lot less alone.

“You know, sometimes I wonder if my rooming with Octavia of all people was really a coincidence.”

Lincoln threw his head back and let out a deep laugh. “Clarke, my mom has extraordinary power, but even she has her limits. Some things truly are just coincidences.”

Clarke laughed along with Lincoln, shaking her head. “Well it was one hell of a coincidence, that’s for sure.”

**********

**_Four Years Ago:_ **

_“Hey Clarke!”_

_Clarke turned towards James with a roll of her eyes. He was way too persistent and annoying some days. “Hi James, what’s up?_

_He gave her a devilish grin, clearly trying his best to be charming. “So I have tickets to this concert on Friday, I was wondering if you’d want to go with me? It’s supposed to be really good.”_

_“James, I have a girlfriend. You know this.”_

_He gave Clarke a confused look. “Oh, is that serious? I just thought it was just like, you having fun.”_

_I glared at him. “Nope, it’s pretty serious.”_

_He shrugged. “Well, if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.”_

_Probably some poor girl’s bedroom, but whatever. “That’s not going to happen, bye James.”_

_Clarke gave him a cool wave and stormed off. This wasn’t the first time she’d been asked out this year, despite it being very obvious to everyone that she had a girlfriend. She had only told everyone a billion times. Plus Lexa making out with her at the steps of the school every now and then certainly lent credibility to that claim._

_Clarke had had enough. She was the only openly bisexual teen in the whole school, and it didn’t help that people really didn’t understand what it was like or how to treat her. She low-key hated everyone in her high school, to be honest. Most of them were snobbish rich kids with no idea how to behave like kind adults in the real world. Oh well, the real world would catch up with them all eventually._

_And none of them took her relationship with Lexa seriously. Most of them assumed it was just her “having fun” or “experimenting.” As if it was really that hard to believe that she could have serious feelings for another woman._

_She was in quite the foul mood when she received a text from Lexa at lunch time. She glanced down at her phone when it buzzed and was helpless to prevent the unconscious smile that made its way to her face._

_**Sexy Commander** : Hey babe, I brought you some lunch, meet me outside?_

_She quickly typed out a response and hurried outside to meet Lexa. She gave Lexa a wide smile and practically jumped into her arms when she met her._

_Lexa let lout a laugh, catching her around the waist and twirling her, accepting Clarke’s eager kisses with a chuckle._

_She was still holding Clarke, Clarke’s legs wrapped firmly around her waist, when she pulled back and gave Clarke an amused, twinkling grin._

_“Not that I’m not happy about that wonderful greeting, but did I miss something? Did I do something right and not know? Because I’d like to know so I can do it again in the future.”_

_Clarke rolled her eyes, but couldn’t prevent her smile. “I’m just happy to see you, it was a rough morning.”_

_Lexa gave her a concerned look, gently letting her down, and grabbing her hands. “Oh, what happened?”_

_Clarke examined the girl before her. Lexa had always been the romantic sap of the pair, going out of her way for the big romantic gestures. She had been the first to ask Clarke out on a date, although granted that wasn’t exactly Clarke’s fault. She was only five and didn’t even know what a date was for goodness sake’s. She had also been the first to say I love, and the first to kiss Clarke._

_Clarke’s love was more quiet and gentle. But it was just as real and as big as Lexa’s. Sometimes Clarke was scared of how much she loved Lexa. It was so a part of who Clarke was, she didn’t know if she’d survive having that love torn away from her._

_Gently, she stepped forward until they were chest-to-chest, Lexa bent down and leaned her forehead against Clarke’s._

_Clarke took in a deep breath, speaking softly. “I just missed you. Sometimes I wish you attended school with me. We could be that cliché high school couple. The ones who hold hands when they walk down the halls, flirt incessantly during class and drive our teachers crazy, who kiss during lunch and make everyone else uncomfortable around us. We’d wear each other’s letterman jackets, and cuddle during the football matches we really couldn’t care less about. It’d be perfect, and everyone would see how in love we are. They’d say, ‘Lexa and Clarke, yeah those two are forever.’”_

_Lexa hummed, smiling as she kissed Clarke’s forehead. “Come on darling, I have a picnic set up on the football field.”_

_Clarke gave Lexa a sweet smile. She loved it when Lexa did things like this, setting up picnics and bringing her coffee. Small acts that said I love you in such a big way._

_The two walked hand-in-hand to where Lexa had set up their picnic. Clarke cuddled up to Lexa, who wrapped her arms securely around Clarke, and pulled her back up against her. She leaned down, mouth close to Clarke’s ear._

_“Do you want to know what my fantasy is, babe?”_

_Clarke nodded her head in answer, entwining her fingers with Lexa._

_“It involves flowers. Lots of flowers everywhere. And you have a bouquet of them. And your friends and family are there. Everyone is smiling, and happy because they know that this day was too far in coming. And your friends, the ones you make in college, and not in that damn high school; will try giving me this stern talk about how I need to take care of you. And I’ll remind them I have known you far, far longer than they have. And your father will beam at me and call me his daughter, because he’s been waiting forever to do so. And your mom will be crying, a lot. And Grandma Emma will be giving us all kinds of inappropriate advice we really don’t want to actually hear. And she’ll give us our life biography as a gift, with tons of blank pages to fill in over the next few years. Aden will probably try convincing us he should be the one marrying us, and in all honesty I’d probably be willing to let him. And I’ll be wearing this suit that will make you very horny, because I know how you get, don’t look at me like that Clarke. And I’ll be waiting in nervous and excited anticipation for you; to see Jake walk you down the aisle towards me in the most beautiful white dress. And in front of everyone we love, in front of the whole damn world, I’ll tell you I love you. And you’ll be mine, and I’ll be yours.”_

_Clarke felt tears spring to her eyes, helpless to prevent them. “You imagine our wedding day?”_

_“Yes, because then we’ll be each other’s no one else’s, and the whole world will know it. No one will be able to ask you out or look at you the wrong way without me having a valid excuse to punch them in the face.”_

_Clarke laughed, turning so she could look Lexa in the face. “Ok, firstly you can’t go around punching anyone you like, just to be clear.”_

_“Clarrrrkkkke.”_

_“Don’t Clarke me.” Clarke maneuvered herself so she was straddling Lexa. “And secondly, that’s both the sweetest and hottest speech I’ve ever heard. You, Lexa Woods, are one smooth operator.”_

_Lexa smirked at her, leaning close, her lips ghosting over Clarke’s. “That I am, Clarke Griffin. And you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of wooing.”_

_“And the only one, may I remind you.”_

_“I’m yours alone. I always have been, always will be.” Lexa connected their lips. Clarke felt jolts of electricity travel down her, hungry for more. Lexa had this effect on her, extremely effective at turning her into a gooey, turned-on mess._

_“And don’t you forget it, Lexa Woods,” Clarke breathed out, between kisses._

_“Never.” Lexa promised, before flipping them over._

_**Present Day:** _

Clarke exited her last lecture of the day, brain fried from information overload. She was so ready to go home and take a nap. If only that mountain of homework completed itself. She groaned just thinking about it.

“Hey now, I can’t be that unpleasant of a sight.”

Clarke’s head snapped over to where Anya was standing, a smirk in place, and a to-go coffee cup offered towards her.

Clarke gave Anya a grateful smile, taking the coffee with a thank you. “Sorry, I was just thinking about the mountain of homework I have at home.”

“It’s probably comparable to the mountain of paperwork I have to complete by tonight,” Anya said dryly.

Clarke gave her a sympathetic look as the two fell into step. She took a sip of her coffee then looked at Anya in surprise.

“This is my favorite kind.”

Anya gave her a mirthless look, “Let’s just say for two years Lexa has not shut up about you. I also know your favorite food is potatoes-in any form, that you snore slightly when you sleep, you had an imaginary friend named Pauna once; and you always, ALWAYS wear mismatched socks, usually stolen from your friend’s houses. If I had to put money down on it, I’d say you’re wearing a combination of Raven and Octavia’s socks right now.”

Clarke blushed. She was way too accurate about the socks for Clarke’s comfort. “Lexa told you all that?”

“That and much more. I once invented a drinking game with my coworkers. We took a drink every time your name came up. And a shot every time she mentioned you two getting married someday; or, and I quote, ‘having ten kids.’ We eventually had to stop because we all ended up hammered by lunch-time.”

Clarke’s mouth dropped open. “Wait, so the people who are charged with keeping our country safe were drunk half-the time?”

“Thanks to you sweetheart.”

Clarke shook her head in disbelief. “I suddenly feel so much more unsafe now.”

Anya chuckled. “Don’t worry, we only did it on paperwork days. And never with those charged on combing through system alerts for the day.”

“This suddenly makes the way government is run so much clearer. You think the founding fathers were drunk when they were drafting laws too?”

Anya waved her hand. “Indubitably.”

Clarke chuckled, taking another sip of her coffee. “So what’s with the social visit? Just saying hi to your favorite neighborhood blonde?” 

“Just checking-in. I wouldn’t want you to miss my gorgeous face too much.”

Clarke laughed. “Lexa made you promise, huh?”

Anya shrugged. “Yeah, but let’s just say you’ve grown on me over the last nine months, blondie. Even if Lexa hadn’t asked, I’d still check in to make sure you’re ok.”

“You know I can take care of myself, right?”

“I know. But still, I just want you to know I’m here, as a friend.”

Clarke felt a burst of affection for the older agent, knowing that Anya saying she cared about someone was actually quite rare. The older agent didn’t trust people easily, and she let people get close even more rarely.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I consider you a friend too.”

Anya gave her a grave nod. The two walked in silence for a moment.

“Lexa is going to be ok, just so you know. She’s has a lot of good people watching out for her.”

Clarke felt grateful for Anya’s words. She knew she had nothing to worry about, though she still did worry. Lexa could take care of herself, but knowing she had people looking out for her made Clarke feel much better.

“You and Lexa are close.” Clarke stated the obvious, she didn’t miss the affectionate way Anya talked about Lexa.

Anya stopped, motioning towards a bench they could sit down on. The pair sat down and Clarke pulled her coat tight around her.

Anya’s face had grown serious, and she examined her hands tapping them in a pattern Clarke recognized. Morse code. Clarke wondered if Lexa had taught her that. She watched the pattern, discerning that Anya was typing out a name.

Anya sighed, turning towards Clarke with sad eyes. She suddenly looked much older, the lines around her eyes deepening.  “I had a daughter, once, you know.”

Clarke’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, Lexa had never told her that.

“She wasn’t supposed to happen. I was a field agent at the time, damn good at what I was doing. I was going to go to great places, everyone said so. Then Tris happened. And suddenly, I had to make a decision. If I kept the baby, I would have to reconsider my position in the CIA, I’d have another person to think about now. Or I could abort the baby. Continue with my career. In the end, I couldn’t go through with it. I’m not sure why. A career with the CIA was all I’d ever wanted, after all. But I kept the baby.”

Clarke put a hand on Anya’s knee, grounding her as she often did with Lexa.

“So I had the baby, a beautiful little girl. She was perfect. Sweet, and kind, and so loving. I was in love as soon as I set eyes on her. For eleven years she was my new dream. She was my everything. She died four years ago.”

Clarke squeezed Anya’s knee, feeling her own heart break for Anya’s loss. She couldn’t even imagine the pain something like that would cause.

“I was so angry with the world. I had given everything to make this world better, a safer place. And this was what the world gave me in return? I was broken. It affected my work, and I was demoted to a glorified desk job. They only kept me on out of loyalty for the work I had done for them for fourteen years. I was a mess when Lexa moved out to D.C.”

Anya laughed, a watery laugh that spoke of the tears she was holding back. “God, I hated her at first. She was this big hot-shot. She was everything I was eighteen years ago, when I was her age and recruited by the CIA.”

Anya smiled. “I was given the task of training her, and god I was awful to her. I pushed her to the breaking point, but she kept going and going, and I was amazed. I didn’t think someone could even have the resilience she did. One day, after a particularly grueling session, I was so frustrated at her determination to continue, and I just unloaded on her. I yelled at her, wondering how she could keep pushing like that. And she told me. It was because of you. I remember it so well. She was bloody, and beaten, and bruised. She was on her knees, where she had been trying to get back up. She yelled at me, yelled your name, blood spilling out from her mouth. And I realized her sheer level of endurance was only possible because of the love she had for you.”

Clarke felt her heart contract, taken aback. She had never heard any of this, though she was sure Lexa had written about it in her journals somewhere.

“That night, I was at home drinking myself into oblivion over who I had become. And Lexa came pounding at my door. I yelled at her to leave, but she wouldn’t. She made me sit down. She had been watching me for a long time, and I think she knew something had happened to me. Something that had broken me so completely. And I confessed everything to her. She was there as I broke down, explaining how angry, and sad, and devastated I was. I had loved that girl so much, and she was just gone. There was nothing I could do to stop it.”

Anya didn’t bother wiping at the tears rolling down her face, just continued to clench her fists tight. “Lexa didn’t try explaining it to me. She held me as I broke down. And she came back the night after that, and the night after that, and so on. She was there every night, and eventually, we began talking things through. She made me see that my love for Tris, it had been a gift. To have a chance to love like that, no matter how brief, is an extraordinary gift. And as devastating a loss as it was, the world hadn’t been punishing me by giving her to me. It had been giving me the greatest gift it could. Lexa was there, through the long journey back into life. I had almost given up on it, and she dragged me back. It’s a debt I can never repay.”

Anya turned towards Clarke, giving her a sad smile. “Lexa and you, the two of you give me hope. Sure, you two drive me crazy a lot of the time, but in the end, I wouldn’t have it any other way. The kind of love you two have, it makes the world a better place. And it’s a gift, I can’t tell you how much a gift like that is worth.”

Clarke smiled back, tears now spilling down her own cheeks. God, who knew the sarcastic veteran agent could be so sappy?

“Thank you Anya.”

“Also Lexa promised I could be her best woman at your wedding, so I’m kind of invested in the two of you getting married.”

Clarke laughed. “Far too many people are making plans for Lexa and mine’s wedding. Raven already said she was going to parachute in to the James Bond theme music. You’d think it was everyone else’s special day.”

Anya chuckled. “I’m pretty sure Lexa already invited the President to your wedding actually.”

Clarke’s eyes grew wide. “Lexa told the President about me?”

“Showed him pictures, too. His wife called you two the cutest couple. I’ve never seen Lexa more proud than in that moment. I swear she was like a fucking peacock.”

Clarke shook her head. “Oh my god I’m SO telling the girls about this. Michelle Obama called Lexa and I cute.”

Anya chuckled, standing up. “I should get going, Clarke. I wasn’t kidding about that mountain of paperwork.”

Clarke stood up to embrace Anya, holding the older agent tight until she relaxed into the hug.

“Thank you Anya, I’m so happy Lexa has you.”

“Not as lucky as I was, I assure you.” With a smirk, Anya gave a jaunty little salute and strode away, leaving a stunned but grateful Clarke behind.

She never in a hundred years would have guessed Anya had been a mom, but now that she thought more about it, she thinks Anya would have made an excellent mom. She took care of Lexa and her just fine, after all.

**********

“Guys, this is a fool-proof plan, I swear.” Raven held the lighter in her hand, twirling it around like a pistol.

Harper gave her a disbelieving look. “Did you see the amount of lighter fluid Octavia dumped over the wood? I think we need a hundred foot radius zone for safety.”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t that much.”

Clarke chuckled, walking up towards the three girls with sticks, marshmellows, chocolate, and graham crackers.

“It’s freezing out here, just light it Raven.” Clarke said, taking a step back just in case.

Raven gave her a wide grin, using the lighter to light a match (she had somehow misplaced the matchbox? Don’t ask.)

She threw the match into the wood, jumping back as flames whooshed up dramatically.

Harper let out a squeal, diving behind Octavia.

The girls let out a round of laughter, as Harper grumpily eyed them from her crouched position.

“Shut up assholes.” She stood up, dusting snow off of her.

Clarke came and sat beside Octavia, the girls had set up some logs beside their makeshift fire.

Octavia eyed the s’more ingredients, a giddy look taking over her features.

Clarke raised her eyebrows. “Excited much?”

“Very.”

Clarke chuckled, handing over the ingredients to an eager Octavia, who immediately starting to stab the marshmallows onto a stick.

Raven and Harper followed suit, with Clarke grabbing the marshmallow bag last.

The girls eagerly put their sticks into the fire. Raven and Harper opted to wait until their marshmallows were perfectly golden-brown, while Octavia and Clarke impatiently set theirs alight, quickly blowing out their fiery marshmallows before they were too burnt.

Harper rolled her eyes at them. “How can you even eat your s’mores like that?”

Clarke smirked at her. “It’s the only way to eat them, Harper.”

“I strongly disagree.”

“It’s evenly split Harper, sorry, no one can claim superiority here,” Octavia replied.

The four girls ate their s’mores eagerly, licking their fingers as melting marshmallow goo spilled everywhere.

“What are you guys doing for Christmas?” Clarke asked, swallowing her last bite.

“I spend Christmas Eve with my mom and her side of the family, then I go to my dad’s and spend it with him and his parents,” Raven replied.

“Bellamy and I go home, it’s usually just us and our mom. This year I think Lincoln and his mom will come, though.”

“Oh, Indra?” Clarke asked.

Octavia gave her a confused look. “How do you know Indra?”

“She works with Lexa.”

Octavia’s face dawned in realization. “Oh right, of course.”

Raven’s head suddenly snapped towards Clarke. “You know Lincoln’s mom?”

Clarke chuckled lightly. “Yes, I met her when I first moved out here and I went to visit Lexa where she works.”

“IMB?” Harper asked. Everyone who worked at the secret D.C. office had the same cover.

“Yep,” Clarke replied.

“Did you know she was Lincoln’s mom?” Raven asked.

Clarke shrugged. “I knew she had a son, and then I met him once or twice over the summer.”

“Wait you’d met Lincoln already and didn’t say anything?” Harper gave her a look of disbelief.

“It never came up.”

The other girls shook their head, though Octavia was also giving her a curious look. “That’s a crazy coincidence.”

Clarke laughed. “Crazy indeed.” She turned towards Harper. “What about you, Harper?”

“Oh, I’ll be at home. I have a big family, they like to go all out at Christmas.”

Clarke smiled. “My family is the same way. My entire extended family gets together on Christmas day, they go crazy. I swear, every year someone has gotten a bloody nose in one of the rounds of Pit, they love that game. Oh, and last year my cousin Maren set the tree on fire trying to put candles in the tree. I think she saw it in a movie.”

The other girls laughed, happy as they thought about the upcoming holiday.

“Every year the whole group gets together for New Year’s Eve, you and Lexa are coming, right?” Harper asked, wrapping a blanket tight around her.

Clarke smiled. “We wouldn’t miss it.”

“Good, because whether you like it or not, you’re one of us, mi amiga.” Raven smiled at her, the reflection of the fire dancing in her deep, brown eyes.

“Good, because I’m pretty sure Lexa has already bought Christmas presents for all of you guys.”

“Wow, she’s ahead of the game.”

“She really likes gift-giving.”

Octavia threw another log on the fire, sending a spray of sparks up in the air. Clarke smiled at the sight of her three roommates bundled up and enjoying the fire.

If high school had been a trying experience for her, her first semester at John Hopkins had made up for it in quite the spectacular way. It had given her a whole new friend group, who easily accepted her as she was. And they easily accepted Lexa, the most important person in Clarke’s life.

And it had given Lexa back to her. Finally, they were together in the same city with no future plans to leave each other’s lives for an extended period of time.

Plus, school had gone quite well. She had always wanted to be a doctor, and now she was finally making progress towards that. It was exciting, daunting, and scary. But mostly exciting.

Suddenly some shouting in the distance drew the four roommates’ attention. Raven sprung up from where she was sitting.

“Shit! Here comes campus security! Book it ladies!”

Clarke immediately jumped up, grabbing her blanket and running as fast as she could back towards the apartment complex.

Ok, so maybe their late-night bonfire escapade wasn’t exactly legal. Considering it was in the backyard in the grassy area of their apartment complex, that is.

The four roommates booked it back to their apartment complex, running up to the third floor and tearing towards their apartment door. Grandma Hopkins gave them an amused smile from where she was sweeping the carpeted floor.

“Did you ladies have a nice bonfire?” She asked.

The four girls gave her a wide-eyed look. “Well don’t just stand there, get inside your apartment door before security comes up.” She shooed them with her broom and they sent her thank you’s as they piled back into their apartment, quickly peeling off their winter clothing and flinging it into their rooms.

Security never did come back, and the girls ended up watching some movie on the couch giggling over their s’more adventure. Making s’mores inside was never the same experience.

Eventually, Octavia and Harper retired to their rooms, leaving Clarke and Raven lying on the couch alone.

Raven turned toward Clarke with a smile. “And how is my favorite neighborhood bisexual today?”

Clarke chuckled. “Just fine, thanks Rae.”

Raven stretched from her position on the couch, getting up with a yawn. I’m going to get us some cocoa, I’ll be right back.”

Clarke hummed, and waited for Raven, scrolling through her phone as she did so.

Eventually Raven returned, handing Clarke one of the mugs of cocoa she had made. “Tis the season for conversations over cocoa,” she said with a grin.

Clarke laughed, bringing the steaming cup up to her mouth and taking a deep whiff. Mmmmm, she loved the smell of cocoa.

“So how are you really, Clarke?” Raven took a sip of her cocoa, watching Clarke carefully.

Of all the three girls, Clarke and Raven had connected the most. In many ways, Raven reminded her of Lexa, and this immediately gave Clarke this sense of familiarity with the engineer.

“I’m alright, really. I mean, I miss Lexa a lot, I wish she would call, but I know she’s coming back in a few days.”

“Yeah it sucks IBM sends her out on these trips. Not to mention the technical problem she got in when she was in Russia, geez that sucked.”

“Yeah, that sucked a lot.”

Raven quirked an eyebrow at her. “You do realize I know she doesn’t work for IBM?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I mean, she took me paintballing the other day with some of her coworkers. Those supposed tech nerds were way too good at paintball to be working for IBM. I mean, hello! Also, Lexa was talking in Arabic with one of her coworkers about a ‘job’ in Vienna they were working on. I guess I never mentioned to her my brother is adopted, and speaks fluent Arabic.”

Clarke laughed. “She knows, she was just messing with her other coworker.”

Raven raised her eyebrows. “What?”

“Lexa picks up on things, she knows you speak Arabic because the other day we were watching a show where some dialogue was in Arabic explaining some important plot point, but you were in the kitchen listening. When you came back, you didn’t ask us to explain what had happened.”

Raven leaned back. “Huh, what else does she know?”

“She knows Octavia played the drums in high school, but doesn’t anymore. When songs come on, Octavia plays the drum beat with her fingers, but doesn’t have callouses that show she plays currently. She knows Murphy broke his right arm multiple times, because of the way he favors his left despite being right-handed. She knows Finn grew up in the foster system, mainly because he never mentions his parents, but also because he’s never seen Captain America: Civil War, despite all you guys having seen it and talking about it quite often. His parents died in a car crash, right? She spends a lot of time going over details from her day when she’s trying to fall asleep. It’s the easiest way for her to do so.”

Raven looked impressed. “Wow, she never mentions any of these things.”

“I think she considers it rude, to comment on something someone hasn’t told her yet.”

Raven nodded. “Makes sense.”

“Anyway, how are you doing?”

Raven shrugged. “Pretty good actually. The semester went really well.”

Clarke smiled, “Yeah, it did. It’s been a good semester in general for me too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I really think it has.”

Raven nodded. “I’m happy for you, you deserve it.”

Clarke laughed. “Thanks, I don’t know if I like, deserve it, but it’s nice nevertheless.”

Raven leaned forward with a frown. “Are you kidding me, Clarke? You deserve the best. You’re literally the most selfless, caring, good-hearted person I’ve ever met.”

Clarke played with her hot chocolate mug, staring down at the nearly-empty mug. “Thanks.”

Raven shook her head. “Look at me Clarke.” Raven waited until Clarke met her eyes. “I’m serious. I’ve never met anyone who gives like you do, loves as well as you do, or is as selfless with her time and her love. You helped Jasper and Monty repaint that storefront they vandalized last week. You make lunches for Octavia when she forgets. You’re always there when Lexa needs you, and despite you being crazy busy with school, you always make time for her. And you’ve been there for me this whole semester, making sure I’m studying and staying healthy. You’re seriously amazing.”

Clarke gave Raven a watery smile. “Thanks Rae.” She felt this swelling affection for her roommate, Clarke had been so incredibly lucky this semester, meeting her and everyone else.

Raven gave her a lop-sided smile, ruffling her hair. “Anytime Clarkey.”

Clarke wrinkled her nose at the nickname, standing up to hide her smile. “I should get to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow Raven.”

Raven stood up with her, taking Clarke’s mug and offering to wash it. The parted, bidding each other goodnight.

Clarke made her way inside of her room and plopped down on her bed. It’d been one hell of a week; that was for sure. She lay there for a moment, before leaning over the side of her bed and pulling out a box from underneath. Inside were Lexa’s journals.

She pulled one out at random, not really wanting to start chronologically. She flipped to a random page and opened it carefully. There, in Lexa’s neat handwriting, was indeed a passage addressed to her.

  

_Dear Clarke,_

_I found this park today, or more specifically this bench in the park I sometimes walk through. It overlooks a duck pond, and I see families come and go all the time with their kids. It makes me happy. It reminds me of our first date. Remember how you tried feeding that one duck, and when it realized you were out of food it attacked you? I heroically jumped on that duck for you, Clarke. I did promise your dad to protect you against bear attacks, I suppose duck attack was covered in that promise. Good thing your dad and Uncle Gustus were there, or I might have lost an eye that day._

_I don’t often think back to my life pre-Clarke. It seems almost pointless, sometimes I think my life really began the day I met you. But then I remember my mom, and the way she used to care for me. She was a good mom. I wish I had more than just vague memories of her._

_I do remember one thing very clearly, though. That was the day she brought me to the duck pond. She watched me while I played, and then we sat and ate some cookies she had brought with. I always peppered her with questions, and she answered them all, so patiently and kindly._

_I used to wonder why my dad travelled so much. She used to say he was off saving the world, and I believed her. I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. It’s a bit of a joke, considering what I know now._

_You remind me of her, sometimes. You are kind, and you listen so well. You have this innate goodness to you that shines through, it attracts people. Hence why I had to fight off so many people during your high school career. I never actually told you, but I confronted every single boy that dared to ask you out. Even the ones you didn’t tell me about. Aden was the best little spy. Also your dad. And your mom. And that one time, your grandma. I’m afraid your family were the number one clexa shippers._

_I used to be so jealous of you, Clarke. When I inevitably had to leave your house every day, I used to spend the entire bike ride wishing I could have had the family you did. Jake, Abby, Aden, Grandma Emma-they were so wonderful in making me feel loved. But in the end, they were yours, not mine. Or so I used to think. I was so scared that if we ended up having a fight that broke off our friendship, I’d lose them too. It used to keep me up late at night._

_But you, Clarke, took away that fear. Without a single thought you were willing to share your family, to make me feel loved like I hadn’t since my mother died. The day I stopped fearing I would lose the Griffin family was that day we were supposed to go to that San Francisco Giants baseball game. We had had that huge fight, remember? The one about my dad, and me going into the army? Of course you remember, we used to argue about it all the time._

_I_ _remember thinking, the day of the game, that this was it. I was fully prepared to spend the day at the base, probably running laps with Uncle Gustus like we always used to. I was so sure that what I had feared so much was coming true. But then your dad showed up, ready to pick me up for the game._

_And you weren’t there. You were still angry at me, but even in your anger you were thinking of me. You knew how much I had been looking forward to the game, and deep down, I think you knew about my deepest insecurity. So you sent your dad to take me to the game, choosing to stay behind because you quote “didn’t even like baseball that much anyway.” We both know you’d been looking forward to the game too._

_You have no idea what that did for me. I spent an entire day with your dad, and he treated me no differently. He treated just like he always had-like his own daughter. And you have absolutely no idea what that did for me._

_You are perfect. You are selfless, and giving, and thoughtful. You think of the needs of others before yourself, and sometimes that scares me, but mostly it makes me look at you in awe. You have no idea the way something I’m sure you did unconsciously, because selflessness in that way is so second-nature to you, changed my life._

_And I love you so much for it, Clarke Griffin. You inspire me, and you make me want to be a better person. I have made so many mistakes, and seeing you hurt from those mistakes pains me in a way you can’t imagine. And I would fight as many ducks as I need to, to try and show you how much I love you. Because you deserve that. You deserve the world, and I’m perfectly willing to spend my whole life trying to give it to you._

_With my deepest love, Lexa._

 

Clarke shut the book, tears rolling down her cheeks. She wiped them away. With a deep, shaky breath, she put the book away and lay down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

She thought about the last few days, a lot had happened. If she was being truly honest with herself, she knew deep down she was still angry at Lexa about the decision she made two years ago. Lexa had made the decision because she had felt she needed to, but Clarke knew in reality, most of the rationale behind the decision had been ruled by her anger for her father.

And although Lexa had told her why she did what she did, Clarke was still angry because she had risked everything. No matter the good intention behind the decision, Clarke had been far too close to losing Lexa.

And she missed Lexa. And she wanted to talk to her, and hug her, and hold her close. She wanted to tell her how proud she was of her for sticking by Anya’s side. And she wanted to tell her she loved her, so very much. And she needed to tell Lexa she was still angry and scared, but so very happy they were together again.

The universe must have heard her wish, because suddenly, Clarke’s phone began ringing. Puzzled, Clarke glanced down at it. It was an unknown number. Clarke hesitated, but eventually clicked answer.

_“Hello?”_

_“Clarke! It’s Lexa!”_

Clarke bolted upright. _“Lexa?”_

_“Yeah, it’s me. I know I promised I’d call you when I could, and I wanted to do it every day; but the agent I was with was on strict orders from Daniel to screen my calls, the bastard. I finally told the agent to fuck off, in not so nice a manner. How are you babe?”_

Clarke hesitated, she’d been through a whirlwind of a few days that was for sure. _“It’s been an interesting few days, but I’m alright. I miss you.”_

_“I miss you too, so much. I’ll be home soon though. We’ll only be in Manama a couple more days I think.”_

_“That’s great news, I don’t think I could handle you being gone for any more than that.”_

_“Me neither, this trip has been too long already.”_

_“Agreed.”_ Clarke leaned against her bedrest, smiling at hearing the slightly distorted voice of her girlfriend. _“Anya and I had an interesting chat the other day.”_

_“Oh really? Did she tell you about that water gun fight in the White House? Because I swear Sasha Obama started it.”_

" _Ok, we are so coming back to that, but that’s not what we talked about.”_

_"Oh, umm, my bad. What was it?”_

_“She told me about her daughter.”_

There was a slight pause on Lexa’s end, and Clarke wished she could see Lexa’s face. _“She did? She must trust you quite a bit Clarke. But then again, you’re an easy person to trust.”_

_“I asked her why you and she were so close, she was just being honest.”_

_“Trust me, CIA agents aren’t trained to be naturally honest. That was a leap of faith for her.”_

_“She also told me how you stuck with her, that you brought her back from the edge.”_

_“I can’t take credit for that, she did that all herself. I was just there to help her along when she needed someone. It was nothing. Anya is a good person, she deserved having someone there for her.”_

_“Yeah, she did. And I’m so proud of you for being there.”_

Lexa paused again. _"_ _Thank you Clarke.”_

_“When you get back, I think we need to have a longer talk. I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last few days, and I think there’s some stuff we should discuss.”_

_“You’re not breaking up with me, are you?_ ” Lexa’s voice was slightly teasing, but Clarke could sense slight hesitation there.

_“God Lexa, no. We just need to talk.”_

_“That I can do, absolutely. I should go, my partner is giving me death glares from where he’s tied up.”_

_"Wait, what? What did you do Lexa!?”_

_“Nothing that dramatic. I love you Clarke, I’ll see you soon.”_

_“I love you too, Lexa. Be safe.”_

_“I will darling. Goodbye.”_

_“Goodbye.”_

Lexa hung up, and Clarke removed the phone from her ear slowly. She set it down on the table, smiling to herself. Suddenly, she felt better than she had in a long time. Lexa was ok, and coming back soon. And they were going to talk, like really talk. She had friends behind her, and people looking out for Lexa.

And most of all, she was in love with Lexa Woods. What was better than being in love with a girl who loved you back; absolutely and without condition? Clarke was pretty sure there was nothing better.


	7. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, a few quick notes. Firstly, a big thank you to everyone for your lovely comments, seriously they make my day. Secondly, ya'll are so anxious about the angst, so I thought I'd start of by saying this is actually a pretty heavy chapter. However, it'll probably be the most serious of all of them, and it takes place almost completely in the past, as I think there are some pretty serious things from Lexa's past that needed to be dealt with (however briefly). BUT, ya'll also finally get some insight into what exactly made her sell her soul to the CIA (or did she?). And thirdly, two warnings. There is a part where Lexa confronts her father, and abuse is mentioned. Second warning, there's also a conversation later in the chapter about bombs, and someone dying from them. So if you'd rather stay away from those, they are in the "three years ago" and "day before" sections respectfully. Anyway, enjoy the trip into Lexa's past. We will definitely be returning to normal next chapter, which might actually turn out being my favorite so far.

Lexa carefully unlocked the apartment door, slipping inside quietly. She closed the door so softly, she didn’t even hear the click of it closing. She slowly unwrapped the scarf around her neck, took off her coat, hat, and gloves. She placed them carefully on the coat hanger, then made her made towards Clarke’s bedroom door.

She did her best to move silently, not wanting to accidentally wake Raven or Octavia. Accidental impalement from Octavia’s katana, or being set ablaze from Raven’s homemade flamethrower, were two scenarios she was quite happy avoiding.

She carefully reached out and opened Clarke’s door, stepping inside. She smiled, relaxing for the first time in days, at the sight of her girlfriend curled up in her bed.

With a contented sigh she stripped her pants and shirt, grabbing one of Clarke’s too-long shirts she liked to sleep in.

Climbing into the bed, she could feel the walls she’d had up for days begin to melt, finally able to relax now that she was back at Clarke’s side.

She moved close to Clarke, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend, pulling her close.

Clarke’s breathing changed slightly, just enough for Lexa to know she was awake. Clarke turned around in Lexa’s arms so she was facing her. Clarke’s legs tangled with hers, warming her up in more ways than one. Clarke snuggled close, her face so close their noses were just barely touching.

Clarke in any form was the most beautiful thing in the world to Lexa. Her girlfriend’s barely awake face, blonde hair splayed out, was enough to make Lexa’s heart ache with love. Lexa felt a real smile make its way to her face, smiling in happiness for the first time in days. If she had to leave, then this was what she wanted to come back to. Always.

“Hey baby.”

Lexa’s heartrate spiked at the husky, loving voice of her girlfriend. “Hey princess.”

Clarke hummed, bringing her hand up to lightly stroke Lexa’s cheek. “You’re back.”

“I came straight here as soon as I got off the plane. I knew you’d be sleeping so I didn’t call.”

“Hmmm, I wouldn’t have minded.”

“Well I thought this would be a nice surprise.”

Clarke gave her a sleepy smile. “The best kind of surprise. I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me too.”

“How did it go?”

Lexa wished she didn’t have to tell Clarke. She wished she had a less-crazy and complicated life. She wished she had chosen one of the many drama-free career choices open to her. But she hadn’t. And wishing to take back choices of the past was pointless.

“As expected. But can we talk about it tomorrow? It’s late and you look about ready to drop back to sleep any second.” Lexa chuckled at Clarke’s subsequent yawn.

Clarke snuggled closer, wrapping her own arms around Lexa so they were both holding each other tight. “Ok babe. I love you.”

Lexa felt herself drifting off to sleep, finally warm and back in Clarke’s arm. “I love you too princess.”

**_Thirteen Years Ago:_ **

_"_ _Ready or not here I come!”_

_Lexa crouched down lower from where she was hiding behind one of the barracks buildings. Clarke giggled next to her._

_Lexa turned to her, finger over her lips. “Shhhh, he’ll hear you.”_

_Clarke put a finger over her own lips, mimicking Lexa, and gave a furious nod._

_The two girls stayed where they were, fidgeting slightly as they tried peeking around the corner of the building to see where Gustus was._

_“Ryder, go check the training grounds, they might have hidden over there.”_

_Lexa grinned at Clarke as they heard Ryder give Gustus the affirmative and stride over to where the training grounds were._

_“Rogers, why don’t you check the mess hall, Lexa likes to hide in there often.”_

_Actually, Gustus wasn’t wrong, she did like the mess hall. It had a lot of places to hide._

_The two girls breathed out slowly, waiting to see where Gustus sent Private Adams._

_“Adams, why don’t you go check the gear room.”_

_Lexa smiled triumphantly as Adams, the last of the four seekers, scampered off. Lexa turned to Clarke with a serious nod._

_The two girls knew Gustus would stick around for just a few more seconds. They slowly crept back around from the barracks building they were hiding behind._

_Lexa motioned to Clarke, holding up one hand with all five fingers. She counted down, and when she ran out of fingers, both girls sprang out from where they were hiding._

_With ferocious warrior yells they sprayed Gustus with their water guns, thoroughly soaking him as he stood there._

_He gave them a befuddled look, but then threw back his head and let out a booming laugh. Throwing up his hands in surrender he put down his own water gun._

_“Yes!” Lexa gave Clarke a huge hug, eyes sparkling._

_“We got you Uncle Gustus!” Clarke exclaimed, running up to where he was standing. The big, burly captain put his hands on his sides and looked down at the two excited little girls. He smiled widely at them, amusement in his eyes._

_“That you did, very well I would add, my little warriors.”_

_Lexa grinned at him. “It’s like what the general says. A good defensive strategy sometimes involves a surprisingly offensive one.”_

_Gustus raised his eyes at Lexa’s word-for-word repeat of her father._

_“Indeed it is, Lexa. Now, I’m assuming you know exactly where to find the other soldiers now.”_

_Lexa winked at him. “Yes sir, we heard every word you said.”_

_“Well, that was foolish of me, letting the enemy hear my entire strategy.”_

_Lexa turned to Clarke, giving her a wide smile. “If you go to the gear room, I can go to the mess hall, then we can both meet up at the training grounds. Ryder always takes FOREVER looking for me.”_

_Clarke gave a serious nod. “Ok.” The two gave each other a high five and scampered off, an amused Gustus watching the two._

_Clarke and Lexa had become inseparable in the last year. Gustus was happy Lexa had found such a good friend. For as long as Gustus had known her, Lexa had had no true friends, only the occasional acquaintances she met when her father went to social events._

_He could only imagine how lonely it would have been. He had thought Lexa’s father would send her to school, but it quickly became evident that the General thought it was better for her to have a tutor._

_Gustus had done everything he could to make sure Lexa wasn’t too lonely, but he was only an old soldier, what could he do?_

_Then she had met Clarke. Gustus couldn’t have imagined a better fit for the two, they had synced together perfectly, those two._

_Gustus’ thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of a private._

_“Captain.” The private saluted him. Gustus saluted back._

_“Private. How can I help you?”_

_“General Woods requests your presence.”_

_Gustus nodded. “Thank you, private.”_

_The private saluted again, turning to leave, Gustus suddenly had a thought._

_“Private Queen!”_

_The soldier turned. “Captain?”_

_“Can you make sure Lexa and Clarke know I had to meet the General? Take them to the mess hall and make sure they’re fed. They’re allowed one slice of cake, if Lexa tries to swindle you into giving her more, tell her I said she could only have one.”_

_The private nodded. “Absolutely, Captain.”_

**_Eight Years Ago:_ **

_Lexa lay sprawled across the Griffin’s couch, holding her side gingerly. The General had not been in a good mood today. Lexa knew he’d be furious when he found out she had engineered each one of the training firearms to say “what’s up doc?” every time it was fired. It had taken the men forever to figure how it had been done, and how to undo it. Lexa knew she shouldn’t antagonize her father so much, but she couldn’t help it._

_She hated the man. And she knew, if it wasn’t Lexa’s deliberate egging of him, he would just find another excuse._

_She was a genius. She knew because one of her old tutors had told her so. She had liked him, he had been nice. But her father had made sure he didn’t stay around long._

_She had found other ways to prove her old tutor right. The more she learned, the more she felt like she was staging some kind of rebellion against her father._

_All he wanted was for her to follow in his footsteps, and for a long time she had been happy to acquiesce to his dream. But now? Now she couldn’t even stand the idea of being a soldier._

_Sighing, she rubbed her forehead, she could feel a headache coming on._

_“Lexa?”_

_Lexa popped her head up to see Abby standing in the living room doorway, clearly puzzled at Lexa being in the house alone. Even Jake was gone, which was strange considering he worked from home most of the time._

_“Hey Abby.”_

_“What are you doing here? Clarke’s in school.” Suddenly her eyes widened. “She is in school right? You didn’t sneak her out again did you?”_

_Lexa gave her a guilty look. “No, I promised I wouldn’t do that anymore.”_

_“We both know you crossed your fingers when you promised that.”_

_Lexa scratched her chin as she glanced up at the ceiling, avoiding Abby’s gaze._

_Abby chuckled, walking over to where Lexa was lying. Lexa made room for her to sit down, placing her head in Abby’s lap. Abby began stroking her fingers through Lexa’s wild hair, instantly making her feel calmer._

_“Are you ok, Lexa? Are you hurt?”_

_“No, no I’m fine,” Lexa lied._

_She had wrapped her ribs in the way Clarke did for her. Clarke had been furious when she found out, but Lexa had made her promise not to tell anyone. She had told Clarke that if people found out, they would take Lexa away from her father. They would take her away from Clarke. From the entire Griffin family. And neither girl had been willing to risk that._

_Abby hummed. “Are you just waiting for Clarke to come home?”_

_“Yeah.” Lexa closed her eyes._

_“Ok sweetie. Are you sure you’re ok?”_

_“Yeah I’m ok, I just figured I’d come over here and wait for Clarke.”_

_“Your tutor said it was ok?”_

_“My tutor told me to turn in a map of the fifty states; ‘capitals included Lexa, when I was your age I was memorizing the countries of the world so this should be easy for you.’”_

_Abby laughed at Lexa’s deep-voiced impression of her tutor. “So he must be new, then?”_

_“I repeated the name of every single country in the world, their capitals, and current political leader then stormed out. You should have seen his face.”_

_Abby chuckled. “Honestly, your father should be reminding these tutors you’re at a college level in your testing. How do they always assume you’re at the level of a high school freshman?”_

_“I don’t think he tells them, he just tells them my age and they go from there.”_

_“I don’t understand your father.”_

_“Join the club, Abby.”_

_Abby just let out a sigh of frustration, fingers still combing through Lexa’s hair. Lexa felt her headache ebb away, thoroughly relaxed in Abby’s presence._

_“What are you doing home, Abby?”_

_“I worked an overnight shift, so I’m just getting back from work.”_

_“Oh I’m sorry, you should go change and probably head to bed.”_

_Abby smiled down at Lexa. “I don’t mind, I always enjoying seeing the second half of the clexa duo.”_

_Lexa laughed. “Did Grandma Emma come up with that?”_

_“Who else?”_

_Lexa chuckled. “Can I ask you a question?”_

_“Of course.”_

_“Actually, it’s kind of weird. Maybe I should ask someone else.”_

_Abby raised an eyebrow. “You can ask me anything, Lexa, you know that.”_

_Lexa fidgeted. Honestly, she really didn’t have anyone else to ask about this, she didn’t exactly have a lot of mom figures in her life._

_“It’s about Clarke.”_

_Abby raised an eyebrow. “Oh? What about Clarke?”_

_“I just, this is kind of awkward. But, sometimes Clarke and I kiss. And I don’t know, it’s just, I know we’re both really young and everything, but that means we’re kind of more than friends, right?”_

_Abby stopped stroking Lexa’s hair. Her face was a range of emotions Lexa couldn’t read. She thought it was amusement? Maybe?_

_“You and Clarke kiss?”_

_Lexa’s face grew red. Maybe she hadn’t really thought this through, Clarke was Abby’s daughter after all. Maybe she wouldn’t like that they had kissed._

_“Yes, it wasn’t anything serious. I mean, it was more of a peck on the lips than anything. And I mean, I’d like to do it again, but if you don’t want me to, that’s ok. And I know Clarke is really young, and I’m not even in high scho-“_

_“Lexa, relax. I’m not upset.”_

_Lexa gave her a cautious look, relief flooding through her. “You’re not?”_

_“Lexa you two have already been on a date. And if I remember Jake’s rendition of the story correctly, you kissed then too.”_

_Lexa again felt herself blushing. The Griffin’s never lost a chance to remind her of that._

_“So you’re not mad I kissed Clarke?”_

_“So_ you _kissed_ her _?”_

_“Well, the first time. She kissed me last week. I don’t know why. We were walking down the street and I was pointing out these cute little chipmunks playing with each other, and she just leaned over and kissed me. It’s confusing, because I don’t know what that means, you know? Like, we’ve been friends forever, what if they’re just friend kisses?”_

_“And you haven’t talked to Clarke about this yet?”_

_“No, I mean, what if they_ are _friend kisses? And she laughs at me for thinking they might be more than that?”_

_Abby laughed. “Lexa you’ve literally declared to everyone you want to marry Clarke someday, I think she knows you would want them to be more than friend kisses.”_

_“That was three years ago,” Lexa grumbled._

_Abby chuckled, running her hand over Lexa’s cheek affectionately. “Sweetie, I think you should just talk to Clarke about it. You two talk about everything, I’m sure it’ll make you feel a lot better to be on the same page with her.”_

_Lexa nodded her head. “Ok. But what if they_ are _more than friend kisses?”_

_Abby raised an eyebrow. “Well, eleven is a bit young to start dating, don’t you think?”_

_Lexa’s face fell a bit, but she nodded._

_“However, considering you already broke that rule six years ago; perhaps, if Clarke wanted, Jake and I could supervise ‘dates’ for you two.”_

_Lexa gave her a grin. “Really?”_

_“I mean, you two are pretty much inseparable, you’d have to tell us when you two would be going on official ‘dates.’”_

_Lexa beamed. “Of course! I’ll talk to Clarke today.” Suddenly she paled. “What do you think she’ll say?”_

_Abby pulled Lexa up so she was facing her on the couch._

_“Honey, I think you two were destined to be together the moment you met.”_

_“You really think so?”_

_“Yes, and if I’m being completely honest, I don’t think I want her with anyone else but you. I’m team clexa the whole way.”_

_Lexa chuckled. “Just promise you won’t get any t-shirts with that.”_

_“No guarantees Lexa.”_

_“Abby!”_

_“You’re not in a place to be making demands Lexa, you’re dating my daughter after all.”_

_Lexa rolled her eyes. Suddenly she had a thought. She gave Abby a suspicious look. “You weren’t betting on Clarke and I, were you?”_

_Abby rolled her eyes. “Of course I was dear. The whole family has a giant pool centered on you and Clarke. Speaking of which, who kissed who first? After your first date I mean.”_

_Lexa slapped Abby’s shoulder. “Abby!”_

_Abby held up her hands innocently. “What! You know how we are.”_

_“So, who wins if I ask Clarke out on an ‘official’ date tonight?”_

_“If you do it before October, I do.”_

_Lexa huffed. “I want some of that money, I can use it to take Clarke out.”_

_Abby chuckled. “Fine, I only really want the bragging rights to be honest. My mom was so sure she was going to be right.”_

_“When did she say?”_

_“Sometime between October and June.”_

_“You guys are the worst.”_

_“You love us, don’t lie.”_

_Lexa smiled. “Yeah, yeah I do.”_

_Lexa wasn’t around that night to see a very excited Abby tell Jake all about their conversation that day. Nor did she hear the conversation between Abby and Grandma Emma, starting with Abby gloating about her being right, ending with the pair squealing about how cute the two girls were; and how much they looked forward to seeing the two girls in a few years as a true couple. And they might have begun discussing what kind of wedding the two would have._

_If Lexa had been there, she probably would have been smiling as well, her mind just as full of excitement for the future. She was, after all, a dreamer._

**_Three Years Ago:_ **

_This was it. This was the day Lexa had been waiting years for. She was officially moving out from her room on the base. The last few years with her dad had been nothing but a strained, painful experience. They had fought constantly, especially about her refusal to consider a career in the army._

_It had led to beating after beating, but Lexa had stuck through it. And today she was officially leaving it all behind. The soldiers in her father’s unit had been nothing but kind to her, for the most part. But over the years, she had seen almost all of them come and go. The only one who had stuck around the entire time was Uncle Gustus, and Lexa was fairly certain it had nothing to do with the man’s loyalty to the General. Ryder, Rogers, Adams-they were all gone._

_Ryder died in action when Lexa was twelve. She had cried throughout the entire funeral. At the end, Ryder’s wife had come up to her and hugged her tightly, whispering about how fond Ryder had been of Lexa. The two had cried together, mourning a man who had been nothing but kind and good to both of them._

_Rogers transferred out East, taking with him his own wife and their two-year-old child. Adams had retired from the army, and become a police officer in southern California._

_There was nothing left for Lexa here, Gustus had promised to visit her often, and she had no doubt he would always be there if she needed him. It was time for her to move on, to become her own person outside of this bubble she had grown up in._

_She glanced around her room one last time. She had already moved everything she needed over to the Griffin’s place, she was only here for some remaining odds-and-ends._

_Sighing, she exited the room, making her way downstairs to the front of the house. Clarke was waiting for her outside on the porch. Clarke stood up when Lexa exited the house, giving her an understanding smile._

_“Hey baby, you alright?”_

_Lexa nodded. “Yeah, yeah I am. Ready to get out of here.”_

_Clarke moved over to hug her, pulling her in tight. Lexa breathed in, Clarke’s familiar scent calming her instantly._

_“Alexandria Woods! What do you think you’re doing?” Lexa and Clarke instantly separated at the sound of Lexa’s father. She had always hated being called Alexandria. Only her father called her that. Lexa’s mom had called her Lexa, and she had stuck with it since then, refusing to allow anyone to call her anything else._

_He strode up to them, scowl firmly in place. His buzzcut, grey now with age, perfectly pressed uniform, and cold, hard brown eyes all lent him an incredibly intimidating presence._

_Lexa faced him, refusing to back down. This was, as far as Lexa was concerned, the last time she ever wanted to see the man. She wasn’t about to surrender any ground. Not today._

_“I’m leaving,_ father.” _Lexa spat out her reply, she could already feel anger overtaking the previous calm Clarke had instilled in her._

_“Leaving where? To live with this plaything of yours?”_

_Lexa instantly put Clarke behind her, stepping forward in her defense. She growled at her father. “Don’t you dare talk to her like that.”_

_“Oohh, the little puppy finally has a backbone. Little good that does you now, Alexandria. I don’t know how I ever ended up with a daughter like you. You’re soft, the world is going to destroy you. If you had only listened to me, instead of rebelling against me at every turn with your stupid pranks and hooliganism, you would have turned out as an excellent soldier.”_

_Clarke put a hand on Lexa’s arm, preventing her from lunging at her father, she stepped up to Lexa’s side, eyes hard with anger._

_“Your daughter,_ sir _, is the strongest person I know. And if you opened your goddamn eyes for one moment and saw past your giant ego, you’d see that. You’d see the amazing person that she is. But since you’re completely incapable of behaving like a decent person for even one second, you’ve lost your chance to know one of the most amazing persons in this world. Well, your loss is my gain. I suppose I should be thanking you, for giving me Lexa to love, because I do. I love her completely, and she loves me. And you no longer have any claim over her you son of a bitch.”_

_The general growled, stepping forward. He raised his arm to strike Clarke, but before he could follow through Lexa was on top of him._

_All she could see was red. She pushed Clarke behind her and fell on top of the General with a flurry of blows. She was incapable of stopping, of hearing or seeing anything but her white-hot anger._

_With every blow she struck she remembered every time the General had berated, beaten her, called her worthless._

_She could barely make out Clarke calling her name, the roaring in her ears drowning out all other sound._

_She was screaming. She wasn’t sure what exactly. Something about how much she hated the man; that he had no right to lay a finger on, or even talk to Clarke. That if he dared to do so, she would kill him._

_Lexa was sure she would have continued forever, her anger was infinite, but she felt strong arms pull her away from the man. She struggled, but eventually Clarke’s frantic voice broke through her haze._

_“Lexa baby, it’s ok, it’s ok. You can stop now, please you have to hear me. You have to stop.”_

_Lexa turned her face towards Clarke, panting. Her chest was heaving. Suddenly she was aware of where she was. A group of soldiers stood around looking at the scene in shock. Gustus was bent over the General, examining him._

_“Is he dead?” Lexa asked, panic beginning to flood her chest._

_Gustus turned towards her, eyes sad and worried. “No, just unconscious.”_

_Lexa nodded, she glanced down at her hands. They were covered in blood. Her hands began to shake, she could feel panic begin to take over her._

_In an instant Clarke was holding her, stroking her hair. “Baby, baby, baby, it’s ok. It’s ok, I have you. I’m holding you, listen to me breath, ok? Match my breathing.”_

_Lexa did as Clarke told her, matching her own breathing with Clarke’s. She began to sob, tears soaking Clarke’s shirt._

_“I have you, I have you. It’s going to be ok baby.”_

_Lexa sobbed until she had no more tears left. She was vaguely aware of Gustus shooing the soldiers away and calling for a medic._

_Eventually, the sobs subsided and Lexa just sniffled, listening to Clarke’s steady heartbeat._

_Clarke pulled back slightly to gaze down at Lexa’s puffy face. “Hey baby, it’s going to be ok, I have you, ok?”_

_Lexa nodded, looking at Clarke with guilty eyes. She could feel the dried blood still on her hands. “I’m so sorry Clarke. I saw him going to strike you and I just lost it. I’m so sorry.”_

_“It’s ok baby, you were trying to protect me.” Clarke’s voice was soothing, comforting._

_Lexa took in a deep shuddering breath, standing up with Clarke’s steady hand holding to her tightly. She glanced towards where Gustus was standing._

_“What do I do now, Uncle Gustus?”_

_Gustus gave her a serious look. “Leave.”_

_Lexa looked at him in shock. “What?”_

_“You need to leave. When the General wakes up I’ll talk to him. He’ll want to put this matter in the past as quickly as possible. Believe me, it won’t be brought up again. Just go.”_

_Lexa stared at him in shock, but eventually nodded. “Ok. Ok, thank you Uncle Gustus.”_

_Gustus walked over to settle his hand on Lexa’s shoulder. “I am so sorry, Lexa. I wish I had been better able to protect you.”_

_Lexa gave him a shaky smile. “It’s ok, Uncle Gustus. I know you did the best you could. I know you stuck around all these years just to watch out for me.”_

_“Someone had to, you wouldn’t believe how much of a troublemaker you are.”_

_Clarke chuckled next to her, hand still stroking Lexa’s arm comfortingly. Gustus turned towards her._

_“Take care of this one, she needs someone to watch out for her and keep her reigned in.”_

_Clarke’s eyes grew soft, gazing up at Lexa in adoration. “I will, I promise.”_

_Gustus nodded at the both of them, bringing them in for a crushing hug. “I love you, my little warriors.” He pulled back, patting Lexa’s cheek affectionately one last time. “Now go, little commander, before your father wakes up.”_

_Lexa nodded, grabbing her bag from where she had dropped it. Clarke and Lexa hurried off, making their way back home. Home. Clarke’s home was now hers, for real._

_Clarke looked up at Lexa, still clearly worried about her. Lexa gave her a reassuring look. “I’ll be alright, Clarke. I’m just ready to go home.”_

_Clarke smiled at her, taking Lexa’s bloodied and bruised hand, kissing each knuckle gently._

_“Then let’s go home, love.”_

_And they did. And Lexa tried her best to put the matter behind her. Jake and Abby’s worry over her warmed her heart back from the icy place it had dropped to. They were furious when they heard what had happened, and it took a combined effort to prevent Jake from storming out to the base. Eventually, they all agreed that it would be best to put Lexa’s past exactly there, in the past._

_They cried, and they hugged, and they ate large amounts of chocolate. And Lexa wished it was enough. But in the back of her head was this nagging thought that her father wouldn’t leave them alone. The last thing she wanted was the Griffin’s paying for taking her in._

_It was with that thought in mind that she snuck out of her and Clarke’s bed in the middle of the night. She grabbed her laptop, determined to find a way to make sure her father never bothered her, or the Griffins, again._

**_Two Years Ago:_ **

_Lexa stepped into the busy office. Everywhere agents were busy at desks, working through paperwork, running files between offices, talking on phones, typing away at laptops. The space was huge, very deceiving based on what the outside looked like._

_“Miss Woods?”_

_Lexa turned to where a tall, tan, brown-haired agent stood. “My name is Emori Davis. Director Venatus wanted me to bring you to his office as soon as you arrived.”_

_Emori nodded at the two officers who had escorted Lexa here. One of them stepped forward and undid the cuffs around Lexa’s hands. She motioned towards Lexa and turned around._

_“This way Miss Woods.”_

_Lexa followed Emori, glancing around as much as possible. The two made their way through the office, turning down several corridors before coming to stand before an office that said_ Director Venatus _in small, golden letters._

_Emori opened the door and motioned inside. Lexa raised an eyebrow as she took in the sight of Director Venatus and two other women in the office._

_All three CIA agents turned towards her._

_The older woman had dark skin and short, trimmed hair. Her eyes were calculating as they took in the sight of Lexa, face unreadable. She pursed her lips when she was done with her examination, turning back towards Director Venatus._

_The other woman gave her a bored expression, eyes cold and empty. Her eyes flicked over Lexa dispassionately. Lexa was immediately struck by a sense of loneliness. The woman radiated pain._

_“Come in, Miss Woods, please take a seat.” Director Venatus stood up from behind his desk, motioning towards a third chair next to the older woman._

_Lexa did as she was told, sitting down with a quirk of an eyebrow sent towards the Director._

_He took a seat as she did so._

_“What exactly am I doing here?” Lexa asked, not waiting for the others to begin the conversation._

_The Director settled his elbows on the desk, entwining his fingers as he examined Lexa carefully. Lexa returned his gaze steadily._

_“You, Miss Woods, are quite an extraordinary figure. You cracked into our system, pushing past all of our firewalls. That is a feat very few people can do. And I understand that’s only the tip of the iceberg with you, isn’t it?”_

_Lexa smiled at him. “You called me here because you want to know what exactly I’m capable of?”_

_The older woman spoke up._

_“We called you here because you broke into one of the most secure networks in the world. You released classified information, causing the deaths of over a dozen soldiers. Embarrassing the CIA in the process. You’re dangerous, a criminal, a terrorist technically. And we have no idea who you are.”_

_“You were able to trace me, and yet you don’t know who I am? I thought the CIA was better than that. Tsk tsk.”_

_“You wiped your entire background. The only information we have from you is your name. Thanks to that license you had on you when we caught you.” The woman answered._

_The Director held up a hand. “What Indra is trying to say, is that you’re a mystery. We have no idea why you did what you did. What exactly are your motivations, Miss Wood? We want to try and understand, clearly you’re a dangerous individual. But perhaps we can come to an understanding here.”_

_“You’re worried I’ll reveal what else I know. Tell me, Director, how long do I truly have to live? What is the sentencing for treason these days?”_

_“Perhaps there’s a better path, Miss Woods. Tell me, Lexa, who exactly is Clarke Griffin to you?”_

_Lexa instantly snapped to attention. She scowled at the Director. What had Clarke done? “How do you know that name?”_

_“Turns out Clarke was pretty worried about you when she heard you were arrested. She’s a precocious one, that’s for sure. She contacted me this morning.”_

_Why hadn’t Clarke remained quiet like she had asked? She had removed any trace that led back to the Griffin family. If the CIA found out her connection to them, they could use that as leverage. She had been specific when she had asked Clarke to give her time to sort it out on her own._

_Lexa glared at the man. “Clarke has nothing to do with this.”_

_“Really? She seemed quite concerned about you. She told me to talk to you, that it would be in my best interests.”_

_The Director reached down and opened a file. He pulled out several photos, photos of Clarke and Lexa together._

_“I did some of my own digging. You and Clarke make a lovely couple.”_

_Lexa growled, leaning towards the man before Indra shoved her back roughly. She glared at the agent._

_“What do you want from me?”_

_“We want the truth. What were you looking for?”_

_“Please, you know who I am, stop lying.”_

_The Director raised a bushy eyebrow, but he glanced down and pulled out a photograph. It was her father._

_“General Woods. Deceased wife. One daughter, named Alexandria Woods. Killed in action due to classified information leaked regarding his activities in Amman, Jordan.”_

_“Killed in action? Please, don’t pretend like my father is some kind of war hero. He was in Amman working on arms deals with terrorists. Be honest Director, were you aware of my father’s side activities? Or do you really think all of this was some elaborate plot to get my father killed?”_

_The Director gave Lexa a calculating look. “So this was about more than just your father.”_

_“So much more. I’ve seen your files, Director. What exactly do you have on Queen? How long have you been trying to bring them down? Years?”_

_The Director’s eyebrows shot up, and he leaned forward. “How many files have you seen, exactly?”_

_“I’m afraid I can’t say.”_

_The Director leaned back, tapping his fingertips against each other as he examined Lexa. “You’re an extraordinary individual, Miss Woods. From what I can tell, you’re a genius. No ordinary individual could have hacked into our system like you did. So tell me, what kind of deal would an individual like you be looking for?”_

_“You think I want a deal?”_

_“Miss Woods, I know how to play this game much better than you. What do you want?”_

_“What are you prepared to offer me?”_

_Daniel glanced at Indra, who gave him a grave look, before turning to Lexa. “You work with us. As an agent. You’ll be able to live free, even visit that girlfriend of yours. Who, by the way, we’ll leave completely alone. In exchange, you give us all you know on Queen. You show us what exactly your father and his soldiers were up to, and you help us bring them down. You’ll do what we say, like any other agent. Agent Silva here will train you. You do whatever she says.”_

_The younger agent, who had been silent until now, suddenly sat up from where she was slouching. “Wait what? You’re putting me in charge of training the little terrorist? I thought I was stuck on desk duty, permanently?” She scowled at Lexa, who smirked back at her._

_“Agent Silva, you’re one of the best agents we’ve ever had. Miss Woods is unique, I have a feeling conventional methods won’t exactly groove well with her. Both Indra and I believe this will be good for you,” Director Venatus explained._

_The agent shook her head and muttered under her breath. The Director turned back towards Lexa._

_“If you don’t take this deal, we can’t protect you, Lexa. And we can’t protect Clarke or her family. Do you understand? We can help you, we know you were probably just doing what you thought was best. With the CIA, you can do some real good. You can help us take down Queen.”_

_“And how long would my sentence be? How long would I be your lap dog?”_

_“Until we say otherwise,” Indra replied._

_Lexa scowled at the three CIA agents. They had pinned her into a corner, and they knew it. Clarke was their trump card. It wasn’t a bad deal, she knew that. When she had released the classified files regarding her father’s actions in Amman, she knew the risk she was taking. She had felt it was the right thing to do, and she had been prepared to suffer the consequences. Perhaps this was the best consequence that she would receive. It guaranteed Clarke and the Griffin’s safety._

_It was that fact that did it for Lexa. She leaned forward._

_“I have one condition.”_

_The Director quirked an eyebrow at her. “What is that?”_

_“If I take this deal, Clarke is left alone completely. I control what she knows, and if I choose to tell her information regarding my job, then I can. No matter what happens to me, she is not to be used as some game piece. No one knows her connection to me, understand? If any harm comes to her, or her family, I will light a fire, step back, and gladly watch you burn. Do you understand me, Director?”_

_The Director smiled at her. He extended his hand. “Completely. Call me Daniel, Lexa.”_

_Lexa shook his hand firmly, their eyes meeting in an evenly matched stare-down. “Daniel. So when do I get my badge?”_

**_A Year and Three-quarters Ago:_ **

_Lexa let herself into the dark house, pausing to take off her scarf and gloves. She made her way into the kitchen where she stood examining the situation. Anya lay sprawled out across the floor, bottle in hand. Lexa knelt down and gently moved Anya’s hair out of her face._

_Anya looked up at her with big, sad, brown eyes. The older agent and she had finally reached a mutual understanding a few weeks ago. With that understanding Anya had finally let up on the young agent, much to Lexa’s relief._

_“How’s it going, MacGyver?”_

_Anya chuckled mirthlessly. “How does it look hot-shot? Pretty much the same as always.”_

_Lexa glanced down at the bottle in Anya’s hand. “I wouldn’t say that, you only drank about a quarter of the bottle tonight, I’d say that’s progress.”_

_Anya gave a short, sharp snort. “You have a strange way of measuring progress.”_

_Lexa gently pried Anya’s fingers off the bottle and placed it on the counter above. She then reached down and wrapped her arms around Anya. “Upsy-daisy. Let’s get you to the bathroom and cleaned up.”_

_Anya grumbled but allowed Lexa to drag her to the bathroom. The two stumbled inside and Lexa placed Anya on the floor and grabbed a washcloth. Lexa carefully cleaned Anya up, making sure she changed out of her work-clothes and into some pajamas._

_Eventually, the two were settled on Anya’s couch. Lexa was already exhausted from their apparently nightly routine now. Anya hiccupped, glancing over at Lexa._

_“Why do you keep coming over, hot-shot?”_

_Lexa glanced over at Anya, chuckling. “I don’t know, to be honest. I guess, I look at you, and I just think, what if this was me in fifteen years?”_

_Anya snorted. “Please. Like you could ever screw up your life enough to be me.”_

_Lexa sighed, glancing back at Anya. “I don’t know. Things between Clarke and I aren’t great right now. And it scares the shit out of me, because what if I lose her Anya? She’s my whole world, she’s everything to me.”_

_Anya looked at her. “Tris was my everything too.”_

_Lexa’s eyes softened. Anya had told her about Tris the sixth night she came over. It had been the hardest night in the roughly three-week time period since this routine had begun. “I know, Anya.”_

_Anya shook her head. “No, listen to me. I couldn’t do anything to prevent Tris dying. I lost her and I had no control over it. With Clarke, though, that’s entirely up to you two. You don’t have to lose to her. And from what I’ve heard when you talk about her, I think the two of you are destined to be together.”_

_Lexa smiled at the older agent. “Her mom told me that once. I just hope it’s true.”_

_“It is. Now why don’t you go home and call her? Give her a passionate speech about the depths of your love for her, explain how you feel. Life is too short to withhold even an ounce of your love.”_

_“Are you sure you’ll be ok?”_

_Anya gave her a lazy smile. “I’ll be fine. I’ve been doing this on my own for a long time before you came along. I know how to take care of myself.”_

_“You don’t have to do it alone anymore.”_

_Anya waved her hand. “I know, Lexa. I know.”_

_Lexa nodded, standing up. “Ok, you’re sure you’ll be alright?”_

_Anya nodded. “Yes, now go call your girl.”_

_Lexa smiled, letting herself out to go do exactly that._

**_A Year-and-a-half Ago:_ **

_Lexa sat nervously on the front steps of the blue-painted house. She tapped Morse code to help calm her down, but it did little to stop her raging emotions._

_Finally, after what seemed like hours, a car pulled up to the house. Lexa jumped to her feet, barely withholding herself from barreling her way towards the Toyota._

_Suddenly, a blur exited the car. Lexa barely had time to register it before the blur was at her side, hugging her so tightly she could barely breathe._

_Lexa returned the hug, wrapping her arms around Clarke and pulling her in fiercely. The two stayed like that for several minutes, unwilling to let go._

_Finally, Clarke pulled back just slightly, eyes scanning Lexa’s face. She kept her arms around Lexa, and her face displayed a range of emotions._

_Lexa felt tears spring to her eyes as she examined her girlfriend. She had almost forgotten how blue Clarke’s eyes were. She brought a hand up and stroked her hand through Clarke’s hair. She had forgotten how soft it was. She brought her hand to Clarke’s face and ran her fingers softly across Clarke’s cheek all the way down to her lips._

_The last few months had been anything but easy. With Clarke in California and Lexa in D.C. the two hadn’t been able to see each other since Lexa had been arrested. And for the two girls who had spent almost every day since they had met, together; it had been quite the ordeal._

_Clarke had been fully aware of Lexa’s plan. At first Lexa hadn’t told Clarke about how she was digging into her father’s life. But when she had discovered what exactly her father was involved in, she had shown Clarke everything._

_Clarke had been furious. Both at Lexa and Lexa’s father. She didn’t understand why Lexa had been so determined to dig into her father’s past. Lexa had done her best to explain why she needed the closure. Because in the end, that’s exactly what she needed, closure._

_Eventually, Clarke agreed that Lexa needed to do something about what she had learned. And so she had dug into the CIA’s files. She pinpointed the secret deals her father had had with the CIA, and when exactly he would be travelling to do their bidding-his own side activities a secret from the CIA. She had then released files that exposed the dealings her father and his soldiers were involved with._

_His father, along with about twenty of his men who were also abroad at the time, were killed by furious local militias. The files Lexa had leaked severely embarrassed the CIA, even when they tried explaining the secret arms deals were their way of tracking terrorist sects._

_Only Lexa had been aware that the list of names she had released were involved in more than just secret CIA arms deals. They were all on Queen’s payroll. They paid and tipped off terrorists about locations Queen wanted hit._

_Lexa had felt obligated to do something about what she had learned, and although Clarke had supported her, it hadn’t been easy since everything had gone down. More than anything, the two girls had missed each other fiercely._

_Lexa ran her fingers across Clarke’s lips. God, she had missed those lips. As if reading her thoughts, Clarke smiled at her through tear-filled eyes._

_“Hey baby.”_

_Lexa choked back a sob. “Hey princess.”_

_Then the two girls were kissing, hungrily rediscovering each other’s lips. It was messy and both of them were crying, but Lexa hadn’t felt this happy since she had been forced to leave California. Everything shifted back into place and suddenly things felt right again._

_It was Jake’s awkward cough that stopped their intense make-out session._

_“Excuse me girls, as lovely as it is to see you two girls back together, maybe you could save that for later?”_

_Lexa gave him a guilty look, but held open her arms and he immediately gave them both a crushing hug. Abby and Aden immediately joined them, Aden calling out “family hug” in his squeaky pre-puberty voice._

_It was perfect. Lexa had missed this so much. She suddenly felt like things were finally looking up after the mess of the last seven months._

_Lexa helped the whole family unpack, Lexa caught the family up to speed on her own life. Aden didn’t know the full details of what had happened, as far as he knew, Lexa had moved out to D.C. to work for IBM. Abby and Jake, of course, knew she worked for the CIA. That couldn’t be helped, as they had been fully aware of her arrest._

_And Lexa had kept Clarke fully aware of her situation. The two had called and face-timed each other virtually every day since Lexa’s release from jail. The CIA hadn’t let her leave D.C., as Lexa had hoped they would. They put a one-year minimum time limit before Lexa would be able to travel around the States again. It had nearly killed Lexa, knowing she couldn’t hop on a plane and go visit Clarke._

_But then Abby had announced four months ago that she had gotten a job out in D.C., and that at the end of the school year, the entire family would move out there. Lexa knew Abby and Jake had made this decision solely because they knew Lexa and Clarke needed to be near each other._

_Truthfully, Lexa had missed her family like crazy, and she had been ecstatic at the news they would be moving out to D.C. But she also felt incredibly guilty, because she knew it was because of her._

_The family spent the entire day unpacking, before collapsing unceremoniously in the living room. They ordered pizza, and watched some cheesy eighties movies. Lexa held Clarke the entire time, unwilling to let the younger girl go after she had just gotten her back._

_It was perfect, and Lexa thanked whatever deity there was that Clarke and she were back together._

**_A Few Days Ago:_ **

_With quick, precise steps Lexa walked down the corridor, back straight, eyes hidden behind large sunglasses._

_Suddenly, she collided with a man hurrying down the hall. Papers flew everywhere in a tornado of white._

_“Es tut mir Leid!” Lexa exclaimed, reaching down to help pick up the papers, eyes combing through them quickly as she did so._

_The man yelled at her, his Arabic quick and harsh to match his sweeping motions. Lexa understood every word, but pretended to give him a puzzled look. Continuing to pick up papers and organize them for the man._

_He pushed her away, but not before she had thoroughly glanced at every piece of paper. He hurried away, grumbling about her clumsiness._

_Lexa jumped up, rounding the corner and following a lady into the women’s restroom. She quickly entered a stall, shedding her glasses, the black wig and coat she had been wearing, along with her shoes. Grabbing a new pair she had stowed previously, along with a long, red-tinted wig, she dumped everything else and waited much longer than necessary before exiting the restroom. A good number of ladies had come and gone at this point. She carefully kept her features hidden from any cameras as she walked._

_She walked for a bit, then stepped into a blind spot of the cameras. She pretended to be adjusting her hair as she talked into her hidden microphone, concealed in the cuff of her sleeve._

_She talked quickly and precisely so her partner would hear. “I was able to see and process the presentation Aramat is bringing before Queen. I can type it up as soon as I get back to headquarters. He also had a list of names. It’s their assets who are involved in terrorist activities on the Queen’s payroll. Listen closely. You have to get these names back to headquarters ASAP, if we start tracking them now we can put them on our watch-list immediately. Peter Armitage. Boris Weber. Ali Ilyas. Mohammed Miller. Helen Johnson. Zahid Abad. David Cozzi. Look for any ties with Grimes Mining.”_

_Lexa stepped away after hearing confirmation of reception of her transmission. She hurried towards the main hall of the fancy conference building Queen were holding their meetings. Like they were a goddamn registered organization._

_Lexa suddenly stopped short. She sighed. Well, it wasn’t like this conversation could have been prevented forever._

_She strode towards a bench on the other side of the hall, taking a seat._

_“Hello Ontari.”_

_“Lexa.” Ontari turned to her with a smirk._

_“I figured I’d see you here.”_

_“Likewise.”_

_Ontari chuckled. “So Daniel has you running around doing his business like you’re his fucking lap dog, huh?”_

_“Please.”_

_“I see. Do you think he suspects you’re playing him like a damn puppet on strings?”_

_“What makes you say that?”_

_“Please Lexa, I’m not stupid. And I know you much, much better than Daniel does. You’re playing him like a goddamn puppeteer and he has no clue.”_

_“You think the last two years have been a game for me?”_

_“I think you always play the long-game, Lexa. Tell me, Lexa, when you trapped your dad like a fly in honey, did you map out exactly what would happen to the rest of us poor bastards stuck with him?”_

_“My father never travelled with soldiers he didn’t trust. Believe me, I knew exactly what all of you were up to. You said so yourself, I know how to play the game.”_

_“Tell me, did you predict me, then?”_

_“Who do you think placed those papers in your pocket?”_

_“What was I supposed to be? Collateral?”_

_“A mistake. My father made a mistake.”_

_“And you capitalized on that mistake.”_

_“I took advantage of what my father gave me. Don’t tell me you begrudge me how it turned out. You survived, and you helped expose an entire corrupt group of soldiers.”_

_“Ending my career as I did so.”_

_“Not technically. Nothing led back to you.”_

_Ontari grunted. “You think I could go back to the army after what I saw? What I read?”_

_“You can’t blame me for that. I didn’t do anything. You think I like the fact my father was involved with the people he was? That he was doing what he was doing? My dad was a corrupt son of a bitch.”_

_There was a pause as Ontari turned to face her. “I know what you’re doing, I have my resources too. They’ve been running themselves crazy trying to track what you’re doing. They’ve managed to figure a few things out. They know you’ve been tracking people based out of Budapest. They know that you’ve been transferring amounts of money like crazy between different tech companies all over Europe. They even know you’ve been sending your lackey all over the world tracking certain…assets.”_

_“And what makes you so confident your information is correct?”_

_“Because Lexa, I know damn well you’ve been sending me this information. What do you want from me?”_

_“I was hoping you wouldn’t be stupid enough to show up here, to be honest. But I guess that can’t be helped.”_

_“I needed to make sure you’d sit down, talk to me honestly.”_

_“And while I’m on a super secret recon mission is the perfect time?”_

_“Well it gets your attention.”_

_“Listen, Ontari. What I did two years ago cost me dearly. There’s only one thing in this world that truly matters to me. I would never do anything to screw that up again. Working with the CIA has been the safest route for me, it’s given me a chance to be with Clarke. Jail wasn’t exactly an appealing option.”_

_“Please, we both know the CIA wasn’t going to leave you in there.”_

_“No, but still. I risked a lot. And I still don’t know if it was worth it. But it happened. And I took that deal with the CIA fully intending to serve my time as quickly as possible. Then Russia happened. And I decided other precautions were in order. I can’t trust Daniel, and so I’ve been putting together some precautions. I’ve been tracking you. I know you want Queen. I’m telling you to back down, the CIA are reigning them in. I give you my personal guarantee to stake those bastards. There’s other ways you can help.”_

_“And what are those?”_

_“Work with me.”_

_“As part of your Nightblood program?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Why would I want to do that?”_

_“We both know you are angry. Angry at seeing your ideals and values smashed by a man you trusted. Believe me, I know. You and I? We can do something to try and regain a little of those values back. We can make a difference in this world.”_

_“You work for the goddamn CIA, Lexa, you actually think you can do something they can’t?”_

_"_ _Yes.”_

_Ontari gave her a calculated look. “I’m tempted to say yes just because I know it’ll mess with Daniel.”_

_“So say yes.”_

_“Do you really have a long-game plan, Lexa?”_

_“It’s amazing what eight months of thinking does for you.”_

_“Raw deal. Russia was, I mean.”_

_“Yeah, yeah it was. I was supposed to die there, you know. Daniel never expected me to make it back in one piece.”_

_“Sounds like a real son of a bitch.”_

_“Honestly, I can’t blame him. I’m a walking, talking goddamn hole in the entire CIA organization. I’ve seen all their dirty little secrets, the names of all their agents, Daniel’s entire CIA record. If I were for any reason to decide it was in my best interests, I could bring down the whole fucking department. It’s in their best interests to keep me close. It’s also in their best interests if I were to “accidentally” die while bravely serving my country.”_

_“So why do you work with them? Like you said yourself, you could bring them all down?”_

_“You really think I want to bring down the CIA? For all their mistakes, they actually do some good in this world. You know how many terrorist attacks they’ve prevented in the U.S.? Hundreds. I would never.”_

_“If only Daniel believed that.”_

_“I think he does, honestly. But on paper, his gut instinct doesn’t translate. Anya told me before I left that he likes me, because I remind him of himself. Sometimes I wonder if that’s true, if I’m just a master manipulator playing some kind of game for the sake of playing it. Except the game involves international terrorism, treason, and classified secrets.” Lexa glanced down at her hands in frustration. She felt like she was going down some kind of rabbit-hole and wouldn’t be able to find her way back._

_Suddenly the last person in the world she expected to comfort her put a hand on her knee. “You’re nothing like him, Lexa. You think you exposed your father because it was some kind of game to you? No, you did it because it was the right thing to do. All you’ve ever tried to do, Lexa, is right wrongs, even I can see that.”_

_Lexa sighed, rubbing her face. “I just wish I could be working in some boring lab job or something. Or I could be an engineer like Jake. Or have my own tech company. Instead I’m playing a game of intrigue. And one of the most powerful men in the world has my number.”_

_“Or at least he thinks he does.”_

_Lexa chuckled. “Or so he thinks.”_

_“I’ll do it.”_

_Lexa turned to Ontari with a raised eyebrow. “Really?”_

_“There’s nothing I want more than to see Queen go down, but I trust you to bring them down in a blaze of glory. After seeing what you did to your dad, I know you will. I’ll back off. And you’re right. Since what went down in Amman, I’ve been drifting. Aimless. My only goal was to make Queen pay. If I can gain back a little of what they took from me, and what they took from the world, then I’m in.”_

_Lexa gave her a smirk. “Alright Ontari, welcome to the Nightblood program.” Lexa reached out, and Ontari grasped her forearm. Lexa smiled at the gesture._

_“Let’s raise some hell.”_

**_The Day Before:_ **

_Lexa stood on the beach, wind whipping her hair around erratically. She took in a deep breath, the smell of the sea permeating her senses._

_Ontari stepped up next to her. Lexa opened her eyes and turned towards the shorter woman. She stuck out her arm and Ontari grasped it firmly._

_“Ontari.”_

_“Lexa. Are you sure this is safe, meeting here?”_

_“I put a little extra sleeping powder in my partner’s tea last night, he’ll be out for a few more hours don’t worry.”_

_Ontair nodded. “I’m assuming there’s a reason why you called me?”_

_“I wanted you to meet my so-called ‘lackey.’”_

_Ontari raised an eyebrow as Lexa turned and faced down the beach, giving a nod to a man standing a few feet away. The man turned and walked towards them._

_When he reached their side he gave them both a firm nod. Lexa smiled warmly at him._

_“Nathan, how are you?”_

_The darker-skinned man smiled back at Lexa. “Very good, it’s good to see you again Lexa.” He turned towards Ontari. “And a pleasure to meet you.”_

_Ontari nodded at him, carefully examining him up and down. “So what’s your deal? How’d you fall into the company of one Lexa Woods?”_

_Nathan gave Ontari a grim look in return. “Do you really want to know?”_

_“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”_

_Nathan turned towards Lexa who gave him a nod of reassurance. “Do you want to know why Lexa calls us the Nightblood program?”_

_“I assumed for the grim effect the name has?”_

_“It’s because the people Lexa’s brought together, they’re all people with pasts. Not happy ones, usually. We’re tainted, our blood is stained. Mine especially.”_

_Ontari frowned at him, but he simply continued on._

_“I was a chemist once. But I was having trouble finding a job, and I needed money. My fiancée and I had these big dreams. I was desperate, we were barely scraping by. So I did something drastic. I became a bomb-maker. I didn’t care what side I worked for, I just needed the money. And it was good money. I lived in a world entirely void of the consequences of my actions. Until I didn’t. My fiancée was travelling home after work one day. We lived in Yemen at the time. A bomb went off on his way back, killing him. When I found out the news, you can’t even understand the devastation I felt. I found out later, it was my bomb that killed him. I killed Brian.”_

_Nathan clenched his jaw, staring down at the sand. “I couldn’t function, I immediately stopped what I was doing. The consequences of my actions had caught up with me. I am not sure what I would have done if I hadn’t received a phone call from Lexa one day. She was talking so fast I didn’t understand her at first. She was in a hurry, but she needed my help. She’s never told me how she found me, though I suspect she traced me through old contacts of mine. A bomb had been planted in Amman, and she needed my help. She needed me to go disarm it. I thought it was a joke at first, but she can be pretty persuasive.”_

_Nathan gave Lexa a grim smile. “So I did what she told. I found the bomb and disarmed it. Lexa was arrested shortly after. She only contacted me one time after that, to thank me, until a few months ago. She needed my help again. And I agreed. My life had no purpose after Brian was killed, Lexa gave that back to me. Something to keep me going.”_

_“So you do what she says?”_

_“We coordinate together, Lexa doesn’t give the orders like some kind of general; it’s a give-and-take dialogue.”_

_Ontari hummed. “I see.” She turned towards Lexa._

_“So who else have you ‘recruited’?”_

_Lexa again nodded at Nathan, who pulled out his phone. He unlocked it, tapped a few times, and held it out for Ontari to see. She glanced down._

_“Zoe Monroe. Financial whiz. She established her own finance company at eighteen, making millions in the process. Two years ago it all came crashing down. Monroe claimed it had been sabotage from other companies. Either way, she lost everything. Her money, her credibility, and the respect of the people she worked with. Even her fiancée walked away. She’s been slowly trying to remake herself in the last two years. She is quite vocal in her criticism of the corruption in the financial world, but no one listens to her anymore.”_

_Nathan pulled back his phone, swiping right._

_“Will Sterling. Technical genius. He and his best friend, Mel, were partners back in Russia. They, like Lexa, were expert hackers. One day, they were caught hacking into the SVR RF’s secret databases. Sterling escaped, but his best friend, Mel, was caught. She committed suicide in prison.”_

_He swiped right again._

_“Wells Jaha.”_

_Ontari made a noise, and Nathan paused, raising his eyebrows. “Sorry, it’s just, I know that name.”_

_Nathan smirked. “Wells Jaha. Son of the French President, Thelonious Jaha. He’s grown up in the political world, born and bred to be a politician himself. He has no tragic backstory, he’s simply a disillusioned son of a politician.”_

_Nathan paused, glancing at Lexa before swiping one last time. “Fox. Ex-assassin. Of Romanian descent. She witnessed the slaughter of her entire family man years ago in an incident with the Romanian mafia. She was recruited shortly after that, and was trained to be an assassin. As soon as she killed those who were responsible for her family’s death, she walked away. Years as an assassin made her bitter, but she, as she told Lexa, ‘still has a piece of her soul remaining.’ She contacted Lexa not too long ago, wanting Lexa’s help in taking down the organization she was previously employed in. She brings with her two other ex-assassins, also wanting to escape the life they had been recruited into.”_

_Ontari whistled as Nathan put away his phone. “Damn. Quite the list you have there. So, we have an ex-bomber maker, a financial genius, a tech whiz, a politician, three ex-assassins, a trained spy, and an ex-soldier. Damn. I think I under-estimated you Lexa. So what is your game-plan exactly?”_

_Lexa gave her a grim smile. “I may have brought these people together, but I don’t call the shots. Most of them contacted me, wanting help after they saw what I did in Amman. They’re disillusioned individuals who need a purpose back. So I give them one. They’re based out of Budapest, for now.”_

_Lexa opened her briefcase and handed Ontari a file. “These are for you.”_

_Ontari glanced at the file. Inside was a plane ticket, a new passport, money, and instructions. “You want me to go to Budapest?”_

_“Yes, with Nathan. The eight of you will be working together as a team, with the resources that have been provided for you. If you need me, you can contact me through Nathan.”_

_Ontari whistled again. “Alright. Well, I told you I was in, so I guess I’ll give this a shot.” She gave Lexa another handshake, then nodded at Nathan._

_Nathan nodded back. “Meet me at the airport, we won’t acknowledge each other’s presence, but we’ll be on the same flight.”_

_“Got it boss.” She gave them one last nod and strode away, leaving Nathan and Lexa alone._

_Nathan reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette pack and lighter. He offered one to Lexa who took it gratefully._

_They smoked in silence for a couple minutes._

_“I hope you know what you’re doing, Lexa.”_

_Lexa sighed. “Me too.”_

_“It won’t be easy, getting them all to work together.”_

_“I have faith in you.”_

_Nathan hummed. “Are you sure you want to stay where you are, in D.C.?”_

_Lexa nodded. “I belong with Clarke, always have been, always will. I’m happy there, with her. We have a good life.”_

_“Enjoy every moment you have with her, Lexa.”_

_“I intend to.”_

_“Does she know, about all of this?”_

_“Bits and pieces. I explained to her about the people who have contacted me in the last two years. She asked me to stay out of it.”_

_“Is this your way of staying out of it?”_

_“Yes. I’m handing it over to you, Nathan. I’m trusting you.”_

_“You’ll answer if I need help, though?”_

_“Always.”_

_Nathan nodded. “You’re a good person, Lexa. You deserve the happiness many of us have been deprived. The consequences of our actions are not always so gentle.”_

_Lexa nodded. “I know. Believe me, I know.”_

_“You have taken precautions, right? Your situation isn’t exactly the most secure.”_

_“Yes, don’t worry about me.”_

_Nathan dropped his cigarette and crushed it in the sand, turning to face Lexa fully. “Good. If you ever need any help Lexa, don’t be afraid to contact us. We are your Nightbloods, after all.”_

_Lexa smiled, reaching out her hand, and Nathan grasped her forearm as Ontari had previously. “You’re a good man, too, Nathan Miller. Brian would be proud of the work you’re doing now.”_

_“It can never make up for the mistakes of the past. But thank you.”_

_Lexa gave him one last nod, before he strode away. She watched him go before turning back towards the sea. Time to return home, finally._

**_Present Day:_ **

Lexa woke up to Clarke snuggled close in her arms. Clarke was tracing patterns on her skin, and Lexa smiled at the ticklish feeling. Clarke glanced up at Lexa’s face, smiling at the fact that Lexa was awake.

“Good morning love.”

Lexa chuckled. “Good morning beautiful. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you.”

“Long trip, huh?”

“The longest. I ran into Ontari there.”

Clarke’s eyes grew wide. “Really? Was she going after Queen?”

“Yes, but we had a nice chat.”

“Really? What about?”

“The Nightbloods.”

Clarke frowned at her. “I thought you were staying out of that?”

“I am. I redirected her towards Nathan. They’re going back to Budapest where the rest are located.”

“You’re not getting involved, then?”

“I promised I would stay away, I only put Ontari in contact with Nathan, and thus the rest of the Nightbloods.”

Clarke nodded. “That’s good. I need you here, love.”

Lexa hummed, rubbing her nose against Clarke’s affectionately. “And there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

The two stayed like that for a while, content to simply lie together. Suddenly Clarke glanced up at Lexa, stopping her casual tracing of Lexa’s skin.

“Ummm, so something interesting happened yesterday.”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow at Clarke, “Oh, what do you mean, something interesting?”

“Levi showed up yesterday. And Raven was there when he did.”

Lexa gave Clarke a wide-eyed look. “Does she know?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Lexa slapped her face and groaned. “Oh shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, sorry for all the notes this chapter. But just quickly, this won't be the last time we will be seeing Ontari, as her story in relation to Lexa's is not yet complete. However, I am not sure we will see any more of the nightbloods, that was more to indulge myself than anything. Like, how cool would the nightbloods be? With Lexa as their CIA contact? Also, as I said, next chapter will be a return to normal. Thanks again for all the comments and kudos :)


	8. The Meeting of Levi

Lexa fidgeted on the couch next to Clarke, sending her a look that asked _what the hell is going on?_

Clarke just shook her head, directing her gaze back towards the sight before her. Of all the people to find out her and Lexa’s biggest secret, it just had to be Raven.

Raven, who just happened to be pacing in front of them right now. She had this baseball bat in her hands, and she was tapping it methodically as she paced.

Clarke felt Lexa elbow her and then gesture amusedly at the bat. _What does she think she’s going to do with that?_

Clarke rolled her eyes. _It’s Raven, she’s as dramatic as you._

Lexa stuck her tongue out at Clarke, and Clarke playfully booped Lexa on the nose with her finger. Lexa grinned back at Clarke and made a move to tickle Clarke but the two were interrupted by a very irate Raven.

“Nope! None of that! You two have some explaining to do.” Raven glared at them as she held her bat menacingly.

Clarke heard Lexa’s attempt to suppress her snicker. Raven shot her a deadly look, and Lexa coughed as she buried her head into Clarke’s shoulder, who was attempting to suppress her own smile.

In all fairness, this situation shouldn’t be as amusing as it was, but both the girls were in a good mood. Even Levi’s appearance hadn’t dampened their mood. Actually, both the girls had been ecstatic at his news.

And since getting back Lexa had been especially playful. It was a side to Lexa that Clarke loved. Sure, she loved Lexa as a genius, as a spy, and as a wise-ass. But she loved the moments when Lexa was playful the best. And it almost seemed that Lexa had left something behind in Manama, something that had been weighing on her mind. She seemed lighter, somehow. Clarke wasn’t sure what it meant, but she was just happy to have Lexa back in her arms, safe and sound.

And even having to explain their secret to Raven didn’t seem to dampen Lexa’s mood. Raven continued to glare at them. Lexa continued to attempt to suppress her laughter. Clarke sighed. Guess this was up to her since Lexa was being completely hopeless.

“Raven, we haven’t told anyone. And you have to promise you won’t either.”

“I want an explanation, at least.”

“It’s a super long story.”

Raven rolled her eyes, then plopped down in the chair opposite the couch. “Then you better get started.”

Lexa finally pulled her head from where it had been buried in Clarke’s shoulder, giving Raven a grin.

“The whole story?”

Raven gave Lexa an unamused look. “The whole story.”

Clarke chuckled, cuddling into Lexa, who gave her an adoring smile as she did so.

Lexa cleared her throat. “Well, it happened about a year ago. Clarke and I were going on a date…”

**_One Year Ago:_ **

_Lexa stepped up to the Griffin’s front door, knocking twice before stepping back. Jake swung the door open and gave her an amused smile._

_As usual, she had brought roses, and Jake’s eyes twinkled at the sight. She very rarely showed up to her and Clarke’s dates without them, and Lexa swore Jake and Abby enjoyed the flowers more than Clarke._

_Over all these years Jake and Abby had always supported their relationship. Lexa supposed that if she ever had a daughter one day, she too would want her with the best person possible. And it never failed to blow Lexa’s mind that Jake and Abby were fully on board with the idea that she, Lexa Woods, was the best person for Clarke to be with._

_“Lexa! There you are, and all dressed up too. Clarke should be down in a minute.”_

_Lexa smiled at Jake as she stepped into the Griffin’s house. She gave Jake and Abby a quick hug, and laughed as Aden came barreling around the corner._

_“Lexa! I haven’t seen you all week!”_

_He gave her a crushing hug. God she loved this boy, he was always so happy to see her. If there was anything that could make her day better that wasn’t centered around Clarke, it was seeing Aden._

_“What’s up bud? Sorry I haven’t been over more, I had to travel somewhere for my job for a couple days.”_

_Aden grinned at her. “Where did you go? Did you bring me back anything?”_

_Lexa pulled out a small, black case from her suit jacket. “Of course I did.” She handed over the black case to Aden who opened it eagerly._

_“You got me a knife? That’s so cool!”_

_“She what?” Abby stepped up and gave Lexa a horrified look._

_Lexa laughed, holding up her hands in innocence. “It’s just a small knife, and it’s dulled. It was handmade by the natives of the village I was visiting in Peru.”_

_Abby gave her a disapproving look, but Lexa knew she wasn’t actually upset at her. Besides, this was certainly better than the machete she had originally planned on bringing back home for Aden._

_Jake chuckled and placed a hand on Aden’s shoulder. “Ok bud, let’s not get carried away with this. Why don’t you go put it away in your room?”_

_Abby switched her disapproving look from Lexa to Jake, but at that moment Clarke interrupted whatever Abby was going to say next._

_She swept into the room and Lexa felt her breath leave her. Clarke was wearing a flowing blue dress that matched her eyes perfectly. She had her hair up, and makeup that accented her face perfectly. For the uncountable time in Lexa’s life, she was struck speechless by how beautiful Clarke was._

_Clarke’s eyes met Lexa’s, and immediately the world fell away and all Lexa could see was Clarke. Without saying a word Lexa walked over to where Clarke was standing, gently bringing her hand up to rest lightly against Clarke’s cheek. Clarke leaned into her hand, and Lexa swore she had never been more in love than in this moment._

_“Beautiful.” It was about the only word Lexa felt capable of uttering right now._

_Eventually, Jake’s awkward cough interrupted the intense staring session between the two girls, and Lexa dropped her hand, with Clarke promptly catching it in her own._

_Both Jake and Abby were standing together, Jake’s arm wrapped around Abby. They smiled at Clarke and Lexa, love and pride clearly shining in their eyes._

_“Can we get a picture?” Jake asked, holding up a camera._

_Lexa laughed, shrugging off her jacket to reveal her form-fitting suit. She heard Clarke let out a low whistle, and she turned towards Clarke with a cheeky grin, winking as she slid her arm around Clarke’s waist._

_“See something you like?”_

_“A few things,” Clarke replied, eyes twinkling._

_Jake and Abby snapped a few pictures before Lexa and Clarke bundled up and headed out towards Lexa’s car. Lexa held open the door for Clarke, and then swung around to her own side, grinning like a fool. Tonight was going to be a good night, she could feel it._

(Raven held up her hand, giving Lexa an annoyed look.

“What exactly does this have to do with anything? I mean, I get it, you and Clarke are adorable. But this still doesn’t explain anything.”

Lexa rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Raven, for this story to make sense we need some background. This is background. You said you wanted the full explanation.”

Clarke held up her hands from where she was still cuddled into Lexa’s side. “Raven I promise everything will be explained. Why don’t we skip to the party, Lexa?”

Lexa nodded her head. “Proceed, dear.”

Clarke rested her head against Lexa’s shoulder, smiling as Lexa rested her chin atop Clarke’s head. “Lexa and I arrived to the party, which was actually a lot fancier than Lexa had originally made it out to be.”)

_“Lexa, what kind of party is this exactly?” Clarke asked, getting out of the car as Lexa held open the door for her._

_Lexa tossed her keys to the valet and took Clarke’s hand._

_“It’s some gala the President is throwing.”_

_“The President of what?”_

_“Umm, the United States?”_

_Clarke suddenly stopped short. “The President is going to be here?” She hissed, giving Lexa a disbelieving look._

_Lexa laughed. “Yes, but only briefly. He has to leave after he gives his speech, which is in like ten minutes so we should hurry.”_

_“How’d you even get tickets for this?”_

_“My boss Daniel was going to attend, but he’s in Vienna this weekend. I just hacked into their data system and changed the names on the tickets.”_

_“I swear Lexa if you weren’t some adorable dork from northern California you’d be like the best (worst?) mastermind bad guy.”_

_“Hey now, I can be the best mastermind good guy too, can’t I?”_

_“Hmmm, I prefer just Lexa Woods if that’s ok.”_

_Lexa laughed and swung their connected hands. “Ok baby, I can be that for you.”_

_Clarke gave Lexa a quick kiss, before the pair entered the very expensive looking gala building._

_Lexa directed them towards a table in the middle of the banquet hall. Clarke spun her head around, taking in the impressive array of well-dressed men and women. Finally, the two reached a table in the middle of the floor._

_Lexa pulled out Clarke’s chair, and she sat down, flashing a smile at the other people seated at their table._

_“Hi, I’m Clarke.” She offered her hand to an older woman seated at her right._

_The woman smiled, “Nice to meet you Clarke, I’m Louise.” The two shook hands and then Clarke turned to where Lexa was sitting down on her left._

_“This is my girlfriend, Lexa.”_

_Lexa flashed the woman a smile and reached out her hand. Louise shook it with a polite smile. “A pleasure.”_

_“Likewise.”_

_Clarke turned to the rest of the table and introduced herself to the other five. There was Senator Kaine and his wife, Louise’s husband Mike, and a young-looking business man with his wife._

_Once introductions were made, Clarke felt Lexa lean in, bringing her lips close to Clarke’s ear as she placed her hand on Clarke’s thigh._

_“Would you like anything to drink?”_

_Clarke nodded. “Some wine, please.”_

_Lexa nodded, getting up to go over to the bar. Clarke watched her go with a small smile._

_“You two make a very cute couple,” Louise said. Clarke turned towards her in surprise._

_“Thank you.”_

_“You seem very comfortable around each other, have you been together long?”_

_Clarke let out a small laugh. For some reason this question always seemed complicated, and yet simple, to her. For as long as she could remember Lexa had been in her life, but she couldn’t very well say they’d been together her whole life._

_“We officially started dating when I was twelve, but I’ve known Lexa pretty much my whole life.”_

_Louise eyebrows shot up. “Twelve? That’s quite young.”_

_“I suppose. But honestly, it just felt natural. Being with Lexa has always felt that way. It just feels…right, I guess. Sometimes the only thing that ever felt right. ”_

_“Well, it’s always good to see young couples in love. At your age I was still out there breaking young men’s hearts right and left.”_

_Clarke laughed, and Louise just gave her an amused look in return. Somehow Clarke found the idea of the small, blonde, well-dressed older woman being a player somewhat amusing._

_Just then Lexa returned with their drinks. She handed Clarke her white wine and gave her a kiss on the cheek._

_“Here you go darling.”_

_“So how did you two get invited here?” David, the business man, asked from Lexa’s left._

_Lexa smiled at him politely, grabbing Clarke’s hand underneath the table._

_“Our parents are friends with the President. They went to high school together.”_

_The business man raised his eyebrows. “Really?”_

_“Oh yeah, my dad used to play chess with the President.”_

_“That’s crazy!”_

_“Yeah, it’s 100% true, as crazy as it sounds.”_

_The man nodded, taking a sip of his whiskey. Clarke smirked at Lexa._

Cheeky.

_Lexa just smirked subtly back at Clarke. Louise chuckled from where she was sitting, sending Clarke a subtle wink that let both of them know she didn’t believe them one bit._

_Just then the President himself stepped onto the platform and Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand eagerly. She listened to the entire speech, enraptured. She laughed at the bad jokes, and clapped enthusiastically at the end. She pretended not to notice that throughout most of the speech, Lexa sat back and watched Clarke. Rubbing her thumb in gentle circles against Clarke’s thigh, she smiled whenever Clarke laughed._

_When the President finished his speech and food began to be served Clarke leaned in towards her, placing her hand atop Lexa’s._

_She brought her lips close to Lexa’s ear, “You know, I hear when the President of the United States is speaking, it’s polite to actually pay attention to what he’s saying.”_

_Lexa chuckled, and Clarke smiled at the feeling of the chuckle reverberating through Lexa’s throat as she laid a gentle kiss there before pulling back._

_“What can I say, I had something much more fascinating right before me.”_

_“Ooohhh, smooth, Woods.”_

_“I always perform best when there’s a pretty lady involved.”_

_“I better be the only pretty lady you’re talking about.”_

_“You’re the only one that matters.”_

_“Dug yourself out of that one.”_

_Before Lexa could reply, food was placed before them, and the pair dug into it eagerly, disappointed when the small portions disappeared quickly. Surprisingly, conversation around the table flowed smoothly, and Clarke found herself charmed by Louise and her crazy stories. Apparently she had met her husband in Italy when he, a young Italian police officer, had to arrest her for vandalizing a store. She had apparently been very drunk, and flirtatious enough to charm the young Italian._

_A couple hours later, after the food had been eaten and cleared, Lexa stood up and offered her hand to Clarke._

_“Dance with me?” Lexa flashed Clarke her most charming smile, and Clarke just laughed and accepted Lexa’s hand._

_The pair sauntered towards the dance floor giggling at Louise’s wolf whistle._

_Under the dimmed lights, and the soft orchestra music, Lexa twirled Clarke and pulled her in close._

_Clarke gazed into Lexa’s eyes as the pair swayed easily around the floor to the music._

_“You’re beautiful when you smile, you know.” Lexa said softly, subtly pulling Clarke closer._

_“And you’re the biggest sap I’ve ever met.”_

_“It’s not my fault, what am I supposed to do when I have such a gorgeous woman in my arms?”_

_“Never let her go.”_

_“I never intend to.”_

_“Good.” Clarke paused as Lexa spun her again._

_“So Louise is something else, isn’t she?”_

_Lexa laughed at Clarke’s statement. “I think she’s quickly becoming your idol, Clarke.”_

_“She’s like, the coolest.”_

_“Someone future Clarke Griffin could be?”_

_“Mmmm, perhaps. Maybe I’ll let myself be arrested by a hot Italian man and marry him too.”_

_“Don’t forget I’m a super badass spy, Clarke. An Italian police officer wouldn’t even stand a chance.”_

_“Well for the sake of my hypothetical future Italian husband, I better stay away from him so you don’t kill him.”_

_“You always have had such a good heart, Clarke.”_

_Clarke smirked. “Nor a faint one, if I could tame one wild Lexa Woods.”_

_“Of the two of us, you’re definitely the strongest.”_

_Clarke just hummed, tucking her chin on Lexa’s shoulder, smiling as Lexa pulled Clarke close against her._

_“Did you see the Senator’s wife’s face at our PDA?”_

_“I’m pretty sure that’s exactly why you kissed me three times during dinner Clarke. You just love riling people up.”_

_“I can’t help it, Lexa. It’s too amusing.”_

_“I’m not complaining.” Lexa pulled back slightly, looking Clarke in the face. “I don’t know about you, but I’m still starving.”_

_Clarke made a face, “Right? Those portions were ridiculously small. Why can’t they just serve cheeseburgers at these things?”_

_Lexa laughed. “Could you imagine all these Senators and their wives stuffing burgers down their throats? They’d probably get ketchup all over their expensive suits and dresses.”_

_“I don’t think I’d even mind it if it meant I got cheeseburgers and fries.”_

_Lexa chuckled. “How about we go get one? I know a diner near here.”_

_“You’re proposing we ditch this fancy-ass gala to go get cheeseburgers at a dinky diner?”_

_“Well, yeah.”_

_“I’m in.”_

_The pair made their way back to their table, gathering their coats. Louise gave them an amused smile._

_“Leaving already?”_

_Clarke nodded. “We have somewhere important to be, unfortunately.”_

_Lexa nodded in agreement. “Very important.”_

_Louise nodded, standing up to hug both of them. “It was a pleasure meeting you both. You two really are the loveliest couple, it makes my old heart happy.”_

_Clarke smiled up at Lexa, suddenly feeling so very proud and in love with her girlfriend. She sometimes forgot how in love she was with the girl standing next to her. Then someone would mention it, and suddenly Clarke remembered that Lexa was hers. And she was Lexa’s, and it was far from perfect, but at the same time, it was._

_“Thank you, it makes my heart happy too.” Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke’s waist, drawing her close and Clarke giggled._

_The pair bid farewell and made their way outside into the chilly D.C. winter air. Lexa pulled Clarke close and the pair walked in companionable silence towards the burger diner._

_Clarke felt this bubble of contentment, completely happy tucked into Lexa’s side. The dark night, and streetlights reflecting off the winter snow mixed with the feel of Lexa’s arm wrapped firmly around her brought a smile to her face. She wished for more nights like this._

_Soon, they walked up to the diner and Lexa held the door for her. The pair entered the dingy diner, the host giving them a strange look. Clarke glanced down at her fancy dress, and then giggled at Lexa. Lexa winked and pulled her towards a window booth._

_The waitress walked up to them, the mandatory coffee tumbler in hand. Clarke had to give it to her, she handled their extremely overdressed state like a champ._

_“Hiya, can I get you anything to drink?”_

_Lexa glanced over at Clarke, raising an eyebrow._ Coffee?

_Clarke gave her a dubious look._ At this time of night?

Yes?

_Clarke glanced back up at the waitress and almost laughed at her puzzlement over their clearly silent conversation. “Two coffees please.”_

_The waitress nodded. “Sure thing,” she poured out the coffee into two mugs and brought it back over, handing over menus to the pair as she did so._

_“Just let me know when you’re ready.”_

_“Actually, I think we are right now.”_

_The waitress raised her eyebrows but nodded._

_“We’ll have two cheeseburgers with fries, and one vanilla milkshake.”_

_“Sounds great.”_

_Clarke smiled at Lexa and grabbed her hand resting on the table as the waitress hurried off to the back._

_The pair sat in silence for a moment, staring sappily at each other. Eventually Lexa smiled downwards, biting her lip, before reaching into her suit jacket._

_She pulled out a black ring box fiddling with it with her free hand. Clarke immediately felt her heart skip a beat._

_Lexa glanced at Clarke nervously, then laughed at Clarke’s facial expression._

_“Relax Clarke, I’m not proposing.”_

_Clarke shook her head and shoved Lexa’s shoulder. “Asshole, you almost gave me a heart-attack.”_

_“I think that’s pretty much impossible at your age.”_

_Clarke rolled her eyes. “Whatever. So if it’s not an engagement ring what is it?”_

_Lexa opened up the box, revealing a silver ring with silver bands wrapping around a sapphire gem. “It’s just a ring. I mean, it’s not just a ring. It’s not an engagement ring, but I want it to mean something. It’s a sign of my commitment to you, and I know we’ve already talked about getting married and everything, and I just want you to know I am 100% serious about this.”_

_Clarke chuckled, squeezing Lexa’s hands reassuringly. “Baby, I get it.”_

_Lexa fumbled with the box, pulling out the ring and grabbing Clarke’s hand to put it on._

_“Clarke Griffin, will you do me the honor of someday letting me ask you to do me the honor of marrying me?”_

_“Absolutely, love.”_

_“OH MY GOD! Did you just propose?”_

_Lexa’s eyes widened as she glanced up at the waitress standing before them. “Ummm-“_

_“Yes, she did. And I said yes,” Clarke jumped in, giving Lexa a cheeky smile._

_“That is SO cute.”_

_The waitress beamed down at them, setting down their food, and turned to call out behind her._

_“Henry! There’s a couple out here who just got engaged!”_

_A skinny man with big glasses popped his head out from behind the kitchen wall. He raised his eyebrows at the pair, grinning wide._

_“No shit! Well isn’t that something! Congratulations!”_

_Lexa chuckled, raising her coffee mug at the cook. “Thank you.”_

_“Tell you what, this is all on the house. It’s not every day you see a couple become engaged where you work. Enjoy.” The waitress winked at the two and strode away, giving them one last big grin over her shoulder._

_As soon as she was out of earshot the pair burst out in a fit of giggles._

_“Clarke! I can’t believe you said that.”_

_Clarke shook her head, giggles still escaping. “What? It was easier than trying to explain.”_

_Lexa brought Clarke’s hand up to her lips, kissing it gently. “Whatever you say baby.”_

_The pair ate their food, digging into it after their laughter subsided. Intermittently they talked about random subjects, until eventually they were just leisurely dipping their fries in their vanilla milkshake._

(Raven huffed loudly, and Clarke stopped her narration.

“You alright there Rae?”

“Oh I’m fine, I’m just thinking we should probably order some pizza though if you two are going to keep telling this story at this insanely slow pace.”

Lexa shrugged. “Fine with me.”

Clarke pulled out her phone and Raven rolled her eyes. Clarke smirked at Raven’s expression. She knew all too well what pushing Raven’s patience could do, but she couldn’t help it.

“Not the point.” Raven paused, giving them a look. “But actually pizza sounds good.”

A few minutes later Clarke hung up. “Ok pizza will be here in forty minutes.”

Lexa clapped her hands together. “Great! Now where were we?”

“You sort of kind of just proposed to Clarke in some dingy diner on fortieth.”

“Oh great. Okay, so after the diner Clarke and I walked over to this park nearby, just enjoying the night and each other’s company. We ended up by this duck pond, where I used to go a lot before Clarke arrived in D.C.”)

_“Lexa what are you doing?” Clarke watched in amusement as her girlfriend shuffled her way through some snow._

_Lexa glanced up from where she was slowly making a path in the snow. “I’m trying to be romantic.”_

_“By getting yourself sopping wet?”_

_“There’s a dirty joke in there you know.”_

_“Babe seriously, what are you doing?”_

_Lexa just continued to shuffle forward in a circle-ish pattern before suddenly stopping and turning towards Clarke. She glanced back at the snow and took a huge step forward into the center of the circle. Carefully she took a few steps, then turned around and took a few more. Clarke tilted her head trying to figure out what the hell she was doing. Suddenly it clicked in Clarke’s head and she slapped her face and groaned._

_“Lex you’re literally the cheesiest.”_

_Lexa’s eyes sparkled at her as she finished her last few steps and then stepped out of the snow and came to stand next to Clarke. She wrapped her arms around Clarke from behind and chuckled into Clarke’s neck, placing a small kiss there. “Do you like it?”_

_Clarke smiled at the heart in the snow. Lexa had carefully carved out C+L in the center of the heart. “I always love it when you try to be a sappy romantic.”_

_“I know, why do you think I keep it up?”_

_“Hmmm I was under this strange impression that you loved me, I could be wrong though.”_

_“Jury’s still out on that one.”_

_“If we break up I can sell the ring though, right?”_

_“I got it out of a vending machine so good luck with that.”_

_“Well I don’t believe that for a minute.”_

_“You’re right, would you believe me if I said the ring used to be owned by Princess Diana?”_

_“I shouldn’t, but for some reason I do.”_

_“Surprise!”_

_“Lexa!”_

_“I love you?”_

_“Logically I know I should be mad…”_

_“If it helps it was a gift from a friend I helped out of a sticky situation.”_

_“Who was this friend? The Duke of Wellington?”_

_“Ummm, Duke of York actually.”_

_“Logically.”_

_Lexa placed one last open-mouthed kiss to Clarke’s neck before grabbing Clarke’s hand, swinging it as the pair continued further into the park. Clarke snapped a photo of Lexa’s heart and she pretended not to notice Lexa’s smug look as she did so._

_The two girls were talking lowly in the still night air. Their voices, almost whispers, echoed quietly throughout the empty park. The crunch of the snow under their feet, the distant noises of the city, and the sound of squirrels playing nearby were the only noise that accompanied the two._

_It was a complete surprise, therefore, when the pair rounded a corner and came across a well-dressed man sitting on a bench with his shoulders slumped._

_Clarke stopped in the middle of a story about a science experiment gone wrong in her chemistry class and gave Lexa a puzzled look._

_Lexa just shrugged her shoulders, eyeing the lone man curiously._

What do you think he’s doing here?

_Lexa pursed her lips, shrugging again at Clarke._ I don’t know. He looks a little down though, don’t you think?

Yeah, he looks like a kicked puppy.

_Lexa tugged Clarke towards the man, and the pair slowly approached him, eventually coming to stand before him._

_“Excuse me, are you alright?” Lexa asked, still speaking quietly into the still night._

_The man glanced upwards at them impassively, his eyes flickered briefly over Lexa and Clarke’s enjoined hands before coming to look Lexa in the eye. His face was a strange mixture of despair, impassiveness, and anger._

_“Strange question to be asking a man sitting alone in a park at night, in the middle of winter.”_

_“On the contrary, I think it’s exactly the question I should be asking that man.”_

_“Well clearly I’m doing just splendidly, thanks for asking.”_

_Lexa gave Clarke a look, before sitting down next to the man, pulling Clarke down beside her and forcing the man to scooch over._

_“As much as I appreciate well-placed sarcasm, you do realize you’re a man sitting in the middle of a park at night in the dead of winter, it’s literally the perfect place to spill all your secrets.”_

_“If I were you, I would start talking, my girlfriend can be quite persistent,” Clarke added, quirking an eyebrow at the man._

_The stranger glanced over at them and examined them critically, his eyes once again flickered down to their still-entwined hands._

_He was well-dressed, but casually so. He had short, brown hair, and black-framed glasses that somehow made his light blue eyes even more accented._

_“What are you two even doing out here? And dressed like you just came from prom?”_

_Lexa looked offended. “Please, I can take my girlfriend to a much better party than prom.”_

_“You’re right, an empty park is a much better substitute. Very romantic Casanova.”_

_“It’s very romantic, thank you very much Oscar the Grouch. We were just enjoying each other’s company, we came from a gala.”_

_“Ah, rich kids of some business mogul, then?”_

_“Actually, I grew up as an army brat, and Clarke’s dad is an engineer. Her mom’s a surgeon.”_

_The man quirked an eyebrow at them. “Interesting pair you make.”_

_“Thanks, we’re in the middle of writing an autobiography about our touching love-story.”_

_The man looked away, his lips turning upwards just slightly._

_Clarke glanced over at him from where she was sitting. “Your turn. Spill your life-story, tragedy and everything.”_

_The man’s face grew serious and sad. He turned his head back towards them and in the dark night his blue eyes looked dark and heavy._

_“I’m a pastor you know.”_

_“Ummm, congratulations?” Lexa coughed as Clarke elbowed her slightly. “Sorry, do continue.”_

_“A well-respected pastor of hundreds of people. I’ve even held services at Capitol Hill and the White House. I’m thirty-years old and have been married to a beautiful woman for five years. I’m a grown-ass man with a good, respectable life.”_

_“So what happened?”_

_The blue-eyed man rubbed his face and sighed, staring down at the snow dejectedly. “I should be the last person whose life is like some damn Hollywood cliché.”_

_Lexa suddenly grew serious and placed a hand on his shoulder sympathetically. “I see.”_

_Clarke glanced at Lexa in confusion, and Lexa gave her a sad look._

_“My best friend. It had to be my best friend. Such a damn cliché.”_

_Suddenly it clicked in Clarke’s head, and she too nodded her head sympathetically._

_“I caught them together. I think that was the worst part. If they had told me, or if she had just left with him, I think it’d hurt less. But to see the woman you’re married to, in bed with the man who is supposed to be your best friend-you can never un-see that.”_

_“When was this?”_

_“A few hours ago.”_

_Lexa nodded, and the three sat in silence for a while. Suddenly, she stood up and tugged Clarke up with her. She held out her free hand to the pastor._

_“Up-and-at-it Pastor.”_

_The pastor stared at Lexa’s hand confusedly. He gave Lexa a skeptical look._

_Lexa quirked an eyebrow. “Come on.”_

_The man grabbed Lexa’s hand and she pulled him onto his feet. He straightened his jacket and then tucked his hands into his pockets. “Where are we going?”_

_“To get you smashed. A night like this requires some whiskey.”_

_The stranger gave her an amused look. “Your answer to my tale of woe is to get me, a pastor of hundreds of people, drunk off whiskey?”_

_Lexa glanced at Clarke confused. Clarke laughed._

_“She’s serious, pastor. I would just go with it.”_

_“Levi.”_

_Clarke frowned. “What?”_

_“My name, it’s Levi. I can’t drink whiskey out of a paper bag in an abandoned park in D.C. with a lesbian couple and keep having you call me pastor.”_

_Clarke burst out laughing. “Fair enough, Levi. I’m Clarke, and this is Lexa.”_

_Lexa grinned at him and wiggled her fingers._

_“A pleasure to meet you Lexa and Clarke.”_

_The three walked off, leaving the park to stop outside a convenience store near fiftieth. Lexa smirked at the pastor and informed him exactly what type of whiskey to buy, and with a roll of his eyes Levi complied. Coming out a while later with the paper bag. The three walked a ways down the road and then Lexa unscrewed the top the bottle, offering the pastor the first drink._

_Levi eyed it suspiciously, but eventually grabbed it and took a large swig._

_Clarke and Lexa laughed as he sputtered, pulling the bottle away and wiping at his chin._

_“God, I forgot how awful this stuff tastes.”_

_Clarke laughed, “College isn’t that far removed from you.”_

_“I never drank in college, just high school.”_

_“God bless teenage rebellion,” Lexa replied, and the man just rolled his eyes and took another swig, before handing it over to Lexa and Clarke._

_“You know what we should do, Levi?” The three were walking down the road, passing the bottle back and forth._

_“I really hope you’re not going to suggest anything with fire.”_

_“Why would I do that?”_

_“The pair of you look like people who would burn a house down either in spite or because you thought it would be fun to make a fire in the kitchen to roast marshmallows.”_

_“It was a chevy, and my dad was a jerk, for your information.”_

_Levi gave them a wide-eyed look, and Clarke just shrugged. “I doubt she’s going to suggest anything with fire.”_

_Lexa shook her head and grinned at Levi. “No, what I was going to say was that we should go egg your best friend’s house. We could buy a few dozen eggs, it’ll be super cathartic.”_

_Levi snorted. “I’m a grown-ass man, not some middle-school boy.”_

_Lexa shoved his shoulder, “Come ooonnnn, it’ll be fun. It’ll make you feel better, I promise.”_

_Levi rolled his eyes, and Clarke giggled. “Come on, you know you want to do it.”_

_“Ugh, this night has already gone into a severe tailspin, what can it hurt?”_

_Lexa cheered and dragged them down the street towards the nearest convenience store. Before any more protests could be made, she had purchased dozens of eggs, and hailed a taxi. Levi reluctantly gave directions to his best friend’s house, and the three continued to drink from their whiskey bottle. Levi’s cheeks were beginning to flush a deep red, and his speech was beginning to slur slightly. Plus his sarcasm continued to dial up the drunker he got._

(“Hold up!” Raven was leaning out of her chair, staring at the two of them in disbelief. “Are you telling me you got a pastor shit-faced and convinced him to go egg his best friend’s house in the middle of the night? You’re joking.”

Lexa tilted her head. “No, why would we be joking?”

“Honestly is it that much of a surprise, Raven?” Clarke added. 

Raven shook her head in disbelief, “I just-just, ugh.” She threw her hands up in the air. “You two.”

Lexa and Clarke burst into laughter. “Have you even met yourself?” Clarke stated, still chuckling.

Raven rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Continue.”

The pair calmed down, still smiling in amusement as they restarted their story.)

_The three were huddled behind a car outside of Levi’s best friend’s house. He looked nervous, fidgeting with what must be his wedding ring._

_“Are you sure about this?” He asked in a loud whisper._

_Lexa chuckled, nodding her head eagerly. “One hundred percent. Just grab an egg and throw it as hard as you can.”_

_Clarke opened up the carton and offered it to Levi. “As hard as you can,” she reiterated._

_Levi sighed, adjusted his glasses, then grabbed an egg. He leaned against the car, closing his eyes. With a deep exhale of breath he popped up from his crouch and launched the egg at the small, blue house._

_As soon as he threw it he popped back down with a muffled laugh. His eyes danced as he grinned at the two girls._

_“That felt amazing! Give me another!”_

_Clarke laughed but gave him the carton. He immediately launched several more, practically hollering as they hit the blue house with a satisfactory_ thud.

_“You two need to help too!” He said, eagerly motioning towards the other cartons the three had bought. Lexa chuckled, but grabbed one and opened it up, offering one to Clarke._

_Clarke winked, grabbed one and popped up. She pulled it back and threw it, hitting the blue house straight on the front door._

_The pastor cheered. “Christ, you have an arm!”_

_Clarke giggled, and grabbed another. Lexa joined them, and three giggled uncontrollably as they launched egg after egg at the house._

_Suddenly the front door was yanked open and the three immediately dropped to the ground behind the car._

_“What the hell is going on out here?” A loud, angry voice called out._

_Levi loudly shushed the two girls, and Clarke buried her head in Lexa’s shoulder to hide her giggle._

_The three did their best to stay quiet, and eventually, after a few yelled threats, the front door slammed shut. Levi popped his head up._

_“Coast clear.”_

_With a few more giggles the three pulled themselves off the ground and started walking absentmindedly down the road._

_The neighborhood was strangely quiet. Somewhere in the distance a dog was barking, and through the curtains of the suburban houses light poked through as if curious about the odd group of three walking down the road. Levi grasped the whiskey bottle with one hand, the other buried in his coat pocket._

_Clarke found herself on Lexa’s back, her chin tucked into the crook of Lexa’s neck. She had wriggled her hand past Lexa’s coat and suit jacket and was playing with her dress shirt buttons. The crunch of the snow under Lexa’s feet, and the feel of Lexa’s heartbeat under her hand, soothed Clarke._

_Levi took a swig of his whiskey, then glanced over to the surprisingly quiet pair. He observed them for several minutes. Clarke at one point tilted her head up to whisper something in Lexa’s ear that he couldn’t hear. Whatever it was, Lexa just smiled and barely nodded her head, leading Clarke to kiss the side of her head gently before reburying her face into Lexa’s neck._

_“You know, I don’t think that was supposed to make me feel better, but somehow it did.” Levi eventually broke the silence._

_Clarke tilted her head so her ear was laying against Lexa’s shoulder. She smiled at him gently. “Sometimes the strangest things bring us comfort. When I was younger, I used to be scared of the dark. The only thing that helped me fall asleep was if I had this fake pirate sword tucked under my pillow. I think in my childish mind, I thought it would protect me if I was ever attacked.”_

_Levi chuckled at the story, observing the fond smile that played across Lexa’s face. Clarke watched as his face went through a series of emotions. Confusion, sadness, contemplativeness, acceptance._

_Levi took another swig of his whiskey before speaking again. “When I was really, really young-no more than six or seven-I had this thought while I was lying in bed. I remember lying there, and all of a sudden I was hit by the idea of eternity. I mean, it suddenly hit me that eternity means forever. It goes on, and on, and on. There’s no end. You could spend a thousand years living, and you’re literally exactly where you were when you started. Like a lightning bolt, this realization shook me to the core. And I was completely overwhelmed. I was terrified and scared, because I was always taught that in the afterlife we lived for eternity. And eternity terrified me. I immediately jumped out of bed, and I crept down the stairs to the living room where my parents were sitting with some friends of theirs. When my parents noticed me, sobbing, on the stairs, they beckoned me over. I immediately went and buried my head into my dad’s lap, sobbing. When I tried explaining, I think my parents were just thoroughly confused. But my dad comforted me, I don’t remember exactly how. But sitting in my dad’s lap, all that fear and terror left me, and I was comforted.”_

_Levi paused, glancing back over to Lexa and Clarke. Clarke hummed and nodded, encouraging Levi to continue._

_“I remember that moment so well, because I will never in my life be able to shake the feeling that overwhelmed me that night. The night before my wedding, I felt that same feeling. A strange mix of terror and this inability to comprehend something. I suddenly realized I would be spending every day with this woman I was marrying. For the rest of my life, I would come home to her. It was this tiny slice of eternity. And it terrified me. When I saw her the next morning, that feeling didn’t really go away. Not like it had with my dad when he held me close. I chalked it up to pre-wedding jitters. And eventually the feeling just got buried beneath everything else happening that day. Maybe I should have realized then, Annie and I were just never meant to be together. If we were, then when I saw her the next day, shouldn’t I have felt comforted? It should have felt like…”_

_Levi paused, tilting his head and motioning vaguely at the two girls. “It should have felt like what I see when I watch you two.”_

_Lexa turned her head slightly, and Clarke kissed her cheek, causing Lexa to smile widely. She then gave Levi a contemplative look._

_“What are you going to do now?”_

_“I haven’t the faintest clue. After tonight, I know life moves on. But I don’t even know what that’s supposed to look like now.”_

_Clarke frowned. “You have to take it day-by-day. Decide what you need to do tomorrow, then the day after that, and the day after that, and eventually things start falling back into place.”_

_“I don’t even know what I want to do tomorrow.”_

_“Do you want to talk to your wife?”_

_“No.”_

_“Do you think you need to?”_

_Levi sighed. “Yes.”_

_“Do you want to still be with her?”_

_“No.” Levi answered immediately. He paused, before continuing. “I know it’s over between us. I guess tomorrow I’m going to have to face that, tell her the truth.”_

_Clarke nodded. “Yeah, I guess that sounds like the best place to start from.”_

_Lexa cleared her throat. “I know it hurts, Levi. But in the end, this is a new start for you, whether you wanted it or not. It’s here, and you get to decide now what you want to do with it. You get to reinvent yourself.”_

_Levi sighed. “I don’t even know what that looks like.”_

_“You could always get a tattoo.”_

_Clarke swatted Lexa’s shoulder and Levi laughed. “I think I’ll stick with finding random strangers to drink whiskey with.”_

_“A tattoo might be less dangerous, you might not get such nice strangers next time.”_

_Levi chuckled. “Probably not, but they’d probably be less unbearable.”_

_Lexa made a face and Clarke laughed. “What does that mean?”_

_Levi just shook his head. “My marriage just ended, and I just wanted to wallow, but then you two came along, perfectly happy and in love. Seriously unbearable.”_

_The two girls chuckled. “You know, you get to try and find love again. That can be exciting.” Lexa answered._

_Levi huffed. “I don’t think I’ve done a great job at this love thing, I’m not sure if I really want to try it again anytime soon.”_

_Lexa shrugged. “Fair enough, I can’t really help you with that.”_

_Levi gave her a disbelieving look. “Are you serious? I’ve never seen two people more in love than you two. And I’ve married dozens and dozens of couples.”_

_Clarke, from where she was buried into Lexa’s neck, her nose cold from the winter air, smiled. They were used to people commenting on the pair of them, but in all honesty neither one of them was completely sure what people were talking about. I mean, sure they weren’t shy of PDA, and both were very affectionate with each other. But how did that equate to love?_

_Lexa must have felt her smile because she chuckled, causing Clarke to smile wider at the feeling of Lexa’s laugh._

_“I don’t think either one of us really know what you mean, Levi. Loving each other, we’ve been doing it pretty much our whole life. At this point, I don’t even know what not loving Clarke feels like. It’s like breathing, you know? I know I’m doing it. I might even logically know how it works, but I definitely don’t think about it every time I take a breath. I just do it, and it’s natural. And it feels weird when someone points it out, because why would someone comment on me breathing? Loving Clarke, it’s like that.”_

_Levi frowned, taking another sip of whiskey. “How long have you two been dating?”_

_“Officially, six years. But we’ve known each other for thirteen years.”_

_“Damn. I met, dated, and married my wife in six years. And never once was it anything like what you two have. I think, I was just scared of being alone, you know? And Annie was there, and she was nice, and loving. I guess it just made sense.”_

_Lexa shrugged. “I don’t know, man. Love should be more than just nice, don’t you think?”_

_Levi sighed, turning his blue eyes towards Clarke and Lexa. “Yeah, I’m starting to think it should be.”_

_The three walked silence for a while, before Levi again spoke up._

_“Do you two have any plans to get married anytime soon?”_

_Clarke gave him a surprised laugh, her blue eyes sparkling in amusement. “Pretty much everyone we know has plans regarding Lexa and I getting married.”_

_“Ok, but what do you two have planned?”_

_Both Lexa and Clarke shrugged in sync. “Honestly, I’ve never really thought about the logistics of it, other than Lexa being the one I’m marrying, obviously,” Clarke replied._

_Levi hummed. “So you’re just going to let everyone else plan your wedding and just show up?”_

_Clarke chuckled, “I guess?”_

_Suddenly Levi stopped, holding out his arm dramatically. “Hold up. I have an idea.”_

_Lexa’s lips tugged upwards into an amused smirk, “You want to be involved in planning Clarke and mine’s wedding as well?”_

_Levi shook his head. “No!” He paused, staring upwards in contemplation, his blue eyes glazed over from the alcohol. “I mean yes, but not in the way you’re thinking.”_

_Clarke was now thoroughly confused. “What do you mean?”_

_“I mean, you should get married tonight!”_

_Lexa suddenly stopped short, giving Levi a disbelieving look. “What?”_

_“Yeah! I mean, you’ve both pretty much said you don’t really care about what happens at the wedding, as long as the other person is there. And it’s fine that everyone wants to help with your wedding. But getting married, it should be about the two people getting married, you know? It’s a way for the two of them to truly commit to each other. And I’ve never seen a couple more in love and ready to commit to each other than you two. You don’t have to tell anyone about it, it can be just a secret between the two of you. Someday you can have that dream wedding and get married with all your friends and family, but at the same time, you’ll know the two of you got married in a way that was just…you. You know what I mean?”_

_Lexa shook her head, a smile finding its way to her face. She let Clarke down from her back, and spun around to face her._

_Clarke chuckled at Lexa’s face. She knew Lexa, and for some reason Levi’s drunk reasoning was making sense to her._

_“Babe, do you really want to get married like that?”_

_“I’ve wanted to be married to you for a long time now, and I know we wouldn’t be able to really tell anyone, but we would know.”_

_Clarke shook her head. “Are you sure?”_

_“What is more us than spontaneously deciding to get married?”_

_“And with the encouragement of a pastor we just spent the whole night drinking whiskey with out of a paper bag.”_

_“Exactly.”_

_Clarke traced Lexa’s face with her fingertips. She could think of a million reasons why this was a bad idea, but for some reason the only good reason that mattered was that she would be Lexa’s, and Lexa hers’._

_“You’d be ok with being Mrs. Griffin-Woods?”_

_“I’ve never wanted something more in my life. Besides, I sort of already proposed and gave you the ring, so we’re not exactly skipping a step?”_

_Clarke laughed, looking down at the silver and sapphire ring on her hand. “I didn’t think you were meaning to fast-track this so fast, but if you’re sure, let’s do it.”_

_“Yeah?” Lexa’s face lit up in excitement._

_“Yeah, I’m sure.”_

_Lexa immediately grabbed Clarke around the waist and twirled her around, laughing from deep within. Clarke squealed and held on, laughing along with Lexa. Breathless, Lexa put her down and kissed her deeply, only stopping when Levi awkwardly spoke up._

_“So that’s a yes, then?”_

_Clarke laughed as Lexa pulled back and made a face at being interrupted. “Yes.” Suddenly Clarke had a thought. “Don’t we need a marriage certificate though?”_

_Levi waved his hand. “Not a problem, I know a judge who owes me a favor.”_

_“At this time of night?”_

_“You’d be amazed at the secrets and favors you collect as a pastor, Clarke.”_

_Clarke’s eyes widened. “Blackmail? Whoa pastor, that’s intense.”_

_Levi laughed. “It’s not so much blackmail as reminding people that everyone needs someone they can confess their sins too, without that person spilling their secrets, even accidentally.”_

_Clarke shook her head. “Like I said, intense.”_

_Levi just chuckled and stepped away, pulling out his phone. Clarke quirked an eyebrow at Lexa, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s waist, excitement bubbling within her._

_“We’re going to get married.”_

_Lexa hummed, leaning her forehead against Clarke’s. “Are you scared?”_

_“Never, not when I’m with you.”_

_Levi finished up a few phone calls, and then stepped back towards the couple. “I called a cab, it’s on its way, you guys ok?”_

_Both Clarke and Lexa smiled at each other, nodding just slightly._

_Levi clapped his hands together. “Great! I’m so excited!”_

_Lexa laughed. “Ok buddy.”_

_Levi scrunched his face and tapped his chin thoughtfully. Clarke tapped Lexa playfully when she tried to cover her snickering._

_“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever married two women before. All the words and stuff are the same right?”_

_Lexa barked out a laugh and Clarke hid her own smile. “I think it’s just fine, Levi,” Clarke replied._

_Levi beamed, “Great! Oh! The Taxi’s here!”_

_The three piled into the taxi and Levi directed them towards his church. Levi politely pretended to ignore the couple’s small kisses and cute giggles, smiling out the window instead._

_Soon, the three arrived to the church and Levi pulled out his keys, unlocked the door, and directed them inside._

_Levi set off like a dog after a bone, mumbling something about music and lights._

_Clarke smiled fondly at the retreating pastor before turning around. She began to walk slowly backwards down the aisle, pulling Lexa with her. She hummed slightly as Lexa smiled softly back at her._

_“Wise men say, only fools rush in,” Clarke sang lowly, her voice echoing across the chapel. “But I can’t help falling in love with you.”_

_Lexa stepped closer, the two continuing to move down the aisle. “Shall I stay. Would it be a sin. If I can’t help falling in love with you.”_

_The pair made it to the end of the aisle and Clarke pulled Lexa close, swaying gently as she brought her hands up to rest at the back of Lexa’s neck. “Like a river flows surely to the sea.” Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand and twirled her around several times, laughing at Clarke’s giggles. “Darling so it goes.”_

_“Some things are meant to be,” Lexa sang, synching with Clarke’s voice. “Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can’t help falling in love with you.”_

_“Like a river flows surely to the sea. Darling so it goes. Some things are meant to be.” Lexa’s hand gently stroked through Clarke’s hair, both girls smiling uncontrollably. “Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can’t help falling in love you.”_

_The sound of applause broke the girls bubble, and they laughed at Levi’s idiotic grin._

_“Is that wine?” Lexa asked, quirking an eyebrow at the bottle Levi had tucked under his arm._

_Levi beamed as he pulled it out. “Yes! It’s for communion, but I figured we needed something to celebrate after we finish the ceremony.”_

_Before the girls could reply the doors to the chapel opened and a couple walked in. Lexa’s eyebrows shot up. “Louise?”_

_Clarke immediately waved at Louise and her husband, grinning widely. “Hey! Thanks for coming!”_

_Lexa gave Clarke an amused smile. “You invited them?”_

_“We need a witness, right? I texted Louise and she was happy to help.”_

_“More than happy! I can’t tell you girls how happy I am to be here to witness this,” Louise beamed and motioned between the two of them._

_Lexa laughed and glanced down at Clarke, who was nestled into her side. “Well thank you for coming.”_

_A few minutes later a sleepy, grumpy-looking man came into the church with a marriage certificate, and everyone who needed to, signed. The judge promised to take care of the rest the next day._

_The couple faced each other with entwined hands, Levi standing before them with a dopey grin. Louise, her husband, and the judge took a seat in the front row._

_Levi walked them through the ceremony, keeping it short and simple. When he came to the exchanging of the vows, he quirked an eyebrow at them and asked them if they wanted to say anything, both girls grinned at each other and nodded._

_Levi nodded at Lexa. She nodded back and gazed straight at Clarke._

_“Clarke, if I had the time I’d probably spend hours figuring out exactly how I was going to communicate to you in this vow how deeply I love you. How happy you make me, and how being with you makes me feel grounded, and safe, and amazing. The truth is, every time I’m with you, I have to restrain myself from saying the stuff that is in my head. Because no amount or combination of words can explain the way I feel about you. I want to spend every day of my life trying to make you feel loved in the way you deserve, because you deserve that. You are the best person I know, and I love how strong you are. I love how kind you are, and the way you care about everyone around you. I love how driven you are, and motivated to become a doctor, because I think you’d make the most amazing doctor. Well, I think you’d be the most amazing in whatever you do. The point is, I love you so, so much. Everything good in my life, I owe to you. From the minute I met you, until now, my love for you has only grown and grown. And I vow to spend the rest of my life loving you as best as I can. To keep you safe, and do everything to make sure you are supported in everything you do. You are going to do great things, and I can’t wait to stand next to you while you do them, cheering you on. I look forward to every year we get together, and I want them all, Clarke. I want everything I can get with you.”_

_Clarke wiped her tears away, trying to keep it together. Levi nodded at her, and Clarke took a deep breath, running her thumbs over Lexa’s hands._

_“Lexa, I love you for so many reasons. I love the way you are so gentle and loving with me. With one touch, you can comfort me and make me feel so loved. I love the way you understand what I need, and do everything you can to make sure I am happy and healthy.” Clarke paused, biting her lip as she smiled at Lexa softly._

_“A couple years ago a friend of mine asked me why I was dating you. Not in a bad way, she was just curious. At first I was taken aback, I had never really had anyone truly ask me that. Then I realized she had never met you, and she had never really seen us together, except perhaps in passing when you dropped me off or picked me up from school. So I explained to her how good you were too me, how much I loved being with you. But then, I realized that there was a deeper reason why I was in love with you. Why I was so sure you were it for me. I pulled out my phone and pulled up a video my dad had sent me. He had recorded it a few years previous. In it we were at a zoo, all of us. We were admiring the giraffes, licking at some ice cream my dad had bought us. All of a sudden this little kid next to us dropped his ice cream, and you were the only one that noticed. Immediately, without thought, you went over and handed over your ice cream to him. The look on the little kid’s face, it was so happy. But that wasn’t it. Just then one of the zoo workers was wheeling this cleaning cart by and she dropped a bunch of cleaning supplies out of her cart. With a smile you waved goodbye to the little boy and walked over to help the zoo keeper pick up what she had dropped. You could hear my dad chuckling behind the camera. Just as you were done helping the worker, I called your name and you bounded back to stand right next to me. You had this dopey look on your face, and even when I was pointing out the giraffe’s funny poses, you kept your grin on me the whole time.”_

_Lexa had this amused look on her face, as if confused by where Clarke was going with this story. Clarke just laughed._

_“You are so good, Lexa. You notice people, and you are so quick to help them. You are so good at loving people, not just me. You are good, and gentle, and kind, and though you’ve dealt with all this shit in your life, you keep on going. You can be reckless, and sarcastic, and you try to hide all your feelings deep within, but you have so much love to give and I can’t tell you how much I love you for that. I could go my whole life, and I’m convinced I would never be able to find someone who would love me half-as-well as you do. And I know this is supposed to be the part where we vow things. And so not only do I vow to love you, to take care of you through sickness and health, but I also vow to make sure you realize every day how good you are. To ground you when you start losing sight of who you are. And to only complain a little bit when you play that trap music you like so much.”_

_Lexa laughed, tears streaming down her face. Clarke smiled through her own teary eyes._

_Levi smiled as Clarke finished up her vow, nodding at Louise, who bounded up with a pair of rings._

_“Where did you even get these?” Lexa asked, smiling at the two silver rings Louise had somehow had the foresight to bring._

_“These old things? They’re my mother’s, she was a bit of a jewelry collector.”_

_Both Clarke and Lexa gaped at her and Louise waved her hand. “I have plenty of others, both Luca and I agreed on wanting to give these to you. We don’t have any children of our own, and these needed to go to somebody someday, we can’t think of anyone better than you two.”_

_Levi took the rings and Clarke thanked Louise profusely. Slipping the rings onto each other’s fingers, they repeated the oft-said wedding words._

_And then, Levi gave them the sign that they could kiss. Lexa swept Clarke up in her arms and kissed her, everything from the night leading up to this. They only broke away when they realized they were smiling too wide to properly kiss. The hoots and hollers of those around them echoing around the nearly-empty church._

_“Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever, Mrs. and Mrs. Griffin-Woods,” Levi boomed out the announcement and the small gathering laughed together as Lexa kissed Clarke again, smiling wider than she was pretty sure she ever had before._

_Levi cracked open the bottle of wine and poured everyone a glass. With a wide smile he grinned at Lexa and Clarke, raising his glass._

_“To Lexa and Clarke!”_

_The group cheered and drank their wine, laughing as they chatted. When they finished their drinks, Lexa put her glass down._

_“So, I know a guy that owns a local bar. Some dancing, some drinks, what do you say?” Lexa asked._

_Levi laughed. “I’ve never been in a bar in my life.”_

_Louise gave him a disbelieving look. “Well we just have to fix that don’t we?”_

_A few hours later Clarke sat down next to Levi, who was fiddling with his rum and coke, watching the crowded dance floor. As soon as the group had entered the bar, and Lexa had explained the situation to the owner, the entire bar had gone crazy. With people congratulating them all around, free drinks flowing, and the dance floor going crazy, Levi had slipped into the background. Then Louise had pulled him onto the dance floor, but after a while he had managed to take a seat at the bar and just observe from a distance._

_The bar was supposed to have been closed down already, but the owner had kept it open the whole night, with happy customers celebrating with the newly married couple. The sun was just beginning to come back up, the early morning sneaking towards them._

_“You alright?” Clarke asked, observing the tired-looking pastor._

_Levi gave her a small smile. “I think so. I’m just starting to realize that last night is over, though. Tomorrow is here, and at some point I have to face reality.”_

_Clarke nodded, glancing back to where her wife was standing with a group of people, explaining a specific dance move._

_“Sometimes reality isn’t always bad, you know.”_

_Levi followed her line of sight. “Perhaps. But sometimes it’s not great either.”_

_Clarke laid a hand on his shoulder. “I think the future holds great things for you, Levi. Things might not be great right now, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be in the future.”_

_Levi nodded, glancing back down at his now-empty drink. “I hope so.”_

_“You want another one?” Both Levi and Clarke glanced up at the barwoman._

_“You’re new,” Clarke stated._

_The barwoman, a pretty brunette with big, brown eyes, smiled. “I just got here, I was a little surprised when the boss man called me explaining they needed extra help since they’ve been open all night.”_

_Clarke laughed. “Sorry, that would be my fault. Mine and my wife’s.”_

_The woman raised her eyebrow. “Ah so you’re the married couple. Quite the reception choice you made.”_

_Clarke chuckled. “Getting married was kind of a last-minute decision, we made-do.”_

_“Spontaneous weddings, always a riot. Whose idea was it, yours or your wife’s?”_

_Clarke chuckled, clapping Levi on the shoulder. “His, actually.”_

_“Really?” The woman gave Levi an amused smile, and he shrugged shyly._

_“I was drunk when I suggested it. My marriage had just ended, and I guess I thought I needed to reestablish the balance in the universe or something. Honestly if Lexa and Clarke hadn’t been there I might have just grabbed the first couple walking hand-in-hand by me and married them.”_

_The bartender barked out a laugh, “I think I’d enjoy having you as a pastor, Levi.”_

_Levi smiled at the woman, eyes lighting up at her laugh, “Oh really?”_

_“You sound fun, we need more fun in the church nowadays, don’t you think?”_

_“Couldn’t agree more,” Levi replied, pushing his empty glass towards the bartender._

_Clarke laughed, waving goodbye to Levi as she made her way back towards Lexa._

_Lexa wrapped her arms around her and gave her a quick kiss. “How’s Levi?”_

_“Flirting with the bartender, I think?” Clarke replied._

_Lexa eyebrows shot up. “Oh wow.”_

_Clarke laughed, grabbing her hand and guiding her towards the exit. “What do you say we bounce? I, for one, am exhausted.”_

_Lexa nodded, “Sounds good to me, dear.”_

_The pair walked hand-in-hand out of the bar, making their way down the street slowly. They hailed a cab and soon enough found themselves back in Lexa’s apartment. Gladly stripping out of their clothes, they fell into bed in a heap, giggling as they held each other close. They drifted off within minutes, snuggled close with whispers of “I love you” on their lips._

_Hours later, Clarke awoke to the smell of breakfast and coffee in the air. She stretched, yawning as she blinked her eyes repeatedly._

_“Good morning beautiful.” Lexa stood in the entrance of the bedroom, coffee cups in hand and a warm smile on her face._

_Clarke grinned up at her, accepting her coffee cup gladly. “More like good afternoon.”_

_Lexa chuckled, sitting down on the edge of the bed and moving Clarke’s hair behind her ear fondly._

_“Last night was quite the ride, huh?”_

_Clarke took a sip of coffee, eyes sparkling at Lexa. “It was indeed, wife.”_

_Lexa scooted over to cuddle with Clarke. “You know we can’t actually tell anyone, though, right?”_

_“I know. My parents would be devastated. Aden would probably egg Levi’s house because he “stole” the role of officiator, and Grandma Emma would be giving us sweaters with passive-aggressive sayings on them at every holiday.”_

_“Wait is that what that St. Patrick’s Day sweater was about?”_

_“You did accidentally mail that fan mail to her celebrity crush.”_

_“Oh that wasn’t accidental.”_

_Clarke laughed, before leaning over and kissing Lexa on the nose. “So what do we do?”_

_Lexa shrugged. “We act like everything is the same. You’re my girlfriend who I’m massively in love with and will one day marry in a huge ceremony your entire family has planned.”_

_“So we refer to each other as girlfriend?”_

_“Or babe, or darling, or sexy. Really anything works.”_

_Clarke nodded. “I can work with that.”_

_“Making sure no one suspects anything, that’ll require some acting, you sure you’re down with that?”_

_Clarke raised an eyebrow. “Please, I nailed the part of Alice in that school play.”_

_“That was sixth grade, Clarke.”_

_“Talent never leaves, Lexa.”_

_“Oh really?” Lexa quirked an eyebrow, setting down her coffee cup and leaning over to kiss Clarke. “What other talents do you have?”_

_Clarke put her own coffee cup down. “Many, many talents. But I’m afraid even someone as talented as me needs sustenance.”_

_Lexa laughed, giving her one last kiss before exiting the bed. “Good thing I made pancakes, then.”_

_Clarke hummed, getting out of bed and hugging Lexa. “I love you, baby. And I want you to know, I could never regret last night. Even if just the two of us know, I’m glad I get to call you mine. And you get to call me yours.”_

_“Nothing in this world makes me happier, Clarke.”_

**_Present Day:_ **

Raven gaped at the two of them and shook her head. “So you drunkenly got married one night, didn’t tell anyone, and ever since have just pretended like it never happened?”

Clarke shrugged, glancing at Lexa. “I suppose. We never told anyone because we’ve never really felt the need too. Plus I'm really serious about those Grandma Emma sweaters.”

“And the rings?”

Clarke held up her right hand where Lexa’s ring was placed. Then she pulled out a chain necklace that held the ring Louise had given her. Lexa pulled out her own matching necklace.

Raven leaned back in her chair, giving the pair a strange look. “Huh. I’m not sure I actually believe you two, but I guess it doesn’t really matter, you two wouldn’t tell me the difference regardless.”

Lexa frowned. “So how exactly _did_ Levi spill the beans?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “He knocked at the door and when Raven answered he asked for Mrs. or Mrs. Griffin-Woods. Raven freaked.”

“Cheeky.”

“What exactly did he want?” Raven asked.

Clarke’s face perked up. “Oh, he’s getting married! The woman he met at the bar, Sarah, and him hit it off and they’ve been dating for the last year. He proposed last week. He was inviting us personally to the wedding.”

“Oh wow! That’s crazy!”

Clarke nodded. “I know, life’s funny that way. One minute you’re wallowing in an empty park, the next you’re officiating the wedding of a lesbian couple and following them to a bar where you meet your true love. 

Raven shook her head. “Unbelievable.”

“Raven, I’m serious though. You can’t tell anyone.” Clarke gave Raven a serious look.

Raven sighed, eyeing the couple. “Fine, but only if you promise that I get to be the DJ at your actual wedding.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

Raven beamed. “Great! Now who wants some hot cocoa?”

Lexa laughed as Raven bounded off into the kitchen, leaning close to whisper in Clarke’s ear. “I love, you, Mrs. Griffin-Woods.”

Clarke kissed Lexa, affectionately bumping her nose against Lexa’s cheek. “And I love you, sexy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually 100% truthfully started a fire in my flat kitchen once because we wanted to make s'mores. I kid you not, we had to cook twigs in the oven first so the fire wouldn't smoke. Best s'more ever. And Levi's story about being a kid and being terrified of eternity, also happened to me. Also, the original desire to make this fic came from the idea behind this chapter. And I actually mean it this time when I say next chapter will be back to normal.


	9. A Conversation, A Christmas, and a New Year

**"** Finn Collins.”

Finn snapped his head up from where he had been sitting, head hanging slightly as he slowly rubbed his hands back and forth in the cold.

“Lexa? What are you doing here?” He glanced around, as if expecting someone else to pop out as well.

Lexa smiled down at Finn, eyebrows quirked in amusement. “I work near here. The question is, what are you doing here? I know for a fact you don’t go to school or live anywhere in this area.”

Finn sighed, hanging his head again. “I had a date near here, it went kind of terribly.”

Lexa took in his rather defeated disposition. She hadn’t meant to make this a long conversation, she’d had a long day after all, but she suddenly realized Finn looked like he needed some cheering up. She motioned towards the seat next to him, “Can I sit down?”

Finn shrugged. “Sure.”

Lexa sat down, letting out a deep sigh. She had been working late; and truthfully wanted nothing more than to drive to Clarke’s, crawl into bed, and spend the evening cuddling with her girlfriend. She was officially off for the holidays, and thus she had the next two weeks to spend with Clarke. In fact, they would be heading off to the Griffin-Steele Christmas gathering in two days, and she really needed to start packing for it.

But she could spare a few minutes, so she decided to plow ahead.

“So why do you think it went terribly?”

“We were barely able to keep up a conversation, plus I spilled wine all over myself, and she didn’t even try making me feel better even though I felt like a complete idiot. When I dropped her off she just barely grunted out a goodbye. Just awful.” Finn looked genuinely miserable, and Lexa could sympathize with him.

Lexa chuckled. “You’re right, that sounds pretty awful. As many dates as you’ve been on Collins I would have thought you’d have more game.”

Collins groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Apparently not.”

“Hey, it was just one date, don’t let it get to you.”

“It’s easy for you to say, you met the love of your life at seven. Who even gets that fucking lucky? Normal people like the rest of us unlucky bastards just have to stumble through life just hoping we meet someone so we don’t spend our lives alone.”

“Well, that’s a bit cynical, don’t you think? And besides, you’re far from alone, Finn.”

“Perhaps. But hear me out, Lexa. Here we are, two friends sitting on a random bench late at night just talking. The difference between us? After this conversation, you get to go home to Clarke and sleep with her in your arms. Me? I go home alone, and I sleep alone. I go home and no one asks me about my day. No one is there to cook dinner with me, or make sure I’m eating ok. Can you blame me for feeling lonely? For wanting someone in my life?”

Lexa took a deep breath. “I would never begrudge you that, Finn. You’re a great guy, and of course I think you should find someone who makes you happy; who can be all that for you, and you for them. And I have no doubt you’re going to find someone someday.”

“That’s what they all say.”

Lexa chuckled, “Fair enough.” She leaned back. “So what is it exactly that you’re looking for, Collins? You go through more dates than I go through shirts in a week, so what exactly is wrong with all of them?”

“Well first of all, that’s because you wear the same uniform to work every day, and second of all, nothing is wrong with them. But none of them are great, either. I don’t know, I just feel like if I’m going to date someone, it should be more than just good, you know? Love, it should be great, shouldn’t it?”

“Yeah, it should,” Lexa said, somewhat dreamily.

Finn chuckled, “You have no idea how envious I am of you. You have this amazing relationship, and it just happened, you know?”

“Maybe that’s just it, Finn. You can’t force love.”

Finn leaned back to match Lexa’s pose, stuffing his hands into his coat pockets. “My parents both died in a car crash when I was eleven. I was devastated for a long time. You know, when something like that is taken away from you so young, you tend to idolize it. My parents had this amazing relationship. They were the kind of parents that danced in the kitchen late at night, who teased each other the same way they did back in high school, and took me on spontaneous trips I never fully appreciated. After they were taken away from me, all those little moments were all I could think of. I guess I just want something like that. I want to be able to love someone like my parents loved each other.” 

Lexa turned towards Finn, face serious. Suddenly she stood up, giving Finn a brief head motion. “Stand up Collins, I have something to show you.”

Finn gave Lexa a puzzled look, but stood up. “You’re not leading me into the woods to murder me or anything, are you?”

Lexa let out a loud full-bellied laugh, “Finn if I wanted to murder you, you wouldn’t even see it coming.”

“Ok, terrifying.”

Finn stepped up beside Lexa, matching her pace as she started strolling down the street.

“When I first arrived in D.C., I was quite lonely. Clarke was thousands of miles away, and as much as we talked, I was going home alone and sleeping alone too. I went through this mini grumpy, sullen phase.”

“You going through a broody phase? Can’t picture it.”

Lexa rolled her eyes but continued her story. “I used to go to this diner every night after I got off work. I guess I was a stickler for routine. After a few weeks of this, the owner stopped by the booth I always sat in and read. At first it was just small talk, but after a while our conversations began to get longer and deeper.”

The pair strolled up to the diner, and Lexa opened the door, motioning for Finn to enter. An older man working the grill glanced up and broke out into a wide grin.

“Lexa! Good to see you again! I haven’t seen you in a while, been too busy to stop by and see your old pal?”

Lexa smiled back, wandering up and taking a seat at the counter, Finn followed her. “Hello Burt! Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve stopped by.”

“Well, at least it wasn’t an eight month gap this time.”

Lexa laughed, leaning on her elbows. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

“So are you going to introduce me to your friend?”

Lexa glanced toward Finn, giving him a cheeky grin. “This is my friend Finn, I found him sitting on a bench all morose after a bad date.”

Burt let out a loud laugh. “I see, so you brought him to me, eh?”

“You have this way with words, Burt. And food. Mostly food. Always made me feel better.”

Burt chuckled. “What can I get you guys?”

“The usual, for me, Burt.”

Finn shrugged, giving the menu a quick once-over. “I’ll just have what Lexa is having.”

Burt shrugged, and began preparing their meals.

“So you had a bad date?”

Finn gave Lexa a look, then turned back towards Burt. “Yeah it was kind of awful. I have to say though, I’m kind of still wondering why Lexa brought me here.”

“Well I’m assuming she was probably just starving after getting off work.”

“Accurate.”

The three laughed, before Burt came and stood before them, drying his hands off on a towel at his waist. He smiled kindly.

“When I first met Lexa, she was going through some kind of gay broody phase. She was missing her girl, disliked work, I don’t think she even liked the books she was reading. It took a while, but she eventually opened up to me, told me all about Clarke. It didn’t take long for me to realize she had something special, and she should do everything she could to preserve that relationship, to treasure it.”

“Yeah, she kind of has a perfect relationship, it’s a little unbearable.”

“I know, right?” Finn startled visibly at Burt’s agreement with him, causing both Lexa and Burt to burst out laughing.

“Don’t worry, I told her the same thing.”

Finn gave him a wide-eyed look.

“Listen up, Finn, the reason Lexa brought you to me is because I was you thirty-five years ago.”

Finn raised his eyebrow, and Burt rolled his eyes. “Ok yeah you can look at me like that, but back in my day I was quite the stud. And you can think that me working in a diner in my fifties isn’t exactly the definition of success, but hear me out. I own this diner, and two others. I have a beautiful wife I’ve been married to for twenty-four years. I have three kids. The oldest just graduated from Columbia University, the second is attending UCLA, and the youngest is the spitting image of her mother and wants to be a judge someday. I am proud of what I’ve done in my life, you’d be so lucky to be me someday.”

Finn grew silent, then nodded gravely. “You’re right. I would be so lucky.”

“I didn’t get all this right off the bat, though. Life was a journey to get here.”

Finn made a motion with his hand. “Do continue.”

Lexa chuckled beside him. “Sage advice from the old man in a diner, you can check that off your bucket list Collins.”

Burt rolled his eyes affectionately at Lexa before leaning his elbows against the counter and turning his gaze towards Finn.

“I was a lonely man once, just like you, going through multiple partners. None of them felt right, you know? I was frustrated, not sure why it wasn’t working for me. Was there something wrong with me? Well, when I was twenty-one I met a beautiful brunette named Rachel, and she was great. Our relationship was a bit of a whirlwind, and I married her within the year. In all honesty, I think a part of it was that Rachel was really affectionate, and I was so scared of being alone my whole life. I thought that she would be my only chance. Turns out, we made a really terrible married couple. Our marriage really was just awful, but for some reason we kept it up. For three years I was miserable. Sure, I had someone beside me, sleeping with me, but turns out, when it’s the wrong person, it’s almost as if you are sleeping alone.”

Finn was frowning, obviously confused. “I don’t understand, you were just talking about your wife.”

“My second wife.”

“Ah, I see.”

“After three years, Rachel and I finally realized we just didn’t work. So we divorced. I was devastated, I thought that that was it. So I took some time off of work, and I travelled around for a little while. At first I was miserable, but after a while, I guess I kind of found myself. I remember the moment it happened. I was driving my motorcycle in traffic through Nashville, Tennessee. I was stopped at a light, and I glanced over at the car next to me. There was this teenager just jamming out. He was by himself and obviously having a blast singing and dancing to his music. His car dancing was actually really good.”

Burt paused and flipped the burgers, adding some seasoning. “I realized that’s what I needed. I just needed to be comfortable with myself, let myself be ok being alone. Just being…me. So that’s what I did. Two years later I met Anna, and it was just natural. I was content and happy with who I was. When I met Anna, things just slid into place in a way. We were married a little more than two years later, and we’ve been married ever since. Anna, I can say confidently, was exactly who I was meant to be with.”

Finn chuckled as Burt dished up their food. “Your lesson is a little-heavy-handed don’t you think?”

“As all good lessons should be, don’t you think?”

Lexa nodded. “Agreed. The simplest way to tell someone to stay out of the cookie jar is to just tell them to stay out of the cookie jar. That’s what Abby told me when she put a note on the cookie jar that said ‘Lexa stay out of the cookie jar’.”

Finn chuckled and shook his head. Burt placed the two plates down before them, winking at the two of them. “Listen, Finn. Lexa brought you here because in her own way, she is trying to tell you that you should take some time to figure yourself out. You can’t force love, Finn, all you can is be ready when it comes.”

Finn nodded, picking up a fry and popping it in his mouth. “Ok Burt, I get it.”

Burt chuckled. “Ok kid, enjoy your food. Lexa, come by again soon. Bring Clarke too, I haven’t seen her for a while either.”

Lexa grinned, “Can do, thanks for the food Burt. Oh, and Merry Christmas!”

“Anytime kiddo. Merry Christmas.” He gave them a warm smile and them moved down the counter to help another customer.

The pair dug into their food, choosing to eat in companionable silence. Eventually the two finished their dinner and pushed their food away.

Finn shook his head as the two stood back up and put on their coats. “That was delicious.”

Lexa grinned. “Burt’s the best, he’s actually a pretty good cook, though you wouldn’t know it from his looks.”

Burt let out an offended huff from behind them, but Lexa just laughed and ignored him. The two walked out of the diner, heading back towards where they had originally met.

“Thanks for taking me there, Lexa. I really do appreciate you trying to cheer me up.”

Lexa poked her head out from where she had buried it in her scarf. “Of course Finn. I really do think that someday you’re going to find someone perfect for you, you just have to be patient.”

Finn shrugged, “I know. All good things come to those who wait, right?”

“Exactly.”

The two eventually made it to their destination, and Lexa turned to say goodbye to Finn. He gave her a wave and started walking the other direction.

“Hey Collins!”

Finn turned around with a confused look. “Yeah?”

“I’ll see you at New Years, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Lexa nodded. “Have a good Christmas Finn.”

Finn smiled back in return. “You too, give my best to the girls.”

Lexa gave him a quick salute, “Will do.”

Lexa turned and walked hurriedly toward the parking lot. She had never put much thought into Finn and his antics, though she had seen the lonely way he carried himself. He wasn’t a bad guy by any degree, and Lexa really did wish him the best as far as the soulmate search went. But right now, she was just ready to get back to Clarke’s. Plus, Christmas was coming up, and Christmas was by far Lexa’s favorite time of the year.

*****

“Two, two two!”

“Three, three, three!”

“Three! Trade!”

Clarke watched amused from where she stood observing the antics of the Griffin-Steele family. Pit was by far the most popular game of the Christmas holidays. She swore the game could go on for hours unless one of the grandparents put an end to it.

“Ding, ding, ding!”

The entire table groaned as Lexa repeatedly hit the bell. Clarke shook her head at the reaction. Lexa had been banned from playing most games due to what her family claimed was an “unfair advantage.” Somehow she had wiggled herself into this match, though

“Lexa! Come on! This just isn’t fair!” Her Uncle Jim threw the cards down on the table in disgust.

Lexa just laughed. “You can’t say that every time I win.”

“Yeah well if it wasn’t for your damn photographic memory-”

“I’d still whip your ass,” Lexa interrupted, smirking at him. Lexa and Uncle Jim had always been extremely competitive with each other, probably because before Lexa came along, Uncle Jim was the reigning board game champion.

“Oh! I see how it is, you wanna go Lexa? Bring it on, I could take you any day of the week.” Uncle Jim rolled up his sleeves and raised his fists, challenging Lexa playfully.

Lexa raised her hands in appeasement, sides shaking in laughter. “Nuh-uh, your husband would murder me in my sleep if I even attempted taking a swing at you.”

Natalie, Clarke’s first cousin, rolled her eyes at the pair. They were almost constantly bickering during the games they played, and usually one of the other Griffin-Steele’s had to break it up. Usually Natalie. “Oh knock it off you two, let’s just deal a new round. Lexa, close your eyes.”

Clarke turned to leave, heading towards the Griffin kitchen. She poked her head and smiled at the sight of her Grandma Emma having already started cooking. She walked in and joined her Grandma at the counter.

“Hello dear! Do you mind washing and peeling those potatoes?”

Clarke nodded and made her way over to the sink, where several bags of potatoes were already laid out.

“Decided to forgo the Pit game, did you?”

“Yeah they already had enough players.”

Grandma Emma shook her head, “Yes, I can hear them all loud and clear.”

“it’s almost scary how into the game they are, even Grandma Florence is shouting away. I think it’s the only time a year I’ve ever heard her raise her voice.”

Emma laughed from where she busy cutting some vegetables. “You know, I think you might be right about that.” She swept some of the carrots she’d chopped into a separate bowl. “How was your semester at John Hopkins?”

“Really good, I did really well on pretty much all my finals.”

“Of course you did, you’ve always been so smart.”

“Thanks Grandma. I applied for this research position a few weeks ago for the next semester, and I actually heard back from them last week.”

Emma stopped her chopping to look up at Clarke curiously. “Oh? I didn’t hear about this? What’s the research about? Did you get it?”

“I didn’t want to tell anyone just in case I jinxed it, you know? I only told Lexa, and I made her promise not to tell anyone.”

“The sneaky bastard, she’s supposed to keep me updated about all this stuff. How else am I supposed to get my gossip?”

Clarke laughed before continuing. “I’d be doing research with one of the biomedical professors on the effects of certain every-day simulations to brain activity. It’s nothing too cutting edge, well, I mean anything doing with brain research is sort of cutting edge, but it’s nothing too big. Still, it’s kind of a big deal for a freshman to get the position. Which I did.”

Emma beamed at her, dropping her knife to come give Clarke a crushing hug. “Oh I’m so proud of you! You’re going to do such amazing work, Clarke. I can’t tell you how proud of you I am.”

Clarke grinned, bringing her arms up and hugging her Grandma back affectionately. “Thanks Grandma. I’m just shocked I even got the position, but really happy too, obviously.” 

“I can’t wait to hear more about it!”

Just then the pair were interrupted by an influx of cooks into the kitchen. Uncle Jim, Chris, Abby, and Grandma Florence walked in, talking animatedly.

“Ah good, you two have already started. Let’s get this dinner cooked! I’m already starving!” Uncle Jim clapped his hands together excitedly. Grandma Emma immediately began ordering the group around, the family members hopping in seamlessly to get their work done. Over the years they had perfected this routine. Even when Clarke was added into the mix of cooks, it was an effortless transition.   

Soon, the bevy of cooks were chopping, mixing, seasoning, and mashing away. It was the same every year. The best cooks talked and chatted in the room while the others entertained the children and set up the table.

Suddenly they were interrupted by Jake who popped his head in the door. “You guys need any help?” He asked innocently.

“Uh-huh! Get out of here Jake, we all know you’re just looking for the cookies,” Grandma Florence waved her towel at him.

Jake pouted, looking at his wife for support. “But I’m a good cook, I can help!”

“Nope, we’re good here Jake, you can have cookies after dinner,” Abby shook her head, chuckling. Jake shook his head sadly and shuffled away as the rest of the cooking staff laughed at him.

“Your dad’s a troublemaker,” Grandma Emma said when she caught Clarke chuckling.

“Yeah he is. Lexa does the same thing too, except she can’t cook.”

Abby rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, yes. I had to start hiding the cookie jar whenever she came over.”

“That girl has one sweet tooth that’s for sure,” Emma said as she stirred her dish.

“Who does?” Just then Lexa waltzed into the kitchen, and then paused as everyone turned to her and laughed. “Did I miss something?”

Clarke just shook her head, shooing Lexa with her hands. “No, but you’re not allowed in here. No cookies before dinner.”

“What if I just wanted to say hi to you?”

“I’m busy Lexa, and you and Jake are terrible at this.”

Lexa just huffed, crossing her arms. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Clarke leaned up and gave Lexa q quick kiss on the cheek. “Sure you don’t.”

Suddenly a high-pitched squeal was heard from the next room over, and Aden’s clearly distinct voice was heard yelling, “Lexa! Lexa come help!”

Lexa’s head whipped around and Clarke gave her a slap on the butt. “Go help your brother.”

Lexa hurried out the door to rescue Aden. Every year some of the older cousins, specifically Uncle Jim and his husband’s two oldest sons, tried throwing one of the younger cousins into the snow. This year must be Aden’s turn.

Clarke could hear muffled yelling going on, and Aden’s cheers as Lexa was, Clarke could only assume, defending him against the older boys. Suddenly the shouts of the other younger cousins joined the noise. If Clarke didn’t know better she would think some kind of war was going on in the other room.

Grandma Florence turned her head towards the commotion and frowned. “What on earth is going on out there?”

The rest of the chefs shared a knowing look. “If I had to put money on it, I’d say Lexa was leading a revolt against the older cousins,” Abby remarked dryly.

Chris shook his head from where he was measuring ingredients for his pumpkin pie. “I bet Danny and Louie are having their asses handed to them.”

“And your daughter Maren is probably right in the fray,” Uncle Jim added, laughing at Chris’s face.

“The question is where does Natalie’s loyalties lie?” Grandma Emma added, quirking an eyebrow at her grandson.

“Oh probably on whatever side is against Lexa, she still hasn’t forgiven her for that Monopoly match two years ago,” Chris stated.

Just then the resounding cheers of several distinctly younger voices rang throughout the house.

“Well I guess we know who won,” Grandma Emma said with a laugh.

A few minutes later three grumpy-looking adults entered the room. Uncle Jim burst out laughing at the sight of his two sons covered in snow. “Looks like the tide’s turned,” he remarked dryly.

“It was a slaughter, we didn’t even stand a chance,” Danny, the oldest replied, wiping the snow off his face.

Natalie shook her head, “Chris, our daughter has betrayed me. I say we put in a request for a new one.”

Chris nodded his head gravely as he stepped back to avoid the snow dripping off his wife. “Sure, dear.”

Eventually the cousins were shooed away, and the cooks attempted to finish the dinner in peace. Like every year the kitchen was full of laughter and chatter, and eventually boisterous Christmas carols led by Uncle Jim. Christmas had always been Clarke’s favorite time of the year, the traditions making it warm and familiar, even as people and faces changed every year. For as long as Clarke could remember, she had had her family there to lean on. Sure, they weren’t perfect, but she sure as hell wouldn’t trade them for the world. They made her feel safe, and loved, and welcomed. And that was worth everything, especially because she was all too familiar with the fact that some people didn’t get that same blessing. 

With everyone pitching in, dinner didn’t take terribly long to prepare, and soon food was being carried to the dining table and family members were being called. Clarke placed her dish on the table and slid into the seat next to Lexa.

Lexa leaned over and whispered in her ear. “It looks delicious, Clarke.”

“You always say that about food I cook,” Clarke replied, smiling nonetheless.

“Because it always is, I can’t lie you know.”

“That’s not true, one time you convinced me leprechauns were real and we would find them if we followed the rainbow. We ended up lost in the woods for hours, Lexa. Hours. And I didn’t even get my lucky charms. 

Lexa fiddled with her fork guiltily. “Well I’ve never lied about your cooking.”

Clarke laughed and gave Lexa a kiss on the cheek. “I know babe, but that’s because you would literally eat anything.”

“Well, that’s not untrue.”

Clarke unfolded her napkin and placed it on her lap. “So I see you were successful in leading your army of young children to victory.”

“They were brilliant soldiers, though we’ve agreed to a truce for dinner.”

Clarke winked her younger brother who was grinning at them from across the table, fake santa beard taped on. She laughed as Abby walked by and snatched it from Aden, who immediately tried snatching it back but gave up when his mom sternly told him he couldn’t have it until after dinner.

Lexa chuckled from where she was also watching the interaction. “I’ll always be on Aden’s side, anyway. I couldn’t very well let the older cousins pick on him, could I?  
 Clarke smiled sappily at Lexa, “Well that’s good to hear, I know who can deal with any potential bullies of Aden’s in the future.”

“Oh, I’m gonna crush them, I’ll bring the full weight of my wrath down upon them.”

“No one will ever want to mess with Aden again,” Clarke said, picturing Lexa beating up a bunch of middle school bullies. Maybe she should go along with her to act as mediator.

“That’s the goal.”

The two were interrupted by Jake’s father, who then gave a long-winded speech about the importance of family, and of sticking together, and how you can always rely on those closest to you to help you when you need it, and so on.

Clarke tried valiantly to listen, but she ended up distracted by Lexa’s hand playing with hers, and her foot running up and down Clarke’s leg slowly. At the conclusion of the speech Natalie leaned in from Clarke’s right side and whispered lowly.

“Could you guys stop playing footsie for one second? Seriously, you guys are like the grossest couple.”

Clarke just scoffed, “Please, you and Chris were all over each other back when you were first dating. It was seriously traumatizing for a twelve-year-old.”

“Oh we definitely were not as bad as you and Lexa, remember who caught you making out last year on Grandma’s bed? You’re lucky I didn’t tell her about that. She would have made fun of you two relentlessly for the entire year.”

Clarke did her best to hide her blush, remembering that moment particularly well. She was still flummoxed by the fact that they forgot to lock the door, if her Grandma had walked in on them…the teasing would have been too much.

“Shut up Natalie, you promised not to speak of that again.”

“But it’s such good blackmail.”

Lexa leaned in and quirked an eyebrow at their whispered conversation. Natalie gave her an amused smirk before turning to eat her food.

Clarke let the topic go and turned to her own food, ready to dig in. Dinner was a lively affair as it usually was. People teased each other, told stories about past years and embarrassing situations everyone had gotten into. Grandma Emma led the charge, making sure to roast each one of her own kids. Clarke almost died laughing when she told the story of how Abby once attempted to dye her own hair, and in true Anne of Green Gables style, turned it completely green. Not a fun kind of green, but an ugly, muddy-looking green.

Then of course, Abby recounted countless stories about her and Lexa’s adventures as kids. They had gotten in far too much trouble together, and Clarke was sure her mother could have entertained the family the whole evening if she had been allowed.

Lexa laughed along, more amused than embarrassed by their past selves. She held Clarke’s hand the whole time, and squeezed it affectionately when the story of their first date was recounted-as it was every year. Clarke was pretty sure the entire family knew the story word-for-word by now. Even Aden piped in, bouncing up and down in his seat-his eyes alight with excitement and too much sugar.

Eventually, the whole family pitched in to help clean the dishes and then made their way outside. Every year there was a pitched snowball fight between the two families. Griffin versus Steele. The in-laws and grandkids were allowed to be chosen for either side, which usually meant Lexa and Clarke ended up on different teams.

This year was no exception, as Clarke ended up on the Griffin side with her father, and Lexa on the Steele side with Abby.

Lexa leaned in and gave Clarke an affectionate kiss before parting ways. “You’re going down, sweetheart,” she whispered, eyes glinting in mischief.

“Oh, I highly doubt that,” Clarke replied, biting her lip as she winked.

“Come on lovebirds! Let’s get this game going!” Chris shouted, hands cupped over his mouth. He was on the Steele side, of course.

Soon enough the teams were safely behind the snow forts the grandkids had built earlier in the week.

Clarke huddled in her corner, working on forming snowballs as she watched her father discuss strategy with her grandpa.

“What do you think, full-on-assault, or hunkered-down defense?” Natalie came and knelt by Clarke, grinning as she formed her own snowballs.

Clarke laughed. “Every year we literally just end up destroying each other’s snow forts and wrestling in the snow, I don’t know why we even discuss strategy.”

“It’s the principle of it, Clarke,” Natalie replied.

Just then a rain of snowballs fell into the fort and Clarke ducked to avoid getting snow down her jacket. It didn’t help and she let out a yelp as cold snow hit her neck.

Hoots and hollers could be heard from the other side, and Clarke met Jake’s eyes which were wide from the sneak attack.  

“Oh, it’s so on!” Natalie jumped up and the rest of the Griffin’s followed her direction, letting out their own volley of snowballs.

This went on for almost twenty minutes, before eventually both sides got tired of throwing snowballs and charged into the snow. It was chaos, in the best type of way. Suddenly Lexa lifted Clarke into the air just as Clarke sent a snowball into the back of her cousin Chris.

“Ahhhh!” Clarke waved her feet in the air and giggled as Lexa spun her around.

She could feel Lexa’s laughter, her warm breath hitting the back of Clarke’s neck, and then she was being tossed into the snow.

Determined not to be bested, Clarke dragged Lexa down with her, and both girls ended up tossing snow on each other before they melted into a fit of giggles.

Lexa somehow had ended up straddling Clarke, pinning her down on the snow. Clarke gave Lexa a dazzling smile, which Lexa returned before leaning down and capturing Clarke’s lips in a kiss.

“Traitor!” Chris tackled Lexa, who let out a full-bellied laugh as she tumbled into the snow.

“Clarke! Save me!”

Clarke laughed from where she was still lying on the floor, the rest of the family had grown tired and joined in the laughter as they stopped and watched the tussle.

Suddenly Clarke remembered she was supposed to defend her girlfriend, and she grabbed a handful of snow. Aden giggled from a few feet away, just as Clarke dumped the snow down the back of Chris’s shirt.

“Ahhggg!” Chris immediately jumped up, doing a funny dance to try and get rid of the snow.

Lexa jumped up as well, gathering Clarke in her arms as she proclaimed proudly, “my hero!”

The family cheered as Lexa kissed Clarke. The two broke away with a giggle as the entire family clapped and whistled, giving quick bows before Grandma Florence hollered at them to come inside.

An hour later the family re-convened, after changing into dry clothes, to open presents.

When Clarke was a kid, this used to be her favorite part of the whole evening. Now, as an adult, she really couldn’t pinpoint her favorite moment of Christmas Eve day. The general atmosphere of the whole day, warm and loving, was her favorite.

But, she did have to admit, cuddling with Lexa as her entire family gathered together in the main room to exchange gifts-it was a pretty good part of the day.

Lexa held her close, her nose buried in Clarke’s shoulder, as they watched the younger grandchildren and cousins open gifts.

Clarke chuckled, turning her head to catch Lexa’s eye.

“Cold still?”

“My nose is,” Lexa replied.

“Mmmm your nose is always cold, you always bury it against my back when we’re sleeping.”

“Yeah, and then you roll on top of it in the morning.”

“That was one time!”

“Still a rude awakening.”

“Not my fault.”

Lexa just smiled, burying her nose further into Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke caught Grandma Emma’s eye from across the room, who was smiling softly at the two of them. Her smile grew when she realized Clarke was staring back.

Clarke returned it, before surveying the rest of the room.

Abby and Jake were in the big armchair together, talking lowly to each other about something, which made Clarke smile. Her parents had always made her believe that lasting love was possible, and she could only hope that her and Lexa could follow their example in the years to come.

Chris and Natalie were also sitting next to each other. Natalie held their youngest child in her arms as Chris helped Maren open one of her presents.

Aden was also opening one of his presents, his santa beard having returned to his face. Natalie and Chris’s baby was fascinated by it, and whenever Aden was close enough he would yank at it. Aden took it in good form, and laughed in Santa-like imitation whenever it happened.

Clarke’s family wasn’t perfect by any means. Not everyone had been as lucky as Abby and Jake, or Chris and Natalie. There had been divorces and heartbreaks, fights within the family, and even the occasional absence by a family member who chose to spend time away. But overall, there was so much good in this room. Even Clarke’s cranky Aunt Mary was smiling in the corner. Though she had been talking to Lexa earlier, and for some reason Lexa had always been her favorite.

She knew the real reason why, of course. Years ago Lexa had accidentally discovered Aunt Mary crying alone in her room, shortly after divorcing her husband. Lexa had refused to leave even when Aunt Mary had shouted at her. For weeks after Lexa did everything she could to make Aunt Mary feel better, including going out and buying so much chocolate Aunt Mary had to start giving it away at her job. Ever since, she adored Lexa, talking to her animatedly at every family get-together. Though a part of that was that Lexa was genuinely interested in her Aunt’s field of study. Clarke admired their bond, though she had always been a little intimidated by the smart, fierce, woman.

Christmas cookies made their way around, and Grandma Florence made sure everyone was equipped with plenty of hot cider, hot chocolate, and egg nog. All the presents were eventually unwrapped, and Maren was lost momentarily in the sea of wrapping paper.

Lexa had gotten Clarke a new cooking set, with the exact pots and pans she wanted. It was a bit of a strange gift for a college student, but Clarke loved it. I was perfect, and just like Lexa to pick up on exactly what she both needed and wanted.

Clarke in return had gotten Lexa a new jacket-her old one was far too ratty. Lexa had laughed when she realized the pockets were stuffed with the exact candy Lexa liked to snack on at work.

Eventually, after so many hours of laughing and playing, the entire family crashed. In pretty much every small corner of the house.

Clarke snuggled closer to Lexa on the small mattress they had confiscated. Halfway across the room Aden was on the couch, and a couple of the younger cousins were on another mattress nearby.

“I love you,” Clarke whispered into Lexa’s shoulder, suddenly feeling the overwhelming need to tell this woman how much she loved her exactly-which was a pretty much impossible task.

Lexa chuckled, turning around and bumping her nose against Clarke’s. “I love you too.”

“It was a good day, wasn’t it?”

“It always is.”

“Yeah, but this year felt especially good. I’m not so scared, or worried, or unsure about things.”

Lexa looked guilty, and Clarke immediately plowed on. “No, no. Don’t do that. The mistakes of the past are in the past, and we’ve moved on, yeah? I’m just really happy this year, and I want to carry that on forward.”

Lexa nodded, her nose rubbing up against Clarke’s as she did so. “Me too. It’s going to be a good year for us, Clarke. I just know it.”

Clarke moved her head slightly and kissed Lexa’s nose. “I think so too.”

“Ugh, would you guys shut up and go to bed?” Aden groaned from across the room.

Both Clarke and Lexa broke down in a fit of giggles, but did as he said. They snuggled impossibly close, and Lexa predictably buried her nose in Clarke’s shoulder. It tickled, but Clarke just smiled at the familiar action.

It was a very Merry Christmas indeed.

*****

Clarke was awoken by the smell of bacon and coffee in the morning. Moaning lowly and shifted closer to Lexa, whose body heat was the only thing heating her up, as Lexa had somehow stolen all the blankets in the night.

She could hear Lexa’s chuckle as her head snuggled further into Lexa’s chest.

“Morning sunshine,” Lexa’s husky morning voice was just low enough for only Clarke to hear.

Clarke let out a mumble in response.

The couple laid there for a few more minutes before suddenly Aden jumped on top of them.

“Get up guys!”

Clarke let out a yelp as Lexa grunted next to her.

“Aden! Get off!” Clarke and Lexa both shoved Aden off, who fell to the floor with a laugh.

“Come on! It’s time to eat! Then we can open our stockings!”

Clarke groaned as her head fell back against her pillow.

Lexa shifted to her knees and crawled out of bed, tossing the blankets back onto Clarke, who gave her an amused look in return.

Lexa grinned back sheepishly. “I’ll return with coffee.”

“You sure know the way to a girl’s heart.”

“Well, yours at least.”

Clarke laughed and buried herself under the covers, rolling over onto Lexa’s side of the mattress. Lexa returned a few minutes later and snuggled back onto the mattress. The two chatted as they drank their respective coffees, and eventually Lexa dragged Clarke out of bed into the kitchen where breakfast was already prepared.

“Ah, she awakes!” Jake handed Clarke a plate as they walked in, who just rolled her eyes and ignored his comment.

She grabbed some food and sat down next to her cousin Danny, who was right in the middle of some story from his high school. Her eye caught Lexa’s, who had been waylaid by her Aunt Mary.

She looked to be pretty deep in thought as she listened, nodding along with whatever Aunt Mary was saying.

There had been a time in Clarke’s life where she had briefly thought Lexa was going to move away. Her father had been considering a transfer, and it had been the most terrifying week Clarke could remember from her childhood.

She had called up Grandma Emma, upset and sad. Her Grandma had patiently listened to her, but had then gone on to comfort her. She had been so sure that even if Lexa had to move away, the two would remain friends. Even in distance, friendship can flourish, she had said.

Clarke hadn’t been so sure, but then her father had said that distance sometimes was a good thing. It made it ok for each other to grow in their own way, in a way that was good.

Lexa, in the end, hadn’t moved away. And the two had only gotten closer afterwards. But Clarke had vividly remembered the conversations she had had that week.

When Lexa had been arrested, she had been devastated in a similar manner. She had been angry, and scared, and hurt-all while trying to understand Lexa’s point of view.

It had taken a long time, but she had come to deal with her emotions regarding the incident, and though she still carried a piece of that with her, she knew that her and Lexa would work through it together. She really meant what she said last night, she was sure the two were going to have a great year together.

I mean, sure, nothing really beats getting married spontaneously, but at least she could be pretty confident she would be spending most of the year with Lexa.

And as much as it hurt, distance had created something new between them that Clarke ultimately thought was a good thing. Clarke had been given time to grow into her own, to process through her life as just Clarke.

And she had come to look at her future and what she wanted. She wanted Lexa, that was a given, but there was so much more she could strive towards. She wanted to be a doctor, like her mother. In fact, she wanted to be a surgeon, the best she could achieve. And it was scary, thinking about the amount of work ahead of her, but she was sure she could do it. Whether Lexa was at her side or not, she could do it. But she was damn happy that Lexa would be at her side, happily cheering her on.

She had done research in her free time, and she had gone through medical journals over the entire summer. It had been a little nerdy, but her mom had been more than happy to help her. Clarke wanted more than anything to work on groundbreaking research, she wanted the thrill of discovering new territory and knowledge.

Although, Lexa would then inform her that some philosophers believed that all knowledge was not new knowledge, just recycled in a new way. Even undiscovered knowledge, which Clarke believed was ridiculous. Then Lexa would laugh and agree with her.

Clarke internally rolled her eyes. Ok, she had done her own inner growth in the time Lexa had been away, but Lexa was just as damn important in Clarke’s life as she had ever been.

Lexa caught Clarke’s eye and gave her a wink, which Clarke returned playfully. In all of Clarke’s plans, she knew that nothing mattered more than the one involving loving Lexa for the rest of her life, that was one fact she was certain about.

*****

Lexa patiently listened as Clarke’s Aunt explained to her the analysis behind her latest editorial piece in one of the political science journals she worked for.

Aunt Mary was often seeking Lexa’s opinion when discussing her writings, as Lexa had once gone and read many of the books Aunt Mary used in one of her groundbreaking studies on domestic terrorism. Lexa was the only one in the family who properly understood the terms she had to use to explain her work, so Lexa didn’t begrudge her desire to discuss it with Lexa.

In fact, she rather enjoyed the subject. Sometimes she thinks she would have enjoyed a life as a researcher, if she had been given the chance. She hadn’t really told anyone, but her entire laptop was filled with research on many of the subjects she was interested in.

When she was a kid, she spent hours learning how to read languages her father had called useless. Latin, Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic. Then when she met Aunt Mary she latched onto the latest studies regarding international relations, and the makeup of the world system. It had fascinated her, the way one could attribute characteristics to abstract entities like the state, institutions, world society, peace and war. That you could use reification in a topic as complex as political theory. She had torn through Kant, Hobbes, Lock, Rousseau. Clarke had teased her affectionately, calling her Philosopher Woods for weeks.

She pulled herself from her thoughts to focus back on what Aunt Mary was saying.

“-it’s not exactly the most groundbreaking of ideas, but the style of writing is charismatic enough to grab your attention. The piece had to go through some intense revision, but overall l think the study will be well received in academic circles.” Aunt Mary was waving her hands around excitedly as she talked, eyes alight in a way Lexa was familiar with.

“It seems a bit of a leap to claim that the next major step in political relations will be centered around environmental issues, don’t you think? I mean, that is assuming that Fukuyama’s end of history thesis is incorrect, and western liberalism is replaced by this new ideology,” Lexa replied, tilting her head slightly as she responded to Aunt Mary.

Aunt Mary nodded eagerly. “Indeed, but it is a fascinating notion, don’t you think? I mean, at that point you have to start wondering, do political theorists start considering the earth itself as an actor in politics? If so, that could have fascinating implications.”

Lexa nodded eagerly. “I agree. I mean, I think so far political theorists have been blind to the fact that forces outside the realm of man also have a play in the political world. If you continue to focus on what man does, and the reciprocation of that action, you will completely blind yourself off to the implications of a force outside the realm of man’s actions. The earth, for example, is as much a political player as the man-made market institution.”

“Interesting, a bold claim Lexa,” Aunt Mary stared thoughtfully at the cupboards behind Lexa, and Lexa loud out a soft laugh. She was familiar enough with these conversations to know that Aunt Mary would spend the rest of the day quietly mulling over their conversation, and so Lexa politely excused herself as Aunt Mary mumbled out what she thought was a “yes of course.”

She plopped down on Clarke’s lap, who gave her a lop-sided smile, her mouth chewing on what Lexa assumed was toast-considering she held some in her hand.

“You have a good conversation with Aunt Mary?” Clarke asked, after she swallowed her food.

“Yeah, she always seems to have her brain working through the most complex subjects really early in the morning, it’s kind of weird,” Lexa replied as she stole a bite of Clarke’s eggs.

Clarke wrinkled her nose at the action, but just took another bite of her toast.

Lexa let Clarke continue to eat her breakfast as she examined the room full of Griffin-Steele’s. She hadn’t questioned her place at the family gatherings for a long time; but she remembered a small, frightened kid years ago that had been overwhelmed by the love, warmth, and amount of chatter and laughter crammed into one room.

It had made her sad back then, realizing she would never have this. Years later, she realized now what she hadn’t then-the moment she walked into Clarke Griffin’s life, she would always have this.

Grandma Emma gave the two a brilliant smile from across the room, which Lexa returned. She had called Emma just last week to discuss her Christmas present for Clarke, and Emma had been wholeheartedly supportive of the idea.

Next to Grandma Emma, Chris was making a face at her, and she stuck out her tongue in return. Chris and Natalie were the closest to her and Clarke, and the two had often gone on double-dates together. In fact, both Lexa and Clarke were godmothers to their little child, a chubby boy named Caleb.

With a content sigh, she leaned her head against Clarke’s shoulder, and though Clarke didn’t break her conversation with her cousin Danny, she brought her free hand up and stroked Lexa’s hair playfully. Everything in that moment felt perfect.

She was content, and happy, and so ready to take on a new year.

****

“Oh, you are so going DOWN Blake!” Raven was pressed down on the floor of the carpet, thoroughly pinned down by the rain of nerf darts pouting down.

Octavia giggled almost maliciously from her position near the bannister. Suddenly her giggling was replaced by a yelp, and Raven popped her head around the corner and laughed as Octavia was ambushed by a fierce-looking Lexa.

She had painted war paint on her face, and though everyone had teased her and said she looked like a racoon, she had stuck with it. Now Raven could understand the appeal, she actually looked very scary in this moment.

Octavia huffed as she surrendered, hands up, a scowl on her face. “Damnit Lexa!”

Lexa just winked at her and shot Raven a grin.

“Woods! You’re my hero!”

From somewhere else in the house she heard Clarke call out, “Hey! No flirting with my girlfriend!”

“Yeah? Well your girlfriend and I are gonna whip your ass, and not in the kinky way!”

Lexa rolled her eyes as she came and joined Raven by the couch.

It was New Years Eve, and per tradition, the delinquents were engaged in a fierce nerf war. Lexa and Raven were one of the teams, and so far winning if you looked at who had already been shot out of the game.

Finn and Murphy had been the first team to go down. Lincoln was next, leaving Octavia to fend for herself. Then Monty shortly after. With Octavia gone, that left Jasper, Clarke, and Bellamy-along with Raven and Lexa. Harper had opted out of the game. Raven had been determined that Lexa be on her team, as she was sure she would finally win this year with Lexa on her side.

Stealthily, Lexa and Raven split up and made their way along the living room walls. Suddenly, a nerf dart came out of nowhere and whizzed by Raven’s face. She immediately pulled back and dropped to a defensive crouch.

She turned to Lexa and her jaw dropped as Lexa cocked her fake nerf pistol, winked at Raven and then sprinted out into the open.

A flurry of nerf darts followed her action, but she dodged them artfully. She raised her pistol, then unbelievably launched herself up in the air and did a flip onto the couch as she released a single round of fire.

Raven heard Jasper’s audible groan from the kitchen, and she immediately burst out laughing.

Lexa joined in from her position on the couch. 

“DAMN Woods! That was literally the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Raven!” Clarke’s voice was nearer this time, somewhere in the room over.

“You better hurry up and get over here Clarke, or I’ll steal your girl,” Raven replied playfully, winking at Lexa who had removed herself from the couch and was crouching behind a bookshelf in the corner.

The house went silent for several minutes, and Raven grew impatient, venturing around the corner and into the kitchen. She crept slowly along, when a noise suddenly startled her and she whipped around just as Bellamy shot a dart into her back.

He looked apologetically at her, shrugging as Raven glared at him.

“Sorry?”

Raven threw her hands up in the air. “Ugh! Come on Bellamy! You don’t even like this game that much.”

“Doesn’t mean I want to lose.”

Raven scowled at him, shooting her gun at him just for the sake of it.

He covered his face as he was pelted. “Hey! Come on!”

Suddenly Lexa appeared behind him, winking at Raven as she pointed her gun at the back of Bellamy’s head.

“Make your peace,” she said in a mock deep voice, just as she pulled the trigger.

Bellamy immediately whipped around, the nerf dart hitting in the side of the face.

He gave Lexa a sour look, “not fair.”

“Totally fair, you just got distracted by Raven’s good looks and forgot she had a fellow team member.”

Bellamy blushed, eyes darting back to Raven who gave him a curious look. But before the conversation could continue, Lexa whipped around and raised her gun just as Clarke stepped around the corner and did the same.

Raven and Bellamy stepped back, examining the two with wide-eyed looks.

The rest of the delinquents, who had been downstairs eating snacks and watching tv while the game finished up, chose just then to walk back upstairs.

They froze as they realized Clarke and Lexa were weirdly grinning at each other from where they had their pistols locked on each other.

“Whoa, this doesn’t look good,” Jasper replied.

Murphy stepped up next to Finn, whispering in his ear lowly. “Who do you think will crack first?”

Finn frowned, tilting his head at the pair. “Mmmmm, Clarke?”

Murphy shook his head, “Twenty bucks says it’s Lexa.”

Harper stepped up, “I’ll get in on that too.”

Soon, the delinquents had all placed their money on one or the other-Lexa and Clarke pretending not to see.

Raven was fascinated by the silent conversation going on between the two. She was pretty sure no one else was picking up on it, but she had come to know the way the pair interacted with each other very well over the past few months.

She personally was pretty sure the two would just mutually shoot each other and call it quits, but they seemed to enjoy the tension rolling around the room as everyone stared intently at the pair.

“Come on! One of you has to do something!” Jasper called out, exasperation in his voice.

Lexa chuckled, taking a step towards Clarke, who refused to back down. Suddenly, the couple took two more steps and were in each other’s space. Raven caught the twinkle in Clarke’s eyes as the pair leaned down and began heavily making out right in front of everyone.

“Oh my god! Seriously?” Octavia groaned as the rest of the delinquents rolled their eyes and looked away. Raven groaned too, but internally she laughed when, as she thought, the pair mutually fired their pistols and then stepped away from each other, breaking their deep kiss with an audible _pop._

“You guys are the worst,” Jasper grumbled.

“Wait, are you guys even going to shoot? You’re just going to leave it at that?” Monty asked, frowning from where he stood next to Harper.

Clarke shrugged casually, “I shot my gun,”

“Me too,” Lexa said, twirling her pistol.

“So who shot who first?”

The two girls both shrugged on synch. “I don’t know, I was a little busy,” Lexa replied with a grin.

The entire group groaned, their bet having been ruined. Raven just shook her head, laughing at the ridiculous couple. She caught Bellamy’s eye as she did so, his eyes crinkling around the corners as he smiled in amusement. She nearly jumped when she realized she really liked his smile. Since when was she noticing things like that?

Shaking her head, she tore her mind away from the man standing next to her, and clapped her hands together. “Come on, I could use a victory drink!”

Clarke shoved her playfully, “Not exactly, Raven.”

“Well, not not either.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “Whatever.”

*****

The group of friends had piled downstairs, drinking and laughing as they waited for midnight to approach. Everyone was sprawled out, with the two couples cuddling closely.

Clarke was laughing as Raven finished up recounting a story about an old rival of hers from her high school days. Secretly, she made a mental note to never get on Raven’s bad side.

Raven suddenly shifted her gaze over to Lexa and Clarke. She eyed them closely before leaning in to ask a question.

“I have a question.”

Clarke gave her a look. “Okkkkk.”

“Did you ever think there was a chance that you would end up being straight? Like, obviously Lexa was always a cute little gay based on her immediate crush on you, but what if you had grown up and hadn’t felt the same?”

The rest of the group grew quiet at the actual, rather serious question. Lexa glanced down at her and met Clarke’s gaze.

Lexa was the first to reply to the question. “You’re not wrong, I pretty much always knew I was gay. But I did think about, especially around the time I wanted to ask Clarke out on an official date. I had talked to Abby about it, actually. I was confused about Clarke and mine’s relationship, especially when she just stopped us in the middle of whatever we were doing one day and kissed me. So I talked to Abby, and she suggested I just talk to Clarke about it. When I asked her out, officially, we had a conversation about it. It was the first time she admitted to me that she thought she was maybe bisexual, which was incredibly self-aware of her considering she was so young at the time.”

Clarke smiled at Lexa as she finished talking, picking up the thread where Lexa left off.

“I mean, I wasn’t completely sure. It was something I had been thinking a lot about for a while now. Like, I knew Lexa liked me, and my whole family liked Lexa, and I think in a way it was expected of me that I’d like Lexa too. It was kind of scary, actually. I mean, what if I had to come out as straight?” Clarke made a face at the thought and the rest of the group laughed.

“I talked to my Grandma about it, though, and she made me realize that it was ok, that I would be loved and accepted either way.”

“This is so backwards,” Raven whispered, and the group chuckled.

“I would have loved and respected you regardless, Clarke. Even if we were just friends, that would have been ok,” Lexa replied, smiling softly down at her.

Clarke smiled back. “I know. After several of our official dates, I was in the kitchen, and my mom found me there just staring at a pot of boiling water. She sat me down and told me to tell her what was on her mind. So I did. I was confused about how to know whether I was attracted to someone or not, whether I could really know whether I was gay, or straight, or whatever. It was such an awkward conversation, but in the end, I came to the conclusion that yeah, I thought both guys and girls were attractive, I mean I was still young, but I think at the end of the conversation I was pretty sure about stuff. And fortunately for Lexa and my whole family, I was very much into Lexa. Very, very much so.”

The whole group laughed, and then groaned as the pair kissed. Clarke broke away with a giggle as Octavia yelled at them to “break it up.”

Raven quirked an eyebrow at Lexa. “So wait, let me get this straight, erm, clear I mean. You asked the mother of your crush for advice about what to do about your crush, her daughter?”

Lexa groaned as the whole room burst out into laughter, and she threw a pillow at Raven, who dodged it expertly. “Shut up, I didn’t have any other mom figures, I was raised on a military base remember? Even the women there were tough as nails. I couldn’t even imagine asking any of them about love advice.”

The group just laughed harder, and Lexa rolled with it good-naturedly. After it subsided, Lexa tilted her head at the group. “So obviously Clarke and I aren’t straight, but what about the rest of you? I’ve never really asked.”

Harper quirked an eyebrow at Lexa. “Wait, are you asking whether anyone wants to come out right now?”

Lexa blushed. “No, of course not. I was just wondering, in case I wasn’t aware or something.”

The group shared looks, and then, timidly, Monty raised an arm. The group stared at him, Harper’s eyes going wide.

“Monty?” Jasper asked, from where he was sitting next to him, shock written on his face.

Monty glanced nervously at Clarke, who just gave him an encouraging smile. She had known for a little while that Monty was bisexual, as he had come looking for advice about it one day.

Monty ducked his head and played with the pillow he was sitting on. “I’m bisexual. I mean, I’ve known for a long time, but I never wanted to tell you guys because I didn’t know how you guys would react. Then I saw how cool you guys were with Lexa and Clarke, and I don’t know, I guess it seems like a good time to say something.”

The rest of the group nodded, though Harper and Jasper both still looked fairly shocked. Bellamy gave Monty a warm smile and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Thanks for telling us buddy, obviously it’s cool, you should be whoever you are around us. No judgement.”

Monty smiled at him gratefully, and Clarke raised an eyebrow at the small smile Raven was sending Bellamy’s way.

Suddenly the clearing of a throat turned everyone’s attention to Murphy, who looked highly defensive and frightened, though he was doing a valiant job of trying to hide it.

“Murphy??” This time, Finn was the one who said something, giving Murphy a surprised, though non-judgmental, look.

He shrugged indifferently. “I don’t really want to label myself, but I don’t know, I’m kind of just attracted to the person, whatever gender they are. So I guess, bisexual?”

Lexa nodded gravely. “You don’t have to put a label on it, obviously, just be comfortable with who you are.”

Murphy gave her a grateful, tight-lipped smile. “Cool,” was his only response.

The rest of the group chimed in, giving both Murphy and Monty support, making sure they knew it was totally okay.

Soon, the conversation shifted, and Clarke got away with giving Lexa a knowing look. Lexa just shrugged and looked away. Clarke knew Lexa had already known about Murphy and Monty, she was far too perceptive not too. She had given them an opportunity tonight, without pressuring them, and Clarke loved her for it.

Soon enough, midnight approached and the countdown began. Murphy popped the champagne, cheers going around as everyone raised their glasses.

Clarke turned and lost herself in the love that poured out of her favorite pair of green eyes. As the clock struck midnight, she leaned in and kissed her girlfriend, mumbling “I love you” against her lips. She smiled as Lexa returned the sentiment, softly brushing her hair as they kissed slowly. For once, they were ignored, and they kissed again, and then one more time.

Clarke laid her head on Lexa’s chest, heart beating in synch with Lexa’s. She winked at Raven, letting her know she definitely noticed how she had positioned herself next to Bellamy at the turn of the clock, and had given him a soft kiss as the ball dropped in New York.

If she was sure of one thing, it was that the new year was going to be one hell of a ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #gradschool man, kicking my ass. But it's great. Thanks you all for the lovely comments and kudos :)


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